Incomprehensibly sucky movies

Stark · Post by **Stark** » 2006-06-16 10:28am

The best part about Donnie Darko is the 'explanation' from the writer isn't ACTUALLY in the movie. I like melting art students pseudointellectuals by pointing out he basically travelled in time so he could get laid before he died. That's... deep. Or something

Zero · Post by **Zero** » 2006-06-16 10:54am

What about Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure?

I love that movie, but you have to admit, it's only hillarious because of the terrible acting and borderline retarded plotline.

wautd · Post by **wautd** » 2006-06-16 11:50am

Zero132132 wrote:What about Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure?

It's excellent

Guardsman Bass · Post by **Guardsman Bass** » 2006-06-16 12:36pm

Darth Garden Gnome wrote:
Andrew J. wrote:The Mario Bros.

I...I can't even bear to talk about it anymore.
Ye gods, speak not of it, lest you allow its mind-boggling stupidity to unravel the very fabric of space-time.

I actually like that movie. *ducks* It was pretty stupid, but at the same time, for some reason I really enjoy watching it; it's a decent at-home popcorn movie.

I'll be the second to nominate Ghosts of Mars, the most incredibly sucky movie I've ever seen that had a serious budget. It was full of 'plot devices' that were basically nothing more than reasons to kill off unneeded characters for entirely pointless reasons, almost zero consistency, and possibly the worst ending I've ever seen for an action movie.

wautd · Post by **wautd** » 2006-06-16 01:08pm

Starship Troopers 2. Saw enough of it (skipped every 5-10 minutes) to see it wasn't _quite_ as good as the original

General Zod · Post by **General Zod** » 2006-06-16 01:13pm

Zero132132 wrote:What about Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure?

I love that movie, but you have to admit, it's only hillarious because of the terrible acting and borderline retarded plotline.

Since it was never trying to take itself seriously anyways, it gets a free pass. I'll even overlook the fact that Keanu Reeves is in it.

Post by **Edi** » 2006-06-16 02:59pm

I see nobody has again mentioned Relic. The sheer fucking stupidity, pseudoscience and plot holes are-- *head explodes*

Another one that I just remembered was an abomination titled Sorcerer which had nothing to do with what the name implied. Instead, it was about a bunch of desperate losers trying to get a truck full of boxes of dynamite that had the nitrolglycerine leak out over some mountains somewhere in South America, and it was so mindnumbingly boring that the mere mention of its name has most of my brain trying to actively suppress the memory.

Edi

squidman001 · Post by **squidman001** » 2006-06-16 03:43pm

Snakehead Terror.

Spacebeard · Post by **Spacebeard** » 2006-06-16 03:52pm

Edi wrote:Another one that I just remembered was an abomination titled Sorcerer which had nothing to do with what the name implied. Instead, it was about a bunch of desperate losers trying to get a truck full of boxes of dynamite that had the nitrolglycerine leak out over some mountains somewhere in South America, and it was so mindnumbingly boring that the mere mention of its name has most of my brain trying to actively suppress the memory.

Edi

So it was sort of a B-movie remake of Wages of Fear?

Elheru Aran · Post by **Elheru Aran** » 2006-06-16 04:19pm

That NOS Guy wrote:I call it Faust: Love of the Damned

Did your movies have dialouge like "I made you the Jack of Blades but you chose to play the fool."? I thought not.

Oh fuck YES. Damn, that movie blew HARD.

Zero · Post by **Zero** » 2006-06-16 04:22pm

squidman001 wrote:Snakehead Terror.

If you want to take that route, just add pretty much every sci-fi original movie ever made. The recent one... fucking Black Hole? What the shit is that?

wautd · Post by **wautd** » 2006-06-16 05:11pm

Oh my, a movie called Locusts is on

Hilariously bad

I'll have to abort though. I don't think its a good sign when a red liquid is starting to leak out of my nose, eyes and ears

Lettuce · Post by **Lettuce** » 2006-06-16 05:15pm

Stark wrote:The best part about Donnie Darko is the 'explanation' from the writer isn't ACTUALLY in the movie. I like melting art students pseudointellectuals by pointing out he basically travelled in time so he could get laid before he died. That's... deep. Or something

We had a pretty in-depth discussion on Donnie Darko in my Psych class a while back. If you pay close attention to the movie, most of it just points to the kid being schizophrenic. The "take your meds" line, shortly around the time he starts seeing Frank, the trails, etc. All the time travel and Jesus/God talk is just trying to make it into much more than it really is.

Lettuce · Post by **Lettuce** » 2006-06-16 05:27pm

Some more sucky movies::

Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band.

Titanic

Halloween 3

Showgirls

Red Dawn

Ruskies

Cool as Ice - "Drop that zero and get with the hero!"

Davis 51 · Post by **Davis 51** » 2006-06-16 05:30pm

Andrew J. wrote:The Mario Bros.

I...I can't even bear to talk about it anymore.

You know a movie is bad when Nintendo's official magazine (Nintendo Power) routinely takes shots at it.

Pick · Post by **Pick** » 2006-06-16 05:44pm

This thread seems caught between disappointing movies and truly bad films. I've been mostly leaning toward the latter, but let me mention one I just plain hate.

Millions. This movie just pisses me off and I was damn bored the whole time.

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2006-06-16 05:46pm

Pick wrote:This thread seems caught between disappointing movies and truly bad films. I've been mostly leaning toward the latter, but let me mention one I just plain hate.

Millions. This movie just pisses me off and I was damn bored the whole time.

I've never seen it, but I never will, because of the smug grinning little bastard on the cover art. Makes me want to give him a sharp five across the face.

Vendetta · Post by **Vendetta** » 2006-06-16 05:52pm

General Zod wrote:
Zero132132 wrote:What about Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure?

I love that movie, but you have to admit, it's only hillarious because of the terrible acting and borderline retarded plotline.
Since it was never trying to take itself seriously anyways, it gets a free pass. I'll even overlook the fact that Keanu Reeves is in it.

See, you can happily live with Reeves in Bill and Ted because that's who he is. He hasn't stopped playing Ted yet.

Darth Garden Gnome · Post by **Darth Garden Gnome** » 2006-06-16 05:57pm

Lettuce wrote:We had a pretty in-depth discussion on Donnie Darko in my Psych class a while back. If you pay close attention to the movie, most of it just points to the kid being schizophrenic. The "take your meds" line, shortly around the time he starts seeing Frank, the trails, etc. All the time travel and Jesus/God talk is just trying to make it into much more than it really is.

It's as good a theory as any. Here's the nonsense plot as the director 'intended' it to be.

Lettuce · Post by **Lettuce** » 2006-06-16 06:10pm

LOL. That's funny. I kind of feel guilty for owning that movie now. While that may be what he intended to do, he didn't do it very well.
To me, the way everything almost blurred together seemed to be rather fitting with Donnie's psychosis. I understood the points about time travel, but it seemed to me that it was secondary to the actual plot.
Even so, with this being the directors intent, it makes it go from a disappointing movie to a pretty afwul movie.

Pick · Post by **Pick** » 2006-06-16 06:13pm

Spanky The Dolphin wrote:
Pick wrote:Millions. This movie just pisses me off and I was damn bored the whole time.
I've never seen it, but I never will, because of the smug grinning little bastard on the cover art. Makes me want to give him a sharp five across the face.

Plot:It's about a kid who seemingly "divinely" comes by a lot of money and wants to give it all to the poor, but his materialistic brother and dad (who I think they mentioned "lost his faith" or something) want to spend it on stuff for themselves. The kid keeps seeing saints and stuff, which just convinces me he's a fucking schitzo. Whatever. It was really annoying.

It's seriously one of the most patronizing and irritating films I have ever seen. And the more you see that kid on the cover, the more you want to whack him around a bit. With a fucking flail.

Majin Gojira · Post by **Majin Gojira** » 2006-06-16 06:17pm

Okay, Time for some edumacation!

Bad Movies.org -- Review site with clips and waves to show how bad movies are. Try "The Giant Claw", "Attack of the Supermonsters", "The Beast of Yucca Flats" and other such horrors and then come back to this thread.

Stomp Tokyo -- More reviews, less media. Lots of foreign B/Cult film love and hate (Live Action "8-Man" I'm looking at you!)

Spacebeard · Post by **Spacebeard** » 2006-06-16 06:24pm

Majin Gojira wrote:Okay, Time for some edumacation!

Bad Movies.org -- Review site with clips and waves to show how bad movies are. Try "The Giant Claw", "Attack of the Supermonsters", "The Beast of Yucca Flats" and other such horrors and then come back to this thread.

Stomp Tokyo -- More reviews, less media. Lots of foreign B/Cult film love and hate (Live Action "8-Man" I'm looking at you!)

I would also recommend the Agony Booth. Fewer movies, but better site design and much more in-depth recaps.

Big Orange · Post by **Big Orange** » 2006-06-16 06:24pm

Why are people rubbishing Donnie Darko?

Sure it's a movie that is hugely off beam, but I wouldn't call it bad as such. I don't care what the writers or director wanted or what some people think of it, but I liked Donnie Darko Goddammit!

Darth Garden Gnome · Post by **Darth Garden Gnome** » 2006-06-16 06:48pm

Big Orange wrote:Why are people rubbishing Donnie Darko?

Sure it's a movie that is hugely off beam, but I wouldn't call it bad as such. I don't care what the writers or director wanted or what some people think of it, but I liked Donnie Darko Goddammit!

Hey, that's cool. We're not the thought police here. Keep on likin' Donnie Darko, for all I care.

Another embarrassingly bad movie was An American Haunting. I could tell by the preview that it was going to munch taint, but someone else was footing the bill so I wasn't about to pass that shit up. The SFX budget for this flick was like five dollars. It consisted of shaking camera and some dude banging on the walls and throwing stuff across the room. What's worse was that it was actually trying to legitimately be scary. I felt embarrassed for it.