World of Warcraft: How It's Done

[Kuja]

Who's got the most effective government in the world of Azeroth?


World of Warcraft: How it's Done

The Horde Assembly Chamber, Orgrimmar

"Gentlemen! Gentlemen!" Thrall hollered. His voice went unheard in the riot of the Assembly Chamber. All the delegates of the Horde senate: four blood elves, five trolls, three tauren, four Forsaken, and six orcs, looked ready to throw down in their very own meeting hall. Gul'jin in particular looked ready to pull out something sharp and stab Cael'denachen, one of the elves. Thrall rubbed his forehead. One of these days he was just going to take his hammer and beat all their skulls in, one by one. Then he took a deep breath and bellowed, "GENTLEMEN!"

The Senate quieted immediately as all eyes turned to him. Caleb released the paperweight he had been about to throw at Kuren and Thrall sighed again. "Will the delegate from Sunwell at least admit that his suggestion is anatomically impossible," Thrall said dryly, trying to find some point to start over.

"Maybe not," Representative Korg said with a lascivious grin, "when one considers the size of my-"

"Don't we have a job to do?" one of the Forsaken interrupted acidly. Thrall mentally blessed him.

"Yes, as I was about to say, we are. Will you all please take your seats?" he added in a voice that brooked no dissension. To his relief, they all sat. "Now then, first on the agenda is the tauren Freewind Post. Since this particular holding has not changed size to any noticeable degree, I'd like to recommend-"

"It would double in size of the Grimtotems would quit guarding their rise like a pack of wolverines!" Greal Bloodhoof snarled. Thrall winced and prepared for what came next.

Sure enough, Callie Grimtotem rounded on her compatriot. "We guard it because it's ours!" she thundered.

"All tauren holdings now legally belong to Cairne Bloodhoof!" Greal snapped back.

"Cairne Bloodhoof didn't risk his tribe to establish the first tauren outpost south of the Barrens!" Callie said as her fists balled up.

"The Chieftain was busy fighting our battles while your tribe ran south!" Ballu Runetotem yelled, coming to his friend's defense.

"WHAT?!" Callie shrieked.

Thrall picked up his hammer and banged it on the table hard and repeatedly until they had stopped. "Enough!" he snapped, and he felt beads of sweat on his forehead. During the height of summer, the Assembly Chamber grew uncomfortably hot. "Returning to the business at hand, I do not see any particular need to grant Freewind Post any larger portion of funds than it received last quarter. Are there any RELAVENT objections?" All three tauren clamped their mouths shut and glared at each other as the other delegates tapped the arms of their chairs in support. "Very well then. Next on the agenda is a motion from Senator Caleb Usewell for the establishment of an outpost in Northrend-"

"Point of order, Warchief!" Gorog barked as he stood. Thrall glared at the orc, knowing what was coming but unable to stop it.

"Yes?"

"The senator from Undercity is a demon-hugging warlock bottom feeder and not to be trusted. That is all."

The Undercity delegation erupted in curses and threats as Gorog sat, a self-satisfied smile on his face. As the Forsaken began describing the various ways Gorog's various internal organs could be pulled out through various orifices, Thrall's attention was diverted as he caught the whiff of smoke. Immediately he looked to the Darkspear delegation only to confirm that Me'jin had lit his pipe and was leaning back in his seat, a glazed look in his eyes. Thrall growled shortly and knew that anything Me'jin said from this point on would originate with the hot-blooded Gul'jin.

Eventually, the Forsaken ran out of either energy or creativity and settled back in their seats, whereupon Thrall again leaned forward and pretended to meaningfully shuffle his papers. "Your point is duly noted, Senator Gorog," he said tiredly. "Now, back to Senator Usewell's proposal, we would establish a relatively small outpost in Northrend to observe and possibly serve as a staging area for when, and not if, we send troops to deal with the Lich King." He looked up. "I am in favor of this proposal and call for an immediate vote. A show of hands, please. Senators Usewell, Bloodhoof, Me'jin, and Fvel of the elves, all voted in favor. Only Gorog stubbornly showed a thumbs-down. Thrall sighed inwardly as he counted the lesser representative votes. "The motion has passed," he said. "Senators Usewell and Fvel will see to the creation of the Northrend outpost. Moving on, there is an issue of-"

"A moment, Warchief," Fvel said, standing.

"Yes, senator."

"A have an immediate petition for the Assembly."

Thrall blinked. "Please proceed."

"Thank you. I move we immediately ban all smoking within the chamber."

Gel'jin immediately bristled. "Me'jin needs his calm-down, mon, 'specially afta listenin' to ya ramblin' on like ya do!"

"Me'jin's "calm down" creates a scent I find singularly offensive," Fvel replied arrogantly. "For that matter, so does Me'jin himself."

Gel'jin flushed bright red. "Why don't ya kiss ma big blue-"

"AS I was saying, gentlemen," Thrall snarled. "We have an immediate military issue on our hands. And petition denied, Fvel. All of the troll, tauren, and orc delegates smoke from time to time and between them all, you don't have the votes." The elf sat back down, subdued. "Now then, a group of Alliance battleships have been disrupting shipping between here and Undercity. I want to increase-"

"Warchief!" a voice barked out from the rear of the chamber. All eyes turned to an orc grunt standing in the doorway. "Another zeppelin collision at the tower!"

"Not again!" one of the orcs cried out.

"This is your fault for implementing those damn airbags!" one of the Forsaken snarled. Immediately the chamber erupted into heated arguments again. Thrall was just inhaling to put a stop to it when all the torches went out simultaneously. Thrall heard Nazgrel bellow for light immediately followed by a loud crash. A few moments later, the torches returned to light, revealing a lone elf body, Representative Tal'ia. A knife was planted in his back and all the voices quieted as the delegates began looking nervously at each other.

Thrall gaped. "Once!" he finally shouted in exasperation. "Just once can't we have an assembly that doesn't end in an assassination?! That's it, everyone out! The meeting is adjourned!"

Thrall sank back in his seat as the delegates filed out, a few exchanging surreptitious blows to the ribs. Thrall looked up at Nazgrel as his friend turned toward him. "What are we doing wrong, Nazgrel?" he asked. "This is not what I had in mind when I crafted the new Horde."

Nazgrel shrugged minutely. "Well, let's look at things objectively for a moment, Thrall. What are elves and trolls to each other?"

"Mortal enemies," he replied immediately.

"Grimtotem and Bloodhoof clans?"

"Political rivals."

"In the same camp, no less. The Forsaken are led by a former leader of the Burning Legion, and who do orcs hate more than anybody?"

"The Burning Legion."

Nazgrel held a hand out, palm up, as if to say 'there you have it'. "Throw a bunch of mortal enemies into one room, Thrall, people are going to get stabbed. Fact of life. I'll go get someone to clean this place up."

Nazgrel left and Thrall sighed deeply. "I hate my life," he said morosely.


The Granite Room, Stormwind

Senior Councilor Brelann shuffled his papers before looking up at four members each of the night elves, humans, dwarves, gnomes, and the newest addition to the Alliance, the Draenei. "I call this meeting to order," he said to the deathly silent room. "Does anyone have any last-minute additions to the agenda?" More silence. "Very well then" he said, his voice businesslike. "Lord Bolvar Fordragon, with the approval of High King Magni Bronzebeard, has chosen to re-prioritize several of our military objectives. First, to deal with the Scourge. Second, to contain the Horde and focus more attention upon the current battles in Ashenvale, Arathi, and Alterac. Third, to rejuvenate Teldrassil and provide support to the Draenei to shore up their power base here. Fourth and finally, to retake Gnomeregan, rein in the Defias militia, and beat back the Dark Irons." Brelann paused, expecting objections from the Gnome and Night Elf representatives. None came. "I would like to put this revised agenda to an approval vote. Ladies and gentlemen, please signal by show of hands. I, as per the law, will only vote in case of a tie. Yea?" Numerous hands went up. Brelann didn't even have to count. "Revisions approved then. Next is the Fourth Artillery Division. That unit is currently in Ironforge awaiting rotation back to Alterac Valley. With the new objectives in mind, High King Bronzebeard is planning to ship them north to Andorhal and force the Scourge back, possibly wedging them between our own forces and those of the Forsaken and the Scarlet Crusade."

"A question, Senior Councilor," said councilor John Rider.

"By all means, proceed."

"The Seventh Infantry Division was due to be rotated home, reinforced, and redirected towards the Burning Steppes," the white-bearded man said. "If the Fourth Artillery is not going to replace them, do we intend to pull away from Black Rock Spire?"

"Yes, we-"

"Beg pardon, Senior Councilor," Jeegan the gnome said.

"Yes?"

"The Second Gnomish Corps of Engineers is sitting on their collective arse in Ironforge doing nothing. They've been champing at the bit looking for something to do, send them to the Burning Steppes so they can reinforce the Alliance position. They'll never thank you enough."

Brelann nodded in thanks. "That should greatly improve our position once the Seventh pulls out. Let me know when they're ready to move and I'll alert Lord Fordragon." Jeegan nodded.

"If that is settled…very well, I believe Councilor Den of the Draenei has a proposal for us."

Den stood, smoothing his beard as he did so. "I am not as senior in this gathering as many of you august individuals," he said with a smile to a polite round of laughter. "However, my people are eager to prove themselves to the Alliance. As such we are willing to commit a full division's worth of troops to the effort in War Song Gulch." Brelann noticed the night elf representatives immediately begin a whispered exchange, eyebrows raised. "In addition, several of our younger paladins have petitioned us to leave and join the Knights of the Silver Hand and the Argent Dawn in beating back the Scourge. With the approval of this body, I would like to grant that petition." Someone cheered and a few others took it up. Den sat, a look of pride on his face.

"I think we need not vote to determine how the council feels about that," Brelann said with a grin. "And with that, I do believe we're done for the day. Barring any further issues…we are adjourned. Good day, ladies and gentlemen.


Black Hog Inn, Ratchet

Five goblins took a seat at a table with four legs of different lengths, each setting a clay mug down in front of them. "Okay then," Zenza said. "Everybody making a profit?"

"Yep!" said the goblin from Booty Bay.

"You bet!" echoed the one from Everlook.

"Always!" added the one from Ratchet itself.

"Same here!" finished the one from Gadgetzan.

"Okay then! Meeting adjourned! Chug 'em, boys!"

[Ghost Rider]

LMAO....while in Naxx...good stuff to read

[LadyTevar]

*dies laughing*

[Ford Prefect]

Genius.

[fusion]

How do you manage to write all of these fanfics?

[Kuja]

How do you manage to write all of these fanfics?

Hmmm...well, usually do this thing where I get an idea, sit down at a computer and start typing words in an order that makes sense until I decide I've got enough for now and copy it over to SD.Net to post.