I hate fucking MS Word

[Vympel]

Link

For reasons which are completely beyond my control, I've spent half a week writing a document in Word 98.

I have never in my life seen, heard of, or even imagined a more malodorous piece of steaming shit than this little slice of Microsoft. Words fail me, and all that follows is the faintest Platonist shadow-on- a-wall of what is, in my heart, the Ideal Peeve, perfect in its sincerity, bottomless in its depth, and unassailable in its accuracy.

This bloated, pestilent gigabyte-swamping piece of ordure takes up enough computational resources to accurately model the world's weather for the next billion years, and what do you get for it? Something that will format and display text? Don't make me fucking laugh. What you do get is a profusion of bells and whistles thrown in a careless heap, each bauble lovingly designed to make the straight path crooked, the intuitive arcane, the simple impossible.

Take the ``Help'' for example. It's not just help, it's a new friend!

I don't want a new friend, you shit-slurping choad-munching bunch of retards; I've all too many as it is. What I want is something simple where I can find a technical detail with a minimum of fuss and interruption. I don't want animation. I don't want natural-language interpretation. I don't want to be led by the fucking nose. Give me a fucking index and get the hell out of my damn face. If I dismiss a window, I want it gone. I don't want it to wave goodbye, or hesitate, or sneeze. I want it gone.

The document I was working on was very simple. No images, no tables, no nothing. One font, one style, that's it. It would be perfectly simple in other system, even earlier versions of Word, but, oh no, not in this latest magnum opus of the word processing world.

This helpless, hapless, hopeless, buggy piece of offal insisted on changing my fonts every couple of minutes for no reason. Random chunks of text, at random times. And bullet points, don't talk to me about fucking bullet points. It's a little known fact that in the bullet-point mode of Word 98 every single button on every single toolbar is the ``Fuck Me Over Now'' button. I've got bullet points going left, I've got 'em going right, and down and up, I've got 'em changing indentation, and style, you name it.

You'd think in 20 or so megabytes of RAM there'd be room for one scenario in which it doesn't actively do anything wrong, but for that you'll have to wait for Word 2023, which will have a user interface like a retarded version of ``I have no mouth, and I must scream.''

And don't try telling me that one need only configure the options to avoid these problems; I'm not a fucking moron. I quickly configured the preferences so as to minimize all this bullshit, at which point Word promptly changed them back. Lather, rinse, repeat. If you don't want fast saves, then fuck off, you're gunna have 'em. Don't want your grammar constantly corrected by some shitty little subprogram that doesn't know the first goddamn thing about grammar? Tough shit. Empty your wallet and move off to the side.

How did this come about? It can't be incompetence, at least not the usual mundane sort one is constantly immersed in simply by having to share a planet with a bunch of fucking primates. This is either some transcendent type of incompetence, or active malevolence.

My money's on malevolence. This software was obviously created by a company who's motto is ``We're Microsoft, and you, the customer, aren't worth fuck to us.'' It matters not one iota what their official motto is, watch the hands, not the mouth. Well, Microsoft, your time will come. It may not be Linux that does you in, it may not be the DoJ, it may not be this decade, but you're going to go the way of the dodo, and I for one will cavort naked on your grave, pissing effusively on your memory, and screaming, ``Animate this, you bastards!'' to the sky.

But in the here-and-now, I shall finish this document with the quiet dignity with which I have always comported myself, and then I shall un-install Word, and swear a terrible oath that I would rather daub dung on paper with a stick than write a document using a Microsoft product.

I just had to post this, as I was having a similar experience.

Why are bullet points so fucking retarded? Why does it change font and size on me at random? Why does the bullet point go bold?

[Davis 51]

I used to think Word was a good application. Then I created a 30-page document. Made me fucking hate it too. Every time I tried to insert a picture, either the text shifted over and changed fonts, or the picture went so far to the left I couldn't drag it back.

[phongn]

LaTeX > Word.

That said, much has to do with Word's object model - it doesn't really do things in what most people would consider an intuitive way. The best way to go about things (IMHO) is to try to learn how it does styling and whatnot and the use that (e.g. that drop-down box that says "Normal" or "Heading 1", etc.).

Hopefully Word 2007 - with its claimed much-improved UI - will fix many of these problems.

[Stofsk]

Open Office > Word.

What's more, it's free too! A free worp processor that's actually better than something you'd have to shell out big bucks for? Yeah, crazy world.

[Sharpshooter]

Open Office > Word.

What's more, it's free too! A free worp processor that's actually better than something you'd have to shell out big bucks for? Yeah, crazy world.

Until it gets bought...

To be honest, I never had much of a problem working with Word when required - then again, I also usually just used Wordpad for typing documents before plugging them into Word for spellchec and final format.

[RedImperator]

Shit on Word. I used WordPerfect back when I was on a Winblows box, and now I use EMACS for basic word processing and Pages for when I need to get fancy. As long as what you're using can save as an RTF or plain ASCII text for the benefit of the poor schlubs who have nothing but Word, there's no need for the shitting thing.

EDIT: When I was in a corporate environment and stuck with Word, I wound up developing a few workarounds to avoid some of that program's more retarded features. The table function actually works pretty much as advertised, so I made a lot of tables with 0 point lines instead of fucking around with Word's counterintuitive and stupid tab, indent, and bullet settings.

[Oni Koneko Damien]

Feck, the only reason I bothered with Word was because several of my classes only accepted Word-format documents on assignment. So...off to wordpad, copy/paste to Word, fix the formatting, and send.

[Netko]

Personally, I've found Word 2003 to be rather smart about how and what I wanted to do, infact my productivity increased when I stopped thinking like a programmer and started thinking like joe dumb user. For example, don't try to create the numbered list using its options or something like that. That only invites frustration. Instead, like joe dumb user, type the number in front and then press the numbered list button and suddenly it smartens up and fixes it for you. Little things like that. However, the earlier versions which don't understand those cues suck ass (I have painful memories of, I think, '97 where I would try to do something similar to the above and would regularly get a big fucking 1. added in front).

Also, reveal formating is your friend - having it as a sidebar makes you understand why Word is having one of its fits almost always.

P.S. I don't think there ever was a Word '98. As far as I know, there were '95, '97, 2000, XP and 2003.

[Glocksman]

Word 98 is one of the Macintosh editions.

[phongn]

Shit on Word. I used WordPerfect back when I was on a Winblows box, and now I use EMACS for basic word processing and Pages for when I need to get fancy. As long as what you're using can save as an RTF or plain ASCII text for the benefit of the poor schlubs who have nothing but Word, there's no need for the shitting thing.

You should learn LaTeX - and there is a nice integration tools with Emacs called AucTex.

[TrailerParkJawa]

I've experienced the numbered list and bullet nightmares of Word. It is very fucking frustrating. I normally use Wordpad for simple stuff. Any big document and its off to ask our resident Word expert for the occasional help.

As for the other Office packages I do like Excel 2003 and Outlook 2003 quite a bit. On a final note there is a Word 98, is for the Mac.

[Lagmonster]

I had to become something of a rodeo clown for MS Word by virtue of the fact that my admin staff doesn't like it and 95% of what I get from colleagues in other departments and organizations is in Word.

I've learned that while it has its shortcomings, there are ways to wrangle it into doing what you want. For example, once you get the hang of the style editor, you can pretty much kill off its bizarre habits of re-formatting itself. The 'randomly changing fonts' and such, for example, can be kicked in the can by going Edit-Select All/Edit-Clear-Format.

[Edi]

I'm using Word 2000 to do my final project work, but for everything else I use Open Office. I've had the benefit of taking actual courses in how to use Word, which allows me kick it in the nuts when it wants to be an asshole, which is most of the time. I don't like it at all, and only use it if I absolutely must.

Edi

[phongn]

I've learned that while it has its shortcomings, there are ways to wrangle it into doing what you want. For example, once you get the hang of the style editor, you can pretty much kill off its bizarre habits of re-formatting itself. The 'randomly changing fonts' and such, for example, can be kicked in the can by going Edit-Select All/Edit-Clear-Format.

Yes - the Style Editor is the heart of formatting Word how you like. It's not intuitive but it works a lot better than selecting a block of text and marking it up as, say, Times New Roman 12pt Bold.

[Wicked Pilot]

MS Office could suck a golf ball through a garden hose. Am I still the only peron alive that uses WordPerfect?

[RedImperator]

MS Office could suck a golf ball through a garden hose. Am I still the only peron alive that uses WordPerfect?

I'd use it but it's no longer available for Mac and between EMACS and Pages, I already have two capable text editors for free.

[Pezzoni]

I recently used Word for a 400 page piece of project documentation, and it handled it fine, bar the occasional tantrum over font sizes in the style editor (when I say 12pt, I don't mean mark it as 12pt and display it as 16pt, shitcock).

[Adrian Laguna]

MS Office could suck a golf ball through a garden hose. Am I still the only peron alive that uses WordPerfect?

I use WordPerfect 11 and MS Word 2000. Which I choose to use depends on many factors, chief among them the complexity of the assignment. Twenty page science project? Word Perfect. Two page report on Mark Twain? Microsoft Word. I work more efficiently in Word due to familiarity with the program since elementary school, but WordPerfect doesn't fuck me over on occasion.

[Pu-239]

Shit on Word. I used WordPerfect back when I was on a Winblows box, and now I use EMACS for basic word processing and Pages for when I need to get fancy. As long as what you're using can save as an RTF or plain ASCII text for the benefit of the poor schlubs who have nothing but Word, there's no need for the shitting thing.

EDIT: When I was in a corporate environment and stuck with Word, I wound up developing a few workarounds to avoid some of that program's more retarded features. The table function actually works pretty much as advertised, so I made a lot of tables with 0 point lines instead of fucking around with Word's counterintuitive and stupid tab, indent, and bullet settings.

EMACS? HERESY!1111

VIM FOREVER!111111

[Srynerson]

I used to hate Word, but Word 2003 seems to have resolved the worst problems. Tables are actually enjoyable to create in it and are easily cut-and-pasted between documents compared to past versions, at least in my experience.

[phongn]

I recently used Word for a 400 page piece of project documentation, and it handled it fine, bar the occasional tantrum over font sizes in the style editor (when I say 12pt, I don't mean mark it as 12pt and display it as 16pt, shitcock).

I've heard nightmares about people trying to use Word for big projects and it generally crapping out - has Microsoft finally fixed those problems? (Most people use FrameMaker or one of the TeX derivates for that)

[Durandal]

I've seen the Office 2007 beta in action, and I'm actually pretty impressed. They've cleaned up the interface considerably, so there's no longer 30,000 toolbar buttons in 14 rows cluttering up the window.

I don't know if they've improved the styling system though. Pages' style system makes sense. Word's is just fucking inscrutable.

[Lord Pounder]

I have several Microsoft Office User Specialist qualifications in the various forms of MS office. I love Word, you just gotta remember to save every 5 minutes. it's the Database program that pisses me right the fuck off.

[Srynerson]

I've heard nightmares about people trying to use Word for big projects and it generally crapping out - has Microsoft finally fixed those problems? (Most people use FrameMaker or one of the TeX derivates for that)

I can't speak to 400 page documents, but I successfully completed a 210 page paper with approximately 1300 footnotes in Word 2003. It was getting pretty sluggish in the final couple dozen pages, but I can't recall the program crashing even once.

[Admiral Valdemar]

I can't stand Office now, which is why I'm still using 2000, not any of the newer versions. It just about did me for earlier projects, but I went and used OOo for my dissertation and the like (much to the chagrin of some lecturers who wanted .doc files all the time). Now that OOo 2.1 is out, I honestly have to see Office 2k7 to believe it's any good now. Far, far too much bloat and a lot of really counter intuitive stuff.

And that fucking paperclip.