YOU are Captin Wanktastic!

Invictus ChiKen · Post by **Invictus ChiKen** » 2006-07-19 05:23am

Via means unknown / the Wizard who did it / an act of Q / or whatever you have become Captin Wanktastic!

You have the combined powers of the following superheros.

Professor X an Jean Grey
Magneto
Wolverine
Venom
Spider-Man
Superman
Aquaman
the Flash
Multiple Man (or whatever the guy that clones himself is)
Spawn
Hulk

To top this off you now have knowledge and mental abilities of:
Batman (Martial arts an detective skills an science abilities)
Dare Devil (here meaning is knowledge of the law as a lawyer)
Lex Luthor (Science, legal, buisness and political knowledge an abilities)
Snake Eyes (Ninjitsu)

So even if you are striped of your powers your a force to be reconed with.

So what would you do with all of this?

Utsanomiko · Post by **Utsanomiko** » 2006-07-19 05:27am

I'd use my powers to move this thread into Fantasy.

Invictus ChiKen · Post by **Invictus ChiKen** » 2006-07-19 05:29am

D'OH! I ment this in a morally oblicated type thing implications.

Well chalk this up to me being stupid an not clarifing myself... again. Umm can one of our mods help us out here please?

Post by **NecronLord** » 2006-07-19 10:28am

Let it be moved!

GuppyShark · Post by **GuppyShark** » 2006-07-19 10:31am

I would accidentally create a bitter arch nemesis who blames me for his shortcomings and would then end up saving the world from him, repeatedly.

After I solved IvP by killing everyone there with what I judged to be a counter-productive attitude.

The Grim Squeaker · Post by **The Grim Squeaker** » 2006-07-19 10:41am

Step one, mind control every leader of every major nation on Earth into worshipping the ground I stand on and being fanataically devoted to me and my cause.

Step 2, proclaim myself as a new being, invested with awesome powers (And mindcontrol the Pope, Cardinals, Muslim leaders, etc' into proclaiming me as Mohammed/Jesus/The Savior/Cthulhu

reborn).

Step 3 influence various Influential agencies into supporting me (Cnn, Fox, BBC, Red Cross, Bill Gates etc').

Step 4- split myself a few dozen times (Using multiple man powers), and set each self into working on a cure for Aids, Cancer (Various types), the common cold, Stem cell research, cloning, Genetically engineered foods and cures, etc'.
With Batman and Luthor's brainpower combined with near unlimited resources and support and the ability to work and think at more than the speed of light It shouldn't take me more than a few days to cure most diseases on earth.

Step 5- Distribute the cures to all people on Earth while using my abilities to secretly kill or mindfuck into vegetables any despotic leaders who might resist (for example most African dictators, Afghan warlords, Terrorist leaders, Cocaine cartels etc').

Step 6- Use my abilities as Magneto in conjunction with a power amplifier using Magneto's own skills (With some assistance from Lex/Bat's brainpower) to twist every gun, tank, rifle, grenade, ICBM and Atomic bomb into useless scrap (Without declaring my involvement).

Step 7- Claim that this was the act of terrorist's seeking to duplicate my abilities and that They can be flushed out, but only with my own abiltiies helping.
I then have my presidential thralls elect me as supreme warleader of Earth.
Step 8- Bring out every Serial Rapist, serial Pedophile, Mass murderer, intentional child killer, psycotic Religous Zealot, and harmful dictator out as scapegoats for the alleged terrorist ring and imprison them in an underground cave (Where they can life off of fungi and cavewater till their dying days).

Step 9a- use my abilities as Superman, etc' to build a space elevator on every planet in the solar system as well as large complexes on every planet in the solar system (I'm talking multiple large, independant city complexes on Mars, the moon, etc' with Forests and other elements needed to make them relatively self sustaining).
Step 9b- Split myself again and send my clones off carrying ships full of biomass, settlers/colonists and materials off to other solar systems (Such as Alpha Centauri). This can be accomplished quickly and easily due to the TK protective field Superman can generate and his FTL flying speeds.

Step 10- having ensured utopia for humanity across the galaxy (And others) I spend half my time having fun, another quarter exploring the universe, and eighth checking up on my duplicates across the galaxies, and an additional Eighth working on transdimensional travel so as to escape the Big crunch.

Azrael · Post by **Azrael** » 2006-07-19 11:26am

1) use my Jean X Grey powers to obliterate the cross religious fundie brain bug. Permanantly.

2)wipe the minds of every israeli/Palistinian/Jew/Arab/(inserts opposing hate groups here) leaving 5 seconds worth of memory intact, as well as certain other memories (language, potty training, who your loved ones are, .etc) and use my Flashman of Krypton powers to obliterate any existing record of their history with each other, including digital records.

3) 'accidentaly' stab Pat Robertson in the face. Repetedly. Because I can. Also drop 'coultergeist' into the super black hole at the center of the galaxy. Because I can.

4)Unify the governments of the world and obliterate class distinction by "convincing" the super wealthy to spread their resources. It would work because, as the Wankonator, I say it can and they would do because I told them to. GW's right, this is kind of fun

5) Target the gene/set of genes responsible for tribalsim in human beings and obliterate it.

6)With all that brain power, I'd probably be pretty smart, so I after all that I would probably use science to supercharge the human immune system, increase everyone intelligence 100 fold (that should put them about 1000 steps below where I'm at) and develop/discover the universal FTL cheat. Cue humanities exploration of the stars.

Well thats enough wanking for one day. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go was my hands.

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2006-07-19 11:40am

I always wanted to be a playful Despot.

Now you don't get a choice on which guy to vote for next "Ruler of Earth".

Praxis · Post by **Praxis** » 2006-07-19 11:42am

I've always wanted to meet Darkstar...

OmegaGuy · Post by **OmegaGuy** » 2006-07-19 11:58am

I would leave Earth altogether and explore space.

Patrick Degan · Post by **Patrick Degan** » 2006-07-19 11:58am

Achieving massive wealth. What other purpose would their be except to make my life a lot more comfortable? Fuck ruling the Earth or settling scores with enemies I'd make trying to impose my superiority on others. I get money, women, major media organs, influence, and only ever use my other powers if somebody fucks with me. And as for making the Earth a Better Place™, I figure that achieving massive wealth would put me in a far better position to indulge that as my hobby.

Azrael · Post by **Azrael** » 2006-07-19 12:02pm

Praxis wrote:I've always wanted to meet Darkstar...

Is that really such a hot idea? DS is the anit-matter of human intelligence. He's everything you aren't in that regaurd and in a setting where superheroes exist, that could make him your kryptonite.

indeed.

General Zod · Post by **General Zod** » 2006-07-19 12:17pm

Too bad there's no shapeshifters mentioned in that list. Or I'd use Multiple Man's ability to clone a few dozen of myself, form an army of naked Angelina Jolies and spend the next few weeks molesting myself and myself and myself.

Crossroads Inc. · Post by **Crossroads Inc.** » 2006-07-19 12:33pm

General Zod wrote:Too bad there's no shapeshifters mentioned in that list. Or I'd use Multiple Man's ability to clone a few dozen of myself, form an army of naked Angelina Jolies and spend the next few weeks molesting myself and myself and myself.

THAT is a totally perveted and wicked idea... I like it!

Invictus ChiKen · Post by **Invictus ChiKen** » 2006-07-19 01:50pm

General Zod wrote:Too bad there's no shapeshifters mentioned in that list. Or I'd use Multiple Man's ability to clone a few dozen of myself, form an army of naked Angelina Jolies and spend the next few weeks molesting myself and myself and myself.

I was under the impression Venom could do that from the TV series ^.^

General Zod · Post by **General Zod** » 2006-07-19 02:46pm

Invictus ChiKen wrote:
General Zod wrote:Too bad there's no shapeshifters mentioned in that list. Or I'd use Multiple Man's ability to clone a few dozen of myself, form an army of naked Angelina Jolies and spend the next few weeks molesting myself and myself and myself.
I was under the impression Venom could do that from the TV series ^.^

Venom can't shapeshift. At the most he can change his host's clothing, but beyond that the host maintains their regular form all the time.

Rye · Post by **Rye** » 2006-07-19 03:15pm

I would declare my self ruler and then split into enough people to solve the major problems that require manpower and brainpower. I would irrigate the Sahara and Gobi deserts and attempt to make them arable.

I build awesome solar panels in space and cool supernuke plants on the ground. I get fusion to work. I build schools and universities worldwide for everyone, staffing them myself if need be. I build an awesome house for myself to chill in, perhaps a flying castle.

With all the important shit dealt with, I punish anyone that acts like an asshole by public mockery.

consequences · Post by **consequences** » 2006-07-19 03:24pm

I wouldn't be a despot, I would allow free elections. Unfortunately for those who just felt a smidgen of hope, every name on the ballot would be one of my duplicates.

KrauserKrauser · Post by **KrauserKrauser** » 2006-07-19 04:03pm

OmegaGuy wrote:I would leave Earth altogether and explore space.

Can't agree more, who gives a crap about Earth when I could go explore everything else and learn more than anything you can find on Earth.

Dread Not · Post by **Dread Not** » 2006-07-19 06:13pm

Venom can't shapeshift. At the most he can change his host's clothing, but beyond that the host maintains their regular form all the time.

Could always instead use your Jean Grey/Professor X abilities to trick your own brain into seeing numerous Angelina Jolies. Then again it might be better if you did that with a bunch of horny butt-ugly chicks to avoid the confusing questions about your own sexuality.

Unless of course you don't mind having sex with disguised copies of yourself.

Darth Sephiroth · Post by **Darth Sephiroth** » 2006-07-19 08:15pm

I'd conquer the world, and then the galaxy and then...

Post by **NecronLord** » 2006-07-20 06:49am

I use these powers purely to enact UN resolutions (whether they want it or not) prevent crimes, develop medicine and technology and make myself rich. No ruling the world, thank you very much.

Oh, do I have the 'Woman of Kleenex' problem?

The Grim Squeaker · Post by **The Grim Squeaker** » 2006-07-20 07:37am

NecronLord wrote:I use these powers purely to enact UN resolutions (whether they want it or not) prevent crimes, develop medicine and technology and make myself rich. No ruling the world, thank you very much.

So what happens when the humans using the supertechnology you developed for them try to capture and dissect you (The Golden Goose)?

Oh, do I have the 'Woman of Kleenex' problem?

Nah, Superman has shown the ability to Fuck Lois just fine, Even Flash can control his speed (His wife even got pregnant with twins).
If someone who ejaculates at over the speed of light after a few picoseconds of long intense (For him) lovemaking can have sex, you can too

General Zod · Post by **General Zod** » 2006-07-20 08:43am

Dread Not wrote:
Venom can't shapeshift. At the most he can change his host's clothing, but beyond that the host maintains their regular form all the time.
Could always instead use your Jean Grey/Professor X abilities to trick your own brain into seeing numerous Angelina Jolies. Then again it might be better if you did that with a bunch of horny butt-ugly chicks to avoid the confusing questions about your own sexuality. Unless of course you don't mind having sex with disguised copies of yourself.

It's just not the same.

Post by **NecronLord** » 2006-07-20 12:40pm

DEATH wrote:So what happens when the humans using the supertechnology you developed for them try to capture and dissect you (The Golden Goose)?

They fail? I'm fucking superman, and they ain't got any kryptonite nor magic. I laugh at them and then piss on them with such force it hospitalises them.