Pagan gods walk the Earth.

Invictus ChiKen · Post by **Invictus ChiKen** » 2006-07-26 08:18pm

Here's an idea I once thought of.

Suppose that all of the Pagan Gods from all the pantheons suddenly appeared on Earth. (Obviously the myths can't be taken litterally). Upon return they state one line.

"Hey guys we are back from vacation... Oh shit!"

I'd love to hear everyones take on what would happen next in your eyes.

How would the Fundis react? Would there be a move to put the Gods on trial? What about todays Neo-Pagans?

Suppose they set about to using there powers to clean up the enviroment? Punsh bush? Cure sicknesses? You get the idea basicly a case of Pagan Wank with them only asking for worship in return for there favors, no worship chances are no favors.

To our Mods: If this is the wrong area please move it. Thank you!

Cos Dashit · Post by **Cos Dashit** » 2006-07-26 08:34pm

The fundamentalists would obviously react with the "Nope, nope, Satan's testing us, blah blah not listening not listening!"

I would love the Pagans reaction to this. "You know, we shouldn't say we told you so, but..."

Post by **Broomstick** » 2006-07-26 08:39pm

Well, first thing I'd do is tell the husband "neener, neener"

On the other hand, a lot of Pagan God/dess(es) are far from loving/white-light/benign. Some are downright fucking scary. I think I'd mostly try to be unnoticed as much as possible.

Invictus ChiKen · Post by **Invictus ChiKen** » 2006-07-26 08:41pm

^ Now that I think of it alot of the Ravenwolf drones an Wicca types are in for an unpleasent suprise should this ever happen lol

I'll post my own takes on this one later.

Spoonist · Post by **Spoonist** » 2006-07-26 09:31pm

First of if it would be all the gods from all the pagan pantheons then there is some 100 000 of them so divenely speaking it would be a mess. Then probably some of the hornier ones would go on a rampage Zeus anyone? Then they are not entirely good are they so there would be lots of deaths all around probably some of the trixter gods would test a few shroom firecrackers and that aint good. Then the human powers that be would not be happy so that is probably not good. All those neopagans getting a whupping for all the misconceptions, not good. All those nonpagans getting a whupping for all their misconceptions, not good. All the others getting a whupping because they stood between the former and the latter, not good at all. Also the reason for them to come back would probably be something akin to the end of the world so that cannot be good. And that is not even considering them waging wars among themselves and the other pantheons.

Ah to summarize.
NOT FUCKING GOOD AT ALL...
Flee flee flee. Pray and run, rinse and repeat.

Battlehymn Republic · Post by **Battlehymn Republic** » 2006-07-26 10:31pm

Reminds me of the David Brin (yes) story, "Thor Meets Captain America", which awful title aside, is rather good. Basically, the Norse Asgard return to Earth and support the Third Reich, which totally takes over Europe and Africa. Loki's the only one who supports the Allies, who are now basically the Alliance for Democracy in the Draka series, except in a worse position.
They are killable. It's mentioned that Berlin is nuked, and Odin's son, Heimdall, was killed, along with one of his crows.

The Allies' official position is that they're aliens.

Guardsman Bass · Post by **Guardsman Bass** » 2006-07-27 12:24am

Do they have their normal powers like creating lightning bolts and the like? I'd imagine that after a few demonstrations of divine pagan power, the fundies would become a very small minority (who, naturally, would believe that these were all demons serving Satan and the Anti-Christ).

CaptainChewbacca · Post by **CaptainChewbacca** » 2006-07-27 12:26am

A whole new generation of heroes is quickly conceived and born to do battle with the gods.

Drooling Iguana · Post by **Drooling Iguana** » 2006-07-27 12:31am

Zeus vs. Thor; fight!

Spoonist · Post by **Spoonist** » 2006-07-27 05:25am

Battlehymn Republic wrote:Reminds me of the David Brin (yes) story, "Thor Meets Captain America", which awful title aside, is rather good. Basically, the Norse Asgard return to Earth and support the Third Reich, which totally takes over Europe and Africa. Loki's the only one who supports the Allies, who are now basically the Alliance for Democracy in the Draka series, except in a worse position.
They are killable. It's mentioned that Berlin is nuked, and Odin's son, Heimdall, was killed, along with one of his crows.

The Allies' official position is that they're aliens.

"Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency" by Douglas Adams
"American Gods" and more titles by Neil Gaiman
etc
Not to mention the Marvel universe and other such comics. In RPGs its even more common.
And that is only the Norse gods from the top of my head. There has been several bad (and some decent) sci-fi books about the return of the greek pantheon, or gaia angle.

Chris OFarrell · Post by **Chris OFarrell** » 2006-07-27 08:42am

We shoot them all.

Then shoot them again.

"Zeus, you think Lightning is 'Da shit'? Let me introduce you to Mister W-80"

Mount Olypmus is turned into a slaged peice of rubble.

Magnetic · Post by **Magnetic** » 2006-07-27 09:38am

Broomstick wrote:Well, first thing I'd do is tell the husband "neener, neener"

On the other hand, a lot of Pagan God/dess(es) are far from loving/white-light/benign. Some are downright fucking scary. I think I'd mostly try to be unnoticed as much as possible.

This made me laugh.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2006-07-27 10:06am

I don't see why the pagan gods would be all that hard to kill, at least not the ones from major well-known pantheons. If I recall correctly, nothing in the myths ever suggested that they could withstand enormous levels of damage. The myths seemed to suggest something more along the lines of relative subtlety, evading damage, and killing enemies before they could hurt them.

Leaving aside the silly poetic language, like the wolf whose lower jaw scrapes the ground and whose upper jaw scrapes the sky, apocalyptic stories like Ragnarok imply enormously destructive forces but somehow there is still a planet afterwards, with vegetation etc. on it, which would not happen if the forces unleashed were as one would expect from a literal retelling. They still do battle with swords and spears, and unless my memory is faulty, it's never really stated anywhere that if a human could get lucky enough to stick a sword into a demigod, it would bounce off.

Patrick Degan · Post by **Patrick Degan** » 2006-07-27 10:41am

Spoonist wrote:"Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency" by Douglas Adams

You might be thinking of The Long Dark Teatime Of The Soul.

Darth Servo · Post by **Darth Servo** » 2006-07-27 05:28pm

I saw we tell them to have a huge rumble between them and who ever is left standing gets the worship.

Tasoth · Post by **Tasoth** » 2006-07-27 07:17pm

They come back, clean house and then start setting up empires based on religion. I really doubt that a shitload of gods coming back to find themselves realitively out of favor is going to take it nicely on the blasphemers. The greek gods were a bunch of jealous pricks at time, especially Hera, who made Heracles life a living hell from birth to death, Poseidon and Odysseus(I think), Aphrodite and Medusa. Lots of stuff like that.

They would be rather tough I would believe. Assuming you take some of the myths at face value, Vulcan/Hephaestus was thrown from Olympus by an angry zeus and suffered only a broken leg which left him with a limp for the rest of his life. THe Nemean Lion, one of Heracles tasks, had arrows bounce off it and Herc had to strangle it to death. He then flayed it using its own claws, which pierced the hide, and wore it as an armor. And then the Hindu gods would just...gah.... talk about powerful.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2006-07-27 07:21pm

Being thrown from Mount Olympus only means that you would reach terminal velocity while falling. If anything, that incident only further disproves any wild assertions of divine invincibility. Being nailed by a tank shell is vastly more violent than falling from any height.

Darth Yoshi · Post by **Darth Yoshi** » 2006-07-27 09:02pm

The Titans were capable of extreme regeneration, with Prometheus regrowing his liver night after night for what I believe to be several millenia. I'm not sure if the Olympians were ever able to match that sort of feat, since Ares was wounded during the Trojan War by a mortal and ran to Zeus to put an elixir on it. But then, Ares was a big baby.

SirNitram · Post by **SirNitram** » 2006-07-27 09:42pm

Any of the old gods who gets too full of themselves is put down with violence. Humans have gotten good at that since they left.

Mind you, it does make Christianity look awfully silly. And while a modern army could crush most pagan deities, they'd be able to lay waste to the inevitable Jihad attempts on them(Demons come to corrupt us from Great Satan!) and the occasional suicidal fundie from Christianity.

wolveraptor · Post by **wolveraptor** » 2006-07-27 11:23pm

Just how vulnerable the Hellenic gods were is disputable. Both Zeus's father and grandfather could be (and were) stripped of their power through castration. However, Zeus himself posessed Aegis, a thundercloud/shield/suit of armor that was totally impervious to attack. He also appears to be able to control the weather (he once wrapped the Earth in a blanket of clouds to conceal his adultery).
Frankly, I think using lightning to pin point and assasinate a specific person or group of people would be freaking awesome.

The Norse pantheon, on the other hand, doesn't even consist of pure gods, but rather half-god, half-frost giant mutts who are only immortal by virtue of the magic apples given to them by one of the goddesses of Asgard (she too is half giant). They could still be felled by blade. The only pure god mentioned in the Nordic religion is Bor, the producer, ancestor of every deity in the pantheon.

Admiral Johnason · Post by **Admiral Johnason** » 2006-07-27 11:41pm

Spoonist wrote:
Battlehymn Republic wrote:Reminds me of the David Brin (yes) story, "Thor Meets Captain America", which awful title aside, is rather good. Basically, the Norse Asgard return to Earth and support the Third Reich, which totally takes over Europe and Africa. Loki's the only one who supports the Allies, who are now basically the Alliance for Democracy in the Draka series, except in a worse position.
They are killable. It's mentioned that Berlin is nuked, and Odin's son, Heimdall, was killed, along with one of his crows.

The Allies' official position is that they're aliens.
"Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency" by Douglas Adams
"American Gods" and more titles by Neil Gaiman
etc
Not to mention the Marvel universe and other such comics. In RPGs its even more common.
And that is only the Norse gods from the top of my head. There has been several bad (and some decent) sci-fi books about the return of the greek pantheon, or gaia angle.

The Life Eaters is a pretty good represenation of what would happen in WWII.

Fundies would go ape shit crazy. However, most Christians could revert to the ancient belief that there are many gods, but Jehova is just the best. The only problem with that is is that goes against most modern teachings and there is a real problem with going back to older teachings of Judism.

Xon · Post by **Xon** » 2006-07-28 02:10am

By Pagan gods, does that include the Jewish & Islam gods (aka Old testament Christianity)?

"Gods" which are nice and easy to kill off is one thing(and dont have any real number of worshippers compared to the rest), Gods with a sizable population of already crazy people willing to lay thier lives down for that crazy god is another thing.

Jack Bauer · Post by **Jack Bauer** » 2006-07-28 03:10am

Xon wrote:By Pagan gods, does that include the Jewish & Islam gods (aka Old testament Christianity)?

I believe the term "pagan" exclusively bars the Abrahamic God (the one that is worshipped by Jews, Christians, and Muslims).

Spoonist · Post by **Spoonist** » 2006-07-28 03:26am

Darth Wong wrote:I don't see why the pagan gods would be all that hard to kill...

Now lets see here.That sounds like a really smart idea, a war against the gods. Now there is a tiny problem with that, it is that unless you are very quick and kill ALL of them there will be som pissed of gods left who actually have powers. With just some fertility gods left and pissed say bye-bye to agriculture. We have the egyptian gods who can literally block the sun. We have gods of pestilence which would be real sweet for our population centers. We have gods who can create armies of monsters at a whim. The ability to cunjure storms is basic...

So lets say that you could kill half of them before they realise what you are up to, now they are usually fighting eachother but us pesky humans could probably make them mad enough to actually work together for a couple of 100's of years just for the pleasure of avenging their brothers, sisters, fathers and mothers...
So lets summarize, no sunlight, no crops, storms everywhere, monsters spawinging here and there, they control the sea and probably the skies, most animals and insects would be on their side, sounds like a marvelous idea to me really.

Then as a final whoopie we have the fact that the death gods would be back, and hades for instance has been known on several occasions be tricked into letting the dead come back to life, so imagine what he could do if he actually wanted them back...

Imperial Overlord · Post by **Imperial Overlord** » 2006-07-28 04:37am

wolveraptor wrote: The Norse pantheon, on the other hand, doesn't even consist of pure gods, but rather half-god, half-frost giant mutts who are only immortal by virtue of the magic apples given to them by one of the goddesses of Asgard (she too is half giant). They could still be felled by blade. The only pure god mentioned in the Nordic religion is Bor, the producer, ancestor of every deity in the pantheon.

Huge fucking red herring. It doesn't matter if you call the immortal giant ancestors of the gods Jotuns (Norse) or Titans (Greek). The Norse gods are still gods. The still control the weather, fertility, fight monsters, etcetera. It will be signifigantly easier to get rid of the Greek ones, since we know where Mount Olympus is, but as far as I know we don't have rainbow bridge crossing tech.