Star Wars is the story of Anakin's rise, fall and eventual redemption. I'm fine with the EU being there to show what happens around the galaxy at the same time, but things like Palpatine's clone cheapen the whole story. There is but one solution; purge the EU from canonicity.
Every single novel is now an enemy of the franchise. Do what must be done, do not hesitate, show no mercy.
I'd be fine with setting up a special place for the good books that follow canon rules explicitly and don't suck, but I could see that being easily abused.
Otherwise, I'm fairly fine with Star Wars as it is. Though to make it better for me, I would:
Change Jar Jar's voice and lines. He looks neat, but he's just irritating.
Make Han shoot first.
Little or no Han in RoTJ. He's had his story, and just feels superfluous. Kill him off in ESB in a noble sacrifice play.
Show us the Empire. I know they couldn't in the OT because of budget/effects issues, but even some small scenes would be enough.
Show us the violence. At the very least, the Tusken massacre.
"Oh no, oh yeah, tell me how can it be so fair
That we dying younger hiding from the police man over there
Just for breathing in the air they wanna leave me in the chair
Electric shocking body rocking beat streeting me to death"
- A.B. Original, Report to the Mist
"I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately."
- George Carlin
Only the episode 4 and 5 movies would be canon. Not the scripts, novelizations or radio dramas.
Episode 6 is not the end of the saga. I'd take it the full nine.
Anakin and Vader would be two separate people.
Anakin and Vader are both adults in Episode 1.
Anakin is Obi-Wan's old friend and fellow Jedi Knight (roughly 40 years old).
Darth Vader is Obi-Wan's apprentice (roughly the same age that Luke was in TESB).
Anakin is married and lives on Tatooine.
The plot of Episode 1 centers around Republic forces, led by General Kenobi and Admiral Tarkin, defending the peaceful Alderaanians against the clone armies and warfleets of Mandalore.
Vader covets and seduces Anakin's wife in Episode 2, conceiving Luke in the process.
Vader kills Anakin in Episode 3's climactic duel.
I also agree with pretty much everything Bounty said.
As a sidenote, my disdain for the prequels was even further intensified when I read this.
Galvatron wrote:As a sidenote, my disdain for the prequels was even further intensified when I read this.
My god that's hilarious. And I actually like the PT. Especially this bit:
TheEditingRoom wrote:HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN (furrowing his brow)
They don't want me to fuck Natalie Portman. That's insanity. Did you see her in Closer?
I haven't actually seen Closer, but the idea of not shagging Padme (given that she was up for it) because some council of crusty old blokes said so, never struck me as a great one.
glass.
Last edited by glass on 2006-09-04 09:05am, edited 1 time in total.
There are two ways I could go. If I was just doing some more tinkering, I would probably just undo some of the less-well-advised changes (ie make Han shoot first again) and leave it at that (the OT has been buggered about with enough already).
If I was doing a full-blown re-imagining, then I'm not sure exactly how, but I'd make sufficient changes to eliminate all the continuity cock-ups. I certainly wouldn't have someone hiding from his father, under his own name with his own family and on his father's homeworld.
It is easy to find stuff I'd want to take out, but imuch harder to decide what to replace it with. I like Galvatron's ideas a lot, though.
I would change and modify the EU. I am not presumptuous enough to tinker with the films aside from obvious things like Han shooting first (although I would seriously retool TPM as I consider that the weakest of the lot, by far), but as for the EU? Everytime I look at it I think even I could do better, to say nothing of someone like Red who's ideas are leagues ahead of what we actually got.
The problem with the EU is that there's too much of it, too little of it is actually good, and all of it counts towards canon. The EU can be an excellent resource which enriches our appreciation for Star Wars, but it's turned out to be this bloated mess that's barely supported by it's own slender premises.
For My Version of SW the story would be much darker and more distopic.
One Greivous does NOT die. He just retreats to the unknown regions with millions of ships and billions of droids. Greivous is also force sensitive sith warrior whom own a certain assassin droid named HK47.
Two Anakin is already a trained soldier when we first meet him and he also has no problem using the dark side in his jedi days which gets him booted from the order. During the clone wars Anakin also meets Tarkin who is the leader of the Republican Guard an orginisation that is basically a fasict humanist orginisation which was formed to keep planets in line during the sepratist crisis.
3. There are many sith in the galaxy and most of them support the sepratists since they hate the Republic. Palpatine is a smater than average sith who is a master of force manipulation and he uses the clone wars to get elected and blames the war on the Sep sith and the jedi. He uses Anakin whom he convinces that the jedi are traitors to the republic and he uses the newly trained stormtroopers to wipe the jedi out.
4 The rebels are made up of a motly assortment of ex sepratists and freedom fighters. When they do overthroow the empire they have a revolution across the galaxy with support from Greivous whom he than betrays in a clip of shots similar to order 66.
5. The clone wars and the galactic civil war are just 2 parts of the same conflice seperated by 20 or so years similar to WW1 and WW2. These wars sport fleets of thousands of ships fighting in huge battles. These battles are absolutly brutal and thousands of species are wiped out by both sides. BDZs are a perfectly acceptable tactic in this universe and would be shown on screen. AS would use of chemical and biological weapons.
6. The jedi are driven to complete extinction with obi wans death on the Death Star. Luke becomes an admiral in the rebel navy and he also becomes more like vader an the war goes on. This is reflected by the color of his blade which goes from blue to yellow to orange and finally to red at the end of the war.
7. Padme is a noblewoman fron naboo that anakin marries and is in love with but another jedi is jealous and kills her after the birth of the twins in front of Anakin before kidnapping the twins. This is when palpatine first meets Anakin and tells convinces him that the jedi want to kill him and Anakin tells him to kill the jedi bastard which anakin does but is severly injured by a force fireball. This is how he acquires the vader suit. He also never loses his force powers.
Finally my version of SW shows how advaced the GFFA is. Fleets of hundreds of thousands of ISD sized cap ships are shown repaetedly. This series is also exeplains how people do the most horrrible things for the right reasons. The final movie ends with the death of most major carachters and the elimination of alll the major factions. Only a few planets are left of the former Galactic civilization and war is only remeberd as a legend.
Yoda wrote:If I could change anything about Star Wars, I would...
1. Eliminate all EU which is completely implausible (IG-88 Controlling the Death Star comes to mind)
2. Thrawn wins, if the Empire HAS to be defeated, he can be overthrown at a later date
3. No idiotic politics when the fate of the galaxy is at stake
4. Add between 2 and 100 zeros to just about every EU figure (Fleet sizes, population ect.)
EDIT: Changed #1
Uh... You could have left 2-4 off that list since all EU IS completely implausible And actually a droid/computer controlling a giant space station/computer doesn't seem all that implausible.
It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark... and we're wearing sunglasses.
Hit it. Blank Yellow (NSFW)
The moment I first read that page was the only time, with the exception of a few of the choicer periods of the Traviss fiasco, that I was truly repulsed by continuation of the SW universe. Certainly, I knew it wasn't canon, but the pure stupidity of that image was still overwhelming. Upon repeated viewings, it's become rather funny, but the fact that some thought that could be a serious "alternate" outcome for ROTJ is just scary.
Even in white vader still looks evil and why would vader want to wear that suit anyway if he became anakin skywalker. Im sure he would have designed a different suit than that one.
Noble Ire wrote:
By definition, Inifinities aren't canon.
You mean this isn't canon?
*Snip*
The moment I first read that page was the only time, with the exception of a few of the choicer periods of the Traviss fiasco, that I was truly repulsed by continuation of the SW universe. Certainly, I knew it wasn't canon, but the pure stupidity of that image was still overwhelming. Upon repeated viewings, it's become rather funny, but the fact that some thought that could be a serious "alternate" outcome for ROTJ is just scary.
Ah come on. They are, after all, still comic books. Most kids that read it probably thought it was "neat". That is who Star Wars is for after all.
It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark... and we're wearing sunglasses.
Hit it. Blank Yellow (NSFW)
havokeff wrote:Ah come on. They are, after all, still comic books. Most kids that read it probably thought it was "neat". That is who Star Wars is for after all.
Judging by the content of the other Infinities comics, I really don't seem them as being oriented towards younger kids (indeed, I don't think most of the more recent ones are, either). Doesn't Yoda destroy Coruscant by crashing the Death Star into it in the ANH one?
Strangely enough, I've bandied about the idea of having Vader survive my version of Episode 6.
He'd save Luke's life and be branded a traitor to the Empire, thus making him a de facto ally of the rebellion.
His "redemption" would be more gradual. The rebels would barely tolerate him, which Vader would only make worse because he'd be strut around the same way he did on the bridge of the Executor, trying to intimidate rebel commanders into doing things his way.
I'd cut Dark Empire. Although it has redeeming values, it just seems to cheapen Anakin's sacrifice in the films.
Some more Pre-Thrawn epic battles would be nice, not just Allston and Stackpole's fighter fights, in the EU. I'd also drop Courtship of Princess Leia.
Also, on a personal note, I would really like it if they replaced Grevious's movie voice with the voice done for him in the ROTS Book-on-CD. The latter just seemed much more cold and impersonal.
“It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.” -Jean-Luc Picard
"Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them." -Margaret Atwood
Galvatron wrote:Strangely enough, I've bandied about the idea of having Vader survive my version of Episode 6.
He'd save Luke's life and be branded a traitor to the Empire, thus making him a de facto ally of the rebellion.
His "redemption" would be more gradual. The rebels would barely tolerate him, which Vader would only make worse because he'd be strut around the same way he did on the bridge of the Executor, trying to intimidate rebel commanders into doing things his way.
That reminds me of that RotJ Infinities comic where Vader joins up with Luke, gets a white paint-job and becomes the "White Knight" of the Rebellion.
*shudder*
"I do not understand why everything in this script must inevitably explode."~Teal'c
And actually a droid/computer controlling a giant space station/computer doesn't seem all that implausible.
