NFL Football Thread

[Darth Garden Gnome]

Anyone else catch this year's opening game? Pretty good one. Close, until near the end, but the defending champs kicked ass and made that tool Culpepper look like a chump.

I don't know why they took away the old sideline reporter. It's a pretty useless position, but if you're going to have it at least have the woman in there be moderately good looking.

I also thought it was humorous that this time it wasn't the replay system that failed... it was the system that initiates the replay system that failed. It wasn't a big deal if only because Pittsburgh would've almost certainly pounded it in anyways. My fantasy squad thanks that those officials for allowing Heath Miller the TD.

Onto the other order of business, The Lions. They open against the Seahawks this season. Here's what will happen (from someone who knows): This one really has all the fingerprints of a game the Lions will win. They'll beat the defending NFC champs at home, probably by a score of 13-7 as the offense sputters horribly but the defense holds it down. With the Seahawks due for a 7-9 season as the Super Bowl losers, the Lions should go ahead and win this one, getting fan expectations way up (but don't worry, Lion lovers, they'll lose five of their next six.) We'll ignore the fact that the offense played like there was toxic waste in the end zone and are likely to continue doing that for half the season and start going "wow, this might be the year!", but next week is a game in Chicago, that'll be a loss for sure against a supposedly "easier" opponent that just happens to be a division rival.

[Havok]

OH NO! The Seahawks will not suffer the SB hangover. They make it back to the divisional round but loose there. as far as the Lions go? 35-10 Hawks.

[RedImperator]

If the Eagles don't beat the unholy fuck out of Houston, the entire city is going to go into full-blown five-alarm panic mode, myself included. With the schedule we have at the end of the season, we need to get all the wins we can early on. No disrespect intended towards the Texans, but they are not a good team right now and the Eagles need to beat bad teams if they want to have any chance of getting back on track.

[Havok]

Hey the Texans have Mario Williams!! No way they can beat the Eagles now!!
Dude, Philly will fucking implode if they lose.

Sidenote: I'm not dodging you from that other thread Red. Y'know, the one where you handed me my ass. I just have to make myself smarter to respond.

[Darth Quorthon]

I caught the opening game. I thought Miami might make a run at it until Culpepper threw that interception to Porter. Three interceptions, that's a killer. If I were Miami, I might be a little worried about his propensity for throwing the ball to the other team that seems to have emerged over the last two seasons.

I'm interested to see how the Lion's "new-look" offense will fare against Seattle, but I think Seattle just has too much on both sides of the ball for Detroit to handle.

Overall, I'm very interested to see how this season will pan out. A lot of players have found new homes, and I still have a hunch that the Parcels/Owens situation in Dallas is a ticking timebomb. If my team, the Vikings, goes 8-8, I'll be pretty content. Sure, they play in a weak-ass division, but something about having the season ride on Brad Johnson staying healthy just doesn't sit right with me. If he goes down, the Vikings are fucked.

[Havok]

Oh what the fuck. Predictions

SUN, SEP 10

Baltimore at Tampa Bay: 13-12 Ravens

Atlanta at Carolina: 24-31 Panthers

Denver at St. Louis: 36-17 Broncos

Buffalo at New England: 28-12 Patriots

Philadelphia at Houston: 24-10 Eagles

New Orleans at Cleveland: 24-18 Saints

Seattle at Detroit: 35-10 Seahawks

NY Jets at Tennessee: 19-16 Titans

Cincinnati at Kansas City: 38-37 Bengals (Game of the Week)

Chicago at Green Bay: 20-9 Bears

Dallas at Jacksonville: 21-17 Cowboys

San Francisco at Arizona: 86-0 49ers

Indianapolis at NY Giants: 37-33 Colts (Game of the Week)

MON, SEP 11

Minnesota at Washington: 24-15 Redskins

San Diego at Oakland: 28-24 Chargers

[RedImperator]

Another thing I'd like to add: I can't wait for the Colts-Giants game, so NBC will stop incessantly masturbating about the Manning brothers playing each other. I've especially enjoyed the fawning interview of both brothers by my most very favorite commentator, Chris Collinsworth ("Hurf hurf hurf, do an impression of your brother, Peyton! Now you do it, Eli!"). Maybe next time, he could just lick their taints on camera. Also fun was the sideline reporter telling homey anecdotes about one taking notes when the other tells his mother what their game plan is. Awesome! I'm way more interested in that then the fucking game I'm watching right now! Maybe they could stop wasting my time with all this Pittsburgh-Miami bullshit and just run a three hour tribute to the Brothers Manning and their hyperawesome, megaimportant week one nonconference game. Yeah!

By the way, is it just me, or does Peyton Manning sound like he's got a horse cock in his mouth when he talks?

Havokeff: Don't worry about it. Everyone backs out of a thread from time to time.

[FSTargetDrone]

I've especially enjoyed the fawning interview of both brothers by my most very favorite commentator, Chris Collinsworth ("Hurf hurf hurf, do an impression of your brother, Peyton! Now you do it, Eli!"). Maybe next time, he could just lick their taints on camera. Also fun was the sideline reporter telling homey anecdotes about one taking notes when the other tells his mother what their game plan is. Awesome! I'm way more interested in that then the fucking game I'm watching right now! Maybe they could stop wasting my time with all this Pittsburgh-Miami bullshit and just run a three hour tribute to the Brothers Manning and their hyperawesome, megaimportant week one nonconference game. Yeah!

It can't possibly be worse than the endless "let's talk for talking's sake whether it concerns action on the field or not" that is ESPN's Joe Morgan and Jon Miller on Sunday Night Baseball. I literally have panic attacks if I listen to more than 5 minutes' worth of that audio nightmare.

And please, sports' programmers and directors: We do not need to see endless shots of the commentators in the booth. I don't mind listening to Madden and Michaels, but I do not need to see a shot of them after every play watching their monitors in the broadcast booth.

Go Eagles.

[Havok]

Well what the hell else are baseball commentators suposed to talk about when it takes 10 minutes for each fucking batter. I love basebal but fuck it is boring.

Back to the NFL, which by the way I find kinda boring in person, The Eli/Peyton hype is especially bad because it's the first game of the season and that is all they've had to talk about since Feb. And yes Manning does sound very odd. Unless of course he's at the line calling audibles and then he sounds like fucking Satan himself!!

[Azazal]

You had me going there for a moment on the Lions, I thought you had been hitting the crack pipe or something, I mean come one -

Onto the other order of business, The Lions. They open against the Seahawks this season. Here's what will happen (from someone who knows): This one really has all the fingerprints of a game the Lions will win. They'll beat the defending NFC champs at home,

However, you did redeem yourself with

as the offense sputters horribly but the defense holds it down. With the Seahawks due for a 7-9 season as the Super Bowl losers, the Lions should go ahead and win this one, getting fan expectations way up (but don't worry, Lion lovers, they'll lose five of their next six.) We'll ignore the fact that the offense played like there was toxic waste in the end zone and are likely to continue doing that for half the season and start going "wow, this might be the year!", but next week is a game in Chicago, that'll be a loss for sure against a supposedly "easier" opponent that just happens to be a division rival.

Detroit, no football here. We have hockey, basketball and appearently a new baseball team, but no football, that's in A2 and E. Lansing

[Darth Garden Gnome]

Another thing I'd like to add: I can't wait for the Colts-Giants game, so NBC will stop incessantly masturbating about the Manning brothers playing each other.

You think it's hard on you?! Think of Momma Manning! She has TWO SONS WHO ARE NFL QUARTERBACKS AND THEY WILL BE PLAYING AGAINST EACH OTHER THIS SUNDAY OMIGOSH. Truth is, as John Madden so eloquently spoke with us about, it's hardest on Momma Manning. Who should she root for? Should we give a shit? Of course! They're brothers. Playing against each other. In the National Football League.

Kickoff starts at 8:15PM EST on Sunday 10th, 2006. Any rebroadcast, reproduction or any other use of the pictures and accounts of this message without the express written consent of the National Football League is strictly prohibited.

[RedImperator]

Another thing I'd like to add: I can't wait for the Colts-Giants game, so NBC will stop incessantly masturbating about the Manning brothers playing each other.

You think it's hard on you?! Think of Momma Manning! She has TWO SONS WHO ARE NFL QUARTERBACKS AND THEY WILL BE PLAYING AGAINST EACH OTHER THIS SUNDAY OMIGOSH. Truth is, as John Madden so eloquently spoke with us about, it's hardest on Momma Manning. Who should she root for? Should we give a shit? Of course! They're brothers. Playing against each other. In the National Football League.

Kickoff starts at 8:15PM EST on Sunday 10th, 2006. Any rebroadcast, reproduction or any other use of the pictures and accounts of this message without the express written consent of the National Football League is strictly prohibited.

Shit, you're right, I'd forgotten about that. I must have stopped listening once I realized John Madden was talking again.

Jesus Christ, I hope this isn't indicative of how NBC plans to cover the NFL all year. You know what this whole Peyton vs. Eli thing is? A human interest story. That's all. It really doesn't matter worth a shit if they're brothers. It has no impact on their abilities as quarterbacks, the recievers and backs around them, the O-lines protecting them, or the defenses coming to pound them into the turf. Hell, they won't even be on the field at the same time, so they're not really playing against each other. NBC wanking about this for weeks is the football equivilant of CNN leading off with a squirrel on waterskis. Eli vs. Peyton is worth about three minutes on Sportscenter on Sunday morning and that's it.

[Tsyroc]

San Francisco at Arizona: 86-0 49ers

86-0?!?!?!?


Geez, not even the 5 Super Bowl winning 49ers kicked the hell out of the Cardinals like that.

That would also be really rude of the Niners considering this will be the first regular season game played in the Cardinals new stadium.

[FSTargetDrone]

Well what the hell else are baseball commentators suposed to talk about when it takes 10 minutes for each fucking batter. I love basebal but fuck it is boring.

Silence is golden.

Back to the NFL, which by the way I find kinda boring in person, The Eli/Peyton hype is especially bad because it's the first game of the season and that is all they've had to talk about since Feb. And yes Manning does sound very odd. Unless of course he's at the line calling audibles and then he sounds like fucking Satan himself!!

Eli is Mr. Sourpants. Have you ever seen anyone who looks less enthusiastic to be in the NFL?

[Glocksman]

Another thing I'd like to add: I can't wait for the Colts-Giants game, so NBC will stop incessantly masturbating about the Manning brothers playing each other.

You think it's hard on you?! Think of Momma Manning! She has TWO SONS WHO ARE NFL QUARTERBACKS AND THEY WILL BE PLAYING AGAINST EACH OTHER THIS SUNDAY OMIGOSH. Truth is, as John Madden so eloquently spoke with us about, it's hardest on Momma Manning. Who should she root for? Should we give a shit? Of course! They're brothers. Playing against each other. In the National Football League.

Kickoff starts at 8:15PM EST on Sunday 10th, 2006. Any rebroadcast, reproduction or any other use of the pictures and accounts of this message without the express written consent of the National Football League is strictly prohibited.

I'm with you on the Manning saga, but I also wish the network would drop that animated sack of suet called John Madden.
If they'd shut up about Peyton and Whiny Crybaby..er Eli and ditch Madden, this could be a real good season for Football on TV.

[Darth Fanboy]

Geez, not even the 5 Super Bowl winning 49ers kicked the hell out of the Cardinals like that.

Are you kidding? They hurt them so badly that they had to get out of St. Louis and then continued to brutalize them when they got out west! Until the horrible meltdown of the franchise that (in my opinion) not-so-coinicdentally followed Dennis Erickson being hired as head coach.

Havokeff I will always have a beloved soft spot for the 49ers thanks to Joe and Jerry, but they've been painful to watch for the last 3 years and I think they only way that we beat the Cards this week is by going back in time to last season, letting the Cardinals win against us, and then securing Reggie Bush as our draft pick.

Fortunately my girlfriend and my future In Laws are from the Pittsburgh area, and I've been assimilated into the Steeler Culture. (while always maintaining of course that the 80s Niners would beat the 70s Steelers straight up).

[Elfdart]

I'm glad Monday Night Football has a new team, though I'm kind of pissed that they broke up Mike Patrick, Paul McGuire and Joe Theisman (the best team in my opinion). I got sick of Madden almost 20 years ago.

Watching the networks and advetisers suck so much Manning Family cock is embarassing. NFL broadcasting has gone downhill ever since the late great Curt Cowdy was replaced by the shrieking, breathless asskisser Dick Enberg. Enberg is now one of maybe three regular play-by-play guys left who doesn't suck, the others being Don Criqui and Dick Stockton. Don't get me started on the color comm. guys. Enberg is now paired with Dan Dierdorff, who I couldn't stand for the longest time, but who is now much better than most of the others.

What's really astonishing is that the broadcast teams for local stations who handle preseason games mostly do a better job (You get to see and hear them on the NFL Network.).

Anyway:

Panthers over Falcons
Buccaneers over Ravens
Patriots over Bills
Chiefs over Bengals
Broncos will kick the living dogshit out of the Rams. The Rams have had great offense and lousy defense over the last few years. So they fire the offensive coaches. This team will go down the crapper this year.

Browns over Saints
Titans over Jets
Eagles over Texans
Seahawks over Lions. I will be pulling for the Lions since I like their new coaches (except for the one who was arrested a few days ago for driving around town au naturale). Marinelli has already started kicking the asses of defensive players who have been tackling like pussies for years. Mike Martz now coaches the offense and he's already demoted Mike Williams to #5 wideout for stopping on patterns and Charles Rogers got cut for the same lack of effort. Given Martz's ability to turn low-talent QBs into great quarterbacks and Marinelli's no-bullshit attitude, this team should improve by leaps and bounds -unless GM Matt Millen fucks it up as he has done so often. A coach who doesn't hesitate to shitcan overpaid underachievers has my blessing.

Bears over Packers
Cowboys over Jaguars
Cardinals over 49ers
Giants over Colts
Redskins over Vikings
Chargers over Raiders

[Darth Fanboy]

I'm glad Monday Night Football has a new team, though I'm kind of pissed that they broke up Mike Patrick, Paul McGuire and Joe Theisman (the best team in my opinion). I got sick of Madden almost 20 years ago.

Madden sucks, but Patrick,McGuire, and Theisman were unbearable. I'd mute about every Sunday Night Game.

Though I guess it could be worse, each and every one of those guys is about a thousands times better than Joe Buck. If being an annoying overexposed frontrunner were a criminal offense, Joe Buck would be in jail. I don;t plan on watching too many of FOXs broadcasts now.

[Elfdart]

I liked the way McGuire would always call Theisman on his stupid comments. Paul McGuire rules. I like a grouchy old dude who has no patience for nonsense. Of course ESPN kept Theisman.


Isn't Joe Buck the son of Jack Buck? Maybe his assholishness is just a delayed adolescent rebellion against his dad and he'll grow out of it.

[RedImperator]

I muted all the TV assholes years ago. I watch the game with the volume off and listen to the local radio guys.

[FSTargetDrone]

I muted all the TV assholes years ago. I watch the game with the volume off and listen to the local radio guys.

I used to do that, but on 94 WYSP's (awesome FM stero coverage) there's a delay of a second or two either ahead of or behind the TV transmission, so everything's out of sych and it's very annoying.

[RedImperator]

I muted all the TV assholes years ago. I watch the game with the volume off and listen to the local radio guys.

I used to do that, but on 94 WYSP's (awesome FM stero coverage) there's a delay of a second or two either ahead of or behind the TV transmission, so everything's out of sych and it's very annoying.

It's less annoying than Chris Collinsworth's commentary, as far as I'm concerned.

[Falkenhayn]

Bills Dump Pats for no other reason than I have been a Bills fan since I was six. Teddy Bruschi will of course forgo taking the Pat's bus in favor of walking on the Charles River, stopping occaisionally to heal a leper and turn water into Sam Adams.

[Darth Garden Gnome]

Do I know the Lions or what? I almost called it. My Lions didn't win, but pretty much everything else I said about the game was true. In true Lions form, they played a stupidly boring game without any scoring whatsoever, and barely managed to lose in the final seconds. I honestly thought they'd pull it out, as they usually do, in their home opener. Oh well.

And shame on you, havok, for picking the Seahawks by four TDs.

[Straha]

Not only can I not watch the Jets game up here...

But two field goals and an extra point?