Things that the opposite sex can't do.

Andrew J. · Post by **Andrew J.** » 2002-12-23 03:32pm

innerbrat wrote: OK, men can't use complimentary adjectives when not trying to get inside someone elses knickers...

You have good taste in literature, and I'm not interested in you in the least.

Er...that's not to say you're not attractive, it's just that I, personally, don't...uh...

I'll just go over here and hide, okay?

Lord Pounder · Post by **Lord Pounder** » 2002-12-23 03:32pm

personally i'm very good at complimenting women. Last time i felt compelled to complement a woman i wasn't dating my best friend, at the time, got there before me and fucked her senseless IN THE SAME BUILDING I WAS IN. After i wiped his blood off my shoes he was no longer my friend.

Antediluvian · Post by **Antediluvian** » 2002-12-23 04:02pm

innerbrat wrote:
Antediluvian wrote:
innerbrat wrote:OK, new one...

Men cannot use complimentary adjectives!

If they slightly fancy a woman, she's 'alright'.
If they really want to fuck her senseless so much they're having difficulty standing, she's 'nice'.
I think you're a very sweet and gentle person.

How was that?
You don't think that at all, you don't know me.

OK, men can't use complimentary adjectives when not trying to get inside someone elses knickers...

No, I don't know you, but from what I have seen of your posts, you seem to be very likable and kind.

Okay?

And I'm not romantically interested in you, just trying to show that not all men are like that and are capable of complimenting women when they are not interested in them.

kojikun · Post by **kojikun** » 2002-12-23 04:57pm

A woman can smack a man and people think the guy deserved it, but if a man smacks a woman everyone thinks hes an asshole and should be arrested.

Men can go into a store, get what they want, and be back out withing 5 minutes. Unless its Best Buy or any other place with lots of pretty gadgets and things that guys like. Then we buy the entire store and are out of there withing 5 minutes. :p

data_link · Post by **data_link** » 2002-12-23 05:05pm

innerbrat wrote:You don't think that at all, you don't know me.

OK, men can't use complimentary adjectives when not trying to get inside someone elses knickers...

Women can't recieve compliments from a man without accusing him of trying to get into their pants.

Post by **Coyote** » 2002-12-24 01:11am

Women can get men to go see a movie that they'd prefer to never to be caught dead at.

"Uhh... Yah-Yah Sisterhood? Ahh... sounds great, honey...are you sure you wouldn't like to see Die Another Day? What? No, I don't want to sleep on the couch until next October. Yes, dear..."

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2002-12-24 06:23am

data_link wrote:
innerbrat wrote:You don't think that at all, you don't know me.

OK, men can't use complimentary adjectives when not trying to get inside someone elses knickers...
Women can't recieve compliments from a man without accusing him of trying to get into their pants.

Touche!

OK, I admit it, I'm guilty of that.
But can one of you tel RoJoMu all those lovely things you've siad about me?

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2002-12-24 07:04am

Women seem to Cooperate where we male types seem to be solitary and compettive....

Neither side seem to be able to translate Driving directions to the other side.

data_link · Post by **data_link** » 2002-12-24 08:47pm

innerbrat wrote:Touche!

OK, I admit it, I'm guilty of that.
But can one of you tel RoJoMu all those lovely things you've siad about me?

Considering that I don't know RoJoMu, no I can't.

Vertigo1 · Post by **Vertigo1** » 2002-12-24 09:57pm

Women can't seem to remember how to use electronics.

For example, I could show my father how to use Nero to burn his mp3s and never have to do it again. However, I have to sit by my mother and walk her through the steps every other time. (If I had a nickel for everytime I got called in to play tech support, I'd be richer than Gates!)

btw, Men *can* have multiple orgasms as well. Its very rare and takes LOTS of practice but it is possible. I know because I've done it. Granted, it was by accident but it happened. The side-effect is having a REALLY sensitive pecker. It was so sensitive that it actually HURT to put it away. My tip was red as a cherry.

Post by **Rob Wilson** » 2002-12-24 10:00pm

Women (in general) can be incredibly two-faced with little difficulty, men tnd to make it plain they can't stand someoen from the get-go. No that's not being sexist it's a comment based on observation. A woman can be all sweetnes and light to someone and the minute that person leaves, thy can be calling them every name under the sun. Men however tend to either ignore/blank someone they don't like or simply tell them to their face to fuck off and die (followed by either blanking or fighting).

Women tend to beieve the myth that they can multi-task better than men. Men don't.

And InnerBrat, on the direction thing, I never remember street names (except my destination - I don't even know the names of the road in my home town, but I know my way from any one point to another), if I've been somewhere before i can find my way back, If I haven't I create a route-map before i set-off (2 minutes with a road atlas and a pen can save hours of hassle trying to get imprecise directions off locals).

On the Spacial realisation thing, I see a map or floorplan as a 3D object, not in front of my eyes but in the back of my head (like if I say the Name Tom Cruise, for a split second you have an image of Tom cruise. It doesn't float in fromt of your eyes, it appears inside your head - well that's me with a map/floorplan/wiring diagramme). Maybe it's because I know what Contour lines are, and have been on aenough hills/mountians to associate them with something?
Is that the sort of thing you were alluding to?

And lastly, women can take a compliment with very little encouragement (maybe a small show of false modesty), but men have to be almost battered with a compiment before they will grudgingly except it (bets are off on Narcissists and depressives of both genders).

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2002-12-24 10:05pm

Darth Wong wrote:A man can cut someone off in traffic, honestly believe that he is the wronged party when the other person honks his horn, and then engage in pointless escalatory retaliation, verbal abuse, and possibly even violence as a result.

Wait a minute ... that's not something to be proud of ...

You have obviously never known a woman like my mother...

Post by **Rob Wilson** » 2002-12-24 10:36pm

Women can get bogged down in pointless details of a conversation, men tend to say only what's needed. EG.

Woman : "Well, when I saw our Sadie with Bill; oh did I tell you Bills dog had that operation it was waiting for since June. You know, when that littl yappy dog bit its leg. What do they call those yappy dogs? It's not Chihuahua, or terrier it's... oh the queen has them. Famous for it. Welsh I think. Oh wait till I tell you, Gladys, her from Cardiff - moved up to tend her granddad while he was in hospital - well (and those hospitals are a disgrace mind you, National Health Service my Aunt's Backside, it's a National Disgrace what those Blairs are doing to it. Alternative this and Fung chewie that. Never mind the needles in her ear, it' the ones that are short-circuiting her brain that she needs to worry about i can tell you.) Anyway, Gladys has got a new man. I saw them last week, I'm sure I told you, but nevermind, because he's the Postman to Alfred over at bottom-end of town and you know Alfred can't stand the Welsh. It's a funny world really when you think about it, a man who can't stand the Welsh having a postman that's dating a Welshwoman. Where was i? Oh yes, bills dog... Corgi! That's the little yappers, well his dog had the operation and his Ex was telling me that he was everso worried, which suprised me because i thought he was such a stone of a man. Never talks about his emotions or seems to care about anything, and yet there he was worried about his dog having such a little operation. That's sweet that is; maybe that's what our Sadie sees in him. Did I tell you I saw her out with Bill last night? She had the red coat our Darren gave her for Christmas 2 year ago, and I'm sure she was just saying how she hated that coat, but there she was wearing it. Anyway [Blah, blah, fucking blah, drone, drone drone!]

(the above said in seemingly one breathe with zero gaps to halt the flow of garbage data)

Man : "I saw our Sadie out with Bill Paterton last night."

Another thing women should be aware of is that contrary to what you may think we hear and record everything you say, and cn repeat it verbatim if neccesary. But all we're really interested in are the RELEVANT POINTS. Do us an enormous favour and cut out the useless nonsense that you insist on padding your dull conversations with. Noone gives a Flying fuck who wore what; why such and such isn't speaking to someone else we've never heard of; Why whomever shouldn't wear whatever twatting fashion colour/style. Just tell us exactly what we need to know and not one bit more that is of absolutely no relevance. if we want more details on a specific part, we'll ask, you don't have to drown us in stupid inanities!

Sorry but it's the single biggest problem most men have with women. If you want us to know something then tell us only that part and the chance of us snapping and brutlly murdering you mid-prattle is considerably reduced

Phil Skayhan · Post by **Phil Skayhan** » 2002-12-25 01:22am

A man cannot get out of a speeding ticket, receive a passing grade on a project for handing nothing in, or an extra day before taking a final exam by merely crying.

Hootersgirl did this all in one evening... I really hate her sometimes.

XaLEv · Post by **XaLEv** » 2002-12-25 02:05am

I don't know just how widespread this is among females, but my mother CANNOT stop speaking until she has explained something fully. "Okay, I get it. I understand. I understand. I UNDERSTAND! I UNDERSTAND NOW, YOU CAN STOP EXPLAINING IT!... Gah."

Post by **Vympel** » 2002-12-25 02:09am

XaLEv wrote:I don't know just how widespread this is among females, but my mother CANNOT stop speaking until she has explained something fully. "Okay, I get it. I understand. I understand. I UNDERSTAND! I UNDERSTAND NOW, YOU CAN STOP EXPLAINING IT!... Gah."

FUCKING HEY YOU'RE RIGHT.

Not only must they tell you what chore to accomplish, they must dictate with what tool, how to do it, when to do it, and WHY you must do it. This applies for mundane no-brain shit like SWEEPING.

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2002-12-25 02:10am

Phil Skayhan wrote:A man cannot get out of a speeding ticket, receive a passing grade on a project for handing nothing in, or an extra day before taking a final exam by merely crying.

Hootersgirl did this all in one evening... I really hate her sometimes.

Actually a man can do that, but the cop/professor/exam instructor needs to be gay and the guy has to be a total twinkboi slut for it to work.... I've done that a couple times tho

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2002-12-25 02:20am

Vympel wrote:
XaLEv wrote:I don't know just how widespread this is among females, but my mother CANNOT stop speaking until she has explained something fully. "Okay, I get it. I understand. I understand. I UNDERSTAND! I UNDERSTAND NOW, YOU CAN STOP EXPLAINING IT!... Gah."

FUCKING HEY YOU'RE RIGHT.

Not only must they tell you what chore to accomplish, they must dictate with what tool, how to do it, when to do it, and WHY you must do it. This applies for mundane no-brain shit like SWEEPING.

Reminds me of Soviet air combat tactics. Commie Jet Jockey spots Mr. Capitalist Pig Jet Ace, and Ground Control micromanages the battle. CPJA kills CJJ with the weapon of his choice (the best one for the job) because CJJ's Ground Control tells him to use a Heatseeker on a target by the Sun or a Short-Range missile on something 50 klicks away. Boneheads...

Post by **Coyote** » 2002-12-25 02:30am

Yup, that's 100% correct.

When I'm at my Mom's place, should I put something in the microwave and heat it up, she'll be right there to tell me "The timer went 'ding'!" when its done even though I'm standing right there.

Women do seem to be very detail-oriented; not a bad thing ordinarily but when it comes down to micromanaging and micro-criticising everything trivial it really goes over the top.

Post by **Vympel** » 2002-12-25 02:33am

Einhander Sn0m4n wrote: Reminds me of Soviet air combat tactics. Commie Jet Jockey spots Mr. Capitalist Pig Jet Ace, and Ground Control micromanages the battle. CPJA kills CJJ with the weapon of his choice (the best one for the job) because CJJ's Ground Control tells him to use a Heatseeker on a target by the Sun or a Short-Range missile on something 50 klicks away. Boneheads...

*spetznaz sense tingles*

I refuse to drag this thread off-topic- but that is an uber-exaggeration.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2002-12-25 02:38am

Vympel wrote:
Einhander Sn0m4n wrote: Reminds me of Soviet air combat tactics. Commie Jet Jockey spots Mr. Capitalist Pig Jet Ace, and Ground Control micromanages the battle. CPJA kills CJJ with the weapon of his choice (the best one for the job) because CJJ's Ground Control tells him to use a Heatseeker on a target by the Sun or a Short-Range missile on something 50 klicks away. Boneheads...
*spetznaz sense tingles*

I refuse to drag this thread off-topic- but that is an uber-exaggeration.

Not for the MiG-25 or 31. In any case it made me laugh.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2002-12-25 04:02am

Men: Like PC's

Women: Macs

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2002-12-25 12:51pm

The Yosemite Bear wrote:Men: Like PC's

Women: Macs

Bah. Fuck off.

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2002-12-25 04:56pm

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2002-12-25 06:11pm

Wicked Pilot wrote:

Thank you Wicked Pilot. Perfect! Now is that the Sex Control Panel or the Cooking Control Panel?