My uncle, the Hopeless Fundie.

Post by **Colonel Olrik** » 2002-12-24 09:25pm

Another Christmas eve, another hopeless discussion with my uncle. It ended in shouts, as usual. My uncle is a high school sociology teacher, and belongs to a particulary idiotic sect.

It started by him wanting to tell me about how the electrical properties are changing.

He then proceeded to explain how we can feel the photonic Earth energy, and that all planets are conscious. And about the holographic nature of thought.

I calmy told him that they cannot grab scientific knowledge and distort words. I asked him if he knew the scientific notion of photons. He told me he didn't care, because photons existed long before scientists discovered them

It was all way down from there.

He told me all serial producted food was cancerigene, because it didn't have a soul. I told him if milk was cancerigenous, and if he knew that why didn't they go to the TV. He evaded the question by saying that all deseases, not only cancer, were originated from "bad" food.

He told him all world visions were equal. I asked him if he believed humans can float, despite v = g. He replied yes, of course. I challenged him to jump of a cliff, and he calmly evaded the challenge by saying I have a scientific vision of the world, while he can see in the 36 planes of reality.

I asked him how Earth could evolve a conscience, since it's nothing more than an aglomeration of a bunch of rocks. He told me science was wrong, Earth was artificially created 200.000 years ago.

I asked him then if he understood the Theory of Evolution. Silly me. Humans were created also 200.000 years ago by Sirius (?). Early humans had 36.000 strands of DNA and lived 2000 years. He also told those early humans created a genetically modified race of humans as slaves.

About then, I started the shouting.

He told me that everybody would see they were right before 2018, because the world would leave science behind and go through an enormous change. I challenge him to a bet on that, and that he still is young enough (he's 55) to see me winning the bet.

He then told me he was getting younger, not older, and that by 2018 he was going to be of my actual age.

My quite fed up mother interrupted us, then.

Two delightful hours had passed, and it was high time for my uncles and cousins to go away.

He has showned me his sect site, in other computer. Tomorrow I'll post the adress and mock it ruthlessly.

Sorry if you find this boring, but I had to take this out of my system.

Post by **AdmiralKanos** » 2002-12-24 09:31pm

Holy fuck. What a blithering idiot. We all have people like that somewhere in our families, though. My cousin Tony in California is seeing a physiotherapist because he's injured his knees from kneeling and praying on a hard wooden floor for hours at a time.

Post by **AdmiralKanos** » 2002-12-24 09:32pm

Oh, and I also have relatives on my wife's side who make all major decisions by going into their "prayer closet" and asking God to give them guidance. A fucking "prayer closet" ...

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2002-12-24 09:35pm

My uncle once seriously tried to convince me to believe in the Spritual All-Force of Harmony that anchors all the planets in a vast sea of ether.

He said it very solomnly and very ritualistically. He was just joking, but it was funny as fuck.

Yogi · Post by **Yogi** » 2002-12-24 09:37pm

Wow. That's extreme even for fundies.

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2002-12-24 10:02pm

I feel your pain, I was surrounded by fundies at one of my previous jobs and was unable to have a conversation go longer than a couple minutes before religion came up. Every single day someone was trying to get me to believe in God in an effort to "save my soul from Satan" or some shit like that. It was like those Jehova's Witnesses that go door to door, except I was going TO them at work! Even after I told them the Bible was a fucking fairytale and to shove the damn book up their asses they still tried to convert me, fucking unbelievable! As you can imagine I didn't get along too well with those fundie fuckers and I ended up quitting the job after the summer.

Raptor 597 · Post by **Raptor 597** » 2002-12-24 10:06pm

Your uncle is a lunatic, and I thought Christian half ass Logic was retarded. THis just takes the cake.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2002-12-24 10:13pm

AdmiralKanos wrote:Holy fuck. What a blithering idiot. We all have people like that somewhere in our families, though. My cousin Tony in California is seeing a physiotherapist because he's injured his knees from kneeling and praying on a hard wooden floor for hours at a time.

I'd suggest people such as that consult Berreta 9mm JHP and there mouth.

Vertigo1 · Post by **Vertigo1** » 2002-12-24 10:18pm

Geez! Thats pretty damn BAD.

XaLEv · Post by **XaLEv** » 2002-12-24 10:29pm

Woah.

Arthur_Tuxedo · Post by **Arthur_Tuxedo** » 2002-12-25 03:06am

Sea Skimmer wrote:I'd suggest people such as that consult Berreta 9mm JHP and there mouth.

Really, only 9mm? I'd recommend .357 Maximum

Sir Sirius · Post by **Sir Sirius** » 2002-12-25 04:48am

I asked him then if he understood the Theory of Evolution. Silly me. Humans were created also 200.000 years ago by Sirius (?).

I did no such thing, the evil fundie bastard is lying!!!

Sokar · Post by **Sokar** » 2002-12-25 04:54am

They allow this man to TEACH!!!!!...........I weep for his students, God only knows what kind of BS he's been steadily feeding them.......

As a Social Studied Ed Major , I am both terrified and saddened that someone like that has a classroom

Post by **Vympel** » 2002-12-25 05:01am

Erm ... so what exact kind of fundamentalist sect does your uncle follow, Colonel Orlik?

He sounds like he's completely gone off the deep end. The wheel is spinning but the hamster is DEAD.

Post by **Colonel Olrik** » 2002-12-25 07:39am

Vympel wrote:Erm ... so what exact kind of fundamentalist sect does your uncle follow, Colonel Orlik?

As promised, their site is:

http://www. ascendpress.org [remove space]

Buah ah ah.

He sounds like he's completely gone off the deep end. The wheel is spinning but the hamster is DEAD

When he finally left, I couldn't stop hearing "cucu" over and over again in my head. He's completely lunatic, now. He's been getting worse, and will continue. There's no stopping him.

I missed some other nasty things that he said. For example, humans are all incarnated demigods. He sees divine messages in his screensaver (?) and studies the symbols of one particular printer of his. He actually came here once with hundreds of sheets with those idiotic signs printers produce when fonts are missing. And he was trying to decipher them! It seems too bad to be true, but it is.

One thing that bothers me is that he talks with a perfect wall of ignorance (TM), and less knowledgeable people actually may think him to be very clever. I know one girl I had to disprogram (sucessfully) and show him as the lunatic he is.

Post by **NecronLord** » 2002-12-25 07:50am

Fuck...

He's onto the evil necron plan

He told me science was wrong, Earth was artificially created 200.000 years ago.

And if they can only find the drive controls

Post by **Colonel Olrik** » 2002-12-25 08:03am

Pity me.

http://www. ascendpress.org/articles/great-cen-sun/sun12.htm

Remove space. I do not want an invason of idiots.

A fundie lunatic wrote:Dear Beloved Ascending Human,

We are guided to write today as Earth has made a large leap that may impact the map carvers of ascension in particular. Earth has transited what some have called Zero Point along with entered the fifth major star gate towards the Great Central Sun. As many who have been following our material are aware, Earth entered her first star gate in late January 2001, and has been averaging entrance into new star gates every 4 to 6 months of her continued global ascension. Earth is now rapidly moving towards Bodhisattva level evolution (an average of 6000 strands of DNA in vibration global wide) anticipated to be accomplished at the end of 2004.

I was wrong in one point. Earth was artificially created, but millions of years ago. Only humans were 200.000 ago. Well, it's hard to keep the bullshit straight.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2002-12-25 08:17am

Sounds like reasons besides work, why Colin does not go home for the Holidays. And If he does he makes sure to rent a cam-corder.

*Shudder*

Is it bad being the son of the bigoted, alcoholic, redneck family's "Black Sheep" (My mom's the family hippie, and one of two cousins that, "Betrayed the Family" by marring a Jew.)

Post by **NecronLord** » 2002-12-25 08:26am

Colonel Olrik wrote:Pity me.

http://www. ascendpress.org/articles/great-cen-sun/sun12.htm

Remove space. I do not want an invason of idiots.

A fundie lunatic wrote:Dear Beloved Ascending Human,

We are guided to write today as Earth has made a large leap that may impact the map carvers of ascension in particular. Earth has transited what some have called Zero Point along with entered the fifth major star gate towards the Great Central Sun. As many who have been following our material are aware, Earth entered her first star gate in late January 2001, and has been averaging entrance into new star gates every 4 to 6 months of her continued global ascension. Earth is now rapidly moving towards Bodhisattva level evolution (an average of 6000 strands of DNA in vibration global wide) anticipated to be accomplished at the end of 2004.

I was wrong in one point. Earth was artificially created, but millions of years ago. Only humans were 200.000 ago. Well, it's hard to keep the bullshit straight.

Now they are beginning to sound like C'tan worshippers. When they start claiming that Mars was scoured of all life forms in order to provide a tomb for an evil(?) god. Be concerned.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2002-12-25 08:42am

The stars are right, my children

*Opens up the Necronomicon" (Don't ask found it on E-Bay)

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2002-12-25 09:13am

BEHOLD! CTHULU!

-Cthulu eats everyone-

XaLEv · Post by **XaLEv** » 2002-12-25 09:50am

"Jesus loves you the way you are, but Cthulhu thinks you could use some ketchup"

Love that quote. Can't remember where I saw it.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2002-12-25 10:26am

Jesus saves, Zeus SCORES!

Vendetta · Post by **Vendetta** » 2002-12-25 12:23pm

Whatever that man's been smoking, can I have some?

Post by **Colonel Olrik** » 2002-12-25 12:56pm

Revenge of Science, part I

A lunatic fundie sect intro wrote: Ascension is the process by which any planet, star, civilization or species evolves. In the evolutionary process, the biology of the form is altered allowing the form to increase upward in vibration from week, to month, to year, to decade. As this is accomplished gradually and over time, the form enters first a fourth dimensional existence and eventually a fifth dimensional existence.

It starts well, by appropriating for their own use the scientific ideas of Evolution and Multi-dimensions, and by completely distorting their meaning. How can a planet evolve by the same process a species evolve? It doesn't matter. Ascension is the magical word. Why four dimensions or five? Why not more or less? Why does the form enter other dimensions, anyway? What the fuck do they mean by "dimension"?

A lunatic fundie sect intro wrote: Earth is becoming a star. One day Earth shall shine bright much like your solar sun.

Firstly, notice the word "your". Of course, they're aliens. The reader must take it at face value. Secondly, how can a planet become a star? Have they realized the mass needed to have a star? Where will it come from? How can Earth become a star like the Sun? Do they even realise how the Sun produces energy? Obviously not.

A lunatic fundie sect intro wrote: Likewise your solar sun is in the process of moving up in vibration and becoming a 12th dimensional vessel. Earth and your sun are two of 7 suns ascending simultaneously within your creation.

? Excuse me?

A lunatic fundie sect intro wrote: The process of ascension is not new, nor is it a rapid process. Earth has been increasing in vibration since your last ice age. The increasing heat of Earth and what is known as "global warming" is a sign that Earth is ascending. It shall take upwards of 1000 years to move Earth from her current vibration fully into the 5th dimension thereby attaining the state of a star.

Increasing heat from Earth? Now, this should be easily measured. And the fact is, it's precisely the opposite. Earth's heat is decreasing, at the rate the current theories of Earth formation estimate. Besides, the global warming has been noticed only in this century, and it has nothing to do with Earth as a mass, it's a biosphere problem related with the energy gained from the Sun. Finally, again the unsupported claims abd the pseudo scientific appropriation of therms to make the text look nice.

A lunatic fundie sect intro wrote: Humanity must come along for the ride. Each species is choosing to ascend at this time in history, which includes the plant, animal, mineral, dolphin and whale kingdoms.

? Eh?

A lunatic fundie sect intro wrote: Humanity is selectively choosing to ascend, as some races have lost their connection to Earth and in so doing, have entered a deep state of forgetfulness. In the forgetfulness, large portions of the human population are failing to begin their earliest rise in frequency and are rapidly falling further and further behind Earth's overall current phase of ascension. It is up to each human to "intend to ascend" upon a daily basis to bring forth the next phase of evolutionary changes to keep pace with Earth.

Stop wanking off to the keyboard, you idiot. It's not nice.

A lunatic fundie sect intro wrote: The pathway for human ascension is not clear. The lack of clarity is the result of the multiple nuclear wars and accidents that have occurred over 200,000 years of human history, along with scientific genetic alterations that do not resonate with Earth's energy flow as a whole. As such, it is the role of the Spiritual School of Ascension to carve a pathway of ascension for others to follow. The articles upon the site are an ongoing dissertation of the truth and experience of those undergoing the biological transmutation process of ascension within the process of map making. Such information is freely shared so that others may likewise awaken and ascend.

You're too stupid to be real. Indeed, I hope you're an alien, because the existance of someone so dumb would be shameful to all Mankind.