Essentially, god gives Jim 1 week to see if he can do a better job. Various things he does are:
1) make a fire hydrant pop
2) enlarge his wife's bosom
3) make candles light in his room
4) proclaim that he s Bruce Almighty from the top of the Empire State Building, during a thunderstorm
5) receive ~3 billion unanswered prayers via e-mail
At least, that is what he does in the trailer.
What would you do if you had those powers, and had 7 days to use them?
Issue smackdowns as needed?
Actually reply to prayers?
Tell varous fundamentalists to shut up?
Issue Bible v2.0?
Other?
I saw the preview on that. hilarious stuff.
I dunno. I thot about it, but most of it was middle steps to gain power or love, and with god power, I can just skip to the end.
This day is Fantastic!
Myers Briggs: ENTJ
Political Compass: -3/-6 DOOMerWoW
"I really hate it when the guy you were pegging as Mr. Worst Case starts saying, "Oh, I was wrong, it's going to be much worse." " - Adrian Laguna
personally, I think making the phrase 'christ converts to islam' true would be hilarious.
This day is Fantastic!
Myers Briggs: ENTJ
Political Compass: -3/-6 DOOMerWoW
"I really hate it when the guy you were pegging as Mr. Worst Case starts saying, "Oh, I was wrong, it's going to be much worse." " - Adrian Laguna
I dunno...for starters, turn a lot of people into fishes or something. I mean make things interesting for a while, then after I'm bored...give everyone their version of paradise and be done with it all.
MM /CF/WG/BOTM/JL/Original Warsie/ACPATHNTDWATGODW FOREVER!!
Sometimes we can choose the path we follow. Sometimes our choices are made for us. And sometimes we have no choice at all
Day 1: Remodel Afterlife. Make sure there's a soulcrushingly boring Hell for all the Fundies with bad intentions. Those Fundies brainwashed and largely non-hateful will be merely sent to the Elysium fields to live out dull lives.. Just like on Earth. The highest level of Heaven will be reserved for those who advanced and aided Humanity as a whole, and will feature godlike powers for those staying.
Day 2: Start answering prayers intelligently. If someone wishes for a cure for their relatives disease, a researcher will suddenly find a safe, cheap, easily manufactured cure.
Day 3: Friday night, barhopping. Remember to reinstate Magic into the universe just in time to show redheaded triplets a few interesting things I can do.
Day 4: Discuss life, the universe, and everything with the Pope. Create lackleys to write The Third Testament.
Day 5: Check up on progress of Third Testament. Remind lackleys to cite importance of logical thought, tolerance, and love. Add in passage about anal sex being OK before marriage.
Day 6: More proofreading of Third Testament. All major terrorist groups suddenly find their members combusting in holy fire. Money goes to private account set up for myself.
Day 7: Go through cities, donating jobs, food, and homes to homeless. Hand power over quietly and calmly. Run before He figures out I put Magic back in place and now can do lots of fun stuff.
Manic Progressive: A liberal who violently swings from anger at politicos to despondency over them.
Out Of Context theatre: Ron Paul has repeatedly said he's not a racist. - Destructinator XIII on why Ron Paul isn't racist.
And I would also use my omniscience and omnipotence to instantly transport every murderer, rapist, child abuser/molester, neo-Nazi, boy-band, and fundie hatemonger to Hell.
"It's not evil for God to do it. Or for someone to do it at God's command."- Jonathan Boyd on baby-killing
"you guys are fascinated with the use of those "rules of logic" to the extent that you don't really want to discussus anything."- GC
"I do not believe Russian Roulette is a stupid act" - Embracer of Darkness
"Viagra commercials appear to save lives" - tharkûn on US health care.
Darth Wong wrote:
And I would also use my omniscience and omnipotence to instantly transport every murderer, rapist, child abuser/molester, neo-Nazi, boy-band, and fundie hatemonger to Hell.
You forgot Telemarketer oh great one.
The most basic assumption about the world is that it does not contradict itself.
Now, do be careful. For me, only in the giving side and only in the condition the receiver is a nice girl. The problem with Divinities is that sometimes they overlook these minor details.
Yes, we must remember we(men) are giving and not receiving, because if you say between a man and a woman, I know some girls who think that mean the guy is receiving and the girl is giving.
MM /CF/WG/BOTM/JL/Original Warsie/ACPATHNTDWATGODW FOREVER!!
Sometimes we can choose the path we follow. Sometimes our choices are made for us. And sometimes we have no choice at all
If I was God, I'd rewrite every holy book so they make sense, and then smite all of the fundies. Then, I'd smite B&B, Christian Rock Groups, Telemarketers, Morons, and Dregs to Society. After that, I would do stuff to benefit humanity, like make it easier to find a cure for AIDS, make FTL travel possible, and make it so one cow can feed 100 people. Then, on the seventh day, I'd create an attractive woman and get myself laid.
Now, do be careful. For me, only in the giving side and only in the condition the receiver is a nice girl. The problem with Divinities is that sometimes they overlook these minor details.
Fuck you, you sexist git - don't deal out what you can't receive!!
Wong, you'd better gice girls a male-positioned g-spot, else I'll start multiple holy wars.
"I fight with love, and I laugh with rage, you gotta live light enough to see the humour and long enough to see some change" - Ani DiFranco, Pick Yer Nose
"Life 's not a song, life isn't bliss, life is just this: it's living." - Spike, Once More with Feeling
I'm not sure if I like the idea of Astrolube or KY Jelly raining down on me...
aerius: I'll vote for you if you sleep with me. Lusankya: Deal!
Say, do you want it to be a threesome with your wife? Or a foursome with your wife and sister-in-law? I'm up for either.
Now, do be careful. For me, only in the giving side and only in the condition the receiver is a nice girl. The problem with Divinities is that sometimes they overlook these minor details.
Colonel Olrik wrote:
Now, do be careful. For me, only in the giving side and only in the condition the receiver is a nice girl. The problem with Divinities is that sometimes they overlook these minor details.
Fuck you, you sexist git - don't deal out what you can't receive!!
"I fight with love, and I laugh with rage, you gotta live light enough to see the humour and long enough to see some change" - Ani DiFranco, Pick Yer Nose
"Life 's not a song, life isn't bliss, life is just this: it's living." - Spike, Once More with Feeling
Declare that the bible is invalid and the only direct way to heaven is to live a life where you attemp to ease the suffering of those around you. if you aren't aware someone around you suffering you still go directly to heaven, if you know and you don't do anything you spend some time in hell directly proportional to their suffering.those who live evil lives (Hitler, Stalin, ect.) a the end of their time in hell they will be annihilated.
Now, do be careful. For me, only in the giving side and only in the condition the receiver is a nice girl. The problem with Divinities is that sometimes they overlook these minor details.
Fuck you, you sexist git - don't deal out what you can't receive!!
OK, so we're sexist when it comes to ... sex. Is that a problem? Besides, since the female would derive no physical pleasure from sticking an inert dildo in a man's butt, I don't see why women would be clamouring for this anyway.
Ah yes, I forgot to mention that if I were omnipotent, I would alter the clitoris so it is directly stimulated by vaginal sex. Bedrooms would be much noisier, I suspect.
"It's not evil for God to do it. Or for someone to do it at God's command."- Jonathan Boyd on baby-killing
"you guys are fascinated with the use of those "rules of logic" to the extent that you don't really want to discussus anything."- GC
"I do not believe Russian Roulette is a stupid act" - Embracer of Darkness
"Viagra commercials appear to save lives" - tharkûn on US health care.
Tosho wrote:Declare that the bible is invalid and the only direct way to heaven is to live a life where you attemp to ease the suffering of those around you. if you aren't aware someone around you suffering you still go directly to heaven, if you know and you don't do anything you spend some time in hell directly proportional to their suffering.those who live evil lives (Hitler, Stalin, ect.) a the end of their time in hell they will be annihilated.
Hold on, then. The people who are so self-involved that they don't open their eyes and ears to hear the suffering of their loved ones get straight into heaven?! I'd have to heartily disagree with that, Tosho. Being one of those who constantly attempts to ease the pain of others, I know that it honestly doesn't take much to listen and truly hear what someone is saying, both with their words and through their actions. What I cannot stand more than anything is someone who is so wrapped up in themselves that they can't see anyone's misery but their own.
"On the infrequent occasions when I have been called upon in a formal place to play the bongo drums, the introducer never seems to find it necessary to mention that I also do theoretical physics." -Richard Feynman
Tosho wrote:Declare that the bible is invalid and the only direct way to heaven is to live a life where you attemp to ease the suffering of those around you. if you aren't aware someone around you suffering you still go directly to heaven, if you know and you don't do anything you spend some time in hell directly proportional to their suffering.those who live evil lives (Hitler, Stalin, ect.) a the end of their time in hell they will be annihilated.
Hold on, then. The people who are so self-involved that they don't open their eyes and ears to hear the suffering of their loved ones get straight into heaven?! I'd have to heartily disagree with that, Tosho. Being one of those who constantly attempts to ease the pain of others, I know that it honestly doesn't take much to listen and truly hear what someone is saying, both with their words and through their actions. What I cannot stand more than anything is someone who is so wrapped up in themselves that they can't see anyone's misery but their own.
Sorry that I was vague the assumption was that your attempting to help others. The people you described will go to hell (directly proportional to the amount of suffering the people they ignore have) for being so
self-involved.
the assumption was that your attempting to help others. The people you described will go to hell (directly proportional to the amount of suffering the people they ignore have) for being so