How to Mountain Bike like an idiot

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2006-10-09 07:36pm

Warning: The riders shown in these pictures are trained experts with many years of experience. Don't try this in your local parks & forests. And if you live in the US, don't even think about trying it unless you have a really good health insurance plan.

Mont-St-Anne worldcup downhill course. It's a lot steeper than it looks.

Mont-St-Anne backwoods trails. Ridiculously steep, rutted, and rocky.

More Mont-St-Anne trails, wet rocks are damn scary.

A tree fell across our local trails, so we built a bridge over it.

A big teeter-totter at Mont-St-Anne. Falling off would really suck.

Bridges, the solution to rain washing out trails and turning them into gullies. Also at Mont-St-Anne.

Cause buildings make nice obstacles too

You can also entertain yourself all day on a concrete garbage can

Jersey barriers are also good fun, just don't fall off...

I can fly!

Another teeter-totter.

My ex-GF demonstrates how to get airtime.

Hawkwings · Post by **Hawkwings** » 2006-10-09 07:49pm

stuff like this makes me wish that my bike didn't suck so much...

Post by **weemadando** » 2006-10-10 02:52am

I remember doing that quite a lot in my school days. I could downhill fairly well, but I just couldn't get the hang of most of the "street" tricks.

Korvan · Post by **Korvan** » 2006-10-11 05:36pm

I never quite got the hang of actual mountain biking. Right before an obstacle, I'd involuntarily chicken-out and end up going to fast to stop, but too slow to successfully overcome the obstacle.

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2006-10-11 06:46pm

I'll walk, thanks.

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2006-10-11 07:23pm

weemadando wrote:I remember doing that quite a lot in my school days. I could downhill fairly well, but I just couldn't get the hang of most of the "street" tricks.

I'm kinda like that too. I can ride almost anything found in nature but still have trouble with man-made stunts, especially narrow things like teeter-totters and skinny little bridges way up off the ground. Gap jumps and landing on steep downhills are 2 other skills I never got good at.

Korvan wrote:I never quite got the hang of actual mountain biking. Right before an obstacle, I'd involuntarily chicken-out and end up going to fast to stop, but too slow to successfully overcome the obstacle.

My fiancée went through over a year of that before she got good at making the judgement call in time. Eventually we cured her of that after a few trips to my friend's cottage, where she learned that a bike will practically ride itself over a surprising number of obstacles as long as she didn't tense up.

RedImperator wrote:I'll walk, thanks.

Mountain biking is a great way to meet and pick up hot chicks, Colonel Olrik will back me up on this. Hot chicks in lycra tights, how much better does it get?

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2006-10-11 08:54pm

aerius wrote:
RedImperator wrote:I'll walk, thanks.
Mountain biking is a great way to meet and pick up hot chicks, Colonel Olrik will back me up on this. Hot chicks in lycra tights, how much better does it get?

Do they have a quadripelegic fetish? Because that's the only way I'm picking up hotties with a mountain bike.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2006-10-11 09:23pm

Hot chicks may look great in biking shorts, but they look great in a sundress too, and you don't need a death wish that way.

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2006-10-11 09:30pm

RedImperator wrote:
aerius wrote:Mountain biking is a great way to meet and pick up hot chicks, Colonel Olrik will back me up on this. Hot chicks in lycra tights, how much better does it get?
Do they have a quadripelegic fetish? Because that's the only way I'm picking up hotties with a mountain bike.

As you can see from the picture below, mountain biking is a perfectly safe sport for everyone. Riding on hard packed dirt is almost as easy as riding on roads, anyone can do it. Also note the cute chick in the middle.

Havok · Post by **Havok** » 2006-10-12 01:09am

OH GAWD! Doesn't that hurt the shit outta your balls?!?!

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2006-10-12 05:19pm

havokeff wrote:OH GAWD! Doesn't that hurt the shit outta your balls?!?!

Only if you put all your weight on the saddle while going over the bumpy stuff, and if you did that you'd have bigger problems to worry about, like getting launched off the bike when it hits a bump. Keep your weight off the saddle and stand on the rough stuff and there's nothing to worry about.

pieman3141 · Post by **pieman3141** » 2006-10-17 04:37pm

havokeff wrote:OH GAWD! Doesn't that hurt the shit outta your balls?!?! :?

Umm.. not really. Just shift your weight off the saddle when you go through bumpy terrain. That's one reason why there's pedals. Ride for too long, though, and your butt/shoulders begin to ache.

Cool pics. I can sorta fudge my way downhill, but nothing too bumpy or steep (my bike is rigid with a really steep angle at the head/fork - might be why my shoulders hurt). And I can't do stunts. Not a one. Never truly got the hang of it, even the "popping your front tire up to go on a curb" trick. I can't trackstand either.

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2006-10-17 11:42pm

I learnt the hard way not to ride with my weight on the seat going over a jump the other day. I made the jump and managed to avoid crushing my nads but I had my center of mass too far back and bent my seat back. Now it could be marketed as the nutcrusher 5k. I S'pose I'll need to get a new seat or bend this one back into place before any more riding, and I'll need to remember to stand for any future air time or rough stuff...

Seggybop · Post by **Seggybop** » 2006-10-18 12:44am

Did you actually manage to bend your seat, or simply knock it out of alignment?

J · Post by J » 2006-10-18 04:20pm

aerius wrote:As you can see from the picture below, mountain biking is a perfectly safe sport for everyone.

Ok then, how do you explain this?

pieman3141 · Post by **pieman3141** » 2006-10-18 11:14pm

J wrote:
aerius wrote:As you can see from the picture below, mountain biking is a perfectly safe sport for everyone.
Ok then, how do you explain this?

Shit Shit happens. Especially MTBing.
I've been in so many wipeouts and endos and
assorted nasty accidents (including one
concussion which got me a $56 ambulance ride
to the ER, and a dislocated shoulder) that I'm
unfazed by the routine pain. Sure it's not safe,
but it can be. The slope in the pic is probably
somewhat tricky.

Post by **weemadando** » 2006-10-18 11:21pm

I see no blood. I also see no obviously out of joint limbs. I also see a distinct lack of impalation.

On top of it all, he appears to be smiling.

That crash gets: NO FIST!

Seriously. Weak.

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2006-10-20 04:40pm

J wrote:
aerius wrote:As you can see from the picture below, mountain biking is a perfectly safe sport for everyone.
Ok then, how do you explain this?

http://ca.geocities.com/tlin0252@rogers.com/fallen.jpg

As you can see from the picture I was completely uninjured by the fall, therefore I maintain that mountain biking is perfectly safe.

pieman3141 · Post by **pieman3141** » 2006-10-20 09:40pm

weemadando wrote:I see no blood. I also see no obviously out of joint limbs. I also see a distinct lack of impalation.

On top of it all, he appears to be smiling.

That crash gets: NO FIST!

Seriously. Weak.

I'm wondering: Are you one of those hardcore PAIN = ROCK ON!! type of people? Where if there's no blood/impalement/decapitation, the person's not trying hard enough? Judging from your post(s) on this thread and the SCA thread about that duel... I think you are.

Rogue 9 · Post by **Rogue 9** » 2006-10-20 09:52pm

A truer title was never attached to a thread.

I'll stick to just riding like a bat out of hell without jumping off of logs like a maniac, thank you very much.

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2006-10-20 10:00pm

Rogue 9 wrote:I'll stick to just riding like a bat out of hell without jumping off of logs like a maniac, thank you very much.

Then you should shave your legs like a girl and be a roadie.

Seggybop · Post by **Seggybop** » 2006-10-21 03:37am

Hey, there are stupider things one could be doing, like riding a brakeless track bike through the city.

salm · Post by **salm** » 2006-10-21 04:54am

Seggybop wrote:Hey, there are stupider things one could be doing, like riding a brakeless track bike through the city.

Lots of BMX riders don´t have breaks because they´re expensive and heavy.

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2006-10-21 09:55am

Seggybop wrote:Hey, there are stupider things one could be doing, like riding a brakeless track bike through the city.

Almost all track bikes are fixed gear so they don't need brakes to stop. Still, it ain't the brightest thing in the world to ride'em with no brakes in the city since they don't stop fast at all.

J · Post by J » 2006-10-21 04:06pm

aerius wrote:
Rogue 9 wrote:I'll stick to just riding like a bat out of hell without jumping off of logs like a maniac, thank you very much.
Then you should shave your legs like a girl and be a roadie.

We're in agreement here, and furthermore I say he should be required to wear spandex tights.