Bible Movie Concept

[weemadando]

I want 2 hours of Jesus' greatest "hate" quotes.

[CJvR]

Considering how much of the OT is a long pathetic attempt at explaining why our atrocities against others are good and properly sanctioned by GOD while those of others against us are evil incarnate it is almost impossible to go wrong. IIRC adding how those showing any tollerance towards other cultures, such as accepting surrender and taking slaves rather than butchering them in the name of the Lord, usually end up on the reciving end of divine displeasure.

Jerico is an excelent story for such a project though. It is very famous, even a religous illiterate like me know of it and there is a rather catchy song praising an atrocity that would put Nanking to shame (nice background music for the massacre in the best B5 style). GOD would fit in nicely at the Nuremberg trials... "Do you swear by yourself to tell the truth..." The list of charges would be very very long.

[mr friendly guy]

The story of Lot. I would give the destruction of Sodom and Gamorrah just a little bit of time. What I would accentuate the part of Lots asking the men of Sodom to rape his virgin daughters instead of the male angels. Then add the part about how he was now without a wife because she looked back the destruction of Sodom and was turned to salt. Then go for the part how his daughters realised he won't get an heir now that mummy is gone (because you know, females can't be heirs) so they had an incestuous relationship with him.

Will that shock enough Christians now?

[Keevan_Colton]

The story of Lot. I would give the destruction of Sodom and Gamorrah just a little bit of time. What I would accentuate the part of Lots asking the men of Sodom to rape his virgin daughters instead of the male angels. Then add the part about how he was now without a wife because she looked back the destruction of Sodom and was turned to salt. Then go for the part how his daughters realised he won't get an heir now that mummy is gone (because you know, females can't be heirs) so they had an incestuous relationship with him.

Will that shock enough Christians now?

And there's always the possibility of using a Momus song as a theme...

For seventeen days we've lived in this cave
Overlooking the plain with the ruined remains of Gomorra
When the brimstone was sent we were exempt
But the daughters of Salt are tempting

The lesson of Sodom according to God:
You spoil the child if you spare the rod
But we had a problem, me and my girls
I was the only man in the world
The lesson of Sodom according to Lot:
If a bottle of wine is all you've got
Between the salt in your wounds and Lot, girls
The lesson of Sodom is:
"I forgot"

Is it my drunkenness or my first-born's kiss
That makes my second-born's hips sway like there is no tomorrow?
You know drink is a curse and lust is the worst
But the daughters of Salt are thirsting!

The lesson of Sodom according to God:
You spoil the child if you spare the rod
But we had a problem, me and my girls
I was the only man in the world
The lesson of Sodom according to Lot:
If a bottle of wine is all you've got
Between the salt in your wounds and Lot, girls
The lesson of Sodom is:
"I forgot"

With these alibis, a pair of closed eyes and a head full of wine
There's no need to die for your pleasure
Me, I'm getting the best of both worlds in incest
The daughters of Salt - they insist!

The lesson of Sodom according to God:
You spoil the child if you spare the rod
But we had a problem, me and my girls
I was the only man in the world
To put my girls in the way of the world
The lesson of Sodom according to Lot:
If a bottle of wine is all you've got
Between the salt in your wounds and Lot, girls
The lesson of Sodom is:
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink?
No!
No, no, no, no, no, no, the lesson of Sodom is: A bird in the hand is worth two in the -
No!
Oh, no, no, no, the lesson of Sodom is .....
The lesson of Sodom according to Lot
The lesson of Sodom is .....
I forgot!

[Shroom Man 777]

That is a level of cruelty which will have much more impact than showing the effects of a nuclear blast over Sodom and Gomorrah.

Not if your nuke scene focuses on a family getting immolated, their flesh peeling off and their eyeballs boiling as the parents shield the children from the fire. Complete with Biblical narration.

Think of Sarah Connor in T2.

[Darth Wong]

That is a level of cruelty which will have much more impact than showing the effects of a nuclear blast over Sodom and Gomorrah.

Not if your nuke scene focuses on a family getting immolated, their flesh peeling off and their eyeballs boiling as the parents shield the children from the fire. Complete with Biblical narration.

Think of Sarah Connor in T2.

That won't do shit. People have seen nuclear blasts in movies a thousand times before. They're accustomed to it. They can write off the consequences as "collateral damage"; hell, they already do that with foreign wars in real-life. But a woman on her knees, pleading for the life of her baby? A soldier running the baby through with his sword as she screams in horror and then cutting her head off? That's a level of cruelty that the audience is not expecting.

[Shroom Man 777]

Point taken. But still, Sarah's immolation was nothing like a big nuclear blast - it sends shivers down my spine up to this day.

[Rye]

I think Sodom's destruction needs to be in there for the big flashy explosion's sake anyway. Something like independence day is what I had in mind, reinforcing the idea that God is a hostile alien entity for all intents and purposes, then the sinister shape in the sky turns to Lot's wife and turns her into salt for merely looking upon his destructive works. After that, there can be the creepy scene with Lot and his daughters, with no music, just ickiness, hopefully, leaving everyone feeling unnerved and cold.

[Surlethe]

I think Sodom's destruction needs to be in there for the big flashy explosion's sake anyway. Something like independence day is what I had in mind, reinforcing the idea that God is a hostile alien entity for all intents and purposes, then the sinister shape in the sky turns to Lot's wife and turns her into salt for merely looking upon his destructive works. After that, there can be the creepy scene with Lot and his daughters, with no music, just ickiness, hopefully, leaving everyone feeling unnerved and cold.

Well, the angels God sent to Lot were also sent to destroy the city, so it's not necessarily going to be a big nuclear-type explosion; you could just have the angels walk out into the city and start blowing things and people up.

Genesis actually has Lot's daughters getting him drunk and then sleeping with him. That little detail's going to be important.

If you do Abraham killing Isaac, it may be interesting to, instead of portraying him as scared and thinking twice all the time, show him as emotionless and willing to do anything for God; after all, Genesis doesn't say he hesitated, but instead implies he acted without hesitation. Perhaps demonstrating him to be a religious fanatic, like how we picture the 9/11 hijackers, instead of a father who is struggling to put his love of his son beneath his obedience to God, would have the most impact.

[General Zod]

I think Sodom's destruction needs to be in there for the big flashy explosion's sake anyway. Something like independence day is what I had in mind, reinforcing the idea that God is a hostile alien entity for all intents and purposes, then the sinister shape in the sky turns to Lot's wife and turns her into salt for merely looking upon his destructive works. After that, there can be the creepy scene with Lot and his daughters, with no music, just ickiness, hopefully, leaving everyone feeling unnerved and cold.

Well, the angels God sent to Lot were also sent to destroy the city, so it's not necessarily going to be a big nuclear-type explosion; you could just have the angels walk out into the city and start blowing things and people up.

Genesis actually has Lot's daughters getting him drunk and then sleeping with him. That little detail's going to be important.

If you do Abraham killing Isaac, it may be interesting to, instead of portraying him as scared and thinking twice all the time, show him as emotionless and willing to do anything for God; after all, Genesis doesn't say he hesitated, but instead implies he acted without hesitation. Perhaps demonstrating him to be a religious fanatic, like how we picture the 9/11 hijackers, instead of a father who is struggling to put his love of his son beneath his obedience to God, would have the most impact.

Poltergeist the Legacy does a rather nice take on angels, comparing them to god's hit men. So if we started portraying angels as assassins for the all mighty, it would start radically changing people's views on them as benevolent protectors of humanity.

[Surlethe]

Poltergeist the Legacy does a rather nice take on angels, comparing them to god's hit men. So if we started portraying angels as assassins for the all mighty, it would start radically changing people's views on them as benevolent protectors of humanity.

I hadn't thought of angels that way before, but now that you mention it, of all the times you see angels in the Bible, they're either transmitting a message (e.g., Gabriel and Mary) or killing someone (e.g., Sodom and Gomorrah, or, I think, one killed King Herod).

[Rye]

Well, the angels God sent to Lot were also sent to destroy the city, so it's not necessarily going to be a big nuclear-type explosion; you could just have the angels walk out into the city and start blowing things and people up.

I'm personally one for the evil doom in the sky idea, the ground starts to sink, fire rains down from the sky, maybe have some crippled guy on a stretcher in a house burning and unable to get away. Cribs on fire, everything caving in under unseen pressure. Families and babies screaming and suddenly silenced. Grisly and mean as hell.

Genesis actually has Lot's daughters getting him drunk and then sleeping with him. That little detail's going to be important.

I know, I had this mental image of Lot totally crushed with the death of his wife, and weeping on the edge of sanity in his cave overlooking the sink hole that was his home. A close up on a desert bird picking some remaining meat off some charred bones, insects on skin and bones and all the signs of decay. The daughters discuss how they need a male heir, they pass their broken hearted, ancient-looking white bearded old dad some drinks and it goes into a slow montage fading to black in between drinks. Lot says "what, what are you doing?" and she says, "Just lie back, dad."

Then we get a shot of her from above and behind and to the left, in this dirty cave, legs splayed over her own dad. And maybe, to add extra grossness, we can hear her sexual juices slopping as she rides him. No music. Camera pans to the ocean of sand blowing over Sodom, still hearing the sex noises, fades to black.

If you do Abraham killing Isaac, it may be interesting to, instead of portraying him as scared and thinking twice all the time, show him as emotionless and willing to do anything for God; after all, Genesis doesn't say he hesitated, but instead implies he acted without hesitation. Perhaps demonstrating him to be a religious fanatic, like how we picture the 9/11 hijackers, instead of a father who is struggling to put his love of his son beneath his obedience to God, would have the most impact.

That was my idea for that. Also, have the parts where he talks to God be like where the killer talks to Satan the Dog in Son of Sam. Totally surreal, clipping between what Abraham believes is going on and just the wind blowing over the wastes from everyone else's perspective.

I forgot to respond to this last time:

But is Hollywood going to fund this, if it's going to expose Judeo-Christian ideology as the murderous clap-trap that it's always been?

2 options, as far as I can see. 1) Pitch it as the new Da Vinci Code. 2) Pitch it as the new Passion of the Christ.

[NecronLord]

And make a point of it looking exactly like a nuclear explosion with all the fireball/blast-wave/mushroom-cloud trappings too

Actually, I'd want it to look like an especially prolonged goa'uld mothership bombardment (rar, intertextual) from stargate. Lots and lots of tiny bolts hitting individual houses. Children running about in the streets before high-speed adobe bricks gut them, or fires burn them down, that sort of thing.

Besides, why make him nuclear armed when you can make him look weaker than a few squadrons of B52s?

19:24 Then the LORD rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the LORD out of heaven;
"The LORD rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire."
19:25 And he overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which grew upon the ground

Doesn't seem to be indicative of a large blast, either, but something akin to rain.

But Wong's right, it's not going to do that well, compared to an up-close-and-personal brutality.

[NecronLord]

Also, it'd be great to shoehorn in (one of) Jehovah's defeats, at the end too.

Just to see if you can get a cheer.

Alas, I can't think of any bits where Amun, or Ba'al, whups the genocidal bastard's ass. Those two have certainly got to appear, just to make it quite certain that other gods are extant in the bible.

[Elheru Aran]

19:24 Then the LORD rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the LORD out of heaven;
"The LORD rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire."
19:25 And he overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which grew upon the ground

Doesn't seem to be indicative of a large blast, either, but something akin to rain.

But Wong's right, it's not going to do that well, compared to an up-close-and-personal brutality.

I always got the impression it was more like a volcanic explosion. With the teensy problem there's nothing like that in the Palestine area or the Middle East up until you get into Turkey...

[NecronLord]

Well, if one wants to use facts, I seem to recall a theory of the probable sites for the cities they're based on having slid into the sea in mudslides or something.

But this is all about being biblically accurate, not factual.

[NecronLord]

This ought to be the final scene. But with more pain for Jehovah. I'm envisioning a sort of Sauron-like scene, with his Rod of Iron, smiting people left right and centre.

And then being poked through with spears and run over by a chariot charge by the people of the plains. Then cut forward a bit to a limping Jehovah selling (don't forget, have him take money, be literal!) his people into slavery.

[vargo]

That is a level of cruelty which will have much more impact than showing the effects of a nuclear blast over Sodom and Gomorrah.

Not if your nuke scene focuses on a family getting immolated, their flesh peeling off and their eyeballs boiling as the parents shield the children from the fire. Complete with Biblical narration.

Think of Sarah Connor in T2.

That won't do shit. People have seen nuclear blasts in movies a thousand times before. They're accustomed to it. They can write off the consequences as "collateral damage"; hell, they already do that with foreign wars in real-life. But a woman on her knees, pleading for the life of her baby? A soldier running the baby through with his sword as she screams in horror and then cutting her head off? That's a level of cruelty that the audience is not expecting.

Rob Zombie comes to mind when I read this........ He would hold no punches.

[Solauren]

Are there any divine masscares in the bible where God doesn't let those fleeing leave?

How would that be for brutal; watching the massacare, someone is nearing escape, and whoops, God is preventing them from going more then 50 feet from the battle, and soldiers just noticed them (or god pointed them out...)

[Big Orange]

Poltergeist the Legacy does a rather nice take on angels, comparing them to god's hit men. So if we started portraying angels as assassins for the all mighty, it would start radically changing people's views on them as benevolent protectors of humanity.

I hadn't thought of angels that way before, but now that you mention it, of all the times you see angels in the Bible, they're either transmitting a message (e.g., Gabriel and Mary) or killing someone (e.g., Sodom and Gomorrah, or, I think, one killed King Herod).

I would depict angels more like devastatingly beautiful demons that resemble perfect human specimens that radiate raw power and malice. They will burn with a bright white light or have wings of light, but there is somthing about them that does seem truly benevolent; maybe they would behave in a similar manner to the Gou'ld from the Stargate franchise.

And you could have the Angel of Death in the Exodus slowly going from the house to house in a systematic fashion in Ancient Egypt, smothering babies and small children with it's hands while they are sleeping or playing (maybe this angel could look like that creature from Ring - only it's a monster of pure white).

Or you could have angels on the battlefield wiping out entire battalions of Egyptian/Caanite/Philistines/Assyrian soldiers with bolts of lighting (not unlike that Ark opening scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark).

[sketerpot]

This is remarkably Stargate-like. For example, read this passage and imagine it with Jaffa and Goa'uld voices (or, even more appropriately, Ori priors):

Immediately the fire of the LORD flashed down from heaven and burned up the young bull, the wood, the stones, and the dust. It even licked up all the water in the ditch! And when the people saw it, they fell on their faces and cried out, "The LORD is God! The LORD is God!" Then Elijah commanded, "Seize all the prophets of Baal. Don't let a single one escape!" So the people seized them all, and Elijah took them down to the Kishon Valley and killed them there.

And that's why I couldn't make this movie: it would inevitably turn into Stargate.

[Surlethe]

Now, maybe I'm just uncultured, but I don't see Stargate so much as I see something like a Khmer Rouge killing field: Elijah takes the prophets of Baal, marches them captive down to the Kishon Valley, lines them up, and clubs the brains out of them one-by-one, dumps them in a mass grave, and buries the corpses.

[Elheru Aran]

I would depict angels more like devastatingly beautiful demons that resemble perfect human specimens that radiate raw power and malice. They will burn with a bright white light or have wings of light, but there is somthing about them that does seem truly benevolent; maybe they would behave in a similar manner to the Gou'ld from the Stargate franchise.

And you could have the Angel of Death in the Exodus slowly going from the house to house in a systematic fashion in Ancient Egypt, smothering babies and small children with it's hands while they are sleeping or playing (maybe this angel could look like that creature from Ring - only it's a monster of pure white).

Or you could have angels on the battlefield wiping out entire battalions of Egyptian/Caanite/Philistines/Assyrian soldiers with bolts of lighting (not unlike that Ark opening scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark).

A little too anthromorphized. Remember 'The Passion'; it took a straightforward approach. No mysticism, no miracles, no actual feats of power; merely a human revelation of the story of the Crucifixion. The only supernatural event happened at the very end, with the Resurrection. You put overtly spiritual/supernatural things in, the movie loses some versimilitiude and begins to enter the realm of fantasy. Note all the lame Christian apocalyptic films such as 'The Omega Code' and suchlike; when they venture into outright Feats of God (TM), they become divorced from reality. You don't want to do this with a movie like we're talking about here...

[Elfdart]

Judges 19-21 should be good for a laugh. Unlike the other suggestions, it wouldn't require a zillion dollar budget, either.

A Levite chases down his escaped sex slave. He tracks he down and convinces her to return with him. On the way home, he is invited to stay with a Benjamite family in Gibeah. When a mob of hoodlums shows up and demands that the homeowner kick his guest out in the street for a cornholing, he offers his daughter instead. The Levite, not wanting to impose, throws his sex slave into the street and the mob rapes her all night. The next morning, he sees her sprawled out on the ground and says "Yo bitch, get up! We got some travelling to do!" but she she doesn't get up because she's dead. At which point he cuts up her corpse and sends pieces to his fellow clansmen.

The other tribes of Israel were outraged, but as is typical in Bible stories, just about anything is a good enough excuse to rob, rape and kill. The Israelites slaughtered so many Benjamites in revenge that they worried that one of the Tribes might not survive as a whole. So they murder the males and non-virgin females of the Jabeshgilead clan and abduct the virgins, but it's not enough. So they abducted the girls of Shiloh, too.

[Jim Raynor]

I have to say that I think Wong's idea is the best. A straight, brutal, literal depiction of a Bible massacre (with the murderers supposedly being "righteous," like they are in the Bible) would get the message across the best. If you stylize the whole thing with Stargate special effects, or menacing-looking CGI angels, you risk making things look goofy, watering-down the horror of the event, or giving fundies a chance to say you're biased and smearing the Bible.

I say keep it realistic and literal. Show some guy fucking his daughters, a girl being handed over to rape gangs, and/or innocents being slaughtered by bloodthirsty Israeli soldiers. Those are the kind of scenes that would truly shock the audience, not some huge CGI explosion taken out of Independence Day or Stargate.