Bible Movie Concept

[TithonusSyndrome]

As distasteful as both critics and viewers alike find narrators, I can't see any other filmmaking device managing to effectively tie the scenes shown to the passages they depict.

That is, unless you have a better idea?

[Winston Blake]

Show examples of people following God's word to stone to death any child who disobeys their parent, and stone to death unwed mothers, gays, etc. I think it's important that atrocities and the like be shown as a normal, everyday occurance. To them, that's just what a righteous life is.

I also strongly support showing God's almighty wrath to be even less impressive than modern bombers or attack helicopters.

God commands genocide for the sake of Israelite lebensraum ('kill everything down to the lizards!' a la Borat):

16 However, in the cities of the nations the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance, do not leave alive anything that breathes. 17 Completely destroy [a] them—the Hittites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites—as the LORD your God has commanded you.

There's also the Tower of Babel:

1 Now the entire earth was of one language and uniform words. 2 And it came to pass when they traveled from the east, that they found a valley in the land of Shinar and settled there. 3 And they said to one another, "Come, let us make bricks and fire them thoroughly"; so the bricks were to them for stones, and the clay was to them for mortar. 4 And they said, "Come, let us build ourselves a city and a tower with its top in the heavens, and let us make ourselves a name, lest we be scattered upon the face of the entire earth". 5 And the Lord descended to see the city and the tower that the sons of man had built. 6 And The LORD said, "Lo! [they are] one people, and they all have one language, and this is what they have commenced to do. Now, will it not be withheld from them, all that they have planned to do? 7 Come, let us descend and confuse their language, so that one will not understand the language of his companion". 8 And the Lord scattered them from there upon the face of the entire earth, and they ceased building the city. 9 Therefore, He named it Babel, for there the Lord confused the language of the entire earth, and from there the Lord scattered them upon the face of the entire earth.

God basically intervenes to stop mankind from obtaining power through science/engineering and international co-operation.

Another part where God is afraid of mankind's potential abilities is with the forbidden fruit, where his little biology project suddenly achieves sapience and he tosses us out in the dumpster:

22And the LORD God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever:

23Therefore the LORD God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken.

24So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life.

[Big Orange]

Judges 19-21 should be good for a laugh. Unlike the other suggestions, it wouldn't require a zillion dollar budget, either.

A Levite chases down his escaped sex slave. He tracks he down and convinces her to return with him. On the way home, he is invited to stay with a Benjamite family in Gibeah. When a mob of hoodlums shows up and demands that the homeowner kick his guest out in the street for a cornholing, he offers his daughter instead. The Levite, not wanting to impose, throws his sex slave into the street and the mob rapes her all night. The next morning, he sees her sprawled out on the ground and says "Yo bitch, get up! We got some travelling to do!" but she she doesn't get up because she's dead. At which point he cuts up her corpse and sends pieces to his fellow clansmen.

That sounds very similar to Very Bad Things featuring Christian Slater and Danial Stern where a Asian escort girl is brutally killed in a freak accident and they had to hide the evidence by dismembering the escort girl's naked corpse then burying the body parts in neat plastic parcels in a shallow grave (they even had a grisly pass the parcel game where they re-united the body before filling in the grave).

Yeah, maybe this would make a good Bible adaption and it shows the sheer cruelty, lust and depravity of the so-called "holy" men in the OT. And we would make the poor concubine the most sympathetic character in the story and it eould shock the audience if they see her gang raped to death, then watch her get dismembered in a very graphic fashion - her body parts are used as a pathetic pretext to kill even more innocent people.

[NecronLord]

I think it's important to have 'god' in there, physically.

Because otherwise, believers will just go 'yeah, that's the old testament, they did that all the time' - you want to show that god is in, as he's depicted in the book - on every petty little act of cruelty.

[Big Orange]

Why did some people think I was dumbing down the representation of the Bible in a movie by depicting angels and devine power? It was an angel that slaughtered all those children in Ancient Egypt and it would be good showing this insidious figure rove from home to home and quietly smothering babies in their sleep. No bright light or any other CGI bullshit, just this tall thin creature wraping it's thin fingers around small children's faces.

[The Grim Squeaker]

Why did some people think I was dumbing down the representation of the Bible in a movie by depicting angels and devine power? It was an angel that slaughtered all those children in Ancient Egypt and it would be good showing this insidious figure rove from home to home and quietly smothering babies in their sleep. No bright light or any other CGI bullshit, just this tall thin creature wraping it's thin fingers around small children's faces.

Actually, I think that it was God himself who did that (Though that may be due to an interpretation that has him as all including the Angels - I haven't read the book in ages).

Also For fairness's if you're going to show the plagues, why does everyone Always forgot their precursors that caused them?
Don't forgot, Jew babies in the Nile, and in the crocodiles [A delightful way to die compared to suddenly dying painlessly].
And best of all it's presented as more babies than were killed by the First born plague (Since Pharoah was apparently afraid of the overly numerous Israelites and the mothers/parents would probably need to be killed to get the babies).

[Shroom Man 777]

It'd be nice if god laughed like an asshole when he told Abraham to not kill his son. It'd show him to be a sick bastard, putting Abraham through all that just for kicks.

Soddom and Gamorrah don't need big CGI explosions. A woman screaming as her flesh peels off, ala Sarah Connor in T2, is pretty fucked up.

[NecronLord]

Sodom should be left out. Lots of them know that story, and approve. Yes, yes, it's fucked up, but they do.

[Dalton]

Revelations, because seeing a gigantic Jesus with his eyes on fire and a sword sticking out of his mouth would be awesome.

[Darth Wong]

Don't forgot, Jew babies in the Nile, and in the crocodiles [A delightful way to die compared to suddenly dying painlessly].

That was always one of the worst contradictions in the Bible. According to the Book of Exodus, all Jewish male babies were killed around the time that Moses was born, because Pharoah was afraid of a prophecy that one of them would be his undoing someday. Yet at the time of Exodus, the Jewish host is supposed to have 600,000 fighting-age men in its ranks. Where the fuck did they come from, if 100% of Jewish male babies were being killed for decades leading up to that point?

[Big Orange]

Revelations, because seeing a gigantic Jesus with his eyes on fire and a sword sticking out of his mouth would be awesome.

That's going into the CGI nonsense that other posters have warned about; I think any devine power will be relatively subtle and most of the atrocities would be committed by humans in the service of the Lord.

[Darth Servo]

That was always one of the worst contradictions in the Bible. According to the Book of Exodus, all Jewish male babies were killed around the time that Moses was born, because Pharoah was afraid of a prophecy that one of them would be his undoing someday. Yet at the time of Exodus, the Jewish host is supposed to have 600,000 fighting-age men in its ranks. Where the fuck did they come from, if 100% of Jewish male babies were being killed for decades leading up to that point?

The midwives who were supposed to be killing the Hebrew babies wouldn't do it. "The Jewish women are just back up on their feet seconds after giving birth and are gone before we can get there."

And the king of Egypt spake to the Hebrew midwives, of which the name of the one was Shiphrah, and the name of the other Puah:

And he said, When ye do the office of a midwife to the Hebrew women, and see them upon the stools; if it be a son, then ye shall kill him: but if it be a daughter, then she shall live.

But the midwives feared God, and did not as the king of Egypt commanded them, but saved the men children alive.

And the king of Egypt called for the midwives, and said unto them, Why have ye done this thing, and have saved the men children alive?

And the midwives said unto Pharaoh, Because the Hebrew women are not as the Egyptian women; for they are lively, and re adelivered ere the midwives come in unto them.

[Elfdart]

Why did some people think I was dumbing down the representation of the Bible in a movie by depicting angels and devine power? It was an angel that slaughtered all those children in Ancient Egypt and it would be good showing this insidious figure rove from home to home and quietly smothering babies in their sleep. No bright light or any other CGI bullshit, just this tall thin creature wraping it's thin fingers around small children's faces.

Funny you should mention that. There was an animated version of the Moses story where you see an Egyptian kid walking into a doorway where the Bogeyman -er, Angel of Death is lurking and the kid is killed offscreen. The scene is almost identical to the scene in the movie M where a little girl with several balloons walks around a corner where a pedophile serial killer (played by Peter Lorre) is lurking and she is killed offscreen. Jehovah and Hans Beckert are peas in a pod.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0022100/

[dworkin]

Why did some people think I was dumbing down the representation of the Bible in a movie by depicting angels and devine power? It was an angel that slaughtered all those children in Ancient Egypt and it would be good showing this insidious figure rove from home to home and quietly smothering babies in their sleep. No bright light or any other CGI bullshit, just this tall thin creature wraping it's thin fingers around small children's faces.

Nice. I assume you've seen the Prophecy series. Those were some of the coolest angels I've seen.

[wolveraptor]

*snip*

So I'm assuming the whole "mob comes to rape guest" thing is a fairly common story element in ancient Jewish myths?

[Shroom Man 777]

Revelations, because seeing a gigantic Jesus with his eyes on fire and a sword sticking out of his mouth would be awesome.

That's going into the CGI nonsense that other posters have warned about; I think any devine power will be relatively subtle and most of the atrocities would be committed by humans in the service of the Lord.

Fuck that, I agree that a giant Jesus with his eyes on fire and a sword sticking out of his mouth would be awesome.

If a brutal Bible movie that demonizes the Hebrews can't be portrayed, then might as well make an obscene Bible movie that depicts Biblical events and prophecies to be utterly stupid crap. So smart people can laugh at it.

We need a scene of Jesus screaming at a fig tree and transformulating said tree into a pillar of salt. Out of spite.

[wolveraptor]

The point is that portraying Jesus in such a way would be 100% Biblically accurate, thus showing that Revalations is a load of absurd bullshit. You can't not use CG and expect to be faithful to the book.

[mr friendly guy]

Try squeezing Ezekial in so we can get this scene

Ezekiel 4:12 And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight.

Now we know why fundies are full of shit.

[Elfdart]

*snip*

So I'm assuming the whole "mob comes to rape guest" thing is a fairly common story element in ancient Jewish myths?

Just like gold rings, mead and the number 9 keep cropping up in Germanic myths. It's funny how those myths have a reputation (thanks to Wagner and Hitler) of being stories of savagery and bloodlust, but they have nothing on the Bible. Nobody who kills children in Germanic myths is held up as a hero. Even the Greek gods can't match Jehovah when it comes to killing children. When Heracles kills his kids, he is punished for it with the 12 Labors. If Zeus is a combination of Wilt Chamberlain and Vito Corleone, Jehovah is just a cloud-dwelling John Wayne Gacy.

[Darth Wong]

*snip*

So I'm assuming the whole "mob comes to rape guest" thing is a fairly common story element in ancient Jewish myths?

Just like gold rings, mead and the number 9 keep cropping up in Germanic myths. It's funny how those myths have a reputation (thanks to Wagner and Hitler) of being stories of savagery and bloodlust, but they have nothing on the Bible. Nobody who kills children in Germanic myths is held up as a hero. Even the Greek gods can't match Jehovah when it comes to killing children. When Heracles kills his kids, he is punished for it with the 12 Labors. If Zeus is a combination of Wilt Chamberlain and Vito Corleone, Jehovah is just a cloud-dwelling John Wayne Gacy.

It's interesting that Judaism makes a hero out of a character who would be a villain in other mythologies. Similarly, it makes villains out of characters who would be heroes in other mythologies. The heroic character of Prometheus in Greek mythology stole forbidden knowledge from the gods (the secret of fire) and gave it to Man. Zeus in his anger punished Prometheus but later relented and realized that he was wrong to do so. Meanwhile, in Judeo-Christian mythology, the closest analogue to Prometheus is ... guess who ... Satan.

[Big Orange]

Meanwhile, in Judeo-Christian mythology, the closest analogue to Prometheus is ... guess who ... Satan.

Why is Satan supposedly bad? He did launch some political coup against God and tempt one of God's helpless creations to eat from the tree of knowledge, but that seems about it.

It seems that Judeo-Christian is essentially without real moral scruples and that explains why Judaism, Christianity and Islam preach doctrines of hatred, cruelty and authoritarianism. The Holocaust had it's roots in Old Testament morality and Hitler probably saw himself as a Germanic Moses (with the Jews, ironically, as Egyptian and Caanite heretics).

[Ted C]

That was always one of the worst contradictions in the Bible. According to the Book of Exodus, all Jewish male babies were killed around the time that Moses was born, because Pharoah was afraid of a prophecy that one of them would be his undoing someday. Yet at the time of Exodus, the Jewish host is supposed to have 600,000 fighting-age men in its ranks. Where the fuck did they come from, if 100% of Jewish male babies were being killed for decades leading up to that point?

IIRC, only male babies in a certain age range were targeted, and only for a short while, but I'm going from just memory.

[Darth Wong]

It seems that Judeo-Christian is essentially without real moral scruples and that explains why Judaism, Christianity and Islam preach doctrines of hatred, cruelty and authoritarianism. The Holocaust had it's roots in Old Testament morality and Hitler probably saw himself as a Germanic Moses (with the Jews, ironically, as Egyptian and Caanite heretics).

I've explained this before: there is only one moral principle in the entire Bible which is never committed by God, ordered by God, or forgiven by God. And that principle is obedience.

Judaism's entire moral code is obedience to divine authority. A violation of any other moral principle can be forgiven, as we saw when David raped Bath-Sheba and killed her husband. But disobedience? That is never allowed or forgiven in the Bible. Authoritarianism is the bedrock of Judeo-Christian values.

[Ted C]

Plan this like the low-budget indie film that it would inevitable have to be. No studio is going to pony up tens of millions of dollars to get a film made that slams religion. You have to think in terms of a straight-to-DVD budget (and even that is probably optimistic).

Stick to small atrocities, not massacres that will require CGI or hundreds of extras. The small, personal atrocities will probably be more moving, anyway.

Some samples from the Skeptics Annotated Bible:

Judges 11:29-39
When "the spirit of the Lord" comes upon Jephthah, he makes a deal with God: If God will help him kill the Ammonites, then he (Jephthah) will offer to God as a burnt offering whatever comes out of his house to greet him (a really monstrous proposal if I ever heard one). God helps Jephthah slaughter the Ammonites, keeping his part of the bargain. When Jephthah returns home, his own daughter comes out to greet him, and Jephthah upholds his end by delivering her to God as a burnt offering. Short, sweet, and brutal.

Judges 19:22-30
After taking in a traveling Levite, the host offers his virgin daughter and his guest's concubine to a mob of perverts (who want to have sex with his guest). The mob refuses the daughter, but accepts the concubine and they "abuse her all night." The next morning she crawls back to the doorstep and dies. The Levite puts her dead body on an ass and takes her home. Then he chops her body up into twelve pieces and sends them to each of the twelve tribes of Israel.

Leviticus 1-9
Ritual animal sacrifices described in brutal detail.

Numbers 15:32-36
The Israelites find a man picking up sticks on the sabbath. God commands them to stone him to death.

And all the congregation brought him without the camp, and stoned him with stones, and he died; as the LORD commanded Moses.

Numbers 25:6-9
An Israelite man brings home a Midianite woman, Aaron's grandson Phinehas runs a javelin through both of them. This pleases God, who keeps a plague from affecting the Israelites.

Deuteronomy 2:30-34
As he did to Pharoah in Exodus, God hardens the heart of the king of Heshbon and so that he will refuse the Israelites passage. Consequently, God helps the Israelites commit genocide against the people of Heshbon.

we took all his cities at that time, and utterly destroyed the men, and the women, and the little ones, of every city, we left none to remain

I could go on, but I think the best plan is to try to focus on events that can be handled on a small budget.

[Big Orange]

It seems that Judeo-Christian is essentially without real moral scruples and that explains why Judaism, Christianity and Islam preach doctrines of hatred, cruelty and authoritarianism. The Holocaust had it's roots in Old Testament morality and Hitler probably saw himself as a Germanic Moses (with the Jews, ironically, as Egyptian and Caanite heretics).

I've explained this before: there is only one moral principle in the entire Bible which is never committed by God, ordered by God, or forgiven by God. And that principle is obedience.

Judaism's entire moral code is obedience to divine authority. A violation of any other moral principle can be forgiven, as we saw when David raped Bath-Sheba and killed her husband. But disobedience? That is never allowed or forgiven in the Bible. Authoritarianism is the bedrock of Judeo-Christian values.

But why the complete lack of real moral ethics, were the Hewbrew laws much worse than there ancient contemporaries? That could explain why the Catholic Church thwarted social progress in the Western world (R.M. Schultz over at AHF typically had a bitch fit when I said that), why the theocratic Saudi Arabia is one of the most oppressive countries in the world, the self-righteous Evangelists, Zionist snobbery and the excesses of Muslim terrorists towards heretics who get in their way.