Bible Movie Concept

Ted C · Post by **Ted C** » 2006-10-25 02:19pm

Big Orange wrote:But why the complete lack of real moral ethics?

Because Biblical law isn't about ethics: it's about political power. You have to do what God says, and the only ones who can tell you what God says are the priests. This makes the priests the ultimate authority.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2006-10-25 02:30pm

Big Orange wrote:But why the complete lack of real moral ethics, were the Hewbrew laws much worse than there ancient contemporaries?

Look at the ethical writings of Confucius, Buddha, or Aristotle.

Elfdart · Post by **Elfdart** » 2006-10-25 08:01pm

Big Orange wrote:
Darth Wong wrote: Meanwhile, in Judeo-Christian mythology, the closest analogue to Prometheus is ... guess who ... Satan.
Why is Satan supposedly bad? He did launch some political coup against God and tempt one of God's helpless creations to eat from the tree of knowledge, but that seems about it.

First of all, Satan, Lucifer and The Serpent are NOT one and the same in the OT. They were rolled into one character by the Christians. Lucifer was just a Chaldean king or priest or something, The Serpent was just that -a snake, which is why all snakes from Eden on were to be hated and trod under by mankind. Satan, like the Angel of Death was just one of Jehovah's henchmen. He's actually in heaven with Jehovah and the other angels when he is sent on the mission to fuck over Job eight ways from Sunday. The fallen angel/ God-vs-Devil stuff comes from Zoroastrianism and other Iranian myths which the Christians ripped off.

Elfdart · Post by **Elfdart** » 2006-10-25 08:14pm

Ted C wrote:Plan this like the low-budget indie film that it would inevitable have to be. No studio is going to pony up tens of millions of dollars to get a film made that slams religion. You have to think in terms of a straight-to-DVD budget (and even that is probably optimistic).

Stick to small atrocities, not massacres that will require CGI or hundreds of extras. The small, personal atrocities will probably be more moving, anyway.

Some samples from the Skeptics Annotated Bible:

Judges 19:22-30
After taking in a traveling Levite, the host offers his virgin daughter and his guest's concubine to a mob of perverts (who want to have sex with his guest). The mob refuses the daughter, but accepts the concubine and they "abuse her all night." The next morning she crawls back to the doorstep and dies. The Levite puts her dead body on an ass and takes her home. Then he chops her body up into twelve pieces and sends them to each of the twelve tribes of Israel.

I could go on, but I think the best plan is to try to focus on events that can be handled on a small budget.

Dude, that was my idea!

I have another one:

Jesus said he would return before the last of those alive to see him died. Now the fact that it was 2000 years ago could be construed by some cynics as being a bit of a plot hole. But what if Jesus was somehow chained up like Prometheus and couldn't come back? Or maybe he got lost or something. The faithfull, using their last bits of arcane knowledge, witchcraft and technology, freeze the last eyewitness in suspended animation, kinda like Han Solo in carbonite, so the prophesy can't be fucked up by Satan and his skeleton powers (extra credit if you can guess where that came from). So godly christians guard the Frozen Witness from the Devil's agents, who are out to kill him and prevent the Second Coming.

This movie would also include car crashes, chainsaws, guns, 'splosions and titties. Most of the budget would be whatever it took to get Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Biel to whip 'em out and do a softcore lesbo scene like Denise Richards and Neve Campbell in Wild Things, but there would be gunfights and religious intrigue, too.

I see a blockbuster!

wolveraptor · Post by **wolveraptor** » 2006-10-25 09:32pm

My only concern with cherry-picking personal tragedies and brutalities is that you could easily be dismissed as yet another skeptic who fails to see the Bible as a whole, and selects only those stories that make the Bible look bad.

Elfdart · Post by **Elfdart** » 2006-10-25 09:52pm

Maybe the whole bible can be done piece by piece in an anthology like Rome or Tales From The Crypt.

CaptJodan · Post by **CaptJodan** » 2006-10-25 09:57pm

wolveraptor wrote:My only concern with cherry-picking personal tragedies and brutalities is that you could easily be dismissed as yet another skeptic who fails to see the Bible as a whole, and selects only those stories that make the Bible look bad.

Christians do cherry-pick the parts of the Bible to make their movies on. I really see no difference. As long as you stick to the literal truth of the Bible, what can they really say? So they whine that it makes the Bible look bad. Do what the Christians do in their movies. Flash the passage up on the screen that relates to what you're seeing. They can whine all they want, but it will always come back to "But this is the same God you love."

To me, Darth Wong's suggestion still sounds the best. Personal, bloody carving of flesh as women and children are senslessly murdered seems more personal and more graphically sick than a nuke blast. To look those people in the eye as their blade cuts off their head and blood spurts about realistically would, to me, be far more effective than 5 seconds of a blast, even if it is Sarah Connored.

wolveraptor · Post by **wolveraptor** » 2006-10-25 10:44pm

Christians do cherry-pick the parts of the Bible to make their movies on. I really see no difference. As long as you stick to the literal truth of the Bible, what can they really say? So they whine that it makes the Bible look bad. Do what the Christians do in their movies. Flash the passage up on the screen that relates to what you're seeing. They can whine all they want, but it will always come back to "But this is the same God you love."

It's not about the logic of the situation. Of course they cherry-pick; it's the only way to reconcile that kind of faith with modern morality. But you won't be taken seriously unless you hold yourself to a higher standard than Left Behind.

TithonusSyndrome · Post by **TithonusSyndrome** » 2006-10-25 10:47pm

Any filmmaker with standards that exacting wouldn't have begun this project to begin with.

Post by **Surlethe** » 2006-10-25 10:50pm

TithonusSyndrome wrote:Any filmmaker with standards that exacting wouldn't have begun this project to begin with.

What's that supposed to mean?

TithonusSyndrome · Post by **TithonusSyndrome** » 2006-10-25 11:15pm

It means that it's a movie about the freakin' Bible.

wolveraptor · Post by **wolveraptor** » 2006-10-26 03:59am

Well the point of the movie is that it's overly violent and poorly written. The entire purpose of making such a film would be to reflect badly on the Bible, assuming an atheist with an agenda was making it.

Shroom Man 777 · Post by **Shroom Man 777** » 2006-10-26 09:19am

We'll make a movie-ization of Revelations then, which would be better then Left Behind because it'd have the aforementioned giant Jesus with flaming eyes and a sword sticking out of his mouth!

wautd · Post by **wautd** » 2006-10-26 09:47am

Didn't Ned Flanders already done it?

Darth Yoshi · Post by **Darth Yoshi** » 2006-10-26 08:14pm

A problem I see would be exactly how you'd depict the hardening of Pharoah's heart. If we're trying to keep it grounded in some semblance of reality, that's just not going to work.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2006-10-27 02:17am

Darth Yoshi wrote:A problem I see would be exactly how you'd depict the hardening of Pharoah's heart. If we're trying to keep it grounded in some semblance of reality, that's just not going to work.

Just have Moses saying that God promised he would do this (the line isn't technically in the Bible but the statement is, and Moses could quote the statement verbatim). And then show Pharoah starting to order the Hebrews released, followed by a sudden stiffening of the back and an eerie blue light in his eyes, after which it fades and he suddenly changes his mind.

Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba · Post by **Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba** » 2006-10-27 02:23am

Darth Wong wrote:
Darth Yoshi wrote:A problem I see would be exactly how you'd depict the hardening of Pharoah's heart. If we're trying to keep it grounded in some semblance of reality, that's just not going to work.
Just have Moses saying that God promised he would do this (the line isn't technically in the Bible but the statement is, and Moses could quote the statement verbatim). And then show Pharoah starting to order the Hebrews released, followed by a sudden stiffening of the back and an eerie blue light in his eyes, after which it fades and he suddenly changes his mind.

I like the idea of some etheral, smoky figure sort of appearing from Heaven or the shadows, representing God's hand, flowing a limb into the Pharoah's brain of chest, at which point the smoke appears in the lenses of his eyes, and his expression suddenly changes to one of rage.

The Grim Squeaker · Post by **The Grim Squeaker** » 2006-10-27 04:11am

Darth Wong wrote:
Darth Yoshi wrote:A problem I see would be exactly how you'd depict the hardening of Pharoah's heart. If we're trying to keep it grounded in some semblance of reality, that's just not going to work.
Just have Moses saying that God promised he would do this (the line isn't technically in the Bible but the statement is, and Moses could quote the statement verbatim). And then show Pharoah starting to order the Hebrews released, followed by a sudden stiffening of the back and an eerie blue light in his eyes, after which it fades and he suddenly changes his mind.

And he promptly decides to go out and slaughter or re-enslave the fleeing Jews.

Also don't forgot the bit about Abraham's child asking his Dad to make sure that he wouldn't Move or squirm during the sacrifice.

Yogi · Post by **Yogi** » 2006-10-27 04:14pm

The best way is to eliminate dialogue entirely from the movie. Just have a guy reading from the Bible and people acting out the scenes. This will also help in convincing retards to say "The Bible couldn't possibly have said THAT!!"

Shroom Man 777 · Post by **Shroom Man 777** » 2006-10-28 01:00am

Hm. During the Abraham sacrificing Isaac thing, yeah, Abraham would be breaking down. But before he could kill Isaac, God interrupts and Abraham ends up as a pathetic weeping mess while God laughs Jabba the Hutt style. Ho! Ho! Ho!

Post by **Surlethe** » 2006-10-28 09:27am

Shroom Man 777 wrote:Hm. During the Abraham sacrificing Isaac thing, yeah, Abraham would be breaking down. But before he could kill Isaac, God interrupts and Abraham ends up as a pathetic weeping mess while God laughs Jabba the Hutt style. Ho! Ho! Ho!

The Bible doesn't say anything about Abraham hesitating or breaking down. I prefer to compare him with, say, the 9/11 hijackers as they plunged their planes into the buildings, resolute and quelling all distrust and fear. Abraham, firm face, burning eyes, raises the knife without hesitation, as his bound son realizes what's going on, starts to cry, and just as he brings the knife down, an angel grabs his wrist.

The Grim Squeaker · Post by **The Grim Squeaker** » 2006-10-28 09:49am

Surlethe wrote:
Shroom Man 777 wrote:Hm. During the Abraham sacrificing Isaac thing, yeah, Abraham would be breaking down. But before he could kill Isaac, God interrupts and Abraham ends up as a pathetic weeping mess while God laughs Jabba the Hutt style. Ho! Ho! Ho!
The Bible doesn't say anything about Abraham hesitating or breaking down. I prefer to compare him with, say, the 9/11 hijackers as they plunged their planes into the buildings, resolute and quelling all distrust and fear. Abraham, firm face, burning eyes, raises the knife without hesitation, as his bound son realizes what's going on, starts to cry, and just as he brings the knife down, an angel grabs his wrist.

Actually as I've said before:

don't forgot the bit about Abraham's child asking his Dad to make sure that he wouldn't Move or squirm during the sacrifice.

In other words the kid is worse than the father

Post by **Surlethe** » 2006-10-28 09:57am

DEATH wrote:Actually as I've said before:

don't forgot the bit about Abraham's child asking his Dad to make sure that he wouldn't Move or squirm during the sacrifice.
In other words the kid is worse than the father

Actually, the only thing Isaac says in that whole sequence is "My father ... Behold the fire and the wood: but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?" (link1, link2).

Invictus ChiKen · Post by **Invictus ChiKen** » 2006-10-28 11:14am

Elfdart wrote:The faithfull, using their last bits of arcane knowledge, witchcraft and technology, freeze the last eyewitness in suspended animation, kinda like Han Solo in carbonite, so the prophesy can't be fucked up by Satan and his skeleton powers (extra credit if you can guess where that came from).

Simpsons tree house of Horror? Groundskeeper Willie as Freddie right?

Rye · Post by **Rye** » 2006-10-28 12:07pm

Yogi wrote:The best way is to eliminate dialogue entirely from the movie.

That would be lame. I'm not French, I want character driven stories going on with the biblical stories as the backdrop, ultimately showing what happens to the little people while the fucking psychos (religious leaders, politicians and God himself) are having it out at their expense. Biblical madness leading to pain and atrocity, the stories themselves, chock full of immoral arseholes, things told from the other side for once.

Just have a guy reading from the Bible and people acting out the scenes. This will also help in convincing retards to say "The Bible couldn't possibly have said THAT!!"

As if those people matter at all. I'll give them the verses to look for whatever I'm depicting.