Author's notes: The next one will be more interesting, as there'll be nudity and violence. But you need this one to understand what's going on in the next one. This one's mostly just introduction.
THE DRAGONS OF NORTH-BY-NORTHEAST BRIMSHIRE - EPISODE 1.1
DOCTOR ZELENKOV'S MADNESS - PART 1 OF 2
In a conservatory. Various plants can be seen surrounding two characters in beach chairs. The chairs are on a cement patio. The side windows are frosted glass, whereas the top windows are crystal. Dark shapes can be seen through the frosted glass, but little else. The plants are a mixture of exotic and "normal". In the beach chairs are two of our central characters. Between them is a speaker phone, and they are talking with the third.
On the right is MURDOCK ALLISTER. A married man with a band of white gold on his ring finger, he can be mistaken for an emo-goth hybrid without any style. Even with the amount of time he spends in the conservatory, his skin is a pallid white. His hair is a messy black mess and his eyes are a deep brown. HIs clothes are generally black, although his wife has been working hard to introduce such bright and vibrant hues as Dark Blue and Grey. He is in perfect shape, and is often mistaken for a twenty-something. He is much older.
He is lying back in the beach chair, hands clasped behind his head and legs crossed. HIs eyes are closed. He is wearing a dark grey shirt
On the left is ANNA MICHAELS. Tanned, brown-haired beauty with brilliant green eyes. She has some pudge to her. She isn't to concerned with it, since her girlfriend likes her "padding." Especially the pillows. While they are not enormous, they are still moderately sized. She is unable to go anywhere without her laptop. She dresses in bright colors, knee-high skirts, and has the mind of a dirty old man, minus the old and man.
She is sitting up in her chair, staring at her laptop. There are women on the screen doing "horrible" things to each other. She is, at the moment, dressed in dirty-coveralls from working in the conservatory itself.
Over the speakerphone is the voice of KELLY. It is a rough voice, one that has seen wars and the end of civilizations. It also sounds like it's owner inhaled in a box of nails.
KELLY: (over speaker phone) So what do you guys think?
MURDOCK: (Still not-staring at sky) It is a plan.
ANNA: Won't work.
KELLY: (over speaker phone) Why not?
ANNA: Face is to recognizable, hon.
Cut to KELLY sitting in her chair. The chair is a heavy leather one, made from THE SKIN OF HER ENEMIES, except for DOCTOR ALEXANDER ZELENKOV. Before her (and the chair) is a GIGANTIC CONSOLE with a GIGANTIC RED BUTTON and more blinky-flashy thingies than any sane human could comprehend. There are banks of them. Entire sections that are nothing but blinking and flashing lights, each with an obscure and unlabeled purpose. The console, as we will eventually see, continues around the entire room, which is about fifteen by fifteen, and the console stops only to allow the existence of a simple wooden door with a frosted glass window. On the door is written (backwards, so that you can see it from the other side)
THE LEGION OF HEROS
COMMAND AND
CONROL CENTER
One of them lights has stopped blinking YELLOW and is now blinking RED.
KELLY: Guys, I gotta go. Legion crap.
She presses the GIGANTIC RED BUTTON. It is labeled "LEGIONARIES ASSEMBLE!" She secretly wishes it summoned VOLTRON.
MURDOCK: (over speaker phone) We still up for the poker game next monday?
KELLY: Assuming Falconman's press conference goes well.
MURDOCK: (over speaker phone) Cool.
There is a click, and with it, KELLY spins in her chair and stands up.
She is a tall woman, with mass of long silver hair that cascades down to the middle of her back. It has decided that it will never impede her vision, no matter the circumstances. Her eyes are grey bastions of frightening calm, and she has been known to break her enemies just by staring at them. She is a muscular woman, and has several tattoos and scars. The most recognized is that of a chinese-styled dragon, it's maw open as though to eat her left eye, and it's body snaking down her faces and down her neck. There is a set of black marks running along the edge of her jaw. The tail of the dragon tattoo can be seen coiling around her left arm, and a band of unknown characters can be seen around her right arm. They seem to change as time progresses.
She is wearing a green t-shirt that says "FUCK OFF AND DIE" and a pair of faded jeans. She is not wearing shoes.
She opens the door and is stopped by THE SUPREME DEFENDER.
He is a hero's hero, the one that can stop bullets with his bare hands, fly faster than the air force can keep up, and can shoot laser beams out his eyes. He is clad in a red spandex uniform with blue underpants on the outside. He has a chiseled jaw line that rivals INDIANA JONES, and woman would throw themselves at him if they didn't think he was gay. His hair is parted like a valley, and has been grown in long to cover up the slowly increasing bald spot. He is ever thankful his hairline is not receding, and is hoping to die in battle saving the planet. Preferably after consummating his love for one of his team members. We won't tell who. He would start drinking, but he still has an ulcer from when PLATINUM GIRL came up with the nickname SUPERDUDE. He has tried to like it since it was her idea, but he really fucking hates it. It has stuck ever since.
KELLY: What do you want?
SUPERDUDE: You pressed the button.
KELLY: That I did. What do you want?
SUPERDUDE: Why did you press the button?
KELLY: I'll tell you when I tell everybody else.
SUPERDUDE frowns, but follows KELLY to the HALL OF HEROS, which is down the hall. In the meantime, we cut back to the Conservatory.
ANNA is still staring at her laptop. MURDOCK is still not-staring at the sun.
ANNA: Huh.
MURDOCK: What?
ANNA: Doc's released a new movie on his website.
Murdock moves, taking position over ANNA's shoulder.
MURDOCK: Oh, this'll be good.
Cut to THE HALL OF HEROS. It is a room. It is lined with past trophies that aren't really visible because it isn't that big and can barely hold the eighteen costumed loons now standing in it, including FALCONMAN and PLATINUM GIRL.
Dressed in a ridiculous Falcon costume, FALCONMAN is a regular guy with enough money to make up for all his shortcomings. Including enough money to develop a suit of power armor giving him strength, durability, enhanced vision, super-sonic flight using a pair of wings attached to it's back, a sonic disrupter that triggers the fight or flight response, and a pair of orange glowy beam cannons built into his palms that have three settings: stun, kill, and burning pulp. He is the financial backer of THE LEGION OF HEROS, it's cofounder, and co-leader. He doesn't do much leading, however, as his gruff and angsty personality pisses off everybody around him outside of work.
PLATINUM GIRL is a blonde bombshell who doesn't wear a skimpy two-piece bikini for her super-suit. Instead, she wears a one-piece that doesn't show off any cleavage, a mini-skirt, a vest, and a pair of heavy-duty gloves. None of these get torn. EVER. She also wears a mask that covers her face, but still gives her excellent peripheral vision. It is made from some random magical unbreakable platinum alloy, but looks like white gold. Don't ask how it's made. It's a secret.
No one else is really all that important, not even BOMB BOY, who looks like his mother made him a halloween costume in the shape of a grenade. I think you can guess his power.
KELLY and SUPERDUDE walk in through the main entrance.
KELLY: Alright, I haven't watched this either, but it's probably important.
Camera zooms to a large screen at the other end of the room.
We can see a shadowy figure standing before us. Behind him are various work benches full of beakers of glowing fluids, scattered parts for half completed weapons of mass destruction, and a pallet of cheesy-poofs.
The shadowy figure moves forward into the light.
DR Z is a supervillian's supervillian. He is the man all other supervillians look up to. His mad plans are legendary, his weapons are nigh unstoppable, and he has THAT LOOK. DR Z spends no time for considerations of appearance, and it is widely believed that is the reason he has lasted so long; he has some unholy stench that prevents any hero from even going near him. He wears the same dirty and tattered lab coat that reaches down to his knees that he has worn for the last twenty years. He is tall, and his face is emaciated. His hair is one gigantic free-standing forest of white, held aloft via THE ELECTRICAL POWER OF HIS BRAIN MEATS. His skin looks to be barely sticking to his bones, and his eyes faintly glow red with an unholy light or possibly because his diet consists solely of cheesy-poofs. He speaks with a bad german accent.
DR Z: DOKTOR ALEXANDER ZELENKOV SHALL DINE ON DESTRUKTION!
He leans backwards and launches into insane laughter for a solid forty seconds. The movie then cuts out.
THE CONSERVATORY
MURDOCK: I think he's gained weight.
ANNA: In what? Dirt on his lab coat?
THE HALL OF HEROS
KELLY: How many know about Doc Zelenkov?
Every hand is raised.
KELLY: How many here have fought Doc Zelenkov?
Every hand drops, even the hand of BOMB BOY. KELLY smiles an evil smile.
KELLY: Oh, good. You're all in for a treat. First order of business: force disposition. Doc Z always sends two sets. The first arrived in the harbor, coming off a cargo ship. We can get the Port Authority to look into where the ship came from afterwards, I just want everybody except Aerial Beauty and Top Striker down there now to stop them. Aerial, I want you to give Westfield a once over, and Top Striker, I want you to check Southton. I'll take my bike and give here in Iverson a good look. If they aren't there, I want you at the docks. If they are there, call it in. Any questions?
She pauses a moment.
KELLY: Good. Move out.
The others file out as KELLY walks back through the door she entered. PLATINUM GIRL catches up with her.
PLATINUM GIRL: Kelly!
KELLY does not stop, and instead continues through the door out into the opposite hall.
KELLY: What?
PLATINUM GIRL: You're up to something.
KELLY continues down the hall towards the stairwell.
KELLY: A bit. You should go with the others.
KELLY opens the door into an emergency staircase. There is a five foot square of space that is not occupied by stairs. KELLY takes hold of the rail. PLATINUM GIRL lifts into the air.
PLATINUM GIRL: What's going on?
KELLY: You should get going.
PLATINUM GIRL: I can catch up.
KELLY: The first force is a diversion.
KELLY swings over the railing and drops down the space in the stairwell.
PLATINUM GIRL: What?!
PLATINUM GIRL follows her without any effort. KELLY lands without a sound at the bottom of the stairwell.
KELLY: It's always a diversion.
KELLY opens the door into the garage. It's like any other parking garage. Except it's filled with superhero cars, like the FALCONMOBILE. There is also a bright red "crotch rocket" motorcycle with a Soviet-Era Captain's Great-Coat draped over it.
PLATINUM GIRL: What are you talking about?
KELLY: He wants something. And I'm going to give it to him. (KELLY puts on the coat, and then gets on the motor cycle.) They'll need you at the wharf. Zelenkov isn't one to fuck around.
PLATINUM GIRL: Alright, but I expect an answer once you get back.
KELLY: (starting engine) Fine. (She guns the engine out of the garage)
Cut to the warehouse district. View is from ground level The sound of rhythmic marching can be heard, and four rows of ten metal feet goose-step past. As they march, the foot-steps become louder and louder. Once they're past, the steps are more like stomps now, and we can hear the hissing of hydraulics. A massive pair of reverse-joint legs stomp into view in perfect sync with the goose-steppers.
DR Z ROBOT: The DR Z ROBOT is a rather generic thing. Shaped roughly humanoid, it has excellent flexibility for being a metal construct, with full degrees of motion. It is a shaped like a person, except with armor plating. It will, on occasion, fire red beams of ANGRY DEATH from the mouth and eye holes in it's mask. Each one has a number painted on it's chest, face, shoulders, and knees in reflective white safety paint. Because DR Z is fucked up in the head like that.
Cut to KELLY driving her crotch-rocket at over eighty-miles an hour along an empty city boulevard. She leans on the brakes and makes a hard right turn onto a side street, parking it in front of an empty sidewalk cafe. She pulls off her coat and throws it over her motorcycle, and looks down the street, smiling. The camera pans, and three hundred and eighty DR Z ROBOTs stand shoulder-to-shoulder. Their numbers start at 20 and run all the way to 399, who is hiding towards the back.
KELLY lifts her fists to her face, and cracks her knuckles, still smiling. She launches into a run towards the DR Z ROBOTS.
The frame freezes.
TO BE CONTINUED
The Dragons of North-by-Northeast Brimshire
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THE DRAGONS OF NORTH-BY-NORTHEAST BRIMSHIRE - EPISODE 1.2
DOCTOR ZELENKOV'S MADNESS - PART 2 OF 2
EASTSIDE ACTION
The warehouse district, looking down Adler Road, SUPERDUDE and the LEGION OF HEROS stand before twenty DR Z ROBOTs numbered 0-19. At the back of it all stands DR Z MEGA-ROBOT 1.
DR Z MEGA-ROBOT: Taller than the other DR Z ROBOTS, standing fifteen feet tall. It has reverse joint legs, and four arms. The body is long and rectangular, tapering down somewhat at the front. Towards the back are a pair of wings over the main arms. The main arms are lengthly boxes with giant four-finger hands without wrists. The rear arms end in a pair of guns. The right is a flame-thrower, with the pilot-light just barely visible at this range, and giant fuel tanks hanging off the back. The other is some random form of bright and flashing "blob of green, glowing, explosive stuff" cannon. Mounted above the cannon is a gatling gun stolen from the movie predator. Above the flame thrower is a large CANNON OF DOOM that has a massive barrel jutting out to the front of the tank. The actually gun itself looks reminiscent of a glock without a stock. On top of the main body is an armored cylinder with a camera lense in the center, facing forward.
SUPERDUDE: Let's take 'em down.
The LEGION OF HEROS charges forward, breaking down into single combat with the DR Z ROBOTS as the DR Z MEGA-ROBOT watches with disinterest.
NORTHSIDE ACTION
In Iverson, on state route 20, a cataclysm of devestation, destruction, and DR Z ROBOT BITS. View pans around, showing KELLY smashing her right bare heel through DR Z ROBOT 275's midsection, while it's arms are outstretched "B-Movie Zombie"-style. Behind this are around a hundred more DR Z ROBOTS. This all occurs in an annoying mixture of real and bullet-time, not to make it more dramatic, but rather just to piss people off.
KELLY turns her upper body as her foot smashes out the left side of the robot, with her hand launching out to DR Z ROBOT 276 directly behind her.
KELLY: BUUUUDAAAAAAA FINNNNGAAAAA!
KELLY touches her right index finger to DR Z ROBOT 276 in the middle of it's chest. The guts and spine of DR Z ROBOT 276 explodes out it's back in a spray of oil and machinery, coating DR Z ROBOTs 277, 278, and 279, who are standing behind the smoking, backless ruin of DR Z ROBOT 276.
KELLY windmills her legs, bringing the ball of her right foot to the ground, and launching her left foot through the front of DR Z ROBOT 280. She leaves a rectangular path of jagged metal through the front of DR Z ROBOT 280, and kicks off the head, which promptly explodes in mid-air. She pulls her foot back, and kicks DR Z ROBOT 280, sending it into DR Z ROBOT 281 and both promptly explode.
KELLY's upper body comes back over her right foot as her left foot touches the ground. Her entire body then rushes forward, her right fist launching into DR Z ROBOT 282 head's. DR Z ROBOT 282 head explodes in a shower of sparks and steel, KELLY's fist passing through it and into DR Z ROBOT 283's head, which just crushes inward like a tin-can being run over by a dump-truck carrying ten tons of sexy. DR Z ROBOT 283's legs lift off the ground as the fist carries the entire robot forward. KELLY slows her arm, snaps her forearm vertical, and smashes her elbow into DR Z ROBOT 283's abdomen, sending it downward. She lifts her entire body around her center of gravity, and in a feat of unparalleled gymnastics, she plants her foot into the robots chest. She launches upwards into the air, as DR Z ROBOT 283 smashes into the ground, exploding. The arms and legs of DR Z ROBOT 283 launch outwards at impossible velocities from the explosion, impaling and throwing back DR Z ROBOTs 284, 285, 286, and 287, causing them to keel over and explode.
KELLY's acrobatics continue, as she twists in mid-air, and facing downwards, kicks off the air. She slams her fists through DR Z ROBOTS 288 and 289, bisecting them through the sheer force of her awesomeness. The pavement shatters under the force of the blows.
KELLY back kicks the head of DR Z ROBOT 290 clean off. Her leg reverses its upward course, and touches her big toe to the robot in the middle of it's chest.
KELLY: BUUUUUDAAAAA TOOOOOOE!
DR Z ROBOT 290 explodes down the middle, the mirrored pieces propelled away by the explosion. DR Z ROBOT 291 and 292 are hit by the flying pieces and explode.
EASTSIDE ACTION
Only SUPERDUDE and PLATINUM GIRL are still standing. Other scattered heros, such as FALCONMAN are at the sidelines, limping away from the action to protect the unconcious or unable to act.
SUPERDUDE is pounding DR Z ROBOT 9 into the pavement with the leg of DR Z ROBOT 4.
SUPERDUDE: WILL YOU JUST DIE ALREADY?!
PLATINUM GIRL wrenches her fist out of DR Z ROBOT 8, and punches DR Z ROBOT 10.
NORTHSIDE ACTION
KELLY stands, throwing twin devil horns into the air. Her clothing is perfect and unharmed.
KELLY: I AM INVINCIBLE!
On cue, six DR Z ROBOT TANKs (numbered 0-5) burst out of nearby storefronts, and assemble into a column on the streets.
DR Z ROBOT TANK: Take a T-72 and MAKE IT BIGGER.
KELLY cackles her insane cackle. She then preforms a SUMO STOMP, the pavement forming spider webs of cracks thirty feet wide, and assumes a perfect sumo position. She then stomps forward, the ground and camera shaking. Nearby windows shatter as she jumps, the ground exploding upwards, with chunks of pavement flying into the air. Her legs loosen a little, and her arms lift a little as she falls onto DR Z ROBOT TANK 0. Her landing is right on the turret, the entire tank crushing in under the weight of her SUMO MIGHT, the barrel of the turret standing perfectly vertical like a militarized washington monument towering only twenty feet in the air.
KELLY reaches back with her left hand and takes hold of the barrel. It snaps off at the base, and she brings around the barrel and slaps it into her open palm.
DR Z ROBOT TANK 0 explodes upwards like a nerd putting his only load into a taiwanese hooker, launching Kelly into the air, towards DR Z ROBOT TANK 1. She brings down the barrel, smashing DR Z ROBOT TANK 1 forming a canyon through the middle of the tank. KELLY spins, the the barrel is torn from the carcass of DR Z ROBOT TANK 1, and is swung into and through the ground as DR Z ROBOT TANK 2 approaches. KELLY finishes the swing without even a grunt of effort, the twenty feet of barrel smashing out of the pavement unharmed and slapping the front of DR Z ROBOT TANK 2 into the air, the rest following, exposing it's underbelly. KELLY directs the momenteum of the barrel, bring it in a full circle as the tank is still lifting into the air, and uses the barrel to cut the tank in half, cross-wise. The barrel slows to a stop at near vertical, held aloft with only Kelly's pinky.
KELLY's left arm snaps forward as DR Z ROBOT TANK 3's barrel gives off a jet of flame. We see her catch a Tungsten Sabot with her left hand, and then hear the startling, ear-destroying boom of the DR Z ROBOT TANK 3's main gun. She tosses the sabot to the side, and using her right arm, she throws the barrel of DR Z ROBOT TANK 0 like a javalin. Her form is perfect, a Spartan would be held in awe as the barrel pierces DR Z ROBOT TANKs 3, 4, and 5 without effort, causing them to explode as the barrel itself is permanently lodge into the concrete structure of the MONTGOMERY CLARK OFFICE BUILDING behind them.
KELLY crosses her arms and taps her foot twice. From atop the MONTGOMERY CLARK OFFICE BUILDING, falls DR Z MEGA ROBOT 0, landing on the ground feet first with a terrific crash. It spreads it's forearms wide, the dust and rubble clearing by the force of it's invisible technobabble force-shields, which are projected from it's fore-arms.
KELLY: BOSS TIME!
DR Z MEGA-ROBOT 0's CANNON OF DOOM fires, and a perfectly spiraling shell, one that would fit right at home with an Itano Circus, is fired at KELLY. Her right arm snaps out, index finger pointed out, with the shelled stopped right on it's tip, still spiraling. DR Z MEGA-ROBOT 0's CANNON OF DOOM snaps forward, ejecting the spent casing and chambering home a new one from the magazine beneath the gun as KELLY shouts.
KELLY: PUNY ROBOT CANNOT DEFEAT BUUDAAA FINNGAAAA!
KELLY flicks the shell, still in it's perfect Itano Spiral, sending it back at the DR Z MEGA-ROBOT. It explodes, a jet of flame launching up and devouring the first twenty stories of the MONTGOMERY CLARK OFFICE BUILDING. From within the cloud of flame, a single jet, reaching the one hundred and twenty feet to KELLY, engulf's her upper-body. Both the jet of flame and the cloud of dust and fire around DR Z MEGA-ROBOT 0 dissipate at the same time.
A full-frontal view of KELLY reveals the following: a round bullet scar on her right shoulder; an old knife slash across her tummy of STEEL; two glorious, wonderful boobies; the section of her primary dragon tattoo that coils around her left shoulder before heading down her left arm; her left nipple is pierced; VERY OLD burn scaring on the right side of her midsection; and a white set of bared fangs.
KELLY: I WILL KILL YOU UNTIL YOU DIE, OLD MAN!
Just audible enough to be heard, is the sound of "ka-click" and DR Z MEGA-ROBOT 0's lense camera blinking black for 1/24th of a second.
KELLY's face has moved past ANGER into INCOHERENT RAGE.
In an action that is almost to fast to be followed, even in bullet time, KELLY launches forward, the ground exploding upwards, sending chunks of pavement fifty or sixty feet into the air. She covers sixty feet in under a second of bullet time, and the entire street explodes, launching her upward into the air. She kicks off of the air, and launching herself at DR Z MEGA-ROBOT 0 with impossible speed. She twists in mid-air, her right foot held forward, and slams through DR Z MEGA-ROBOT 0's technobabble force-shield. Her foot crushes to pieces DR Z MEGA-ROBOT 0, slamming its component parts into the MONTGOMERY CLARK OFFICE BUILDING, and sending jets of dust and rubble as though the basement floors of the MONTGOMERY CLARK OFFICE BUILDING had projectile vomited themselves up through the lobby.
THE CONSERVATORY - THE NEXT DAY
Staring over MURDOCK's shoulder as he reads the paper, the headline "SUPERDUDE DEFEATS DR Z" and the following image:
An INTENSE LOOK is on SUPERDUDE's face, which is framed, in all the luck, by blue sky between a pair of buildings down the way. From the nipples down, SUPERDUDE is engulfed in a flamethrower's spread. DR Z MEGA-ROBOT 1 holds SUPERDUDE's left shoulder in it's right hand, while SUPERDUDE has a crushing grip on DR Z MEGA-ROBOT 1's right arm. SUPERDUDE's right arm is cocked back behind his head, his entire body waiting to pull the fist forward into DR Z MEGA-ROBOT 1's metal snout.
Below the fold, in the celebrity gossip column, is the headline "The Wolf Bares All In Battle Once More"
ANNA: (OFF SCREEN) Hawt.
MURDOCK: If she ever finds out about that, she'll kill you.
ANNA: (OFF SCREEN) I don't care.
ONE OF DOCTOR ZELENKOV'S MANY SEKRIT LABORATORY
DR Z: Zo zat iz how et ez, ya? Zen ze game continues, und Alexander Zelenkov playz to vin.
DR Z leans back and cackles insanely. Cued by the sound, a nearby lightening machine provides dramatic effect.
TO BE CONTINUED
DOCTOR ZELENKOV'S MADNESS - PART 2 OF 2
EASTSIDE ACTION
The warehouse district, looking down Adler Road, SUPERDUDE and the LEGION OF HEROS stand before twenty DR Z ROBOTs numbered 0-19. At the back of it all stands DR Z MEGA-ROBOT 1.
DR Z MEGA-ROBOT: Taller than the other DR Z ROBOTS, standing fifteen feet tall. It has reverse joint legs, and four arms. The body is long and rectangular, tapering down somewhat at the front. Towards the back are a pair of wings over the main arms. The main arms are lengthly boxes with giant four-finger hands without wrists. The rear arms end in a pair of guns. The right is a flame-thrower, with the pilot-light just barely visible at this range, and giant fuel tanks hanging off the back. The other is some random form of bright and flashing "blob of green, glowing, explosive stuff" cannon. Mounted above the cannon is a gatling gun stolen from the movie predator. Above the flame thrower is a large CANNON OF DOOM that has a massive barrel jutting out to the front of the tank. The actually gun itself looks reminiscent of a glock without a stock. On top of the main body is an armored cylinder with a camera lense in the center, facing forward.
SUPERDUDE: Let's take 'em down.
The LEGION OF HEROS charges forward, breaking down into single combat with the DR Z ROBOTS as the DR Z MEGA-ROBOT watches with disinterest.
NORTHSIDE ACTION
In Iverson, on state route 20, a cataclysm of devestation, destruction, and DR Z ROBOT BITS. View pans around, showing KELLY smashing her right bare heel through DR Z ROBOT 275's midsection, while it's arms are outstretched "B-Movie Zombie"-style. Behind this are around a hundred more DR Z ROBOTS. This all occurs in an annoying mixture of real and bullet-time, not to make it more dramatic, but rather just to piss people off.
KELLY turns her upper body as her foot smashes out the left side of the robot, with her hand launching out to DR Z ROBOT 276 directly behind her.
KELLY: BUUUUDAAAAAAA FINNNNGAAAAA!
KELLY touches her right index finger to DR Z ROBOT 276 in the middle of it's chest. The guts and spine of DR Z ROBOT 276 explodes out it's back in a spray of oil and machinery, coating DR Z ROBOTs 277, 278, and 279, who are standing behind the smoking, backless ruin of DR Z ROBOT 276.
KELLY windmills her legs, bringing the ball of her right foot to the ground, and launching her left foot through the front of DR Z ROBOT 280. She leaves a rectangular path of jagged metal through the front of DR Z ROBOT 280, and kicks off the head, which promptly explodes in mid-air. She pulls her foot back, and kicks DR Z ROBOT 280, sending it into DR Z ROBOT 281 and both promptly explode.
KELLY's upper body comes back over her right foot as her left foot touches the ground. Her entire body then rushes forward, her right fist launching into DR Z ROBOT 282 head's. DR Z ROBOT 282 head explodes in a shower of sparks and steel, KELLY's fist passing through it and into DR Z ROBOT 283's head, which just crushes inward like a tin-can being run over by a dump-truck carrying ten tons of sexy. DR Z ROBOT 283's legs lift off the ground as the fist carries the entire robot forward. KELLY slows her arm, snaps her forearm vertical, and smashes her elbow into DR Z ROBOT 283's abdomen, sending it downward. She lifts her entire body around her center of gravity, and in a feat of unparalleled gymnastics, she plants her foot into the robots chest. She launches upwards into the air, as DR Z ROBOT 283 smashes into the ground, exploding. The arms and legs of DR Z ROBOT 283 launch outwards at impossible velocities from the explosion, impaling and throwing back DR Z ROBOTs 284, 285, 286, and 287, causing them to keel over and explode.
KELLY's acrobatics continue, as she twists in mid-air, and facing downwards, kicks off the air. She slams her fists through DR Z ROBOTS 288 and 289, bisecting them through the sheer force of her awesomeness. The pavement shatters under the force of the blows.
KELLY back kicks the head of DR Z ROBOT 290 clean off. Her leg reverses its upward course, and touches her big toe to the robot in the middle of it's chest.
KELLY: BUUUUUDAAAAA TOOOOOOE!
DR Z ROBOT 290 explodes down the middle, the mirrored pieces propelled away by the explosion. DR Z ROBOT 291 and 292 are hit by the flying pieces and explode.
EASTSIDE ACTION
Only SUPERDUDE and PLATINUM GIRL are still standing. Other scattered heros, such as FALCONMAN are at the sidelines, limping away from the action to protect the unconcious or unable to act.
SUPERDUDE is pounding DR Z ROBOT 9 into the pavement with the leg of DR Z ROBOT 4.
SUPERDUDE: WILL YOU JUST DIE ALREADY?!
PLATINUM GIRL wrenches her fist out of DR Z ROBOT 8, and punches DR Z ROBOT 10.
NORTHSIDE ACTION
KELLY stands, throwing twin devil horns into the air. Her clothing is perfect and unharmed.
KELLY: I AM INVINCIBLE!
On cue, six DR Z ROBOT TANKs (numbered 0-5) burst out of nearby storefronts, and assemble into a column on the streets.
DR Z ROBOT TANK: Take a T-72 and MAKE IT BIGGER.
KELLY cackles her insane cackle. She then preforms a SUMO STOMP, the pavement forming spider webs of cracks thirty feet wide, and assumes a perfect sumo position. She then stomps forward, the ground and camera shaking. Nearby windows shatter as she jumps, the ground exploding upwards, with chunks of pavement flying into the air. Her legs loosen a little, and her arms lift a little as she falls onto DR Z ROBOT TANK 0. Her landing is right on the turret, the entire tank crushing in under the weight of her SUMO MIGHT, the barrel of the turret standing perfectly vertical like a militarized washington monument towering only twenty feet in the air.
KELLY reaches back with her left hand and takes hold of the barrel. It snaps off at the base, and she brings around the barrel and slaps it into her open palm.
DR Z ROBOT TANK 0 explodes upwards like a nerd putting his only load into a taiwanese hooker, launching Kelly into the air, towards DR Z ROBOT TANK 1. She brings down the barrel, smashing DR Z ROBOT TANK 1 forming a canyon through the middle of the tank. KELLY spins, the the barrel is torn from the carcass of DR Z ROBOT TANK 1, and is swung into and through the ground as DR Z ROBOT TANK 2 approaches. KELLY finishes the swing without even a grunt of effort, the twenty feet of barrel smashing out of the pavement unharmed and slapping the front of DR Z ROBOT TANK 2 into the air, the rest following, exposing it's underbelly. KELLY directs the momenteum of the barrel, bring it in a full circle as the tank is still lifting into the air, and uses the barrel to cut the tank in half, cross-wise. The barrel slows to a stop at near vertical, held aloft with only Kelly's pinky.
KELLY's left arm snaps forward as DR Z ROBOT TANK 3's barrel gives off a jet of flame. We see her catch a Tungsten Sabot with her left hand, and then hear the startling, ear-destroying boom of the DR Z ROBOT TANK 3's main gun. She tosses the sabot to the side, and using her right arm, she throws the barrel of DR Z ROBOT TANK 0 like a javalin. Her form is perfect, a Spartan would be held in awe as the barrel pierces DR Z ROBOT TANKs 3, 4, and 5 without effort, causing them to explode as the barrel itself is permanently lodge into the concrete structure of the MONTGOMERY CLARK OFFICE BUILDING behind them.
KELLY crosses her arms and taps her foot twice. From atop the MONTGOMERY CLARK OFFICE BUILDING, falls DR Z MEGA ROBOT 0, landing on the ground feet first with a terrific crash. It spreads it's forearms wide, the dust and rubble clearing by the force of it's invisible technobabble force-shields, which are projected from it's fore-arms.
KELLY: BOSS TIME!
DR Z MEGA-ROBOT 0's CANNON OF DOOM fires, and a perfectly spiraling shell, one that would fit right at home with an Itano Circus, is fired at KELLY. Her right arm snaps out, index finger pointed out, with the shelled stopped right on it's tip, still spiraling. DR Z MEGA-ROBOT 0's CANNON OF DOOM snaps forward, ejecting the spent casing and chambering home a new one from the magazine beneath the gun as KELLY shouts.
KELLY: PUNY ROBOT CANNOT DEFEAT BUUDAAA FINNGAAAA!
KELLY flicks the shell, still in it's perfect Itano Spiral, sending it back at the DR Z MEGA-ROBOT. It explodes, a jet of flame launching up and devouring the first twenty stories of the MONTGOMERY CLARK OFFICE BUILDING. From within the cloud of flame, a single jet, reaching the one hundred and twenty feet to KELLY, engulf's her upper-body. Both the jet of flame and the cloud of dust and fire around DR Z MEGA-ROBOT 0 dissipate at the same time.
A full-frontal view of KELLY reveals the following: a round bullet scar on her right shoulder; an old knife slash across her tummy of STEEL; two glorious, wonderful boobies; the section of her primary dragon tattoo that coils around her left shoulder before heading down her left arm; her left nipple is pierced; VERY OLD burn scaring on the right side of her midsection; and a white set of bared fangs.
KELLY: I WILL KILL YOU UNTIL YOU DIE, OLD MAN!
Just audible enough to be heard, is the sound of "ka-click" and DR Z MEGA-ROBOT 0's lense camera blinking black for 1/24th of a second.
KELLY's face has moved past ANGER into INCOHERENT RAGE.
In an action that is almost to fast to be followed, even in bullet time, KELLY launches forward, the ground exploding upwards, sending chunks of pavement fifty or sixty feet into the air. She covers sixty feet in under a second of bullet time, and the entire street explodes, launching her upward into the air. She kicks off of the air, and launching herself at DR Z MEGA-ROBOT 0 with impossible speed. She twists in mid-air, her right foot held forward, and slams through DR Z MEGA-ROBOT 0's technobabble force-shield. Her foot crushes to pieces DR Z MEGA-ROBOT 0, slamming its component parts into the MONTGOMERY CLARK OFFICE BUILDING, and sending jets of dust and rubble as though the basement floors of the MONTGOMERY CLARK OFFICE BUILDING had projectile vomited themselves up through the lobby.
THE CONSERVATORY - THE NEXT DAY
Staring over MURDOCK's shoulder as he reads the paper, the headline "SUPERDUDE DEFEATS DR Z" and the following image:
An INTENSE LOOK is on SUPERDUDE's face, which is framed, in all the luck, by blue sky between a pair of buildings down the way. From the nipples down, SUPERDUDE is engulfed in a flamethrower's spread. DR Z MEGA-ROBOT 1 holds SUPERDUDE's left shoulder in it's right hand, while SUPERDUDE has a crushing grip on DR Z MEGA-ROBOT 1's right arm. SUPERDUDE's right arm is cocked back behind his head, his entire body waiting to pull the fist forward into DR Z MEGA-ROBOT 1's metal snout.
Below the fold, in the celebrity gossip column, is the headline "The Wolf Bares All In Battle Once More"
ANNA: (OFF SCREEN) Hawt.
MURDOCK: If she ever finds out about that, she'll kill you.
ANNA: (OFF SCREEN) I don't care.
ONE OF DOCTOR ZELENKOV'S MANY SEKRIT LABORATORY
DR Z: Zo zat iz how et ez, ya? Zen ze game continues, und Alexander Zelenkov playz to vin.
DR Z leans back and cackles insanely. Cued by the sound, a nearby lightening machine provides dramatic effect.
TO BE CONTINUED
Last edited by Singular Quartet on 2006-11-08 04:47pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Ford Prefect
- Emperor's Hand
- Posts: 8254
- Joined: 2005-05-16 04:08am
- Location: The real number domain
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Singular Quartet
- Sith Marauder
- Posts: 3896
- Joined: 2002-07-04 05:33pm
- Location: This is sky. It is made of FUCKING and LIMIT.
*bows*Ford Prefect wrote:That was ... completely nuts.
I started with "Buddha Finger" and wrote from there. This entire thing is built around that one scene. Just her touching the robot while screaming out an attack, and it's guts exploding all over other robots.
Her fights generally end with guts and fluids and limbs everywhere. I'll talk about that more later, though.
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Singular Quartet
- Sith Marauder
- Posts: 3896
- Joined: 2002-07-04 05:33pm
- Location: This is sky. It is made of FUCKING and LIMIT.
THE DRAGONS OF NORTH-BY-NORTHEAST BRIMSHIRE - EPISODE 1.3
PLANNING STAGES
In the LEGION OF HEROS COMMAND AND CONTROL CENTER. SUPERDUDE is standing at KELLY's shoulder. KELLY is wearing her Great Coat. She is not wearing a shirt.
SUPERDUDE: Come on, there's no way he did all of that just to get a picture of you naked.
KELLY: (KELLY's voice is a dead monotone.) Not naked. Just my tits. He's had a fascination with them for decades, now.
PLATINUM GIRL and FALCONMAN enter. FALCONMAN's left arm is in a sling, but he is still wearing the breastplate, helmet, and pants of his armor. As it turns out, FALCONMAN is black. PLATINUM GIRL is carrying a button-down shirt.
KELLY: You all right, Monty?
FALCONMAN: Yeah, I'm fine. You smashed up one of my buildings good, and I was supposed to be there. I'll draw up a cover-story from there.
KELLY: Good.
PLATINUM GIRL: Shirt?
KELLY: Thank you much.
KELLY takes the shirt, and then PLATINUM GIRL takes a seat in another chair.
PLATINUM GIRL: So what's wrong?
KELLY: My boobs are the most downloaded boobs on the internet.
SUPERDUDE: They already were.
Bullet-time would not show the speed with which KELLY's elbow smashes into SUPERDUDE's gut. He keels over and attempts not to vomit.
FALCONMAN: You're not helping Robert.
FALCONMAN helps SUPERDUDE to his feet and helps him out the door. KELLY stands and takes off the coat, draping it over her chair. PLATINUM GIRL's eyes bug out as she sees an intricate tattoo of a brown-haired woman in robes with a sword and flaming wings. She is holding the sword aloft, and it seems as though the sword itself glows with light. KELLY pulls on the shirt, and sits down, staring at the consoles once more.
PLATINUM GIRL: Uh... I know your boobs aren't that big a problem. What's the real reason you're pissed?
KELLY: (Pauses and frowns a moment) I want to get out.
PLATINUM GIRL: Out of what?
KELLY: This. (She waves her hands at what's around her. Her voice changes, rising in emotion.) I want to get out of the insanity. The stupidity. The heroing. (it drops, but maintains a wistful emotion) I want to be normal, at least for a little while.
PLATINUM GIRL: That... (She looks at the ground a moment, before looking back at KELLY) Why can't you?
KELLY: People recognize my face instantly. I get more fan mail than SUPERDUDE and FALCONMAN combined.
PLATINUM GIRL: That doesn't really say much...
KELLY: Yeah, I know.
PLATINUM GIRL: Do you have anyone outside the job? I mean, I've got some people outside of this that I can go to...
KELLY turns and faces PLATINUM GIRL.
KELLY: There's a couple of friends, from when I was in the Dragons. Why, what've you got?
PLATINUM GIRL: A husband.
KELLY: Does he know?
PLATINUM GIRL: No! I mean... it's... it's never come up...
KELLY is silent for a moment, staring at PLATINUM GIRL. She squints and then her eyes bug out.
KELLY: Oh. Holy. FUCK.
PLATINUM GIRL: What?
KELLY: (Her shoulders go limp and sink down.) I just put two and two together. It equaled five.
PLATINUM GIRL: Let me repeat that. What?
KELLY: I can't get out yet.
PLATINUM GIRL: Why not?
FALCONMAN re-enters the room.
KELLY: Five. FUCKING FIVE, WOMAN. (She turns back to the consoles. Her voice turns bitter with hatred) And Zelenkov.
FALCONMAN: Alright, what's happening now?
PLATINUM GIRL: Kelly thinks Zelenkov might still be a problem.
KELLY: Oh, I know he's going to be a problem. He always has an ulterior motive. Pornography was only the primary concern.
FALCONMAN: I don't know, I mean, those looked like the same robots he used back in the 80s. What makes you-
PLATINUM GIRL: That doesn't sound right.
KELLY: Hmm?
PLATINUM GIRL: Zelenkov's got genius, right? Why would he use the same stuff from twenty years ago?
FALCONMAN: Hmm, why would-
KELLY: Shit. That's it.
FALCONMAN: What's it?
KELLY: That's why he used older models. He's cleaning out his closet. Testing the waters with the old stuff. Is he just playing a game, or is he going for everything, though? That's the question.
FALCONMAN: There's a difference?
KELLY: If he plays a game, we get a turn. If he goes for everything, then we can expect that entire board to be red by tomorrow. (Pauses a moment) If anything comes up, I'll call you guys. Right now, you should go home and get some sleep.
PLATINUM GIRL: What about you?
KELLY: I'm going to sit here and think.
PLATINUM GIRL: Don't you need to sleep?
KELLY: No. Oh! I almost forgot.
PLATINUM GIRL: What?
KELLY: With Monty's arm broken, we need someone for poker night.
PLATINUM GIRL: (Blinks) Poker night?
KELLY: Yes, Poker night. Monday night at 7.
PLATINUM GIRL: Um, I guess I can come. It'll be here, right?
KELLY: Yes. And come in uniform.
PLATINUM GIRL: Ah... alright.
PLATINUM GIRL leaves.
FALCONMAN: I go to poker games? I thought I just watched you three bicker.
KELLY: Shut up. You want to take a look at those robots or not?
FALCONMAN: (Looks at arm) I've got nothing better to do.
View switches to a large apartment in a city high-rise, around the twentieth floor. The building itself has thirty floors. It's a corner apartment, with two bedrooms, a kitchen, and a living room. DENISE walks in through the door. MURDOCK and ANNA are in the living room, the television on a 24 hour news network. The set is muted, but we can still see pictures of the devestation to the warehouse district and to THE MONTGOMERY CLARK OFFICE BUILDING.
DENISE ALLISTER is a model Aryan housewife, with her platinum blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She is full chested, and according to her, at least, spends time at the gym. In reality, she has never set foot in her gym, not that the manager of the MONTGOMERY CLARK FITNESS CENTER minds in the slightest. She is dressed in a somewhat dusty conservative business suit.
MURDOCK runs out to see her and hugs her, lifting her off the ground. DENISE is somewhat dazed.
MURDOCK: You're alright!
DENISE: Sorry, it's been a mess. Monty's arm is broken.
MURDOCK: Shit... Anybody else?
DENISE: Melissa has a few scraps, but nothing to bad. She was grabbing some of the accounting journals when the fighting broke out, so we told the shelter to close down, while we got out the back... Then the entire first floor exploded... and... well...
MURDOCK: It's okay, come on, you can clean up and we'll grab lunch.
DENISE: That'd be good...
ANNA: Hey, kiddo. Murdock was about to make lunch.
DENISE: Why are you here?
ANNA: I'm a friend. It's what we do. And not do, in the case of your dirty, dirty mind.
DENISE: (Left eyebrow starts twitching) I...
MURDOCK: Anna.
ANNA: I'm going, I'm going.
ANNA leaves, DENISE watching the door close.
DENISE: What do you see in her?
MURDOCK: I keep telling you, we're old friends. I'm going to finish making lunch.
DENISE: Alright. (As MURDOCK leaves, DENISE looks down at the table and sees today's paper. She picks it up, and looks at the same front page photo MURDOCK looked at last chapter. Being a woman, however, she also looks at the name of the photographer, TERESA HUGHES.) I'm going to be late coming home this monday, by the way.
MURDOCK: Alright. You want any help cleaning up?
DENISE thinks a moment, and then smiles.
LEGION OF HEROS PRESS ROOM - THE FOLLOWING MONDAY
Dozens of reporters are milling amongst each other, as cameras stare at the forest of microphones that has grown from the podium. The moment FALCONMAN and KELLY walk out onto the stage, the reporters go apeshit, throwing questions like monkeys hurling poop. FALCONMAN reaches the podium and leans into it.
FALCONMAN is wearing full armor, but is doing his damnedest not to move either of his arms. KELLY is wearing her "uniform" of no shoes, a pair of heavy black work pants, and a white T-Shirt with a doubled up W in gray print.
FALCONMAN: Can we have some calm please?
The reporters respond like monkeys would - by slinging more shit. KELLY leans forward into the microphones.
KELLY: That means shut up.
They do. KELLY motions for FALCONMAN to continue.
FALCONMAN: Thank you. You've already heard the Port Authority's statements on the container, and our own investigation corroborates. The inspectors had not yet reached that container when it was off-loaded by the work-crews. As to Zelenkov's actions, I'd like to hand that off to our expert, Winter Wolf.
KELLY takes the podium.
KELLY: As much as you'd like me to, I'm not about to reveal our many and varied plans for dealing with Zelenkov. I have no doubt that he is watching this, and would make any statements of plans counter-productive. Are their any questions that I will not dismiss out of hand?
Every reporter politely raises their hands.
KELLY: The cute black-haired one at the back.
A young gentleman begins to stand.
KELLY: I said cute. The one to your right.
A short and spunky reporter chick with black hair and glasses stands.
KELLY: Yes, you.
TERESA: Teresa Hughes, Tribune. Is there any possibility of the Dragons of North-by-Northeast Brimshire returning?
KELLY: Excellent question. At the moment, no. I have no control over whether or not they want to stay retired, and right now, they do.
TERESA: A follow-up?
KELLY: Go right ahead.
TERESA: Is it true that you want to retire?
KELLY: (Pauses a moment) Right now, that's not even a question on my mind.
TERESA: Thank you.
KELLY: You in the front.
HAROLD: Harold Keyes, Globe. What are you expecting Zelenkov to do right now?
KELLY: Which part of "make any statements of plans counter-productive" did you fail to comprehend?
HAROLD: Uh-
KELLY: The man is beyond super-genius. He built a zero-point energy device using a TV set, a vacuum cleaner, and a screwdriver. France has ceased to exist thanks to his meddling. The man's continued ability to breath is a direct threat to the human race. Now sit down and think about how many people would have died had I actually answered that question, and I will tell you that you are wrong. It'd be much higher than that. Are there any questions that I will answer?
Every hand drops
KELLY: Alright then, we all have more important things to do, now piss off.
KELLY leaves FALCONMAN to the reporters. Outside the pressroom stands PLATINUM GIRL.
KELLY: You still up for that poker game?
PLATINUM GIRL: Of course.
KELLY: I sense an ulterior motive.
PLATINUM GIRL: Just that reporter, Teresa. She took a picture of Superdude.
KELLY: What about it?
PLATINUM GIRL: It was from the middle of the fight.
KELLY: Ask yourself this... Who arrived in the middle of the fight?
PLATINUM GIRL furrows her brows in thought as KELLY saunters away, content in knowing far more than everybody else. Except DOKTOR ALEXANDER ZELENKOV, who is presently munching on cheezy-poofs.
TO BE CONTINUED
PLANNING STAGES
In the LEGION OF HEROS COMMAND AND CONTROL CENTER. SUPERDUDE is standing at KELLY's shoulder. KELLY is wearing her Great Coat. She is not wearing a shirt.
SUPERDUDE: Come on, there's no way he did all of that just to get a picture of you naked.
KELLY: (KELLY's voice is a dead monotone.) Not naked. Just my tits. He's had a fascination with them for decades, now.
PLATINUM GIRL and FALCONMAN enter. FALCONMAN's left arm is in a sling, but he is still wearing the breastplate, helmet, and pants of his armor. As it turns out, FALCONMAN is black. PLATINUM GIRL is carrying a button-down shirt.
KELLY: You all right, Monty?
FALCONMAN: Yeah, I'm fine. You smashed up one of my buildings good, and I was supposed to be there. I'll draw up a cover-story from there.
KELLY: Good.
PLATINUM GIRL: Shirt?
KELLY: Thank you much.
KELLY takes the shirt, and then PLATINUM GIRL takes a seat in another chair.
PLATINUM GIRL: So what's wrong?
KELLY: My boobs are the most downloaded boobs on the internet.
SUPERDUDE: They already were.
Bullet-time would not show the speed with which KELLY's elbow smashes into SUPERDUDE's gut. He keels over and attempts not to vomit.
FALCONMAN: You're not helping Robert.
FALCONMAN helps SUPERDUDE to his feet and helps him out the door. KELLY stands and takes off the coat, draping it over her chair. PLATINUM GIRL's eyes bug out as she sees an intricate tattoo of a brown-haired woman in robes with a sword and flaming wings. She is holding the sword aloft, and it seems as though the sword itself glows with light. KELLY pulls on the shirt, and sits down, staring at the consoles once more.
PLATINUM GIRL: Uh... I know your boobs aren't that big a problem. What's the real reason you're pissed?
KELLY: (Pauses and frowns a moment) I want to get out.
PLATINUM GIRL: Out of what?
KELLY: This. (She waves her hands at what's around her. Her voice changes, rising in emotion.) I want to get out of the insanity. The stupidity. The heroing. (it drops, but maintains a wistful emotion) I want to be normal, at least for a little while.
PLATINUM GIRL: That... (She looks at the ground a moment, before looking back at KELLY) Why can't you?
KELLY: People recognize my face instantly. I get more fan mail than SUPERDUDE and FALCONMAN combined.
PLATINUM GIRL: That doesn't really say much...
KELLY: Yeah, I know.
PLATINUM GIRL: Do you have anyone outside the job? I mean, I've got some people outside of this that I can go to...
KELLY turns and faces PLATINUM GIRL.
KELLY: There's a couple of friends, from when I was in the Dragons. Why, what've you got?
PLATINUM GIRL: A husband.
KELLY: Does he know?
PLATINUM GIRL: No! I mean... it's... it's never come up...
KELLY is silent for a moment, staring at PLATINUM GIRL. She squints and then her eyes bug out.
KELLY: Oh. Holy. FUCK.
PLATINUM GIRL: What?
KELLY: (Her shoulders go limp and sink down.) I just put two and two together. It equaled five.
PLATINUM GIRL: Let me repeat that. What?
KELLY: I can't get out yet.
PLATINUM GIRL: Why not?
FALCONMAN re-enters the room.
KELLY: Five. FUCKING FIVE, WOMAN. (She turns back to the consoles. Her voice turns bitter with hatred) And Zelenkov.
FALCONMAN: Alright, what's happening now?
PLATINUM GIRL: Kelly thinks Zelenkov might still be a problem.
KELLY: Oh, I know he's going to be a problem. He always has an ulterior motive. Pornography was only the primary concern.
FALCONMAN: I don't know, I mean, those looked like the same robots he used back in the 80s. What makes you-
PLATINUM GIRL: That doesn't sound right.
KELLY: Hmm?
PLATINUM GIRL: Zelenkov's got genius, right? Why would he use the same stuff from twenty years ago?
FALCONMAN: Hmm, why would-
KELLY: Shit. That's it.
FALCONMAN: What's it?
KELLY: That's why he used older models. He's cleaning out his closet. Testing the waters with the old stuff. Is he just playing a game, or is he going for everything, though? That's the question.
FALCONMAN: There's a difference?
KELLY: If he plays a game, we get a turn. If he goes for everything, then we can expect that entire board to be red by tomorrow. (Pauses a moment) If anything comes up, I'll call you guys. Right now, you should go home and get some sleep.
PLATINUM GIRL: What about you?
KELLY: I'm going to sit here and think.
PLATINUM GIRL: Don't you need to sleep?
KELLY: No. Oh! I almost forgot.
PLATINUM GIRL: What?
KELLY: With Monty's arm broken, we need someone for poker night.
PLATINUM GIRL: (Blinks) Poker night?
KELLY: Yes, Poker night. Monday night at 7.
PLATINUM GIRL: Um, I guess I can come. It'll be here, right?
KELLY: Yes. And come in uniform.
PLATINUM GIRL: Ah... alright.
PLATINUM GIRL leaves.
FALCONMAN: I go to poker games? I thought I just watched you three bicker.
KELLY: Shut up. You want to take a look at those robots or not?
FALCONMAN: (Looks at arm) I've got nothing better to do.
View switches to a large apartment in a city high-rise, around the twentieth floor. The building itself has thirty floors. It's a corner apartment, with two bedrooms, a kitchen, and a living room. DENISE walks in through the door. MURDOCK and ANNA are in the living room, the television on a 24 hour news network. The set is muted, but we can still see pictures of the devestation to the warehouse district and to THE MONTGOMERY CLARK OFFICE BUILDING.
DENISE ALLISTER is a model Aryan housewife, with her platinum blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She is full chested, and according to her, at least, spends time at the gym. In reality, she has never set foot in her gym, not that the manager of the MONTGOMERY CLARK FITNESS CENTER minds in the slightest. She is dressed in a somewhat dusty conservative business suit.
MURDOCK runs out to see her and hugs her, lifting her off the ground. DENISE is somewhat dazed.
MURDOCK: You're alright!
DENISE: Sorry, it's been a mess. Monty's arm is broken.
MURDOCK: Shit... Anybody else?
DENISE: Melissa has a few scraps, but nothing to bad. She was grabbing some of the accounting journals when the fighting broke out, so we told the shelter to close down, while we got out the back... Then the entire first floor exploded... and... well...
MURDOCK: It's okay, come on, you can clean up and we'll grab lunch.
DENISE: That'd be good...
ANNA: Hey, kiddo. Murdock was about to make lunch.
DENISE: Why are you here?
ANNA: I'm a friend. It's what we do. And not do, in the case of your dirty, dirty mind.
DENISE: (Left eyebrow starts twitching) I...
MURDOCK: Anna.
ANNA: I'm going, I'm going.
ANNA leaves, DENISE watching the door close.
DENISE: What do you see in her?
MURDOCK: I keep telling you, we're old friends. I'm going to finish making lunch.
DENISE: Alright. (As MURDOCK leaves, DENISE looks down at the table and sees today's paper. She picks it up, and looks at the same front page photo MURDOCK looked at last chapter. Being a woman, however, she also looks at the name of the photographer, TERESA HUGHES.) I'm going to be late coming home this monday, by the way.
MURDOCK: Alright. You want any help cleaning up?
DENISE thinks a moment, and then smiles.
LEGION OF HEROS PRESS ROOM - THE FOLLOWING MONDAY
Dozens of reporters are milling amongst each other, as cameras stare at the forest of microphones that has grown from the podium. The moment FALCONMAN and KELLY walk out onto the stage, the reporters go apeshit, throwing questions like monkeys hurling poop. FALCONMAN reaches the podium and leans into it.
FALCONMAN is wearing full armor, but is doing his damnedest not to move either of his arms. KELLY is wearing her "uniform" of no shoes, a pair of heavy black work pants, and a white T-Shirt with a doubled up W in gray print.
FALCONMAN: Can we have some calm please?
The reporters respond like monkeys would - by slinging more shit. KELLY leans forward into the microphones.
KELLY: That means shut up.
They do. KELLY motions for FALCONMAN to continue.
FALCONMAN: Thank you. You've already heard the Port Authority's statements on the container, and our own investigation corroborates. The inspectors had not yet reached that container when it was off-loaded by the work-crews. As to Zelenkov's actions, I'd like to hand that off to our expert, Winter Wolf.
KELLY takes the podium.
KELLY: As much as you'd like me to, I'm not about to reveal our many and varied plans for dealing with Zelenkov. I have no doubt that he is watching this, and would make any statements of plans counter-productive. Are their any questions that I will not dismiss out of hand?
Every reporter politely raises their hands.
KELLY: The cute black-haired one at the back.
A young gentleman begins to stand.
KELLY: I said cute. The one to your right.
A short and spunky reporter chick with black hair and glasses stands.
KELLY: Yes, you.
TERESA: Teresa Hughes, Tribune. Is there any possibility of the Dragons of North-by-Northeast Brimshire returning?
KELLY: Excellent question. At the moment, no. I have no control over whether or not they want to stay retired, and right now, they do.
TERESA: A follow-up?
KELLY: Go right ahead.
TERESA: Is it true that you want to retire?
KELLY: (Pauses a moment) Right now, that's not even a question on my mind.
TERESA: Thank you.
KELLY: You in the front.
HAROLD: Harold Keyes, Globe. What are you expecting Zelenkov to do right now?
KELLY: Which part of "make any statements of plans counter-productive" did you fail to comprehend?
HAROLD: Uh-
KELLY: The man is beyond super-genius. He built a zero-point energy device using a TV set, a vacuum cleaner, and a screwdriver. France has ceased to exist thanks to his meddling. The man's continued ability to breath is a direct threat to the human race. Now sit down and think about how many people would have died had I actually answered that question, and I will tell you that you are wrong. It'd be much higher than that. Are there any questions that I will answer?
Every hand drops
KELLY: Alright then, we all have more important things to do, now piss off.
KELLY leaves FALCONMAN to the reporters. Outside the pressroom stands PLATINUM GIRL.
KELLY: You still up for that poker game?
PLATINUM GIRL: Of course.
KELLY: I sense an ulterior motive.
PLATINUM GIRL: Just that reporter, Teresa. She took a picture of Superdude.
KELLY: What about it?
PLATINUM GIRL: It was from the middle of the fight.
KELLY: Ask yourself this... Who arrived in the middle of the fight?
PLATINUM GIRL furrows her brows in thought as KELLY saunters away, content in knowing far more than everybody else. Except DOKTOR ALEXANDER ZELENKOV, who is presently munching on cheezy-poofs.
TO BE CONTINUED
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Prozac the Robert
- Jedi Master
- Posts: 1327
- Joined: 2004-05-05 09:01am
- Location: UK
I enjoyed that, made me chuckle.
A random question: Is this a Robert Rankin reference by any chance?Mounted above the cannon is a gatling gun stolen from the movie predator.
Hi! I'm Prozac the Robert!
EBC: "We can categorically state that we will be releasing giant man-eating badgers into the area."
EBC: "We can categorically state that we will be releasing giant man-eating badgers into the area."
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Singular Quartet
- Sith Marauder
- Posts: 3896
- Joined: 2002-07-04 05:33pm
- Location: This is sky. It is made of FUCKING and LIMIT.
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Prozac the Robert
- Jedi Master
- Posts: 1327
- Joined: 2004-05-05 09:01am
- Location: UK
The actual running gag I thought you might be referencing: "one of those amazing rotary machine guns like the one Blaine had in Predator".Singular Quartet wrote: Sadly, no. I've never read Robert Rankin, but given his wiki-page, I'll have to do so.
Well worth reading. My favourites include The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag, and Knees up Mother Earth. Unfortunately, both of them are sequels to something, so perhaps you should just start at the beginning.
Hi! I'm Prozac the Robert!
EBC: "We can categorically state that we will be releasing giant man-eating badgers into the area."
EBC: "We can categorically state that we will be releasing giant man-eating badgers into the area."
-
Singular Quartet
- Sith Marauder
- Posts: 3896
- Joined: 2002-07-04 05:33pm
- Location: This is sky. It is made of FUCKING and LIMIT.
THE DRAGONS OF NORTH-BY-NORTHEAST BRIMSHIRE - EPISODE 1.4
POKER NIGHT OF DOOM!
THE LEGION OF HEROS COMMAND AND CONTROL CENTER
KELLY stands, tapping her foot and glaring as THE BLACK DRAGON as screws on the last leg of a green felt poker table. KELLY is wearing her uniform, the same clothing she wore at the press conference. There are several gigantic bags of potato chips, a few bowls of salsa, and several liters of soda sitting off to the side.
BLACK DRAGON is a black miasma of a creature in the general shape of a large and evil dragon. He is standing upright at his full fifteen feet tall, even though the room has a ten foot ceiling. Upon closer inspection, he does not appear to be made of anything, but is instead a solidified mist. If poked with a stick, the stick would travel right through him, assuming the stick was half a mile in length, rather than the three feet one would assume necessary. Four brilliant white eyes and a number of brilliant white fangs that are entirely indistinguishable from each other except in position (hint: The eyes are arranged in a semi-circle around the top of his head. The fangs are arranged in two semi-circles around the front of his head)
Sitting on air, giggling to herself, is ATOMIC ANNIE. She is an angry and terrible war machine largely thought to be designed as a cold war super-weapon, which is why the public at large is stupid. She is definitely a weapon of war, built of heavy machinery and interlocking armor plates. There is nothing feminine about her design, unless you count the coldness of it. Her head is elongated, tapering down to a point, with a glowing red visor beneath it that acts as an eye. Likewise, her torso is elongated, tapering to a point in front and a boxy backpack in the rear. Attached to her right hip is a short, stubby, and ugly assault rifle of some sort. On the left side of her "backpack" is a boxy missile launcher that splits open when it fires. Mounted on the outside are four missles. Attached at the right side is a six-foot long block of metal that Cloud Strife would be perfectly content to beat people with. It is attached to her shoulder with a rounded chunk of metal that looks rather out of place, but it's there anyways.
BLACK DRAGON: Alright, what now?
KELLY continues to glare
BLACK DRAGON: You know what I did, don't you?
ATOMIC ANNIE: It's nothing you did, but oh hell yes.
BLACK DRAGON: Alright, what didn't I do now?
KELLY: (Grabs her chair and sits down) You're a fucking idiot, you know that right?.
BLACK DRAGON: (Knells down) Why?
KELLY: Oh, you just are. You completely and utterly are.
ATOMIC ANNIE is giving off full peels of laughter now.
BLACK DRAGON: I'll have to take your word for that one.
PLATINUM GIRL enters.
PLATINUM GIRL: Hey... (she stops speaking, and she stands, motionless and staring)
KELLY: She's the reason.
BLACK DRAGON: (looks at PLATINUM GIRL, then at KELLY, then at PLATINUM GIRL, then at KELLY) Eh?
PLATINUM GIRL: What's going on?
BLACK DRAGON: (Looking back at PLATINUM GIRL) I'm even more clueless than you are. Black Dragon, by the way. You'd be Platinum Girl, right?
PLATINUM GIRL: Er... yes?
BLACK DRAGON: Grab a seat. That's the infamous Atomic Annie, and you've met Winter Wolf. I think we're justing finishing up the opening argument?
PLATINUM GIRL: Umm...
Upon closer inspection, there's a gentle white glow from behind ATOMIC ANNIE, coming from a pair of rocket boosters mounted on ATOMIC ANNIE's back. A pair of plates on the outside of her legs open, revealing another pair of rockets, which activate with a white glow as her back rockets increase in brilliance. Her body straightens, and she glides above the ground over to the table, returning to a seated position. Her head rolls to one side and she looks at KELLY.
ATOMIC ANNIE: Pay up, Bitch.
KELLY: No fucking way.
ATOMIC ANNIE sticks out her open palm. KELLY slaps a one hundred dollar bill into it.
ATOMIC ANNIE: (Snapping the bill) Mamma gets her baby some new toys with this...
BLACK DRAGON: Annie, there's a lady present. Flaunt your deviance later.
ATOMIC ANNIE: (Holding the bill in one hand, as though to shove it into a stripper's thong) I AM THE LESBIAN AVENGER! MY DEVIANCE SHALL BE EVIDENT TO ALL!
There is a death in the conversation. The bill crackles with electricity and then disappears.
BLACK DRAGON: (At PLATINUM GIRL) Ignore her.
KELLY: It's what we do.
BLACK DRAGON: And again, grab a seat.
PLATINUM GIRL sits down.
ATOMIC ANNIE: Yes... sit down... we don't bite. Cept Winter Wolf, here, but that's only people she hates.
KELLY: (points in an accusing manner at ATOMIC ANNIE) Once, I did that ONCE.
ATOMIC ANNIE: You ripped out the man's throat.
KELLY: Fucker deserved it.
BLACK DRAGON: (Grabbing one of the gigantic bags of grease labeled "potato chips") Do you mind? I'm trying to eat here.
PLATINUM GIRL: How can you eat those?
BLACK DRAGON: I'm not aloud to eat them at home. (He bites down on half the bag, tearing away grease and plastic. He swallows it whole.)
PLATINUM GIRL looks on in horror.
KELLY: Quit that, you're scaring the new girl. I want someone in here to not stare at my boobs.
BLACK DRAGON glares at KELLY's face.
ATOMIC ANNIE: I don't stare.
KELLY: Fine. Ogle.
BLACK DRAGON: As much as I hate to do this, can we get back on task? Did anyone remember some playing cards?
ATOMIC ANNIE: Well, there's mine.
BLACK DRAGON: See, that would work, if you hadn't shot holes in all the aces.
ATOMIC ANNIE: I can shoot holes in the rest of them.
KELLY: (pulls out a pack from a pocket) And this, my friends, is why I bring my own pack.
BLACK DRAGON: Oh, thank god.
ATOMIC ANNIE: That pack is so unfair.
KELLY: Why, because you can't count them?
ATOMIC ANNIE: Shut up.
BLACK DRAGON: Can we be serious, here?
KELLY & ATOMIC ANNIE: No. (They both toss in a pair of chips as ante. BLACK DRAGON and PLATINUM GIRL follow suite.)
BLACK DRAGON: Why not?
Silence as KELLY deals the cards out.
BLACK DRAGON: Well?
KELLY: Five card stud, no wilds.
BLACK DRAGON: Not what I was talking about.
KELLY: Fine. Girl, tell the bad man what you told me.
PLATINUM GIRL: (Staring at her cards for a moment before tossing in a few chips) Oh, Zelenkov used the same robots as he did in the 80s, right?
KELLY looks at ANNIE. BLACK DRAGON makes no comment as he folds.
ATOMIC ANNIE: (Tossing in a few chips) Definitely looked it. Same solid-state circutry, same cold-fusion reactors, although the artificial crystals were removed from the crotch lasers.
PLATINUM GIRL: Crotch lasers?
KELLY tosses in a few chips.
ATOMIC ANNIE: Uh-huh. Zelenkov stares at Wolfie's boobs all day, you think he's going to turn out normal?
PLATINUM GIRL remains silent, staring at her cards
KELLY: Annie, quit it. (Looking at PLATINUM GIRL) Keep going.
PLATINUM GIRL: Well, he's a genius right? Why use the same robots from twenty years ago?
BLACK DRAGON: They're spare, aren't they?
KELLY: No doubt about it. He's testing the waters, trying to see if you two'll come out of hiding.
BLACK DRAGON: Shit... He hasn't made another move, though.
KELLY: He's given us a couple days before.
PLATINUM GIRL: A move?
KELLY: He's taken to thinking our battles are games, like chess or checkers.
BLACK DRAGON: I always preferred Go.
KELLY: Either way, he's going to make his move soon.
ATOMIC ANNIE: Hey kiddo, you planning on doing anything?
The phone rings.
KELLY: (Leaning back in her chair, grabbing a phone from a console without even glancing at it.) Hello? Uh-huh... Von Doom? Not helpful, there.... I can think of twenty Von Doom's off the top of my head. Zelenkov was a Von Doom back in '74, Sergeant Psycho was a Von Doom until that promotion finally went through, and I'm pretty sure Aberdeen was planning on changing his name to Von Doom once he had finished going off the deep end. What? Sure. One of you retards take this damn call.
BLACK DRAGON: I am so not taking that call.
ATOMIC ANNIE: (Tapping her head) I only answer my cell.
PLATINUM GIRL: (rolling her eyes) Give it here. (KELLY hands PLATINUM GIRL the phone.) Hello? This is Platinum Girl.. Why thank you! Yes, it is her time of the month.
KELLY: IT IS NOT!
PLATINUM GIRL: Uh-huh... Wait, say that name again? (PLATINUM GIRL's shoulders sink and her eyes visibly widen) I'll be right there. (Hands phone back to KELLY then does that whole "I'm faster than everybody else in the room" thing, were she becomes a blur. Except for the part where she smashes the door off it's hinges.)
KELLY: We lose more doors that way...
ATOMIC ANNIE: Who the hell is Diggs Von Doom?
TO BE CONTINUED
POKER NIGHT OF DOOM!
THE LEGION OF HEROS COMMAND AND CONTROL CENTER
KELLY stands, tapping her foot and glaring as THE BLACK DRAGON as screws on the last leg of a green felt poker table. KELLY is wearing her uniform, the same clothing she wore at the press conference. There are several gigantic bags of potato chips, a few bowls of salsa, and several liters of soda sitting off to the side.
BLACK DRAGON is a black miasma of a creature in the general shape of a large and evil dragon. He is standing upright at his full fifteen feet tall, even though the room has a ten foot ceiling. Upon closer inspection, he does not appear to be made of anything, but is instead a solidified mist. If poked with a stick, the stick would travel right through him, assuming the stick was half a mile in length, rather than the three feet one would assume necessary. Four brilliant white eyes and a number of brilliant white fangs that are entirely indistinguishable from each other except in position (hint: The eyes are arranged in a semi-circle around the top of his head. The fangs are arranged in two semi-circles around the front of his head)
Sitting on air, giggling to herself, is ATOMIC ANNIE. She is an angry and terrible war machine largely thought to be designed as a cold war super-weapon, which is why the public at large is stupid. She is definitely a weapon of war, built of heavy machinery and interlocking armor plates. There is nothing feminine about her design, unless you count the coldness of it. Her head is elongated, tapering down to a point, with a glowing red visor beneath it that acts as an eye. Likewise, her torso is elongated, tapering to a point in front and a boxy backpack in the rear. Attached to her right hip is a short, stubby, and ugly assault rifle of some sort. On the left side of her "backpack" is a boxy missile launcher that splits open when it fires. Mounted on the outside are four missles. Attached at the right side is a six-foot long block of metal that Cloud Strife would be perfectly content to beat people with. It is attached to her shoulder with a rounded chunk of metal that looks rather out of place, but it's there anyways.
BLACK DRAGON: Alright, what now?
KELLY continues to glare
BLACK DRAGON: You know what I did, don't you?
ATOMIC ANNIE: It's nothing you did, but oh hell yes.
BLACK DRAGON: Alright, what didn't I do now?
KELLY: (Grabs her chair and sits down) You're a fucking idiot, you know that right?.
BLACK DRAGON: (Knells down) Why?
KELLY: Oh, you just are. You completely and utterly are.
ATOMIC ANNIE is giving off full peels of laughter now.
BLACK DRAGON: I'll have to take your word for that one.
PLATINUM GIRL enters.
PLATINUM GIRL: Hey... (she stops speaking, and she stands, motionless and staring)
KELLY: She's the reason.
BLACK DRAGON: (looks at PLATINUM GIRL, then at KELLY, then at PLATINUM GIRL, then at KELLY) Eh?
PLATINUM GIRL: What's going on?
BLACK DRAGON: (Looking back at PLATINUM GIRL) I'm even more clueless than you are. Black Dragon, by the way. You'd be Platinum Girl, right?
PLATINUM GIRL: Er... yes?
BLACK DRAGON: Grab a seat. That's the infamous Atomic Annie, and you've met Winter Wolf. I think we're justing finishing up the opening argument?
PLATINUM GIRL: Umm...
Upon closer inspection, there's a gentle white glow from behind ATOMIC ANNIE, coming from a pair of rocket boosters mounted on ATOMIC ANNIE's back. A pair of plates on the outside of her legs open, revealing another pair of rockets, which activate with a white glow as her back rockets increase in brilliance. Her body straightens, and she glides above the ground over to the table, returning to a seated position. Her head rolls to one side and she looks at KELLY.
ATOMIC ANNIE: Pay up, Bitch.
KELLY: No fucking way.
ATOMIC ANNIE sticks out her open palm. KELLY slaps a one hundred dollar bill into it.
ATOMIC ANNIE: (Snapping the bill) Mamma gets her baby some new toys with this...
BLACK DRAGON: Annie, there's a lady present. Flaunt your deviance later.
ATOMIC ANNIE: (Holding the bill in one hand, as though to shove it into a stripper's thong) I AM THE LESBIAN AVENGER! MY DEVIANCE SHALL BE EVIDENT TO ALL!
There is a death in the conversation. The bill crackles with electricity and then disappears.
BLACK DRAGON: (At PLATINUM GIRL) Ignore her.
KELLY: It's what we do.
BLACK DRAGON: And again, grab a seat.
PLATINUM GIRL sits down.
ATOMIC ANNIE: Yes... sit down... we don't bite. Cept Winter Wolf, here, but that's only people she hates.
KELLY: (points in an accusing manner at ATOMIC ANNIE) Once, I did that ONCE.
ATOMIC ANNIE: You ripped out the man's throat.
KELLY: Fucker deserved it.
BLACK DRAGON: (Grabbing one of the gigantic bags of grease labeled "potato chips") Do you mind? I'm trying to eat here.
PLATINUM GIRL: How can you eat those?
BLACK DRAGON: I'm not aloud to eat them at home. (He bites down on half the bag, tearing away grease and plastic. He swallows it whole.)
PLATINUM GIRL looks on in horror.
KELLY: Quit that, you're scaring the new girl. I want someone in here to not stare at my boobs.
BLACK DRAGON glares at KELLY's face.
ATOMIC ANNIE: I don't stare.
KELLY: Fine. Ogle.
BLACK DRAGON: As much as I hate to do this, can we get back on task? Did anyone remember some playing cards?
ATOMIC ANNIE: Well, there's mine.
BLACK DRAGON: See, that would work, if you hadn't shot holes in all the aces.
ATOMIC ANNIE: I can shoot holes in the rest of them.
KELLY: (pulls out a pack from a pocket) And this, my friends, is why I bring my own pack.
BLACK DRAGON: Oh, thank god.
ATOMIC ANNIE: That pack is so unfair.
KELLY: Why, because you can't count them?
ATOMIC ANNIE: Shut up.
BLACK DRAGON: Can we be serious, here?
KELLY & ATOMIC ANNIE: No. (They both toss in a pair of chips as ante. BLACK DRAGON and PLATINUM GIRL follow suite.)
BLACK DRAGON: Why not?
Silence as KELLY deals the cards out.
BLACK DRAGON: Well?
KELLY: Five card stud, no wilds.
BLACK DRAGON: Not what I was talking about.
KELLY: Fine. Girl, tell the bad man what you told me.
PLATINUM GIRL: (Staring at her cards for a moment before tossing in a few chips) Oh, Zelenkov used the same robots as he did in the 80s, right?
KELLY looks at ANNIE. BLACK DRAGON makes no comment as he folds.
ATOMIC ANNIE: (Tossing in a few chips) Definitely looked it. Same solid-state circutry, same cold-fusion reactors, although the artificial crystals were removed from the crotch lasers.
PLATINUM GIRL: Crotch lasers?
KELLY tosses in a few chips.
ATOMIC ANNIE: Uh-huh. Zelenkov stares at Wolfie's boobs all day, you think he's going to turn out normal?
PLATINUM GIRL remains silent, staring at her cards
KELLY: Annie, quit it. (Looking at PLATINUM GIRL) Keep going.
PLATINUM GIRL: Well, he's a genius right? Why use the same robots from twenty years ago?
BLACK DRAGON: They're spare, aren't they?
KELLY: No doubt about it. He's testing the waters, trying to see if you two'll come out of hiding.
BLACK DRAGON: Shit... He hasn't made another move, though.
KELLY: He's given us a couple days before.
PLATINUM GIRL: A move?
KELLY: He's taken to thinking our battles are games, like chess or checkers.
BLACK DRAGON: I always preferred Go.
KELLY: Either way, he's going to make his move soon.
ATOMIC ANNIE: Hey kiddo, you planning on doing anything?
The phone rings.
KELLY: (Leaning back in her chair, grabbing a phone from a console without even glancing at it.) Hello? Uh-huh... Von Doom? Not helpful, there.... I can think of twenty Von Doom's off the top of my head. Zelenkov was a Von Doom back in '74, Sergeant Psycho was a Von Doom until that promotion finally went through, and I'm pretty sure Aberdeen was planning on changing his name to Von Doom once he had finished going off the deep end. What? Sure. One of you retards take this damn call.
BLACK DRAGON: I am so not taking that call.
ATOMIC ANNIE: (Tapping her head) I only answer my cell.
PLATINUM GIRL: (rolling her eyes) Give it here. (KELLY hands PLATINUM GIRL the phone.) Hello? This is Platinum Girl.. Why thank you! Yes, it is her time of the month.
KELLY: IT IS NOT!
PLATINUM GIRL: Uh-huh... Wait, say that name again? (PLATINUM GIRL's shoulders sink and her eyes visibly widen) I'll be right there. (Hands phone back to KELLY then does that whole "I'm faster than everybody else in the room" thing, were she becomes a blur. Except for the part where she smashes the door off it's hinges.)
KELLY: We lose more doors that way...
ATOMIC ANNIE: Who the hell is Diggs Von Doom?
TO BE CONTINUED