Got this from Randi's site... funny

Superman · Post by **Superman** » 2006-11-03 10:23pm

Q: How many Theists does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic: Only 1
Their hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal: 10
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray for protection against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None
Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None
Candles only. Put a little something in the box.

Baptists: At least 15
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken next Sunday.

Episcopalians: 3
One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons: 5
One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it properly.

Unitarians: ?
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted – all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass around.

Scientologists: Tom Cruise
We may get lucky and he’ll fall off the ladder, or will be kidnapped by Xenu.

Nazarene: 6
One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None
Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish:
What’s a light bulb?

Coalition · Post by **Coalition** » 2006-11-05 02:56am

Perverts: 1
But it takes an entire emergency room staff to get it back out.

drachefly · Post by **drachefly** » 2006-11-05 08:58am

Quaker: all of them affected by the lighbulb change. They need to come to a consensus on whether the lightbulb should be changed.

(and... while there are theistic perverts, 'pervert' is not a form of religion)

Sriad · Post by **Sriad** » 2006-11-05 10:48am

drachefly wrote:Quaker: all of them affected by the lighbulb change. They need to come to a consensus on whether the lightbulb should be changed.

(and... while there are theistic perverts, 'pervert' is not a form of religion)

But we're working on it.

SirNitram · Post by **SirNitram** » 2006-11-05 02:36pm

Deist: One to change the bulb, three to debate whether it should have been, on the merits of having evolved Reason to create the lightbulb, Eyes that adjust so we don't need them, or if it's just a sign it's time to finish your beer and go to sleep.

Darth Lucifer · Post by **Darth Lucifer** » 2006-11-05 02:44pm

Jehovah's Witnesses: Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to knock on your door and ask you if you've seen the light!

General Zod · Post by **General Zod** » 2006-11-05 03:06pm

7th day Adventist: Only one, but they can never change the bulb on Saturdays.

Redleader34 · Post by **Redleader34** » 2006-11-05 04:28pm

Jews For Jesus: Three. One to change the bulb and the other two to try to convert you to Judasim light.

Lord of the Abyss · Post by **Lord of the Abyss** » 2006-11-06 04:36am

Medieval Christian :

Two; one to change the bulb, and one to burn him for a witch for making light without flame.

Satanists :

Two. One to screw it in, and another to sacrifice a virgin to it.

Cthulhu cultists :

None. They need the dark for . . . things.

Superman · Post by **Superman** » 2006-11-06 07:53am

Dr. Dino-esque evangelical fundie: Two. One to change it; the other to stand guard to make sure the prisoner doesn't escape.

GOP-loving fundamentalist reverend: Three. One to change it, one to provide gay service, and the other to sell him crack.

Westboro Baptist: None. Having sex with your biological sister requires no light.

Cabal: For a celebrity. Two. The celeb him/herself and the guy he or she pays to come over to do it. For a non-celeb, none. People at this level of insanity don't know how to change light bulbs.

Winston Blake · Post by **Winston Blake** » 2006-11-08 12:41am

Redleader34 wrote:Jews For Jesus: Three. One to change the bulb and the other two to try to convert you to Judasim light.

I thought Christianity was Judaism-lite.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2006-11-08 12:50am

Ayn Randists: they don't change the lightbulb at all unless it's in their own homes, because there is no self-interest in doing so.

Alan Bolte · Post by **Alan Bolte** » 2006-11-08 12:54am

Winston Blake wrote:
Redleader34 wrote:Jews For Jesus: Three. One to change the bulb and the other two to try to convert you to Judasim light.
I thought Christianity was Judaism-lite.

What would that make Islam?

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2006-11-08 12:57am

Alan Bolte wrote:
Winston Blake wrote:
Redleader34 wrote:Jews For Jesus: Three. One to change the bulb and the other two to try to convert you to Judasim light.
I thought Christianity was Judaism-lite.
What would that make Islam?

Judaism Extreme.

Ritterin Sophia · Post by **Ritterin Sophia** » 2006-11-08 02:03am

Obviously if Jews for Jesus is light that would make Christianity, Judaism Light Clear.

TithonusSyndrome · Post by **TithonusSyndrome** » 2006-11-08 10:57am

Theosophists: One from every other religion mentioned thus far, to confer over how best to shoehorn everyone's beleifs together and convince one another that you're onto something.

Gnostics: None. A material item like a lightbulb is another one of the Demiurge's monkeyshines intended to distract you from your divine relationship with God.

Rye · Post by **Rye** » 2006-11-08 11:37am

Atheists: None, since they have an ignorant fear and hatred of the light and all its teachings, and are bigoted agaisnt "people of the bulb" and scoff at their primitive superstition.

Satanists: one, since it's all about personal empowerment, man. Plus it's a red bulb so the little plastic pentagrams and pitchforks don't look as tacky, and my goatee looks more authoentic.

Pantheists: None, what, the sun suddenly not good enough for you?

Nihilists: None, why should we give a shit that you value light? We don't give a shit about your light-addicted society.

Brights: Three, one to change it, one to commend him for his intellectual and practical achievement and a third to write to the editor and repeat something one of the first two said and emphasise how virtuous they are for being brights.

Lord of the Abyss · Post by **Lord of the Abyss** » 2006-11-08 01:32pm

Breatharians : None. "Lightbulb . . . so . . . heavy. Socket . . . so far . . . away . . ." < thump >

Suicide Cultist : None, because the one who removed the old bulb tongue kissed the socket and turned on the power, and now it's all clogged up and smelly. The second cut his wrists with the broken bulb. The third shot himself this morning. The fourth . . . well, you get the idea.