Among the Naked Stars (Star Trek AU)

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Edward Yee
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Post by Edward Yee »

I won't complain, good set-up/build makes for good continuations...
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Post by LadyTevar »

Unlike the Federation, the Klingons know how to make a sensible bargain.
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Post by Imperial Overlord »

Admiral William Ross walked into his office. "Hello Nerhanna," he said to his secretary. The Betazoid young woman was as pristinely beautiful as she always was.

"Admiral, how much sleep did you get last night?" she said with a touch of concern in her voice.

"Not enough," he said. "Between the Romulans, the Cardassians, and the Gorn we have no shortage of potential flash points that have to be handled delicately and that includes showing just enough muscle to make them play nice while not enough to make them jumpy."

"And then there are your mystery Klingons," she said brightly.

"Icing on the cake."

"Starfleet Intelligence sent over a data packet for you. All there anomalous Klingon information I think."

"Thank you," he said. He walked into his office and stopped by the replicator slot. "Coffee, large. Black. Blueberry muffin." The muffin materialized next to tall mug. He took them both to his desk. "Computer, display messges."

There is was. A top secret report from Starfleet Intelligence, along with other matter of routine business. "Computer, play message three."

A starmap flashed into existence on the screen, displaying locations of in flashing red lights. "Display reports, starting with those with visual confirmation included." He took a bite from the muffin and then a sip of coffee.

The first report came up. It was from Oreja in Orion Territory, specifically from High Point Station. An electronically obscured voice began to speak. "This ship arrived at High Point Station at two-seven-nine point seven three in the local timescale." The Klingon battlecruiser was as unmistakable as it was unique.

"The vessel's captain conducted business with local crime lords Desen and Kresk. The Klingons were able to secure exclusive access to the industrial replicators and raw material for what appeared to be battle repairs." More images followed, displaying suited figures moving over the battlecruiser's hull.

"At no point were any of the vessel's crew allowed on the station for leave. They remained on station for one hundred and seventy three Terran standard hours before leaving. Station sensors record this course before they lost contact."

"Computer," Ross ordered. "Display the course on a map of the Federation." The computer obeyed. Ross studied it. The course took them near nothing of importance until it reached the heavily patrolled Romulan border.

They obviously weren't going to follow it that far but where were they going to go? They could have headed for Klingon space, the Empire was close to the Orion Territories, but they could have entered the Klingon Empire long ago if that was there aim. No, they had some other purpose in mind and had laid down this false course to confound any observers.

If they intended to reach any place near Orion space they would probably already be there by now. If they crossed any densely populated or widely travelled areas of the Federation they were likely to be swiftly discovered. Which left the the younger worlds and colonies, mostly at the edges of the Federation space, that were their likely destinations. It limited the likely routes that they would take as well.

Ross put his projections into his computer and then sent them to his staff for analysis and refinement. Supposing no flaws in his work were found, they would send out alerts and new patrol orders to the relevant ships and with a little luck they would bag the Klingon bastards. He didn't like the likes of them running loose in the Federation, but there was an upside to having them in the Alpha Quadrant. He wouldn't have to deal with Janeway anymore.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Captain Kardon sutai-Rezhad walked back into the security holding cells. He stopped in front of Lieutenant Commander Sulak. "Vulcan, there is a flaw in your reasoning."

The Vulcan rose from the bed. "Unlikely."

"You have based your conclusions on several very specific sets of circumstances and have not considered several larger and more important factors."

"From the pleased expression on your face you have probably concluded you have found some way of compelling my compliance. I must warn you captain, your conclusions are likely in error."

"Perhaps," said Kardon, showing his teeth. "Perhaps. Shall we reason together?" he said mockingly.

"I do not appear to have much choice in the matter. By all means captain, proceed."

"You based your refusal to aid us on the possible negative outcomes associated with that aid, correct?"

"Correct."

"Essentially, if the aid you provide us allows us to use the Iconian equipment faster than we would have if we figured it out for ourselves, if that sliver of time saved results in us learning to use Iconian technology in a decisive manner that will alter the local balance of power. Your refusal is, in short, based on the threat posed by that very narrow set of circumstances. Not enough time to learn it on our own, but the equipment possessing the capability of effecting a monumental change in the time available. Of course, if your assumptions about the power of the Iconian technology are wrong or the use we can make of it or, of course, if we have plenty of time then your withholding aid will be meaningless."

"You are correct. The circumstances are unlikely, but the consequences are no less undesirable because of that."

"There are other consequences to consider," said Kardon. "If Lancer succeeds into returning to our universe, the Iconian outpost will still be far nearer Federation space than our own. It is unlikely that we will be able to do anything than flee, even if we emerge right where we want to be. However, if we fail to return we will be unable to pass on information about two threats to this entire region of space."

Kardon paused for effect. "The Borg and the Dominion are unknown in our universe. Given what you know about their behavior they will continue to expand at the expense of every species they encounter. There will be no premature contact with the Borg. There invasion will not be one of limited commitment sparked by a chance encounter. They will invade in force when they have assimilated their way to the us. Nor will the Dominion be discovered through the Bajoran wormhole which is not open. There will be no closable supply corridor. The victories that you won against them will not be repeated."

"There is another way. If Lancer returns with data on them, our scientists will begin work countering their weapons and defences. The secret will not be kept forever. The Federation and then the rest of the Alpha Quadrant will learn and have a chance to defend themselves. Defensive alliances will be struck. The minute chance of aiding Klingon domination is a worthwhile risk to take to ensure the survival of everything in this part of the Galaxy!"

Sulak was quiet for a moment. "I will consider what you have said captain."

Kardon nodded and left. The Vulcan would come around eventually. The math made it inevitable. One obstacle, almost overcome, and so many more left. If they succeeded, eternal glory. If they failed only the naked stars would remember.
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Post by Ford Prefect »

That was nicely handled by Kardon. Man's got my respect, what can I say.
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Post by Crazedwraith »

Again. Excellant. A well-done Vulcan conversing with an intelligent klingon. I love it.
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Post by Imperial Overlord »

Kardon feinted with the the dueling blade. Arkehd took a step back, the single edged blade in his hand never wavering. Kardon stabbed at Arkehd's arm. The taller klingon parried and then riposted. Kardon, fast even for one of the Imperial race, dodged aside and thrust. The point of his blade touched his science officer's chest.

"A touch," said Arkehd. The Klingons separated and moved back to their starting positions. The sparing room on a Klingon battlecruiser was small, space being at a premium on a dedicated warship. At most four people could use the space at the same time. The captain and his executive officer had the room to themselves.

"How is the Vulcan coming along?" asked Kardon as he saluted Arkehd with his blade.

"Reluctant," said Arkehd. "He is offering aid to the enemy if he cooperates."

"Still hasn't?" Kardon advanced.

Arkehd lunged. The captain retreated. "No. He doesn't rank Klingon dominance as being much better than Dominion or Borg conquest."

"Fool," Kardon said and lunged low, forcing his first officer back. "If he's concerned about how the Federation will fare in our universe, how can he oppose our return? The Dominion and Borg were only contacted be accidents. To resist either of them requires alliance of local powers, not conquest and our chances of surviving improve with forewarning."

"I know," said Arkehd. "If we weren't evil, warmongering Klingons he wouldn't be having this crisis of conscience," he said with a smile. Blades flashed between them.

"Bah," said Kardon. "Justice belongs to the strong." He drove his first officer back. Arkehd parried furiously.

"You're good at handling the Vulcan. Too bad you're not the science officer."

"It is not enough to kill your enemy, you must understand him," Kardon quoted as he pressed harder.

"Yes, Thought Admiral. Maybe give the Vulcan another taste of your brilliance. Or maybe not." He grinned fiercely.

"What kind of breakthrough?"

"The universal translator's been programmed with their alphabet and language, as much of it as we have. There's a good chance just adding the context and additional symbols of the control room will help with the rest. We have a decent foundation as it is." Arkehd beat back Kardon's assault and lunged. The captain parried easily and drove his first officer to the wall.

The wall panel blared. "Battle stations. Captain to the bridge." The two Klingons disengaged and Kardon hit the wall panel.

"Report," he barked.

"Federation vessel, Nebula class has detected us and is in pursuit," said Azrithel.

"On my way," Kardon replied and headed for the bridge, Arkehd a step behind him. They arrived in less than a minute. The bridge doors slid open and the marines guarding the entrance gave fist to heart salutes.
"Status?" Kardon ordered.

Azrithel stood and left the center seat. "We have been detected by a Nebula class cruiser that is now in pursuit. I have ignored hails, but they have sent a transmission to Starfleet."

"Speed?"

"We are holding at warp seven, cloaked. The Nebula is pursuing at warp seven point one." She displaced a junior officer and retook the communications and electronic warfare board.

"They aren't eager to close with us," said Kardon. "They have some sense. Tactical."

The image of the pursuing Nebula class vanished from the mainstream, to be replaced with that of Lancer fleeing ahead of Federation vessel. With the cloak powered, it was impossible for Lancer to travel at full speed and despite having plotted a course that avoided all frequently travelled parts of Federation space, they had been found. Stealth had failed them.

Uncloaked Lancer could outrun the Nebula, but would be pursued and would inevitably be intercepted by faster vessels as they converged on the battlecruiser. Kardon had only one option. "Disengage the cloak, raise shields to battle levels, heat the guns, and arm torpedoes."

Buttons were pushed and switches flicked at the twin tactical station at the rear of the bridge. "Helm, prepare to bring us about. Intercept course, near brushing their hull."

"Acting," replied Lieutenant Krevon. "Course laid in."

"Bring us about. Drop us to impulse when we pass. Torpedoes, tight spread from dorsal launcher. I want to blast him out of warp."

Lancer began a wide turn, reversing direction and bringing her directly on a course opposite that of the Starfleet vessel. With both ships moving in excess of warp seven, they closed quickly. The outside indicator for accurate torpedo fire was marked on the tactical display. Lancer passed it. "Helm, evasive maneuvers upon enemy torpedo launch, assume standard or widespread pattern," said Kardon. Weapons, torpedoes on my mark. Zan Kolenth, fire as opportunity occurs."

"Nebula firing," said Arkehd. Lancer lurched hard up and starboard as Krevon initiated emergency maneuvers. The superstructure groaned in response to the violent course change, but only one of the Nebula's torpedoes struck Lancer's bow shields and another proximity detonated just below her belly.

"Zan Kaan, fire at will." Torpedoes flew in a tight cluster from the dorsal launcher on Lancer's back. Blood red blazes flashed through space and burst in intolerably bright detonation on the Nebula's forward shields.

"Nebula knocked out of warp," Arkehd reported. Lancer streaked towards and past the Federation vessel, barely one hundred meters above the Nebula's dorsal weapon pod, and dropped into impulse.

"Helm turn hard to port and bring us about," said Kardon. Torpedoes fired from the aft launchers of both ships, apparently the Starfleet captain wasn't a complete fool. Lancer was already moving and took only two hits, aft and aft-port. Three of her own higher yield weapons scored direct hits.

The tertiaries emitters on Lancer's hull sent disruptor bolts flashing into the Federation vessel and the Klingon vessel slid up her starboard side. Phaser beams flashed from the Nebula's emitter ring, causing brilliant flashed where they struck Lancer's port shields. "Port side mains, action," ordered Kardon.

"Acting," said Senior Gunner Kaan. The Klingon battlecruiser's fearsome primaries and secondaries were arrayed so that two of them had broad forward and starboard fire arcs while the other two covered forward and port. Kaan triggered the portside weapons. Green disruptor bolts hammered into the Nebula's starboard shields at point blank range, shields which had already been raked over by the tertiaries. The bolts scored direct hits on the phaser collimator ring and the shields were only able to deflect most of the energy. With guns as powerful as Lancer's mains, most wasn't enough. Hull metal was scorched and blasted into fragments, plasma conduits breached, and phaser capacitor banks blasted apart.

On a Klingon vessel, with its distributed systems and redundancies, such a hit would have merely put one emitter off line. With the Nebula, it put half of its phasers out of commission. The Nebula tilted its starboard side up to bring its ventral ring into firing position as Lancer turned towards its prey. An orange phaser beam struck its forward shield and then another.

"All weapons, action!" ordered Kardon. Torpedoes flew from the bow launcher in a tight cluster to strike the Nebula's belly with devastating results. Shields crumpled under the battlecruiser's fire. The main batteries added their own fury moments latter, blasting through the weakened shields to blow a whole right through the center of the saucer section. Hot gas and debris tumbled from the wound as the Federation starship continued on its course through space.

"Finish them with the mains," Kardon ordered. A Klingon vessel would have junior officers standing by at auxiliary control to deal with just this kind of situation, but this ship was finished. "Then cloak us and resume course. We need to leave before the reinforcements arrive."
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Post by Kartr_Kana »

keep them coming!! A well written if short combat scene between the lancer and the Nebula. I did notice that the lancer launched torpedos from their dorsal launcher while above the nebula. Shouldnt that have been the ventral torpedos?
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Post by Imperial Overlord »

Kartr_Kana wrote: I did notice that the lancer launched torpedos from their dorsal launcher while above the nebula. Shouldnt that have been the ventral torpedos?
There was still a considerable distance between the vessels at that time and the dorsal launcher is on an elevated weapon pod located aft. Because the pod is elevated it can fire torpedoes at a slight downward angle. When Lancer's elevation above the target is measured in hundreds of meters and the distance between them is millions of kilometers (they're both closing at more than warp seven), a shallow angle is enough.
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Post by Cecelia5578 »

I like the story, but can the Feddies at least get half a brain, so its not the Klingons walking over everyone? I know everyone likes to rip on TNG era inadequacies, but still...
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Post by Kartr_Kana »

I wondered if thats what was going on, but wasnt sure. Anyway keep writing its a good story
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Post by Imperial Overlord »

Cecelia5578 wrote:I like the story, but can the Feddies at least get half a brain, so its not the Klingons walking over everyone? I know everyone likes to rip on TNG era inadequacies, but still...
If you would consider the following

1) The Galaxy got sucker punched because it thought it was approaching an allied vessel in distress.

2) The Miranda and the Excelsior were two outdated but capable ships against a top of the line battlecruiser from the elite part of the IKN and a slightly more developed timeline. They managed to wound Lancer seriously.

3) William Ross, despite not having all the pieces of the equation, has been able to put together an effective strategy to hunt down Lancer.

4) The Nebula is a fairly formidable ship, but not the equal of Lancer. That Lancer's crew is so good and Kardon a superior tactician just makes the mismatch worse.

5) Given the clues available, the Vulcan was able to put together the facts of the matter quickly and, in my opinion, handle himself well in debate against Kardon.

6) Janeway is still a shmuck
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Post by Ford Prefect »

Personally, I happen to think that IO is handling the Federation better and in a more realistic fashion than most scriptwriters would. William Ross handles himself extremely well; better than any memories I have of Starfleet admirals.
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Post by Cecelia5578 »

Imperial Overlord wrote: 6) Janeway is still a shmuck

True in any timeline.

I was just hoping for a more militarized Starfleet left over from the Dominion War-I don't know if I can see the Feddies putting civillians back on GCSs-but, after all, this is Starfleet we're talking about.
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Post by Spiral Jacobs »

Maybe it is some foolish scheme of Janeways to put civvies back on the Yamato, she is a schmuck after all.

Imperial Overlord, what type of Nebula was the ship destroyed by the Lancer? From what I have read some Nebulas have a weapons pod with quite a few torpedo launchers. However I think that info was only semi canon, speculation based on the Nebula model.


Enjoying the story, look forward to more.
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Post by Sean Mulligan »

Spiral Jacobs wrote:Maybe it is some foolish scheme of Janeways to put civvies back on the Yamato, she is a schmuck after all.

Imperial Overlord, what type of Nebula was the ship destroyed by the Lancer? From what I have read some Nebulas have a weapons pod with quite a few torpedo launchers. However I think that info was only semi canon, speculation based on the Nebula model.


Enjoying the story, look forward to more.
What does everyone here have against Janeway?
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Post by Imperial Overlord »

1) The Nebula is the version with the torpedo pod.

2) Its no longer wartime and the Beta Quadrant is home to a close ally, so the civies went back on the GCS. DS9 showed that Starfleet was willing to play much dirtier in wartime, but they didn't seem to be inclined to change how they normally did things.

3) People hate Janeway because she's a poorly written character whose frequently ludicrious and irresponsible decisions only work out because of writer's fiat and would be disasterous in any half way realistic situation.
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Post by Imperial Overlord »

The door to the captain's ready room chimed. "Come in," said Kathryn Janeway. Captain Smyth had generously given over his ready room to the Admiral, allowing her to work and be close to the bridge.

Thomas Smyth entered what had once been his office. The dark skinned man cleared the distance between them in a few long legged strides. "We just got a transmission from the Poseidon. They found the Klingons." His face was grim.

"I take it the news isn't good."

"The last transmission indicates that they were about to engage them in battle. And then nothing."

"Damn," said Janeway. "Where were they? Did they get a course reading on the Klingons?"

"Yes," said Smyth. "Its in the computer."

"Computer," said Janeway, "display all transmissions from the Poseidon." She studied the display. She frowned in concentration. "Computer, display all starmap of the region of Poseidon's last transmission."

She took a moment to study the map. "What do you think Thomas?"

"Atria Beta. The archaeological expedition to the Iconian ruins. Its in the same general direction, nearby, and its the only thing even close to the trouble and risk they've taken."

"I concur," she said coolly and leaned forward. "They were travelling cloaked at warp seven. We should be able to beat the Klingons to Atria Beta at maximum speed."

"Yes, but that will leave us and Bellerophon going up against ship and to be frank admiral, those are odds I don't like. They've killed four ships admiral."

Janeway smiled at him. "I wouldn't expect you to get cold feet Thomas."

"I haven't," he said angrily. "I fought alongside Tekene and MacGregor during the Dominion War. They were good captains with good ships under their command. Anyone who could take one of them should be respected and the damned Klingons killed them both. We can't just hit them hard, we have to bury them before they realize what's happening."

He stopped for second, to let his words sink in. "The Cerebus and the Sweden are nearby. We can rendezvous with them and then proceed as a group to Atria Beta before the Klingons if they maintain warp seven."

"Alright," said Janeway. "I'll consider it. Why the rendezvous point before Atria?"

"Because I don't want to get ships chopped up piecemeal as we arrive one at a time because the Klingons decided to increase speed and arrive ahead of schedule."

"And the Bellerophon?" Janeway asked.

"She's an Intrepid class," said Smyth. "If necessary she can run like hell toward us at warp nine point five or better."

"Good point," Janeway conceded. "Make it so Captain Smyth."

"With pleasure Admiral."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Drop the cloak," Kardon ordered, leaning forward slightly from the chair.

"Acting," Azrithel replied. "Proceeding to drop cloak."

"Zan Krevon, accelerate to warp nine point two." The Federation would have a good idea where they were. They hadn't been able to prevent the Nebula from transmitting their location. There was only one important target in the region. Stealth would no longer serve them, but speed would.

"Acting," replied Krevon.

"Weapons, heat the guns and arm torpedoes. It is likely that we will receive a warm welcome." He grinned savagely, showing teeth. What glorious victory would be complete without battle?
Last edited by Imperial Overlord on 2006-12-04 09:57pm, edited 4 times in total.
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Post by Ford Prefect »

Janeway acting moderately intelligent was quite refreshing. And again you hit us with some fantastic foreshadowing.
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Post by Imperial Overlord »

Ford Prefect wrote:Janeway acting moderately intelligent was quite refreshing. And again you hit us with some fantastic foreshadowing.
She can recognize and take credit for a better idea when someone smarter than her comes up with it. :twisted:
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Post by Crazedwraith »

Excellent. What kind of ships are the Sweden ands the Cerebus?

Are the klingons soon to get a right kicking? Seriously I want to see them face some adversity, just straight ass kicking gets boring after a while.
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Post by Imperial Overlord »

Crazedwraith wrote:Excellent. What kind of ships are the Sweden ands the Cerebus?

Are the klingons soon to get a right kicking? Seriously I want to see them face some adversity, just straight ass kicking gets boring after a while.
Lancer is going up against four Federation starships who know the Klingons are coming. Unless this suddenly turns into Portal quality writing, the Klingons are due for some pain.
Last edited by Imperial Overlord on 2006-11-30 05:43am, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by Sidewinder »

Imperial Overlord wrote:Lancer is going up against four Federation starship who know the Klingons are coming. Unless this suddenly turns into Portal quality writing, the Klingons are due for some pain.
I look forward to the coming battle, although it would be horribly ironic if Lancer wins, but the Klingons lose their Vulcan prisoner in the battle and end up in front of the Iconian portal with no way to open it and another Starfleet battle group on the way.

Will Janeway die a painful, horrible death in this story? Get thrown in the agony booth and tortured until she coughs up her lungs? Fed to Kardon's pet Targs? Shot in the back by mutinying Starfleet personnel?
Please do not make Americans fight giant monsters.

Those gun nuts do not understand the meaning of "overkill," and will simply use weapon after weapon of mass destruction (WMD) until the monster is dead, or until they run out of weapons.

They have more WMD than there are monsters for us to fight. (More insanity here.)
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Post by Imperial Overlord »

Lieutenant Commander Sulak rose to his feet and approached the front of his cell. "Captain Kardon. I presume you are here in an attempt to persuade me to cooperate. Success is unlikely."

"Your decision could doom billions to enslavement by the Dominion or conversion by the Borg."

"The possibility is remote. My observations suggest that the Federation and Klingon Empire in your universe are more military capable than those in my universe. Given that and our own successes against the Dominion and the Borg, I find the risk of increasing the likelihood of Klingon conquest of the Federation to be too high. I will not assist you."

"I see," said Kardon. "This forces me to rely upon the Federation database on the Iconians and the abilities of my own science officers. This does mean that I have no use for most of my remaining prisoners."

"Threats will not alter my decision captain. Killing them will in no way profit you."

"Of course," said Kardon. "They are my prizes and evidence that will support my report. Their freedom would have been negotiable if you had agreed to assist us, but since you will not bargain for their lives there only remaining value is as evidence."

"Your attempts are coercion will fail captain."

"This is not coercion," said Kardon. "This is the logic. Unless you can provide me with a better alternative."

Silence answered him. "I thought not," said Kardon. The Klingon captain turned around and walked out of the brig.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Nearing cloak radius," Azrithel said, turning to face Kardon.

The captain stroked his beard and turned his attention to the main viewer. "Decrease speed to warp seven. Activate the cloak," he commanded. Atria Beta wasn't quite within range of their long range scans.

"Acting," said Lieutenant Krevon. "Now at warp seven."

"Acting," said Azrithel. "Cloak engaged."

"Helm, swing us around to keep the sun between us and the second planet."

"Coordinates transferred from navigation, acting," said Krevon crisply.

"Permission to leave the bridge and prepare to join the landing party?" Arkehd asked.

"Permission granted," said Kardon. He smiled. "Have fun with the marines."

Arkehd gave a fist to heart salute and showed teeth. "Just don't forget and leave me down there." He departed from the bridge as a junior officer took his station.

Lancer entered the outer system and swung around the yellow G class star, keeping it between them and the 2nd planet for as long as possible. "Maintain course," Kardon ordered. "Zan Krevon, do not on any account enter the inner system until we are on the other side of the planet than the Iconian site."

"Understood," said Krevon.

"Subspace radio broadcast originating in orbit above the Iconian site," said Azrithel. "Indicative of a starship in geostationary orbit."

"Continue on course," Kardon ordered.

"Beginning approach vector to second planet," said Krevon. "Dropping to impulse."

Kardon hit a button on his chair. "Force Leader are your troops ready?"

"We are still making sure a certain science officer doesn't damage himself or his equipment while suited up," Memneth replied dryly. "First strike weapons have been loaded into the cargo transporters and the first wave are in troop transporters. We await your word captain."

"It is imperative that you be successful Force Leader. Records indicate that the Federation will destroy the facility before letting it fall into enemy hands."

"If these were Starfleet Marines, that might be a problem. Victory is all but assured. Kai Kassai Klingon!" Memneth cut the connection.

"Bring us around so we are within transporter range of the Iconian site zan Krevon."

"Acting," said the Helmsman. Lancer began to circle the world.

"Enemy vessel on sensors," Azrithel said. "Intrepid class. Their shields are up and their guns are hot. She's focusing scans on the outer system. She could detect us at any moment."

"Sciences, power readings on the Iconian structure?" Federation records indicated at least one Iconian structure had some kind of power dampening field which interfered with the operation of energy weapons.

"Within norms. Sensors indicate the structure is built of some kind of extremely dense substance. Readings are defaulting to neutronium." Which was wrong, but the closest match the computer could make to whatever it was the Iconians had used to build the structure."

"Transporters, action." There was no way the Federation ship would miss that. "Drop cloak, raise shields, heat the guns. For the Empire."

"For the Empire!"
The Excellent Prismatic Spray. For when you absolutely, positively must kill a motherfucker. Accept no substitutions. Contact a magician of the later Aeons for details. Some conditions may apply.
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Ford Prefect
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Post by Ford Prefect »

Kardon stroked his presumably manly beard. I am satisfied.
What is Project Zohar?

Here's to a certain mostly harmless nutcase.
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LordShaithis
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Post by LordShaithis »

I'm reading. It owns. Make more.
If Religion and Politics were characters on a soap opera, Religion would be the one that goes insane with jealousy over Politics' intimate relationship with Reality, and secretly murder Politics in the night, skin the corpse, and run around its apartment wearing the skin like a cape shouting "My votes now! All votes for me! Wheeee!" -- Lagmonster
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