You are God

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2002-12-26 09:34pm

why punish stalin for being sucessful? he acheived power never before or since done, and this starting from a peasant.

Tosho · Post by **Tosho** » 2002-12-26 09:38pm

Darth Wong wrote:
innerbrat wrote:
Colonel Olrik wrote: Now, do be careful. For me, only in the giving side and only in the condition the receiver is a nice girl. The problem with Divinities is that sometimes they overlook these minor details.
Fuck you, you sexist git - don't deal out what you can't receive!!
OK, so we're sexist when it comes to ... sex. Is that a problem? Besides, since the female would derive no physical pleasure from sticking an inert dildo in a man's butt, I don't see why women would be clamouring for this anyway.

Perhaps they enjoy the sense of control and/or the humiliation that some men would get from the experiance.

Tosho · Post by **Tosho** » 2002-12-26 09:40pm

Enforcer Talen wrote:why punish stalin for being sucessful? he acheived power never before or since done, and this starting from a peasant.

Actually I was thinking more along the lines of the millions of people he killed.

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2002-12-27 07:19am

Darth Wong wrote:
innerbrat wrote:
Colonel Olrik wrote: Now, do be careful. For me, only in the giving side and only in the condition the receiver is a nice girl. The problem with Divinities is that sometimes they overlook these minor details.
Fuck you, you sexist git - don't deal out what you can't receive!!
OK, so we're sexist when it comes to ... sex. Is that a problem? Besides, since the female would derive no physical pleasure from sticking an inert dildo in a man's butt, I don't see why women would be clamouring for this anyway.

I wasn't calling you sexist, I was calling Olrik sexist, because if he can't take it, he shouldn't give it out. Anyway, there is pleasure to be derived from giving pleasure, y'know.

Wong, you'd better gice girls a male-positioned g-spot, else I'll start multiple holy wars.
Ah yes, I forgot to mention that if I were omnipotent, I would alter the clitoris so it is directly stimulated by vaginal sex. Bedrooms would be much noisier, I suspect.

And a g-spot inside the anus, please.

Darth Yoshi · Post by **Darth Yoshi** » 2002-12-27 02:11pm

Yet another thread has degenerated to anal sex. What is the world coming to?

Antediluvian · Post by **Antediluvian** » 2002-12-27 10:17pm

Darth Yoshi wrote:Yet another thread has degenerated to anal sex. What is the world coming to?

More anal sex, I hope.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2002-12-27 11:13pm

Darth Yoshi wrote:Yet another thread has degenerated to anal sex. What is the world coming to?

It's Grey's First Law of Forums, I believe. Given enough time, anything can turn into a dicussion of sex, even threads that have nothing to do with it.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2002-12-28 12:07am

Why would you even bother dealing with suffering? If I was God, I'd eliminate all forms of suffering and make the Earth a paradise. I would also speak through my prophet, Kevin Smith.

Oh, and every circumsized male would get his foreskin back.

Actually, I'd make the world a giant college dorm.

Lord Pounder · Post by **Lord Pounder** » 2002-12-28 04:14pm

As god 1st things 1st i would project my image to all people in the world and declare that all religon's are wrong that I AM THE ONLY GOD. then i would challenge any of the Religous leaders to refute me. After the Pope and every other religious leader died horribly i'd declare an international day of partying.

after the party day was over i would get down to business and destroy the entire worlds nuclear stock pile and the knowledge to make more nukes.

I declare creationalism illegal and delare Science to be the only law, Unless you can back up any of your theories with solid evidence you are guilty of being an assclown and get 10 years in hell.

I'd give the Western countries more oil stock piles so they have no need to blow up anymore arab nations.

Then i'd appear to leave this world but secretly move back to Belfast and watch to see if any religons emerge, if they did and they caused harm to the world i'd appear only as long as it takes to smack them down.

Oh aye and as far as the anal sex goes it's not actually that bad to recieve it. One of my ex's demanded to do it to me before i could do it to her. It wasn't bad if done right and it taught me how to give it right. If you do anal wrong you can really hurt the person your with.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2002-12-28 04:42pm

Darth Pounder wrote:After the Pope and every other religious leader died horribly i'd declare an international day of partying.

Well, come on. Isn't that a bit mean to kill the Dalai Lama? He's a pretty cool guy.

Lord Pounder · Post by **Lord Pounder** » 2002-12-28 04:45pm

As i said in the paragraph i would only be killing objecters to the new regiem, I doubt the Dalai Lama would be one of the louder objectors.

C.S.Strowbridge · Post by **C.S.Strowbridge** » 2002-12-28 06:24pm

Give everyone on Earth the cognative skills and critical thinking ability to understand and apply science as a investigative method. With that, God would no longer exist.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2002-12-28 10:09pm

Tosho wrote:
Enforcer Talen wrote:why punish stalin for being sucessful? he acheived power never before or since done, and this starting from a peasant.
Actually I was thinking more along the lines of the millions of people he killed.

which shows his power ^^

price of glory, really. if you plan to keep that much power, a few purges are neccessary.

Raptor 597 · Post by **Raptor 597** » 2002-12-28 10:26pm

Alter physics too make FTL possible and produce the SW Galaxy who incidently make me their Emperor. Then I murder Jevovah. Also, I would all Religious Fundamentalists too kill each othr and give Moderates a massive re-education program. Then, I'd put this Board's best into World power.

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2002-12-28 10:46pm

I'll give my list soon...probably. But for right now the best thing I see about that movie in terms of pissing off most Christian fundies. God is BLACK! I LOVE that part, for the simple reason of seeing God as a black man and Jim Carrey with Godly powers I will definately watch that movie.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2002-12-28 11:00pm

'god is a women, and she wears a trenchcoat' was my sig, couple years ago. idle detail.

Darth Yoshi · Post by **Darth Yoshi** » 2002-12-29 01:25am

I personally wouldn't mind being on the receiving end, anally speaking.

The God is black bit will be worth watching.

Singular Quartet · Post by **Singular Quartet** » 2003-01-02 05:16pm

On Anal Sex: No comment.

That out of the way, lets plan my week.

1st day: Create horde of monstrocities and abominations to carry out my will using more... direct... methods (whatever the hell my nightmares and subconcious can come up with)

2nd day: Declare that Fundamentalism is wrong, and that people should get on with their lives. Any who say otherwise are under target of the direct method.

3rd day: Unleash Gojira on Tokyo.

4th day: Start spreaden the enlightenment.

5th day: Publish 3rd testament, which will be two lessons.
Lesson one: Life isn't fair. Deal with it.
Lesson two: Logic and reasoning are good. Blind faith is bad.

6th day: Begin the party.

7th day: End the party.

Solid Snake · Post by **Solid Snake** » 2003-01-08 12:55am

Day 1: Cure my non-orgasmic sex due to anti-depressents
Send my son to the world, only he would be a punk

Day 2: Smite the son of a bitch who stole my wallet and cell phone.

Day 3: Send all the fundies a planet where they get eaten by morlocks on a regular basis

Day 4: Reveal myself to the world, as a guy in a trenchcoat walking down Clark Street with a shotgun, and a pocket full of shells.

Day 5: Anally rape Jack Chick with my 11 inch, burning white-iron cock and blow my load in his ass. <My jizz would have a pH of -50>

Day 6: Realize that i should kill Jehova before he takes his power back tomorrow, then turn his blood pH to 14.

Day 7: Make my girlfriend (fiance, now) a goddess, wed, and smite assholes and start shit in the universe for the rest of eternity

Frank Hipper · Post by **Frank Hipper** » 2003-01-08 03:19am

I would curse all religious extremists with incontinence, "Yea, thou shalt mess thine britches with noxious sewage for all thy days"

I would would reduce the planet's population to a healthy level, less crowding is more good.

I would create poop eating giant spiders to hunt down the religious extremists, they would have insatiable appetites so they start with the messy drawers, then go for the scource. Being eaten asshole first by a giant spider is a godly punishment, isn't it?

And then cure all disease, create earthly paradise, goodwill to.....blah blah blah....you get the picture.

THEHOOLIGANJEDI · Post by **THEHOOLIGANJEDI** » 2003-01-08 04:44pm

I would, try to calm down all the Religious Zealotry in the world. I'd say (in a booming voice) that all holy books were written by biased men with alterior motives, and that to just have faith in me and lead moral lives. Then I'd do nothing but watch and see if humankind can achieve peace on Earth

THEHOOLIGANJEDI · Post by **THEHOOLIGANJEDI** » 2003-01-08 04:49pm

THEHOOLIGANJEDI wrote:I would, try to calm down all the Religious Zealotry in the world. I'd say (in a booming voice) that all holy books were written by biased men with alterior motives, and that to just have faith in me and lead moral lives. Then I'd do nothing but watch and see if humankind can achieve peace on Earth

Oh and I'd tell people to live their lives, have fun and not to worry about going to hell b/c you have to be a real dick to go there.

SAMAS · Post by **SAMAS** » 2003-01-08 05:57pm

Day 1: All Holy books erupt into multicolored flame. Create uncloseable backdoor to my power for future use, and subtly alter reality so that nobody even thinks about getting near it's location. Similarly, all fundies who used their beliefs to harm others are immediately given a choice: Change their ways, or your head does a repeat of what happened to your book. Those who incite terrorism, of any religion, aren't given the choice.

Day 2: Speak into the hearts of all humanity. Let them know that I exist, and that I was responsible for the destruction the day before. I restore all of Earth's depleted rescources, and restore all pollution to a safer, more useable state. All present wealth is also immediately redistributed evenly among the planet's population, and increase the quality of life for the poor and homeless at least to a low-income US citizen's level. Earth is now under a Clean Slate policy. We're all partially even as of now, so anything else is up to you.

Day 3: Bring Back the last 300,000 people who died needlessly and tragically. For the rest of the week, anyone who tries to harm another person for no good reason immediately feels as if everything he or she planned just happened to them. Karmic Law is introduced, and for the day, sped up to an immediate level, just to drive the point home.

Day 4: Place the universe under Cartoon Physics(Tex Avery/Chuck Jones style)

Day 5: Place the universe under Anime Physics.

Day 6: Drastically alter the universe into a combination of Cartoon, Anime, and Sci-Fi Physics. Pretty much anything should be possible now. Among the changes is also that it's pretty much four times as hard to kill a person. Also instate Reincarnation. All Death Row inmates are instantly struck dead, and immediately reborn.

Day 7: Reintroduce humanity to the present Jehovah. Make both his and mine intentions and plans apparent to all, and let them decide who they want from now on. If I lose, there's always that backdoor...

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2003-01-08 06:11pm

Grey's First Law of Forums is once again proven to be universally applicable.