MST4K: Episode Five- Bad A-Ko Lemon!

[Ryushikaze]

Mordancy Sarcasm Theater 4000
By Tim

All belongs to whom it belongs to. Also, please don't sue me. Thank you

In the not too distant future...
(Tim pops up and blasts the opening sequence with a missile)
Tim: Let's get on with it, shall we?

Satellite of lust, three minutes after three minutes before

Graham: Not another one...
Tim: Too bad, another one. but at least we get a good guest this time
Ranma: Yo, guys, howya been?
Graham: WOOHOOO! WE GOT A GOO-
Artlu: CAN IT! anyway, here is the fic you'll be watching, enjoy...
Tim: And the cryptometer reads...

(sirens blair and they enter the theater)
(Door #7: It falls towards you and lands on your feet.)
(Door #6: It's a burning ring. You jump through it.)
(Door #5: It says, "Please use other door.")
(The other Door #5: It's a wall with a torch. You pull the torch and the wall swings open.)
(Door #4: It's a giant pet door. You think how degrading this is.)
(Door #3: It's guarded by a giant dog. You scratch behind its ears and it lets you pass.)
(Door #2: It's a stack of boxes. A big muscular henchman picks you up and throws you through it.)
(Door #1: You ignore the ticket guy and rush into the theater.)


PROJECT A-KO:
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING THIS SUMMER

Tim: Tonight on masturbate theater.


by TC SHAN
---

A-ko woke up thinking she was late for school. Again. Damn it! And now that bitch B-ko was gonna try to fight with her over C-ko, as usual. Why didn't that tramp...

Ranma: A-ko, wake up thinking? She rarely thinks period, so why would she start now?

Then A-ko remembered it was the first day of summer vacation. That was cool. Maybe she would see C-ko today, and they could do something fun.

Graham: visions of teenage lesbianism running through her head
Tim: Somewhere else, too.

And maybe B-ko wouldn't show up to ruin everything.

Ranma: As Kuno won't show, so won't B-ko
Tim: Don't get me started on their similarities... or on the relation theory

As A-ko got downstairs, she heard her parents arguing.

Tim: I get to use the fish this time, you can take the Tenta-o-matic!
Graham: Fish? Tenta-o-matic? You're frightening me.

"There is no way in hell she's going to do that!" That was her father.

Tim: But the caymans are so nice this time of year...

"Clark, dear, please try to be understanding," said her mother. "A-ko's almost in her twenties, give or take a year. She's of perfectly legal age. Besides, it's not much worse than what happened to us all those years ago."

A-ko's father sighed. "I suppose you're right, Diana. It's just that...well, she is our daughter. As a parent, I feel, well, nervous about what may happen to her."

Ranma: She can punch through girders with ease, stop an alien invasion, and they're worried about her?
Graham: Parents worry about everything, except your dad of course.

[For those of you who don't get the in-joke, A-ko's parents are Diana PRINCE and Clark KENT.]

Tim: No, none of us did. Also why did you put their last names in all caps, Tc SHAN?

"What are you guys talking about?" asked A-ko.

Graham: Oh, nothing, just wondering which pimp we were going to sell you to this week.

"This," said Clark. He pointed to an ad in the morning paper.

WANTED:
Hot Babe To Star In

New Tentacle Rape Flick,

"The Beasting"

Ages 18-40 Welcome

All: FORTY?
Tim: I tell you, porn is going down the tubes
Ranma: Yup, it is.
Akane:Why you...
Ranma: How did you get in here?
(Akane mallets Ranma and leaves)

"Your mother made a sick joke about how you always wanted a summer job," said Clark. "Then she actually started taking the idea seriously."

Graham: Yeah, like anyone's mom would wnat their kid in a tenta-flic.
Tim: I counterpoint, Miko Mido's folks.
Ranma: He has a point. Who better to star in a demon flick than a demon herself? Besides, she does have experience...


"Huh?" A-ko wondered.

Graham: Words big, A-ko confused...

"You know those dirty stories about me and your mother that started hitting the Internet?" asked Clark.

Tim: (imitating clark) The ones we put there ourselves?

"Oh, that," said A-ko. "I suppose I could just take a look-see."

Ranma: At the job, or the stories?

***

When A-ko got to the address on the ad (1313 Peacock Lane), she met B-ko and C-ko. "What are you guys doing here?" she asked.

All: 1313? GROAAAN!
Ranma: Oh we just want to be turned into mindless big titted demon slaves, so what's new with you?

"I'm here to protest!" announced B-ko. "The kind of movie they're making is demeaning to our gender!"

Graham: Tim, don't even START!
Tim: What? I was just gonna say that maybe B-ko NEEDS to be demeaned.

"Hi, A-ko!" squealed C-ko happily, in her typical air-headed fashion. "I've got a job delivering pizzas! How about you?"

Ranma: So that's why I never got my order!

"Oh, me?" asked A-ko. "I'm just here 'cause I've really got nothing better to do. Maybe I'll get a job in this film." Then she got starry-eyed. "And then I can go on to legitimate movies and become a famous actress!"

Tim: with a name like Anal A-ko, and a... I'll stop now.

"That's so naive, A-ko," sneered B-ko. "You haven't even taken acting lessons! Though I doubt you'd need them for this kind of movie anyway."

Ranma: (imitating B-ko) I should know, I've been in at least ten of them myself!
Tim: (not imitating anyone) I've been in at least that many situations with women, and it wasn't a movie!
(Graham looks at him funny.)
Graham: Eh...

A seed of suspicion was planted in B-ko's jealous brain. What's the real reason she's here, anyway? Is it to be near C-ko?

All: (to the mickey mouse club endtheme) L,E,S... B-I,A,N... Time-for-a -threesome!

But before B-ko could vocalize her thought, the door opened. Inside stood a nerdy-looking director with a beret, a goatee, and sunglasses. He looked like a stereotypical director. He leered at the three feminine forms at his door. A-ko's body was already developing to the kind of proportions you see in comic books. B-ko, though less developed, was growing a supermodel-like figure herself. Even C-ko had a "Hot Teens" sort of figure.

Graham: You know, Ranma, A-ko kinda reminds m-
Ranma: DON'T EVEN SAY IT!
Tim: I like how he described pre-pube C-ko's figure.

"You three are perfect!" drooled the lecherous director as he grabbed them all and pulled them in.

Ranma: Happosai directs porn movies?
Graham: Maybe it's Ataru.

"Huh? Hey, wait-"

Tim: I'm not wet yet!

"Now wait a minute-"

Graham: and put on a condom!

"Don't you want the-"

Ranma: back door?

All three girls were too confused to put up a fight as they were dragged into the darkness of the studio. (THEY WERE NEVER SEEN AGAIN!!! HAHAHAHAHA...sorry, got carried away.)

Tim: I'll say he did.

***

"Hey, wait a minute!"

Tim: I already used that joke!

"I'm not starring in a porno film!"

Graham: Yes you are...

"Hey! You forgot to pay me!"

Ranma: (imitating a french whore) Blowjobs don't come cheap, you know!

The director ignored all their arguments and pleas as he dragged the three women into the studio. He led them onto the set, where various attractive young women [for in-joke purposes, imagine your favorite comic book, animated, and video game women scantily clad or naked] stood with various tentacled demons.

Tim: I'm imagining away... wait I don't need to, they already dress like that
Graham: (drools)
(nearby the hent-o-meter explodes)

"These are your co-stars, ladies," said the director. "Don't worry, the demons are well-mannered and on their best behavior."

Tim: Paper trained too!

"And besides," said one of the women, wearing a Shinto robe (and little else), "I slapped a billion wards and preventative spells on each of them."

Tim: A shinto robe would be enough, it's pretty big outfit.
Graham: ONLY a billion? Slacking off on the job!

"They're perfectly harmless!" chirped all the other women simultaneously, all with smiles the size of their boobs.

Tim: Just like we're perfectly brainless!
Ranma: I think I'm hallucinating, but I think I see Akane in there...
(somehow the hent-o-meter explodes again)
Graham: Ranma, beware the undersides of mallets.
Tim: Hint: Shakespeare.

Naturally, with that kind of assurance, A-ko and B-ko knew they had to split. They were almost at the door when B-ko asked, "Hey, where's C-ko?"

Tim: Afghanistan?
Graham: Bosnia?
Ranma: The white house?
(Tim turns the magazine over)
Tim: Nope guys, she was in Nerima
(Hint: Carmen Sandiego)

They found her playing with one of the friendlier demons, who was wiggling a rabbit hand puppet. C-ko giggled as the monster made the cute creature dance. A-ko and B-ko stood there with stunned expressions and sweatdrops the size of Japan.

Ranma: No, only Hawaii.

B-ko sighed. "It's obvious she doesn't want to leave just yet."

Tim: I think I know that demon. YES! It is Larry!
Graham: Leisure suit?

"We might as well sign up," sighed A-ko, agreeing with B-ko for once.

Ranma: It's a sign of the apocolypse!

"Yippee!" squealed C-ko. "We're all gonna be in a movie together! Isn't that great?"

Graham: Tim, we may have an installment of masturbate theater soon.
Tim: In the bathroom, not the theater, I've gotten complaints about the stains.

Both her "friends" resisted the impulse to kill her as they signed.

***

"A-ko, okay...I mean, acre, K.O...aw, skip it."

Graham: He can't even pronounce her name?
Tim: Too busy drooling. She's naked, for friggin' crying out loud!
(For absolutely no reason, the hent-o-meter explodes yet a third time.)
Graham: Wait a minute, we never had a hent-o-meter! How the-
Tim: Don't ask, lest ye find out.

The director gestured toward a ten-foot-tall slug-like demon with twelve tentacles protruding from its stomach. "In this scene, this guy's gonna rape you. Well, he won't really, but you know what I mean. I want you to look like you're fighting back."

Ranma: then he's gonna turn you into his slave, not really, except he will.

"Okay," said A-ko.

The director went to his chair and yelled, "Action!"

Graham: "And plenty of it!" yelled the MSTers.

The demon bounced toward A-ko, holding its tentacles out menacingly.

"Don't you touch me!" shouted A-ko, leaping upward and punching the demon in the snoot. The fiend was sent flying by the blow, smashing down a wall.

"Oh, crap," groaned the director, "Cut!"

***

On the second take, the demon managed to grab A-ko's arms and legs, and began to manipulate her tits. A thick tentacle entered A-ko's cunt, and she screamed.

Tim: I'm REALLY resisitng the urge to say something here

"Hey, not so hard," she whispered to the demonic "rapist".

"Sorry," said the demon as it began to pulsate its member.

A-ko feigned terror and pain as well as she could, but inside she couldn't believe the pleasure she was feeling. Holy shit, this guy's good, she realized as her vaginal muscles pulsated. Unfortunately, like the rest of her muscles, they proved superhumanly strong.

Ranma: And a demon's muscles wouldn't?

The demon began to feel uncomfortable, then started screaming in agony as the invading member was torn off. The demon released A-ko and bounced away, making high-pitched "yipe-yipe-yipe" noises.

Tim: That's where they went wrong, see if I did it I woulda slapped an ultimate weakness moxi. on all the gals. Which reminds me, Graham after this, start up the raganrok, we got some buisness to do.

"Jesus Christ," groaned the director. "Cut! Dongo, get your ass to the infirmary."

Graham: Dongo? Is that supposed to sound like-?

***

The next scene was with C-ko as a different monster raped her. Although she acted appropriately scared and terrified at first (because she was), she wound up squealing with joy.

"Wowwww, WOW!" she shouted. "This is greaaatt!"

"No, no, NO!" screamed the director. "CUUUT!"

"What'd I do wrong this time?" demanded the living corpse that was "raping" C-ko.

"Not you! Her!" yelled the director, turning to C-ko. "You're not supposed to like it, dammit!" he scolded her. "He's taking you against your will, you stupid ditzy bitch! That's why it's called a rape!"

"WAAAAAHHH!" cried C-ko. "Just because I've been a virgin up till now and didn't know how much fun this was, is no reason to be mean to me!" She started bawling.

Graham: Innocent, yet still perfect lemon dialogue. This guy's not so bad!

"This whole take is ruined!" yelled the director, taking off his hat and jumping up and down on it. "Dammit! Shit! FUUUUUCKKK!"

Tim: Sure, which girl?

"Geez, for people involved in an 'adult' movie, you two are regular babies," complained the corpse as it withdrew its intestine/phallus and lit up a cigarette.

Graham: I think he draws spunky knight.
Tim: I see her in the background too.

***

When A-ko finally went home, her parents were fixing dinner.

"So, how was your day?" asked A-ko's mother.

Tim: A little anal sex, some blowjobs, the usual.

"Total crap," muttered A-ko. Then she told her parents everything: about how she accidentally got the job she thought she'd wanted, about the monsters, the graphic sex, and the bungled filming.

Ranma: And how she had signed the lifetime contract, and...

"B-ko kept trying to tell them what a sexist film she thought it was, but it was hard talking with that tentacle in her mouth," A-ko concluded. "And the director kept complaining about how she looked more pi...uh, angry than frightened."

Graham: Oh to be a demon in it's place...

Suddenly, she felt a kicking. Something was trying to fight its way out of her belly like that chestbursting monster in those Alien movies!

Graham: Anyone wanna see me imitate a Chestburster victim?
Tim: Imitate nothing, I slipped an embryo in yer food at lunch.
Graham: So that's what the side dish was...

"Hey!" she yelled. "If you're gonna get out of there, do it the way you got in, will ya?"

Tim: and take the goat with you!
Graham and Ranma: >BLINK<

"You're pregnant already?" asked A-ko's chagrined father.

Graham: Of course not! She was pregnant before!

"Uh, no, I don't think so," said A-ko as something slimy slid out of her vagina. "I forgot about that tentacle I ripped off."

Ranma: How do you forget having something stuck inside yer...?

Sure enough, a thing like a penis with teeth hopped onto the table.

A-ko's father slapped himself. "If that thing bursts into song like in that Spaceballs movie," he groaned, "I'm leaving this table."

The creature burst out into song. "Oh so LO-mio, oh so LO-mio..."

Tim: So LO is right.
Ranma: (coughs the word "ripoff.")

"That's it!" yelled her father. "I'm out of here!"

A-ko's mom couldn't help laughing.

***

"You did WHAT?!" screamed B-ko's father, Mr. Daitokuji. "You told me you were going to protest that movie!"

"But Father-- " B-ko tried futilely to explain.

"Out!" shouted the enraged Daitokuji. "I won't have a harlot for a daughter!"

"But-- "'

"OUT!"

"But you're not even-- "

Several laser cannon batteries opened on both sides of the office. "GET OUT!" shouted Daitokuji for the last time.

Ranma: He sure won't listen to anything.
Tim: Another point on the Kuno likeness chart. We'll kill him when we have enough evidence.

"Fine," grumbled B-ko. "I'm going."

What a creep! B-ko thought as she walked out. He's getting all judgmental just because of a misunderstanding! Then she got to thinking. Did I react that way to the movie? Do I react that way to everything A-ko does with C-ko? Naaaahhhh...

Tim: I get totally pissed of for no reason at all, that's it!

***

C-ko was describing (in her own ditzy fashion) the experience to her boss at the pizza palace.

"...and he stuck his slimy thing in, and it hurt at first, but then it was soooo good, and we went bouncy-bouncy, and it was FUN!"

Graham: I'm sure it was

Her boss looked green around the gills.

Tim: DAMNIT! I've already used the Ad naseum/ "Ralph" lauren joke!

***

Finally, the three girls returned to the studio: A-ko did it because she liked the job; C-ko because she never got paid for the pizza; and B-ko because C-ko was there.

"OK, ladies," said the director, leading them into a room full of naked women and demons, "this is the climax of the film. The demons have set up this harem out of their sex slaves, and basically, this is going to involve random lesbo-sex scenes and demon-fuckings. Then a SWAT team of demon hunters busts in and saves the day." He got into the chair and yelled, "Okay...ACTION!"

Graham: Hey we never got paid for that gig!

As many of the nearly or fully nude women began to play with each other (and the rest planted their asses onto demon tentacles), A-ko looked over at C-ko. Did she really want to get, ahem, "involved" with another female? Reluctantly, she reached toward C-ko...

"Hold it!" yelled B-ko angrily, grabbing A-ko's arm before it could reach C-ko. "If anyone's lesbo-fucking C-ko, it's gonna be me!"

Tim: Video record in three...

"Go right ahead," said A-ko nonchalantly.

B-ko was momentarily confused. Then she suddenly developed some twisted ideas. "Ohhh, no you don't! I've got my own idea. We'll do each other; whoever makes the other come first gets C-ko next."

So began the strangest battle A-ko and B-ko ever had. As the two women got into a sixty-nine position with B-ko on top, their arms moved downward to caress each other's tits as their tongues explored each other's pussy. As they started to become stimulated, B-ko moved her hands around, stroking A-ko's lithe yet voluptuous frame. A-ko took B-ko's cues. They were starting to become hot and wet.

"Ohh, god..." breathed A-ko as she started to become excited. She sped up the tongue action. But B-ko was even faster, and was trained in certain erotic techniques. A-ko was starting to have a massive orgasm!

"Ohhhh myyyy GOOOOOOOODDDDD!" screamed A-ko as she came. Suddenly, her super-muscles began spasming. Unfortunately, B-ko's neck was between A-ko's legs at the time, and it felt like two silky anacondas strangling her.

"YESSSS!" grinned the director lecherously.

Tim: Premature-
Graham: Ejaculatory-
Ranma: Disorder

Suddenly, the building began to shake. Unfortunately, the spasmings of A-ko's super-powerful muscles registered on the Richter scale!

Ranma: So? I constanly measure richter!
Tim: Me too, especially after lots of Mexican food like I had earlier!
(Graham and Ranma move to the opposite end of the row.)


"Holy shit, an earthquake!" screamed the director as plaster and wood cracked. "Everybody out!"

The resulting evacuation of demons, naked harlots, and actors in costumes was the oddest exodus ever seen. They all got out, and not a moment too soon, as the building crumbled!

Tim: I just had an image of Moses leading those freaks through the red sea, AND IT WAS DAAAAAMN FUNNY!!!!
Graham: Eardum... again...

"I won," said A-ko wearily, as she and B-ko lay amidst the rubble and each other's cum.

"No, I won," B-ko corrected. "I said whoever made the other come won, so I get to have that lesbian scene with C-ko."

All: NO, WE WON!

"Nobody's screwing nobody!" screamed the director. "All the camera equipment was in there! It's all smashed to bits!"

"No more movie?!" whined everyone. "Waaaahhhhh!!" B-ko was especially pissed.

Tim: Repeat parody of mickey mouse theme

***

A-ko and B-ko were both grounded for a month by their respective parents, until the damage had been paid for out of their allowances. C-ko got a new job in America as a secretary for Bill Clinton.

Ranma: I was kinda expecting that...

As for the movie-makers and the demons...

THE END?

Tim: NOT BLOODY LIKELY!
~~~~~~

What do you think? Anyone want a sequel / prequel to this story?

Tim: Ya, and I'm gonna make it!

(outer room)
Tim: This wasn't so bad a fic, a little lacking in areas, but okay overall
Graham: It didn't have enough sex scenes!
Ranma: Exactly. Well I better get going before Akane thinks I've been doing something again.
Graham: So Tim, what was that buisness you had?
Tim: Do you know how much that kind of movie makes? with my demon buds...

THE END
***

"...and he stuck his slimy thing in, and it hurt at first, but then it was soooo good, and we went bouncy-bouncy, and it was FUN!"

You can reach me at Ktnablade@aol.com/
or graham at
Gmantis14@aol.com/

comments appreciated, flames laughed at.

[Sidewinder]

Bravo. This was the second MST4000 I was able to finish. (The first was Sailor Jupiter Vs Godzilla.) I'm not insulting your writing skills, but that of the lemons you chose to MST. (Your jokes were applied to the fan fics like morphine to an AMPUTATION-- you can imagine how little it helped in making 'Artemis' Lover' bearable.)

For longer fics, like the "Brock is a hermaphrodite" story, I advise splitting it up into several chapters so readers don't have to take the entire fan fic all at once.

Keep up the good work!

[Ryushikaze]

After the initial Boss Wars Megaepisode, I tried to institute a policy of splitting them into more manageable chunks, so it won't be so bad in the future.