What beast would guard your fortress?

[Rob Wilson]

Moat Guard - Kraken, it can even reach them when they ar outside of the moat, plus its tentacles would strike fear into the heart of all japanese schoolgirls (thus preventing an attack by that most powerful entity - the Big Eyed Anime Girl!)

Gate guard - Dorkstar! Lets face it, you can't kill the little fuck, he's immune to flames, logic and probably magic, and 2 seconds of his talking would drive anyone to suicide. I just have to disconnect the speakerphone and ensure the gatehouse is on the outside of the gate (to one side) and he doesn't have a key.

[Rob Wilson]

Gate: Can't be a balrog, cause as I recall they can speak and such, like when Gandalf fought one at the door in Moria... Gandalf also spoke to it on the bridge, which seems silly unless it could actually comprehend its peril. Dragons too are oft considered to be self aware (smaug).

The gateguard is allowed to be sentient. It's the moat guard that's reasonably thick. Like the Bunny idea though

[NecronLord]

Gate: The same as the moat version, but more intelligent and with guns

Moat:A swarm of these in a deep moat. The little critter in front is man-sized

Air:A swarm of these, they are IIRC roughtly the same size as the above critter


Runners Up:

Too slow.

Needs too much feeding

Too Slow again. Also a little large.

Too much like DarkStar.

[ArmorPierce]

Since I got Age of Mythology it'll be a cyclops or maybe a hydra or maybe something else but plrobably a cyclops for guarding the gate and for the moat a syllia or however it is spelled. I'll see if I could find some pics.

[ArmorPierce]

and as promised, here are the pics


of the Cyclops from AoM


and

of the Hydra

couldn't find a good picture of a scylla

[Master of Ossus]

Gate guard - Dorkstar! Lets face it, you can't kill the little fuck, he's immune to flames, logic and probably magic, and 2 seconds of his talking would drive anyone to suicide. I just have to disconnect the speakerphone and ensure the gatehouse is on the outside of the gate (to one side) and he doesn't have a key.

I thought that the gate guard had to be sentient.

Anyway, I would pick the Huan for a gate guard. The runner up is a Basilisk, and other good choices being the Medusa and the Balrog, and the Master of Orion from the game of that name.

The moat guard is more interesting. An oliphant is too common and weak. A rancor might be a good choice, as they are obviously trainable, but again I have a problem with the speed and lack of strength. If I could pick a swarm of critters, I would pick the Caridan combat arachnids. These nasty little buggers have twelve legs, are covered with body armor as hard as diamonds, are covered with needle-sharp spines, are very fast, hunt in teams, and have jaws that are "driven with enough power to shear open the hull of an armored transport." Remember that Acclamators are armored transports in SW, and their hulls can withstand thermonuclear warheads at close range without damage.

If I had to pick a single animal for the moat guard, the hydra would be a good choice. With spectacularly poisonous blood, great strength, a truly immortal head, and numerous other heads that regenerate, it would be a formidable enemy for any would-be-hero. Runner up honors go to the Queen Alien from "Alien," the rabbit from "Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail," and Scyla from Homer's Odyssey.

[The Yosemite Bear]

hmmm, The simple yet practical solution.

Moat: Drain replace with mines

Gate: Sealed at both ends for an air tight seal, Hope you brought your own air, the AI, controls the ACID Sprayers, the air pumps, the nerve or KO gas dischargers, and the SMOUSH walls.

[McNum]

For the moat I would use Metroids. Thousands upon thousands of them. Who would suspect jellyfish of being so dangerous... With proper training (or genetical engeneering) they could be an excellent power soucre in emergencies.

At the gate I would have an Ice Titan similar to the one from Disney's Hercules. Being cold it has a natural ability to "discourage" Metroids and being huge it is quite intimidating. That and the "freeze intruder in place (only freezing feet, wheels, tracks, engine, ect.) and have Metroids suck all energy from intruder" trick could be useful.

[CmdrWilkens]

Moat Guard: As many Sarlacci as I can fit.

Gate Guard: I'm with Dalton and gonna say Balrog. For the record Balrogs do not speak, Tolkein states this rather bluntly in one of his letters.

[Eleas]

Moat guard... well, I'd use one of those huge amoeba thingys from any generic fantasy novel. I'd just pour it into the moat and leave the drawbridge raised. Heh.

Door guard? Easy. Death, from the Discworld novels.

"Who are you?"
OH. WE HAVE GUESTS.

[Darth Wong]

It's been many, many years since I read Dune. I only remember the irritating plot device of the "slow blade passes" shields, since a sufficiently big concussion would render them moot and they were too stupid to think of this.

The Harkonnens actually did deploy artillery.

Not against people. Conservation of momentum didn't occur to them. Indeed, some people in real-life can be that dense too; we've had some Dune fan-whores on this board claiming that it must not apply or they would have used it. I wonder if they think a man with a shield could stand on the tracks and let a high-speed train hit him with no ill effects.

[Sea Skimmer]

The gate guard may be sentient, it doesn't have to be. But that's generally an aid to its task since a mindless killing machine wont let much

[Stormbringer]

Mote Gate- An Arakeen Sand Worm. Big, ferocius, vicous and all around mean. A biig one should be able to chow down on just about any intruder.

Gate Guard- Janeway, in skin tight spandex. No one could possibly survive that horror.

[Kelly Antilles]

I don't need any guards. I'm scary enough as it is.

[Stormbringer]

I don't need any guards. I'm scary enough as it is.

Nah, you're too lovable to be scary.

[Eleas]

I don't need any guards. I'm scary enough as it is.

Nah, you're too lovable to be scary.

Take it to the Sexual Positions thread, you two...

[The Yosemite Bear]

Question Would the Clone of Kelly that's guarding the gate have been denied Chocklate for an extended period of Time.

[Darth Wong]

... or be at the wrong time of the month?

[XaLEv]

Moat Guards: Metroids, of all classes.

Gate Guard: SA-X. Intelligent, powerful, and completely biological despite appearances as demonstrated at the end of the game.

[Rob Wilson]

Not against people. Conservation of momentum didn't occur to them. Indeed, some people in real-life can be that dense too; we've had some Dune fan-whores on this board claiming that it must not apply or they would have used it. I wonder if they think a man with a shield could stand on the tracks and let a high-speed train hit him with no ill effects.

Ah Transcend, how stupid were you? Let me count the ways... sod that here's a direct quote from ASVS

"Let's put the battle on, oh let's say modern day Earth. US Army vs Sardukar. US troops see Sardukar troops approaching, they engage with machine guns, morters, artillary fire, every fucking thing they have. US troops start to notice that the Sardukar are still closing and haven't yet lost a man. US troops keep firing, Sardukar keep comming. At this point they notice that the bullets they are firing *are* on target, they are just bouncing off. Same with explosives. US soldiers start pissing their pants as the Sardukar keep comming. Meanwhile the US Airforce (just because you'd be saying, "what about air support") is engaing the 'thopters with equal success because the damn things have shields. The 'thopter pilots discover that the fighters have no shields, time to break out the lasguns and cut them in half...... Sardukar start taking out their blade weapons for alittle CQ combat. The US troops now assume those shields stop things like bullets, but things like knives and rifle butts should get through (partially correct anyway). So they fight at CQ and discover that their quick strikes to the Sardukar are bouncing harmlessly off the shields. Sardukar then proceed to carve up the US soldiers with ease. This is all just assuming they are only armed with knives (they aren't of course, they have projectile weapons and lasguns as well). Let's assume they are fighting some armored force. Tanks are rolling in, firing their guns to no effect as the Sardukar walk up to them and cut them open like sardine
cans with lasguns."

Yes, he thought that tank main armament rounds would bounce of the personal shields of ground troops! Damn but I miss him, like my own personal troll toy. Wind him up and watch him go.

[The Yosemite Bear]

... or be at the wrong time of the month?

or BOTH

[Shinova]

Moat guard: Tentacle-plant thing from Half-Life.

Gate guard: Gangantuan from Half-Life.

[Raptor 597]

A Baelrog. And a sandworm hiding under the dry moat.

[ArmorPierce]

come on, you guys know that my gate guardian would kick your gate guardians ass

[Kamakazie Sith]

For the moat guard, I choose the Rancor. He is unsentient but very scary. For the gate guard, I choose Richard Simmons. Who the fuck wouldn't run from Richard Simmons?

According to the Simpson, a shotgun blast to the eye will cause it's ass to explode.