Scientology orientation video

unigolyn · Post by **unigolyn** » 2006-11-29 03:58am

My apologies if this has been posted before, although searching the archives didn't dig up any threads on it.

Someone secretly filmed a Scientology orientation video, and it has to be, hands down, the most hokey infomercial ever committed to film. If this is what it takes to indoctrinate millions of people, I'd be on the lookout for cults worshipping Ginsu knives and Ab-rollers.

Link(Google video)

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2006-11-29 07:37am

You Americans and your whackos.
[/Magneto]

I hope to Darwin that the FSM attains this status in society. Fucking clams.

wautd · Post by **wautd** » 2006-11-29 07:57am

Finally an opportunity to post this pic:

yar

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2006-11-29 08:10am

That picture is gold.

And this video is so corny and scary, I want to cry.

unigolyn · Post by **unigolyn** » 2006-11-29 09:16am

The video is so bad it's hilarious, despite its rather lavish production values, and the brainwashing methods used are so laughably transparent that it truly scares me that anyone would fall for it.

The most obvious feature is proving something by excessive repetition. Is Scientology a religion? Scientology is a religion is a religion is a religion is a religion...as it pertains to tax exemption. Scientology has a building, a building, a building, a building, a building, and a boat. Who can Scientology help? Anne Archer, a doctor, a deep sea diver, Isaac Hayes, a designer, a photographer, Kirstie Alley, a butcher, a baker, a candlestick maker, John Travolta.

Only completely superficial information is provided about anything relating to Scientology itself, other than listing its ridiculously complicated paramilitary internal hierarchy. The brainwashee is inundated with positive imagery and smiling Scientologist celebs, only to be thrust in a scene where happy Scientologists purposefully walk through a doorway while the previously chipper Troy McClure-wannabe stops the viewers passage and barrages him with fire and brimstone, the errant ways of both traditional religion and secular science, and offers the alternative of a "trillion years" of happiness.

Refusing the trillion years so is YOUR choice, but it would be stupid. You also have the choice of blowing your brains out, after all. You're not stupid, are you? It's your choice. We won't tell you what to do. It's all up to you.

Sold? Congratulations, step right up to go through your 12-hour intensive auditing session.

Medic · Post by **Medic** » 2006-11-29 03:57pm

Scientology strikes me as a synthesis of religious iconography, imagery and language, and that of self-help techniques to boot. Although what the fuck is this "auditing" sessions, with the cans...?

[btw, it is true that you quote something when you don't know what it means]

Jadeite · Post by **Jadeite** » 2006-11-29 05:09pm

SPC Brungardt wrote:Scientology strikes me as a synthesis of religious iconography, imagery and language, and that of self-help techniques to boot. Although what the fuck is this "auditing" sessions, with the cans...?

If I remember right, auditing is a thing they do to see how well they can manage their emotions and thoughts. The cans are an "E-meter"

Pelranius · Post by **Pelranius** » 2006-11-29 06:45pm

And they actually tried to steal IRS files.

The Scientologists also tried to frame a Holocaust survivor for terrorism, IIRC.

Ritterin Sophia · Post by **Ritterin Sophia** » 2006-11-29 09:02pm

Let's not forget Scientology's greatest crime... not humanely euthenizing Tom Cruise when it was apparent he contracted rabies.

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2006-11-29 09:59pm

Pelranius wrote:And they actually tried to steal IRS files.

The Scientologists also tried to frame a Holocaust survivor for terrorism, IIRC.

They've ruined lives, broken up families, and have killed people too, so that doesn't sound too far off the mark.

CaptJodan · Post by **CaptJodan** » 2006-11-29 11:34pm

unigolyn wrote: Refusing the trillion years so is YOUR choice, but it would be stupid. You also have the choice of blowing your brains out, after all. You're not stupid, are you? It's your choice. We won't tell you what to do. It's all up to you.

Sold? Congratulations, step right up to go through your 12-hour intensive auditing session.

I was watching the last half with the doors when I read this post and read the above part, thinking "paraphrased, but probably accurate". But fuck no, they actually say that you're stupid and that you can blow your brains out. Holy fuck.....

This shit destroys braincells, I swear. I have committed several to a suicidal plunge they will never recover from.

Elaro · Post by **Elaro** » 2006-11-30 08:35pm

CaptJodan wrote:
unigolyn wrote: Refusing the trillion years so is YOUR choice, but it would be stupid. You also have the choice of blowing your brains out, after all. You're not stupid, are you? It's your choice. We won't tell you what to do. It's all up to you.

Sold? Congratulations, step right up to go through your 12-hour intensive auditing session.
I was watching the last half with the doors when I read this post and read the above part, thinking "paraphrased, but probably accurate". But fuck no, they actually say that you're stupid and that you can blow your brains out. Holy fuck.....

This shit destroys braincells, I swear. I have committed several to a suicidal plunge they will never recover from.

It does. (Owwww....)

Noble Ire · Post by **Noble Ire** » 2006-11-30 10:37pm

That entire film had the same sort of surreal quality as the news segements during Starship Troppers; of course, the fact that its real makes it infinitely worse. I was rather mortified throughout the course of it, but the last few minutes made me laugh out loud. The whole "you could kill yourself" bit was just too much. I wonder what Scientology's goons do to you if you break down laughing during in the middle of their orientation sessions.

Darth Servo · Post by **Darth Servo** » 2006-11-30 11:05pm

Hey, but they have a big ole yacht. That makes up for everything, right?

Seriously, I've only watched two minutes of it and already I feel like I'm going through euthanasia. The first 30 seconds watching asteroids and then so far a minute and a half of "This is such and such Scientology building."

wolveraptor · Post by **wolveraptor** » 2006-11-30 11:44pm

Funny as hell. One day I have to go to an auditing and see how far into the bureacracy I can get. These guys are fucknuts. A 2-year-old could see how hard they're pushing to sell their books.

Darth Servo · Post by **Darth Servo** » 2006-12-01 12:15am

OK, at the 25 minute mark, all they've really said is boasted about their status as a legitimate religion and that they have tax exempt status. At one point they attack the government as a lying brain washing organization and then turn around and wank over having official government endorsement.

After that about five minutes of vague testimonials.

Last, a few minutes of wank over what a great organization Scientology is and finally, a bit of a glimpse into what they're really about--thinking the world is about to be destroyed but saving your soul. Then more propaganda.

And what a great way to conclude: have the video become filled with rapid pauses, making the guy's closing speil incomprehensible. Did anyone else experience that in the last ~20 seconds?

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2006-12-01 12:54am

I loved when he said that Scientology has undergone the most rigorous of tests and survived attempts at being destroyed better than any other religion. Ya know, because Christians weren't hunted down for a time in Roman times, and the Jews haven't been slaughtered and subjected numerous times in history, just to name two easy ones.

wolveraptor · Post by **wolveraptor** » 2006-12-01 07:21am

And what a great way to conclude: have the video become filled with rapid pauses, making the guy's closing speil incomprehensible. Did anyone else experience that in the last ~20 seconds?

Well, I understood the basic jist of it. It's really the same thing that other religions say. "You have a choice - not really, since if you don't take our option, you burn in hell forever - but you have a choice to accept [insert deity]." And yes, I also experienced technical problems at the end.

Darth Servo · Post by **Darth Servo** » 2006-12-01 06:21pm

Captain Cyran wrote:I loved when he said that Scientology has undergone the most rigorous of tests and survived attempts at being destroyed better than any other religion. Ya know, because Christians weren't hunted down for a time in Roman times, and the Jews haven't been slaughtered and subjected numerous times in history, just to name two easy ones.

What? You think the Romans can hold a candle to the IRS?

Tolya · Post by **Tolya** » 2006-12-04 06:28am

Gosh...one day when I have a dog so stupid that it walks into walls, I will name him "scientologist".

Tolya · Post by **Tolya** » 2006-12-04 06:31am

By the way, that video is soooo boring....I skipped forward just to hear ANYTHING interesting.

The founding principle of that video is to convince people that "zomg so many people cant be wrong!!!111shift+11!!"

Pelranius · Post by **Pelranius** » 2006-12-04 08:38pm

I hate to say it, but it does help the case for eugenics.

This is beyond PHB level crasness and stupidity.

GeneralTacticus · Post by **GeneralTacticus** » 2006-12-05 01:31am

I haven't managed to watch it all yet, but I think the funniest moment so far has been the narrator talking about how "the lives and works of materialists certainly prove that they are not godly men". Quite apart from the stupidity of blaming "materialism" for the world's problems (such as, of course, the atom bomb), I really have to wonder if these guys realise the absurdity of that statement - of course materialists are not godly men, because they don't believe in God!