Ever get caught jerking off?

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2002-12-29 02:24pm

Closest I ever came to getting caught, I was lying on my back on the downstairs couch with my laptop on my stomach and my right hand working it. It was like 3 in the morning and I apparently didn't hear my mom wake up. The door to the kitchen doesn't lock and my first warning was hearing the door open up. Thinking quick, I shoved the laptop and a kleenex down over it. Unfortunately, she walked in right as I was blowing my load, so I had to lay there, trying to hold a conversation with my mother in mid-orgasm and hoping semen wasn't electrically conductive. Needless to say, I cleaned the bottom of the computer thoroughly after she left.

Eleas · Post by **Eleas** » 2002-12-29 02:31pm

Alex Moon wrote:
Ted wrote:
Eleas wrote: Caught by girlfriend?
Being caught by GF usually results in either a blowjob or sex.
Not always.

http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp06122002.html

Are people really that fucked up overseas? I guarantee that if any girlfriend of mine advanced the notion that I should stop masturbating because she "felt uncomfortable about it", I'd seriously consider dropping her. I draw my line at dating idiots, no matter how they might look.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2002-12-29 02:48pm

Most fundie types think masturbation is a sin. Of course, it's very useful for them to define something that everybody does as a sin, because their belief system thrives on guilt and Sunday donations.

Eleas · Post by **Eleas** » 2002-12-29 02:54pm

Darth Wong wrote:Most fundie types think masturbation is a sin. Of course, it's very useful for them to define something that everybody does as a sin, because their belief system thrives on guilt and Sunday donations.

It's easy to blame oneself and suffer, and after a while it grows almost homey.

I also think it acts as a shield for the fundamentalist. It, and the fatalism, lends and ordered world-view where everything is going straight to shit for you because you deserve it, not because you do nothing to avoid it.

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2002-12-29 03:56pm

OK, I too do not jerk off. It's not that I have some religious motivation not to do so, I just don't have any desire to. In fact, I very rarely watch porn. Is there something wrong with me?

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2002-12-29 04:03pm

Nah, your a Pilot, like motorcycle riders, that's normal for the mindset.

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2002-12-29 04:07pm

Pilot, I can only assume you are a Maltese man.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2002-12-29 04:30pm

RedImperator wrote:Closest I ever came to getting caught, I was lying on my back on the downstairs couch with my laptop on my stomach and my right hand working it. It was like 3 in the morning and I apparently didn't hear my mom wake up. The door to the kitchen doesn't lock and my first warning was hearing the door open up. Thinking quick, I shoved the laptop and a kleenex down over it. Unfortunately, she walked in right as I was blowing my load, so I had to lay there, trying to hold a conversation with my mother in mid-orgasm and hoping semen wasn't electrically conductive. Needless to say, I cleaned the bottom of the computer thoroughly after she left.

Ive had expeirences somewhat like that. quite inconvenient.

Andrew J. · Post by **Andrew J.** » 2002-12-29 04:32pm

Jeez, you guys need to be more careful.

Eleas · Post by **Eleas** » 2002-12-29 04:36pm

Andrew J. wrote:Jeez, you guys need to be more careful.

Indeed. It would make for an inconvenient obituary.

"How did the man die, eh?"
"Well, sir, let's just say flash-fried hot dog and leave it at that."

jaeger115 · Post by **jaeger115** » 2002-12-29 04:45pm

i was jerking off to porn on my comp when my mom walked in and saw me. She kinda freaked out and closed the door

Later she suggested that we add a flashing thingy to my door next time someone knocks (I'm deaf, by the way)

BTW: Hi, I'm a newbie and i'm ready to be poked

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2002-12-29 04:46pm

*POKE*

Haha, got there first for once.

jaeger115 · Post by **jaeger115** » 2002-12-29 04:50pm

Thank you.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2002-12-29 04:52pm

RedImperator wrote:Closest I ever came to getting caught, I was lying on my back on the downstairs couch with my laptop on my stomach and my right hand working it. It was like 3 in the morning and I apparently didn't hear my mom wake up. The door to the kitchen doesn't lock and my first warning was hearing the door open up. Thinking quick, I shoved the laptop and a kleenex down over it. Unfortunately, she walked in right as I was blowing my load, so I had to lay there, trying to hold a conversation with my mother in mid-orgasm and hoping semen wasn't electrically conductive. Needless to say, I cleaned the bottom of the computer thoroughly after she left.

That's gotta have a place in a movie somewhere.

Eleas · Post by **Eleas** » 2002-12-29 05:08pm

Durandal wrote: That's gotta have a place in a movie somewhere.

They stopped making the American Pie series yet?

Dahak · Post by **Dahak** » 2002-12-29 05:17pm

Well, I haven't been.
And I'm happy about that. Because I simply can't think of anything more embarrassing, short of walking naked through the city

Uraniun235 · Post by **Uraniun235** » 2002-12-29 06:50pm

No, I haven't. My mom once discovered that I'd been going to porn sites on my computer, but she just said some "boys do that sort of thing" crap and dropped the subject.

That was before we got her her own computer, so now she has no reason to go on my computer... which currently has 16 gigs of porn on it now.

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2002-12-29 06:59pm

I only do it late at night, when everyone is asleep.

And, further, there is no porn on the comp. It is a family comp.

I know a friend who gets his off Kazaa and then deletes it right after. Seems a bit of a hassle.

Eleas · Post by **Eleas** » 2002-12-29 07:02pm

HemlockGrey wrote:I only do it late at night, when everyone is asleep.

And, further, there is no porn on the comp. It is a family comp.

I know a friend who gets his off Kazaa and then deletes it right after. Seems a bit of a hassle.

Just burn a coupla CDs, and if you have to sneak around, just hide 'em. What's the trouble?

Kamakazie Sith · Post by **Kamakazie Sith** » 2002-12-29 07:52pm

Darth Wong wrote:The thread title says it all. Has anyone ever been caught? I haven't, but I've always wondered if those "American pie" embarrassment scenarios have ever happened to anyone in real life.

Oh yeah, we were waiting for our house to get built so we were living with my grandparents. My grandparents don't believe in locks on bedrooms doors, so anyway one night my mom walked in and said "What the hell are you doing?" I said "Nothing!" and quickly left the area.

The next day my dad gave me the talk......very embarassing.

I've also been caught by my girlfriend, but that has many benefits.

Post by **Kuja** » 2002-12-29 07:56pm

Kamakazie Sith wrote:I've also been caught by my girlfriend, but that has many benefits.

Same here.

And vice versa.

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2002-12-29 07:58pm

Ah, the infamous Bathroom Scene(TM)

Post by **Kuja** » 2002-12-29 08:05pm

HemlockGrey wrote:Ah, the infamous Bathroom Scene(TM)

Nope. That's another story.

ArmorPierce · Post by **ArmorPierce** » 2002-12-29 08:26pm

looking at internet porn and you're underage. Tsk tsk

Poke

Eleas · Post by **Eleas** » 2002-12-29 08:41pm

ArmorPierce wrote:looking at internet porn and you're underage. Tsk tsk

Another thing I can never understand. Why the age limit? Who gets hurt?

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Ever get caught jerking off?

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