DIARIES OF A (FORMER) CAPED CRUSADRESS

[Batman]

Oh what the hell.

DIARIES OF A (FORMER) CAPED CRUSADRESS



IN THE BEGINNING

What do they mean I’m not tall enough? I want to be a field agent not a sumo wrestler. Mandatory minimum height my ass. What does the FBI expect its agents to do? Get stuff off the upper shelves a lot? Pff.

***
And of course Dad is on their side. I wish I could say I am surprised. Well, there are other ways…

***
Perfect. Dad’s busy with his costumed comrades and he hardly ever locks his office. Time to do some breaking and entering…

***

The deed is done. Now let’s see if the bird is willing to sing for me…

***

Okay let me get this straight. I manage to nip Dad’s security codes for the JSA headquarters, break in, outfox the other security system that wasn’t in the files, leave my message, get back out and reset the system with nobody being the wiser and all you’ve got to say is ‘Go home kid. This life is not for you’? Fuck you, Wildcat. You costumed clown make the FBI look forthcoming.

***

My life sucks.

***

My life STILL sucks.

***

Yeah bright idea Dad. I’ve been moping all those weeks out of sheer boredom and not because my life is a failure. A stupid costume ball is CERTAINLY going to cheer me up.
*
Waitasecond. ‘Costume’ ball?
*
Time to break out the sewing machine. You want to see me at that ball, Dad? All right, I’ll be there.

***

The GALL of that jerk! Granted, maybe high heels aren’t the ideal choice for a crimefighting outfit (how does Black Canary DO it?) and the colour combo may leave something to be desired but dammit it wasn’t MEANT to be a crimefighting outfit. I just wanted to tick off my dad by dressing up like his pointy-eared best buddy. How was I to know that a costumed nutjob would show up and try to kidnap that jerk Bruce Wayne. Said nutjob, by the way, was ON THE RUN when Mr Tall Dark and Moody showed up. On the run FROM ME because I schooled him and his minions. And Batman and his brightly coloured sidekick (who designed that suit? Santa’s little helpers? Snigger) have the GALL to ask me ‘And what are you supposed to be?’ So I don’t have the right to wear that symbol, huh? Well fuck you and the bat you rode in on. Last I checked you weren’t exactly officially licensed, either.
*
‘We’ll see her again.’ -‘I hope so.’
I hope so? The Boy Wonder has a crush on me? Yecch!

***

I’ve GOT to do something about the boots.

***

Look, Batbrains, I need neither your help nor your approval. Well yeah so I would have fallen to my death when I jumped of that building if it hadn’t been for you and Peter Pan. I ran your stupid gauntlet and WON no matter what YOU say. And a superhero operating out of a cave? How pathetic is THAT?

***

Well I’ll be. Peter Pan actually send me some toys. I bet you don’t get THOSE at Toys’R’Us.

***

AND a motorbike? I’m beginning to LIKE the guy. Why do I get the feeling this was NOT Batman’s idea? I hope the little guy doesn’t get into trouble for this.

***

I worked with Black Canary! I worked with Black Canary! I actually worked with Black Canary! Omygodomygodomygod.
Okay so maybe we didn’t get the hoods, let the house burn down and I had to trash the motorbike (I hope the Boy Wonder doesn’t have to cover that out of his allowance) but we got my Dad back mostly unharmed.
BUT I WORKED WITH BLACK CANARY!

***

That’s two bikes in less than three weeks and Robin says not to worry? Who FINANCES those guys?

***

OK I give up. No matter how much I try, no matter how much I succeed, THEY get the attention. THEY get the respect. Maybe this life really IS not for me.

***

My life sucks.

***

An invitation from big B himself? I wonder what this is about.

***
Well that explains the toys. He does the bumbling playboy act damned convincing. Bruce Wayne is actually Batman. Wow.
Well looks like I’m officially in. Villains of Gotham City, here I come!



FRIGHT KNIGHT

Okay, I give up. Is it something in the water or what? What has Bruce got that we don’t? So maybe he’s a little tougher than us, so fucking what? I can still wipe the floor with any six street hoods you care to mention without so much as breaking a sweat and so can the Little Bird.
Yet when we tell them to stand down or there will be trouble they pull heat and start slinging lead or break out the baseball bats and come charging. Yes we kick their sorry butts when they try but they DO try.
All HE does is show up, look boding, and say ‘Desist. NOW.’ and they damn near shit their britches. Hell if they had cuffs on them they’d probably put them on themselves.
What I don’t get is WHY. He NEVER kills, hell he hardly ever really hurts anybody besides bruises and the occasional dislocated shoulder, and EVERYBODY KNOWS IT. Yes when he pulls his ‘If I ever see you again, your lungs will be only part of you they ever FIND!’ number, they guys BELIEVE. I wish I knew how to do that, it’d save me a good deal of trouble.

BIRD OUT OF THE NEST

Yeah, great going Bruce. It wasn’t enough that you drove Dick away from us with your overbearing ‘My way or the highway’ ways now you had to take away his identity. Well fuck you. We’re going to find him a new identity.
Arsehole.

***

Nightwing, hm? I rather like it.

***
*giggles hysterically*
But so help me God that costume is hilarity defined. Whoever came up with THAT thing? Elvis?
Dick is SO going to kill me if he ever reads this.
I miss you, Dick. You were an obnoxious, silly airhead at times but we had many good times together. The cave was a much brighter place when you were here.


CHANGING OF THE GUARD

I DON’T BELIEVE IT!!! I had to jump through God knows how many loops and work my arse off to be accepted back then and all this infantile brat has to do to inherit Dick’s place and the costume that Dick-not you Bruce, DICK!!!-turned into an icon is try to steal your hubcaps? First you drive him away, then you take away his identity and now you even take away his past. FUCK YOU BATMAN!!!
Welcome to the Cave, Jason Todd. Don’t bother to unpack.


THE GRADUATE

I still can’t believe it. Three months ago I was an ordinary librarian. I had friends, we went to the movies, bowling, all that stuff, I was home at 5. A completely normal life. Then Bruce calls me back to check out Jason because he thinks there’s something wrong with him. Hello? He dresses like a cross between a circus reject and Peter Pan and hunts criminals with automatic weapons using funnily shaped boomerangs. OF COURSE there’s something wrong with him. There’s something wrong with ALL of us. Why do you think I stopped? Oh, make no mistake we’re good at it. Well I used to anyway. But normal, we’re not.
And you know the worst part? I actually did it. I went back to being Batgirl. I went back to the cave. And the first thing the little prick can think of is how to get into my pants. Thanks a bunch, Bruce.
Not in THIS life, Boy Blunder.


AND THEN THERE WAS NONE

Oh my god. This can’t be real. I can still see us standing at that pier, me telling him off for smoking and him joking how Bruce told him off for his eating habits. I can still hear me asking him ‘But you DID get the memo about us bat people not killing, yes?’ out on that cutter.
I can’t believe he’s gone.
But he is. Blown to pieces in a desert at the other end of the world. Because he wanted to find his mother. By the Joker. Who was alive and free again. Because no matter what he does, we don’t kill him. And so he killed one of us.
And I am in a wheelchair. Because a bullet shattered my spine. Fired by the Joker just to make a point to my Dad. Who was still alive and yet again free. Because we don’t kill him, no matter what he does. And Bruce caught him. Again. And DIDN’T kill him. Again.
So tell me Bruce, what will take to you see that this man CAN’T. BE: REDEEMED. How many more must suffer and die before you finally admit you’re wrong?
Damn you Bruce. Damn you to hell.
And damn me, too. Maybe if I hadn’t come back and given him my blessing Jason would still be alive. Maybe Bruce would have grounded him and he would never have gone on that ill-fated quest of his. Maybe if he hadn’t been distracted by Jason Bruce would have concentrated harder on finding the Joker and maybe I would still be able to walk again.
But you wanted to wear the tights again didn’t you, Barbara. You wanted to feel the wind caressing your face as the facades go by at blurring speed, the adrenalin rush of facing down half a dozen armed goons alone and WINNING. The endorphin high of knowing you’re fighting the good fight.
And now a boy is dead and you are confined to a wheelchair for the rest of your life.
You got your adrenalin Rush, Barbara Gordon. I it was worth it.
Rest in peace, Jason Todd.


THE NEXT GENERATION

Let me get this straight. The last Robin got blown up by an insane mass murderer who if it wasn’t for Bruce’s stupid NO KILLING policy would have been dealt with permanently YEARS ago and he’s taking on another one? Did you TELL the poor kid what happened to the last guy to hold this job?

***

Apparently he already knew. As well as having known about Bruce, Dick and the entire operation beforehand. And this guy’s supposed to be 13 years old?
If the guy’s so smart why does he even WANT the job?

***

Turns out he didn’t. He wanted for Dick to take it back because Batman needs a Robin to keep him sane. I’m not sure I can disagree.
But for Christ’s sake give the kid a better costume. You can only defy Mother Nature so far (ask Ivy). Surely EVENTUALLY one of them will die of pneumonia in that outfit.

***

He DID get a better costume. I’m almost impressed, Bruce.

***

Well for a kid on his first mission he didn’t do half bad by what Bruce told me. I’m not sure Dick could have done better and he already had years of experience. Great going, Timothy Drake. Welcome to the cave.


THERE MUST BE AN ANGEL

I give up. Where does Bruce FIND those guys?

***

This Azrael fellow scares me. I hadn’t thought it possible but Jean Paul is possibly even MORE obsessed than Bruce. I’m not sure bringing him in was such a good idea. Not that Bruce ever cares what anybody else thinks of course.

***

Let me get this straight– Jean Paul has DEFINITELY been mind-programmed by that mysterious Order of St. Dumas, we have no way to know if he has overcome this programming, we do not know how much MORE of it there is under the surface and Bruce is STILL expecting us to work with that guy?
***

Well maybe I was being hasty. Jean Paul seems to be stable enough so far and God knows we need any help we can get thanks to Bruce’s overblown ego. Seriously, would it kill him to call on one of his JLA friends every once in a blue moon? Hell Alan Scott used to live here, surely he’d be willing to help but nooo it’s got to be Bruce and his fellow miscreants who solve every problem.


A NEW NUN IN TOWN

Okay I know this town attracts costumed freaks (on both sides of the law, well, sort of) like shit attracts flies but c’mon. A catholic nun? This is ridiculous. So what is she going to call herself? Sister Justice? Mother Vengeance? Pffft.

***

Apparently she calls herself The Huntress. Well that HAS got a nice ring to it. And her preferred weapon is a crossbow? Bruce is not going to be thrilled. In this town you should know better than to do that, sis. If you’re going to ire the Dark Knight at least use something with a decent refire rate.

***

Well I’ll be. She seems to have done her homework. While Huntress indeed uses people for a pincushion it appears she does NOT kill. And she mostly seems to come down on the Families.
I wonder why…

***

Well apparently she and the Little Bird seem to get along like a house on fire. Does him good to hang around somebody who isn’t QUITE as morose as Bruce. I should ask Dick to spend more time with him. Tim needs somebody who ISN’T a manic obsessive with a surgically removed sense of humour for a role model.


A KNIGHT TO REMEMBER

Damn you, Bruce. There’s dozens of them and you’re still sick. Call for help. I don’t care this is your city and that you’ve dealt with them before. Not all of them at once you have and not when working only on adrenalin and stubbornness. Even if it’s only Dick. Call somebody.

***

Oh my God.

***

*weeps with relief*
So they can cure him afterall. Thank the maker. I wish that stuff had been around when the Joker shot me but oh well. Water under the bridge. But what do we do in the meantime? This city needs a Batman.

AZRAEL? You gotta be kidding me. I don’t know what possessed Bruce to nominate him as his replacement. Dick would have filled in no questions asked for the duration but no it had to be the Avenging Angel. Well, Bruce, I think you got what you wanted. Happy now?

***

So much for Azrael being stable.

***

This is getting out of hand. Robin kicked out of the Cave, Jean Paul on a rampage to make the Reaper look benign by comparison and by now even Dad is out for his hide. Bruce, we need you back.

WHAT WOMEN WANT

I give up. What do women see in Batman? Bruce Wayne, yes. He’s filthily rich, doesn’t look too shabby, and can be quite nice (in a shallow way)-at least if you don’t get to know him too well.
But BATMAN? It can’t be his looks, you can’t SEE them through the cowl. He NEVER smiles. It sure as hell isn’t his charming manner. Compared to the way he treats people a charging pit bull seems outright polite. Now Harley I can understand, she’s just plain nuts. Hell that woman fell for the Goddamned Joker of all people. And Poison Ivy isn’t exactly the model of a securely hinged personality. Hell I can even understand Dr. Meridian-to a psychologist Batman must be fascinating. But what does CATWOMAN see in him? He’s made is his sworn mission to catch and arrest the likes of her, hell he HAS arrested her a number of times (so maybe she always managed to avoid actually going to jail, that’s beside the point). Other than being a thrill seeker and a thief she seems a pretty sane person and God knows there’s enough of those out there. That’s how I started this job, afterall. And yet she seems to almost thrive on being chased by him. I swear I don’t understand women and I AM one.


THE CAT IN THE CRADLE

Speaking of Catwoman what do the guys see in her? Bruce acting like someone out of a 50s B movie around her is bad enough but suddenly she and the Little Bird are best buddies? Does the guy know what cats do to little birds?
You know if it weren’t for the fact that he’s a minor I’d almost think she’s trying to…
I’m going to kill her. I am SO going to kill her.


THE PRANK CALLER

Okay, prank phone calls are bad enough. Prank phone calls on an unlisted number are worse. But prank phone calls on an unlisted number that as far as the phone company knows doesn’t exist? This bears investigating.

***

WHOEVER this is has a very crude sense of humour. Well besides that being a given for a prank caller. C’mon-fart jokes?

***

Okay, who the hell would go to the trouble of finding out this number only to waste my time by telling me really bad jokes? It can’t be the Joker, he’s in the Hole and besides the voice appears to be female so…
Oh no.

***

Yep. It’s her. Speech pattern: match, low sense of humour:match, enormous waste of resources on something pointless because it seemed a good idea at the time: match.
Oh frabjous day. I’m being phone-stalked by Harley Quinn. Gee. I’m flattered.

***

I wonder if she ever figures out she’s been talking to a chatbot the past 3 nights. Unlikely now that I think about it, the bloody bot is probably smarter than her.

***

She’s persistent, I have to give her that. Stupid, but persistent.

***

Well I’ll be. Has the fact that your ‘puddin’ is an insane psychopath finally caught up with you, Harley? So Mr J wants to make a Joker Jr. before he croaks, how exactly is that MY problem?
I’m sure you’ll make a beautiful little family.
Oh alright, I’ll send someone. Hehe.
*
With luck, Steph and Harley BOTH get killed before Power Girl arrives to save the…Damn. Where do I haven Karen’s cell phone number again?
*
Damn that woman and her pseudokryptonian swiftness. She HAD to arrive just in time the stupid bitch. I’m beginning to see why Bruce is so vexed by the Boy Scout.
Hmmm. Maybe if we cart Harley to the STAR labs to help in the research for a Joker antitoxin she’ll do something stupid and the military will shoot her? It’s worth a shot. Hehe.
*
Damn.
RETURN OF THE WAYWARD SON

Damn you Bruce! I thought this was your city. The one you would protect to you dying death. The one you vowed to save. Well Gotham could sure use some saving now. So where is the city’s vaunted Dark Knight now?
When they declared the No Man’s Land and everybody who could left, I stayed. Because this city needs us. Because Dad stayed. Because I knew YOU would stay. Except you didn’t afterall, did you? Hell even the Huntress is still here and trying hard as can be to wring a little order out of the chaos that used to be a city. Dick and Tim would be here-if you would have let them. But not only didn’t you stay with ‘your’ city when it needed you the most, you told THEM to stay away, too. Why Bruce? Why? Why did you abandon us?

***

Somebody’s been tagging the symbol. His symbol. That’s how Squish put it. Not a bat. The bat.
People in this city still believe in him. I wish I could, too.

***

There’s been numerous sightings on the blocks east of 9th Ave. A giant bat with the strength of 10 men and fangs like razors. Just like they used to in the old times. And the symbol’s all over the place, too. But if it’s you, Bruce, why don’t you call?

***

*weeps with relief* He’s back. He’s really back. The call came in yesterday, on the special frequency. HIS frequency. And there was THE voice. HIS voice. He’s really back. Damn you Bruce where have you been? It’s been more than three months. And of course he hung up in the middle of the conversation. It’s strange how you can be immeasurably thankful a person is there and at the same time want to strangle the guy.

***

Okay, if HE hasn’t been doing the tagging in Dooley Square, who was it?

***

Rumor has it Dad didn’t take it well. He has the Blue Boys paint over the symbol whenever they find one. Doesn’t want to give someone the wrong idea. That he’s actually here. That the tagged streets are safe. I can almost understand how he feels. Bruce betrayed all of us.
But he IS back, Dad. And he’s going to take back the city. I wish I could tell Dad that without compromising Oracle.


STRANGE BEDFELLOWS

You have a lot to learn about the NML, Bruce. This isn’t the city you left behind three months ago. And those are no longer the same people. You think Dad would have incited a gang war in the old days to get rid of a bunch of street hoods? The rules have changed, Bruce. Better learn the new ones if you want to to bring this city back to a point where the old ones work again.

***

He’s adaptable, I’ll give him that. Taking the Ventriloquist down and then leaving his network intact but under Bruce’s own control was a damn clever move. I bet you never expected to have to work with those goon, heh?
Brilliant idea to get the myth restarted, though. The Bat is back. He can’t be killed. And he’s MAJORLY pissed.

***

Father Christian took in the Scarecrow? Is the man nuts? Crane is a monster! Huntress is going to be thrilled when she finds out.

***

God, Bruce is such a dick. As if it didn’t rankle Huntress enough she had to ask for his help already. You had to make her beg for it arsehole. The boy was dying but you had to play you stupid ‘I’m better than you’ psycho games. Fuck you.

***

I don’t fucking BELIEVE this! Nevermind that you left us hanging for more than a quarter of a year but you’ve been back for over two weeks now and you didn’t even tell Leslie? I hope she punched your face in when you showed up. Like Leslie would ever do that.

***

Great God but Cobblepot doesn’t know shit about technology. An EMP generator isn’t going to do beans to a simple diesel generator. *giggle*

***

Wow. I wouldn’t had thought you had it in you Huntress. I’m almost proud of you. Crane utterly defeated without so much as a single crossbow bolt fired. Not that Bruce will bother to acknowledge it of course.

***

Speaking of Cobblepot, yes Bruce, I think I have JUST the thing for you to make your big comeback.

***

And what a comeback it was. Wow. Taking on all of the Penguins goons, that’s one thing. I’ve seen you do stuff like that before. But leaving the Penguin in charge of the setup to report to you and then daring the crowd to do something about it…
The Batman IS back.
And it was about high time.

SINS OF THE FATHER

I’m sorry Dad but yes you were. You are behaving unreasonably. You for all practical purposes started a turf war to get to me (and I love you all the more for it). You denied his return and told people to erase his tags when they at best kept people safe and at worst did no harm. And wasted some of your scarce resources on doing so if I may add. Yes, he abandoned us. Yes, he abandoned you. But only for a while. It took long for him to return. It took way too long for him to return. But he did. And now he’s here, this city may once more have a chance. You’re wrong, Dad. We DO need hope, and where Gotham is concerned, hope means HIM. He’s willing to help you. There’s maybe three people on this planet who know him better than me and trust me he’s desperate to help you-if you let him. I wish I could tell you that.


A QUESTION OF TRUST

YOU. MISERABLE. BASTARD. You knew. You knew she was out there being me!! Living MY life. Wearing MY tights. Using MY legs. Doing MY work. Did you think I wouldn’t find out? Did you really think I would be this clueless? I KNEW there was another Bat out there. You practically TOLD me so when you admitted you weren’t the one doing the tagging when you finally reported back. I’m the Oracle, asshat. It’s my job to make connections.
How could you do this to me? You let her prance about out there. Being me. When I no longer can. I wish Bane had done you in for good back then.
*
Like HELL your options were limited. You had no problem trying your level best to ground ME back when I started but you can’t keep HER in check? Yeah, right. Fine, so don’t tell me who she is. Like there’s all that many candidates that would fit the bill. I’ll find out without you.
What that proves, Bruce? FUCK YOU! I’ve held out here while you were away. I tried my best to keep anarchy at bay, I tried my best to keep order where I could, I tried my best to keep civilization going, I tried my best not to let this turn into Gotham’s Middle Ages. And that’s just since the start of NML. I sacrificed years of my life to your quest. I obeyed your stupid rules when breaking them even once would likely have saved thousands of lives in the long run. I lied to my own father so your secret would stay safe. I tried to keep your Goddamned useless city safe when you apparently no longer would.
And you come back and give my life to her.
Rot in hell, Bruce Wayne.
*
After all you did you have the gall to ask me to trust you? I know you’re nuts Bruce but this is pushing it even by your standards.
*
And the scary part is, I DO trust him. I always have. I always will. I don’t know how not to.
Damn you, Bruce. Damn you to hell.
*
*weeps* How I wish it could be me out there. But Bruce is right, may he burn in hell forever. He can’t do it alone, and I can no longer do it. He needs her. WE need her. This city needs her. It takes more than one Bat to save Gotham, and I can no longer fly.
Face it Bruce, we need help. Call the Birds. They’re eager to help.

SINS OF THE FATHER, PT II

Wow. Dad sure took that badly.
*
Dad I know you’re hurt. I know you feel abandoned. So did I. So did Leslie. So did a lot of the rest of Gotham I suspect. But he’s back, and he’s trying to help, and so is whoever is wearing my tights (and damn. I wish I would have thought of that colour scheme way back then. Maybe the scary thing would have worked for me afterall). We need him. We need them if we want to bring Gotham back. You need them if you want to bring Gotham back.
I know it hurts. Seeing her out there, being me, hurts, too. It hurts like hell. (Of course I can never tell you that). But it needs to be done. Without them, we can’t do it. Hell I’m not sure we can do it with them.

A BAT IN THE BELFRY

Okay, have you gone ABSOLUTELY nuts Bruce? Superman-not just any of your costumed colleagues but actual Goddamned SUPERMAN-comes to Gotham to help and you send him away? You DO know that the man could fix the damage done by the Cataclysm in a matter of days, right? I don’t CARE if the people aren’t ready yet. They can continue not being ready with running water, central heating and working electricity. I don’t CARE this is your city. The man came here to help, DESPITE the way you treat him. For God’s sake, let him help!

[Sidewinder]

Well done. I wonder how you'll handle the death of Gordon's Nth wife and beyond.

And how does Oracle feel about the lesbian Batgirl, anyways?

[Alan Bolte]

What lesbian batgirl? Are you perhaps thinking of batwoman?

[Sidewinder]

What lesbian batgirl? Are you perhaps thinking of batwoman?

Yes. Sorry about the mix-up. (Delete long and vicious ranting about DC making their characters gays and lesbians just to seem "politically correct," which makes these characters a hell of a lot less interesting than gays and lesbians in manga, who were created to attract women who fantasize about pretty boys and men who fantasize about hot lesbians.)

[Steve]

Eh, I don't see how any of their homosexuals were made to be PC, though some of that depends on writer.

In this case, I think the new Batwoman was made a lesbian specifically for the purpose of giving her a romantic background with Renee Montoya, one of the more prominent Gotham characters (and increasing in that considering 52).

The only comic character brought out of the closet for clear PC purposes that I can think of, or who I at least think was done for PCness, was Northstar in Marvel.

[Sidewinder]

In this case, I think the new Batwoman was made a lesbian specifically for the purpose of giving her a romantic background with Renee Montoya, one of the more prominent Gotham characters (and increasing in that considering 52).

Character history

Renee Montoya was created for Batman: The Animated Series, in which she is voiced by Ingrid Oliu and then by Liane Schirmer as a uniformed officer partnered with Harvey Bullock. In the follow-up The New Batman Adventures, Montoya has been promoted from police officer to detective.

The Wikipedia article doesn't mention her sexual orientation until Two-Face outs her to destroy her life in Gotham Central. It seems the writers suddenly decided to make her a lesbian. WHY?! A similar dramatic effect could be achieved if the writers depicted Renee Montoya having a sexual relationship with a criminal while undercover or something. (Delete long and vicious rant against American comic book writers.)

[Steve]

In this case, I think the new Batwoman was made a lesbian specifically for the purpose of giving her a romantic background with Renee Montoya, one of the more prominent Gotham characters (and increasing in that considering 52).

Character history

Renee Montoya was created for Batman: The Animated Series, in which she is voiced by Ingrid Oliu and then by Liane Schirmer as a uniformed officer partnered with Harvey Bullock. In the follow-up The New Batman Adventures, Montoya has been promoted from police officer to detective.

The Wikipedia article doesn't mention her sexual orientation until Two-Face outs her to destroy her life in Gotham Central. It seems the writers suddenly decided to make her a lesbian. WHY?! A similar dramatic effect could be achieved if the writers depicted Renee Montoya having a sexual relationship with a criminal while undercover or something. (Delete long and vicious rant against American comic book writers.)

I think it was more a case of exploiting her character background. She's the daughter of Dominican immigrants with a strong religious base. Plus the shock was much greater with her being outed than with her boinking a crook.

I don't necessarily have a problem with Montoya's orientation, but probably because I really liked the story behind it, especially how it intertwined with the established connection between Montoya and Two-Face starting in the No Man's Land saga, even if it suffered from Bat Ex Machina for an ending. (How do they find her and Two-Face? They.... follow Batman! Who conveniently stops the fight between her and Two-Face before either can shoot the other!) Plus they at least made it work in later issues. They didn't do any radical changes to her character; she's still a hard-as-nails Gotham cop who isn't afraid to throw down (as Jim Corrigan and Dr. Alchemy learned later on).

Now 52 is starting to take her down an entirely new road, given the events that ended "Gotham Central".

[Ritterin Sophia]

Did she actively say she was lesbian, completely eradicating bisexual? From what I read she had a fling with Bats in his younger days.

[Steve]

Did she actively say she was lesbian, completely eradicating bisexual? From what I read she had a fling with Bats in his younger days.

Kate Kane aka Batwoman (since as far as I know, Renee hasn't at all)? It might've been a platonic fling, though she wouldn't be the first lesbian to try and force herself to be straight for appearances or what have you.

[Manus Celer Dei]

Haha, I thought it was about Spoiler at first.

[Batman]

If this qualifies as threadomany by all means lock away, I just didn't think it warranted a new thread.

A BAT IN THE BELFRY, con’t

What did you threaten him with anyway? Harsh language? That kryptonite ring of yours is buried under tons of rubble and even that only ever worked because he WANTED it to. The guy could plaster you so fast you wouldn’t notice it even WITHOUT blinking until it’s over. I mean c’mon Bruce. I know you’re good at scary but this is SUPERMAN we’re talking about.
*
Or maybe the guy is just as nuts as you are. In less than 24 hours with the help of one man, no apparent effort on his part AND asswhupping Freeze in passing Clark’s got the power station up and running but he then leaves because people are stupid? Newsflash, Mr Kryptonian Icon-people were stupid BEFORE the quake, and they are still stupid EVERYWHERE ELSE (including Krypton it seems). How about you see to it that they don’t freeze or starve, THEN you try to educate them. ARGH!
*
He put Freeze IN CHARGE of the station? WTF?


COLD AS ICE

What a shock! Freeze isn’t playing by the rules. Gee whoever would have expected THAT. Smart move there, Boy Scout.
Though I wonder what he’s planning.
*
Okay, so people barter everything flammable for electricity. What’s the big deal?
*
Um-I hate to tell you Mr Fries but anarchy held sway BEFORE you started your little power play.
Do you really think Bruce is going to fret over the anarchy staying put, but at least now a few people having electricity in spite of it?
*
Apparently he is. Bruce actually blew up Gotham’s lone operating power station just to get at that walking icicle. I swear sometimes I think Bruce is nuttier than the entire menagerie of costumed maniacs he fights combined. At least we’ve seen the last of Fries for the time being.


BATGIRL RETURNS

Oh give me a break Bruce! What did you expect her to do, stand up to 200 of Two-Faces goons AND the Penguins men (the same Penguin and Twoface BTW who are still at large because YOU decided to let them be I might add) all by her lonesome? I HATE seeing Huntress out there, being me, but she’s doing what she can.
And need I remind you that SHE was the one who held the fort and kept The Bat alive while you were out there feeling sorry for yourself? Fuck off.
*
Okay let me get this straight-I send the girl into what turns out to be a warzone and worry myself silly and not only does she come back unharmed, she has everything I sent her for AND manages to find me a fresh apple in her copious free time? I knew she was a good courier but this is absurd. I mean MAYBE I could see Dick doing something like that but wow.
And where the hell did that apple come from anyway? We’re cut off from the rest of the world.
*
I wonder why she doesn’t talk. From what I can tell it’s nothing physiological. I wonder what happened in her past to traumatize her so.
*
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod. Cain tried to kill Dad, and if it weren’t for the girld he’d have succeeded. *weeps in gratitude*
Whoever you are I owe you little girl.
But how did she KNOW? And why is she so freaking FAST?
*
Well that explains that. I guess growing up David Cain’s daughter is traumatizing enough to explain much more than just a refusal to speak.
*
And now she took on Cain AGAIN? Somebody up there loves Dad and me. Wow. That girl’s good.
*
Yeah, right Bruce. You can take care of Cain. You can take care of everybody.
Like you did of Two-Face and the Penguin? Oh wait you left that to the Huntress and then were all over her case for failing at the impossible. If the girl’s smart she’ll see to it herself.
*
Well looks like she did, after a fashion. AND neutralize Harvey while she was at it.
I’m not sure I could have done that back then. I wish that was her in my tights out there.
*
Bruce is actually calling in reinforcements? He admits he can’t do this alone? Somebody pinch me. So they’re not the JLA but it’ll be good to see them again.
*
Fuck off Dad. Okay so maybe Bruce was a little late in coming back but he DID come back, and he’s done tremendous good since then. Do you know what it cost him to come and see you after the little speech you gave the Huntress? Do you think you could have LANDED that punch if he hadn’t let you?
You and Bruce deserve each other. Such sheer arrogant stubbornness. From BOTH of you.
*
I don’t know if it’s the costume or if being Batman’s sidekick is bad for mental development. Both Dick and Tim are goofy as ever. Looks like once you were Robin you never really grow up.
And gods did I miss them. Even Azrael was a sight for sore eyes.
*
Yeah, she doesn’t talk. Get used to it. She’s a great kid and she’s saved Dad’s life. Twice.
She’s David Cain’s daughter and she’s one of us now. She certainly has MY blessing.
Apparently trained her to be like him, only she refuses to kill. Sound familiar?
*
Did I just hear that right? Bruce admitted OUT LOUD that he can’t fix Gotham alone, that it’s too big, too dark, that he needs help? That we have to work together to bring back the light? And outright admitted he was WRONG trying to do it alone? Who are you and what have done to the REAL Bruce Wayne?
Pity this flash of insight didn’t come when the Kryptonian Icon was in town. Oh well.
*
You know Bruce you’re a complete arsehole for treating Huntress this way but just this once I don’t care. I can’t think of anybody who deserves this mantle any more then the girl does.
As Bruce said, it’s a sacred trust. Honor it.
Welcome back, Batgirl.

THE GRAPES OF WRATH

Well that explains where the apple came from. We had Ivy figured in the Central Park anyway. And that Cobblepot would try to cash in on it was a given. But what kind of deal does Ivy have with Clayface?
*
Gotham’s insurance? What the hell was Bruce talking about?
*
Oh great. Okay so maybe Clayface is neutralised for the time being and Gotham can use all the fresh fruit it can get but leaving Ivy in charge of the park and the children? I don’t care they WANT to stay and they say Ivy provided for them, they’re kids and she’s a supercriminal.
But naturally just because the deals Bruce had with Harvey and Oswald went south doesn’t mean we shouldn’t trust Oison Ivy will stick to her word. What’s next? An alliance with the Joker?
*
Speaking of the Joker where IS the guy?

STRANGE BEDFELLOWS

‘Within 24 hours, Nightwing will be inside blackgate. Within 48 hours, Blackgate will be under his complete control.’ Yeah right. Why won’t you tell Dick to rebuilt the bridges all by his lonesome or paint the moon purple while he’s had it? You’re awfully ambitious on somebody else’s behalf, Bruce.
*
Great job Bruce. The Huntress USED to be on our side you know. She may not have been up to your astronomical standards but she was HELPING out there. Now you’ve driven her to throw her lot in with Pettit as if the guy wasn’t enough trouble all by his lonesome. I hope you know what you’re doing Bruce.
*
Well look what the cat dragged in. Looks like Dick managed to take over Blackgate and survive, afterall. For a given value of survive anyway. You’re a mess, former Boy Wonder.
*
Well the fever seems to be coming down and there seems to be no irreparable damage but you sure took a big fall this time, soldier.
*
Like hell you appreciate it. You’re just happy you came to me and not the Cave Dwellers. Bruce would never let Alfred pamper you this way. Now get some sleep.
*
‘Geekgirl’ says the woman dressed up like a catholic nun. Pfff. And what the hell was that?
First you help Pettit and his Petty Thugs break into my little parlour and hunt me and dick down and then you help us escape? Would you kindly make up your mind?
And ‘lover’? I thought that thing between you and Huntress was over, Dick? Bad idea? Shouldn’t ever have done it in the first place? Anything you want to tell me, Twenty-something Wonder?
Oh well at least I have an excuse to rewire the Tower.

MY BELOVED MONSTER

Why did Bane come back and why can’t the idiot ever pester somebody else? I hear Metropolis is lovely at this time of year.
*
Bruce is a dickhead but this time he had a point, Leslie. Your arrangement with Killer Croc was one thing but sheltering someone like Zsasz is madness.
That situation was a time bomb waiting to go off even before Pettit and the Choir Girl made even more of a mess of it. Oh, and meet the new Batgirl.
*
That was very brave of you, Leslie. Brave and incredibly stupid. If it hadn’t been for Croc you’d be mincemeat now. Good thing Bruce took Zsasz off your hands finally.
Speaking of stupid is Pettit completely off his rocker now? Shooting up the city’s only hospital?
*
Was that a smile I just saw on Bruce’s face? Great God what did you DO, Leslie? What did you TELL him?
*
Awww, Harvey, are we having a little trouble now? My heart bleeds for you.
*
WTH does Bane want at the hall of records?
*
Blow it to pieces, apparently. Well that fits with Bruce’s suspicions. So somebody want the cities’ records gone. But who, and why?
Figures. Somebody else tries to solve one of our headaches by hanging Harvey but NOOOO Tall Dark and Moody has to rescue the bastard. I’m almost surprised that the Little Bird didn’t give Bruce the finger and let Two-Face hang.


DEMIGODS; ON THE STUPIDITY OF

Well look who’s back. Maybe he’ll actually do something of consequence this time.
*
‘I understand an eternal quick-fix won’t heal this city’? What. The. Fuck? Did Doomsday do some permanent brain damage when he killed you back then, Clark? That’s complete garbage when coming from Bruce and he has the excuse of having an ego that probably has it’s own gravity well. Yes of course Gotham’s citizen have to relearn civilisation. How about we make certain they can do so with a roof over their head, heating, and food on the table? Or if you can’t be arsed to do that how about making sure they’re AROUND in the first place to relearn? You’ve seen what Pettit is capable of, Clark. IF you won’t do anything about the infrastructure how about dealing with Mr A Bullet For Every Man Woman And Child In Gotham? Every bullet he wastes on YOU is one that won’t kill an innocent Gothamite.
*
Yeah, you have everything under control Bruce. It’s not like Two-Face and Penguin are still on the loose, the Joker has gone underground, Bane is back on behalf of some outsider and Pettit is running rampant. If that’s ‘under control’ I’d hate to see what your definition of ‘chaos’ looks like.
*
Whoopde-fucking-do. So he made it rain. Get lost, Boy Scout.


REUNION

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND, DAD? Bruce working with Cobblepot was borderline already but at least that guy is not clinically insane, and Ivy doesn’t give a shit one way or the other as long as you leave her precious plants alone. You went ahead and made an alliance with TWO-FACE??? Bruce NOT taking him in when Montoya pleaded for Harvey was one thing but you actually went ahead and enlisted the guy’s help? What have you been taking and how did you manage to get your hands on it in NML Gotham? That’s (excuse the term) batshit insane!!! If I weren’t so glad to have you back from Harvey’s clutches I’d kill you myself. Plus Sarah would probably disagree.
At least Harvey’s in custody now. And I envy Montoya her compassion. After what the guy did to her I’d have gladly strangled him when he gave up.
*
Okay, so somebody wants to rebuild Gotham afterall, that much is clear. Now the questions that remain are who, and why.
*
I told Tim that it would be okay, that Bruce and Dad need each other, that they’ll work it out. I wish I could believe it myself. It HAS been hours and Dad took it pretty hard. Can’t say I blame him.
10 years and more he worked with Bruce and when the town needed him the most, he wasn’t there.
When you stayed, Sarah stayed, I did, Montoya and Bullock did, HE ran away. But he came back, didn’t he? Because he cares about this sorry excuse for a city just as much as you do. Maybe more. And because he’s your friend. And you are his. Probably the only one he really has. Wether you believe it or not he DOES respect you. He needs you, more than you’ll ever know. Please work this out. Gotham needs you. BOTH of you. I need both of you.
*
YES! YES! YES! *weeps with relief*
Toldya they’d work it out, Tim!
YES!


ENDGAME

Bruce, you underhanded bastard. You really pulled it off. Now let’s see if we can find out who’s the one behind it all. Who’s the one who paid for the building materials, who hired Bane, who tried to erase any record of who own what property in Gotham, who’s trying to get hold of the city.
Oh and Catwoman is going to be mightily pissed when she finds out what you did to her, Bruce.
But you already knew that, didn’t you.
*
Pettit making trouble over Harvey’s arrest. Why am I not surprised?
And the scary part is sometimes I think he has a point. How many lives would have been spared if we did those lunatics in? How many died because we DIDN’T kill the Joker? Two-Face?
Nevertheless I must agree with Bruce. We’re trying to rebuild Gotham, trying to being back civilisation. That means the rule of law, and that means no lynch mobs. Let the law decide to kill them and I won’t cry a single tear. But Pettit will NOT be judge, jury and executioner.
*
So it’s finally started. And we finally have an answer. Lex Luthor. This is going to be interesting.
*
Well nobody ever denied Lex was smart. Since the government declared Gotham foreign territory they can’t legally do anything about him rebuilding (not that they would anyway, Luthor own too much of Congress). And to try to intervene at this point would be a PR disaster of epidemic proportions. So far, Lex can do what he wants. Which would be frightening.
Except we know what he wants, too. And how to see that he doesn’t get it. Sometimes, just sometimes, working for (I wanted to say working with but who am I trying to fool?) Bruce has it’s up sides.
*
OK I admit it. The blonde bimbo act was FUN. Now let’s see if Lucius finds out what Bruce suspects he will.
*
Uh-oh. Looks like Pettit is REALLY losing it.
*
Looks like the reconstructions is really underway. LUTHOR’s reconstruction. Bruce, I hope you know what you’re doing.
200 days ago you asked me to trust you. I told you I did. I still do. I MUST. Its’s either trust you or despair.
*
Well, at least we know where the Joker is again.
*
Well so far everything seems to be going Luthor’s way. The reconstruction is going well, the government is incapable of doing anything about it, and the public loves him. Bruce you better REALLY know what you’re doing.
*
Um-Bruce? If you wanted the Huntress to take care of Pettit and his men NOT driving her in his camp in the first place might have helped. I don’t care she’s having second thoughts now, she’s in no position to do anything about him. Which she yet MIGHT be if you had been the tiniest bit LESS of your usual overbearing self.
*
The Joker got stopped by-BANE of all people? *ROFL* I wish I had been there to see that.
*
I’ll give him this, Bane is a lot smarter than his fashion sense indicates (not that that’s saying much of course). Mind you, Bruce can be mightily persuasive when he wants to).
*
Eat it, Mr President. The people of the US of A want Gotham back. They want the NML to end.
*
And what do you know, occasionally democracy actually works. As of right now, the NML is OVER. You were damned right, Lucius. You did it. Now we have to do the rest.
*
Luthor did a lot but now the government is backing him the reconstruction is SERIOUSLY underway and everybody is trying to help to take a share of the PR windfall it’ll be.
*
Damn damn damn. Bruce is right. I got so involved with the reconstruction I forgot about the Joker. There hasn’t been a peep since Bane smothered him. This can’t be good.
*
OK, if Bruce in full force intimidation mode can’t get them to talk, that means they actually don’t know. That’s NOT good.
*
A year ago, a hot meal with my family on Christmas Eve would have been a given, nothing I would give a second thought to. A month ago it would have been unthinkable, a fantasy not worth wasting time on. Wrong on both counts I guess.
I love you, Dad.
*
I KNEW this was too good to be true. Joker’s back, he’s back with a vengeance, and he’s beleaguering Pettit’s camp. Madness vs Madness. This can only end badly.
*
It did. Pettit gunned down most of his own men the Joker presented at targets before Huntress finally took him apart. And if you ever so much as TRY to say she’s not worthy so help me God I’ll punch your face in. She took down Pettit, took out 12 of Joker’s goons and drove the others away and took three bullets protecting the innocent whom Pettit ordered to his Christmas ‘feast’.
She held her ground. We will never forget that. ‘I’ will never forget that and I will not let YOU forget it either, Bruce. If that wasn’t enough then fuck you.
*
Oh my God.
*
Apparently Joker kidnapped the NML newborns and will kill them if Bruce doesn’t find them first. Sorry Pettit had a point. We should have killed that madman years ago.
*
Okay so apperently the Christmas tree was a feint, so was the Nursery and the Day Care center and even Bruce got suckered by Harley, apparently. So where ARE the kids?
*
No great mercyful God NO. Sarah is going there and she doesn’t have a radio. Somebody, ANYBODY get there!!!
*
Oh Dad. I’m SO sorry. But I’m glad you didn’t do it. I’m glad you didn’t do what you SO much wanted to do. I’m glad you didn’t do what I wanted you to do with every fiber of my heart. I’m glad you didn’t do what he so rightly deserves. And I’m glad you did it because YOU decided not to, not because Bruce told you so. Let the law deal with him. That’s what the reconstruction is about.
*
Bruce-I’m glad you didn’t tell him NOT to. Maybe you’re a little bit human after all.
*
And then I think about it again. About the madman who took Sarah Essen’s life. Who took my Dad’s wife away from him. Who put me in this chair. Who did unspeakable things to an untold number of families. And I think Bruce and his ‘we’re not like them. We don’t kill’ mantra are so much empty words.
I always called her Sarah. And now it’s too late to call her Mom.
*
Happy New Year, Sarah Essen. May you rest in peace.
*
Thank you, Bruce.
*
Sucks to be you, Lex Luthor. I just hope Gotham’s rebirth was worth the price.

[Lindar]

*grins and glomps Brucie* Not bad at all hun.

MORE NOW. *knows there's lots more comics so waits for more*

[Batman]

Y'know SOMEBODY could have told me I used STRANGE BEDFELLOWS twice. *grumbles*

[Solauren]

You're the worlds greatest detective, you should have spotted that yourself

Anyway, very, very nice. Issue #'s in brackets might be a little nicer for easier reference, but still....


VERY VERY NICE