Songs that you absotively can not stand

[The Yosemite Bear]

should I mention that the lead singer for queensrych used to perform opera....

[Sriad]

The first time I heard "My Humps" I was just stunned. I just could not believe what I was hearing. "Fergielicious", the first single off Fergie's solo album, is absolutely terrible, but it sounds like Bohemian Goddamn Rhapsody compared to My Humps. "My Humps" is so bad it transcends genre. I was going to add something about how I really hate "harsh" singing so popular in metal, or that I think most commercial rap is garbage (Jurassic 5 and The Roots are another story), or I liked No Doubt but Gwen Stefani is not only the mother of all sellouts, but her solo songs are terrible, but "My Humps" is so horrible everything this side of a cat with its tail caught in a blender sounds better compared to it.

Any time I hear or get "My Humps" stuck in my head, I imagine Fergie as a tarted up camel (caked on makeup, lipstick, etc) trying and pathetically failing to seduce turbaned nomads and American soldiers, and I feel better.

But yes, it may be the worst song ever. Certainly the worst I can think of at short notice.

[NeoGoomba]

But yes, it may be the worst song ever. Certainly the worst I can think of at short notice.

I would rate ALL Gwen Stefani solo works to be far more painful than Fergie. Goddamn she is absolutely terrible

[The Yosemite Bear]

But yes, it may be the worst song ever. Certainly the worst I can think of at short notice.

I would rate ALL Gwen Stefani solo works to be far more painful than Fergie. Goddamn she is absolutely terrible

yes, I know every time I hear a solo song by her I want to gag her with the pink ribbon mentioned in the one song she used to preform that was semi-decent.

[Sriad]

But yes, it may be the worst song ever. Certainly the worst I can think of at short notice.

I would rate ALL Gwen Stefani solo works to be far more painful than Fergie. Goddamn she is absolutely terrible

yes, I know every time I hear a solo song by her I want to gag her with the pink ribbon mentioned in the one song she used to preform that was semi-decent.

You may well be right; I try to filter myself from awful music and can't think of ANY Gwen Stefani songs.

I'm not going to listen to them now to determine whether you're right, either.

[aerius]

Oh and FUCK! St. Anger! Now THAT was an awful album. Aside from a few riffs, it was a bunch of old guys desperate to retain their youth and fanbase. What a fucking awful drum sound, though, it was like a toy set from Toys R Us.

Back when that album first came out, there was a movie clip floating around on the 'net of a guy who'd duplicated the shit-ass drum sound by banging on a steel chair. I shit you not, he was banging on a folding steel chair with a stick and it sounded just like the snare drums in St. Anger.

[Cos Dashit]

There is one good Nickleback song, the one they did for Spiderman. I think it's called Hero.

I hate: Panic! At the Disco
Also hate: The Star Wars Rap credited to Weird Al Yankovich

Edited: Star Wars Rap credit.

Do you mean the Star Wars Gangsta Rap? The quality of that song is questionable, but I find the concept amusing.

That's the one.

[TithonusSyndrome]

Mind you, my idea of quality metal is Iron Maiden, and Bruce Dickinson actually sings, rather than screaming. That's the other reason for death-metal screeching; they don't have the talent to actually sing, and they think that by screeching or growling instead of singing, they can cover up this massive talent deficiency.

I contest the notion that an outrageously low, guttural bellow takes no talent. It takes a lot of training and practice to pull off the sound of a bull alligator provoked into the most feral rage imaginable, not to mention that you simply have to have a voice box of a certain size or it just won't happen, and it can have every bit as theatrical an effect as Bruce Dickinson's air-siren wailing. I love both Nile and Iron Maiden, and I believe that time will see the former band build as epic a legacy as the elder one, but I'd be fooling myself if I didn't say that it took a few "trial listens" to be able to understand what qualities in the music make it as outstanding as it is.

[Rye]

It's all down to personal taste, really, some people hate the throaty, low, gutteral vocal stylings of Louis Armstrong, but they're in the minority, even though he arguably sounds like he's been gargling with chainsaws as much as any death metal vocalist.

Fact is, it's not for the meek, it's an acquired taste and a different approach to musical composition than the popular market has taught us is the way most of the past century. The crooners were an affront to the classical-only purists, the blues guys were an affront to the crooners-pacified public, then there was the appearence of rock, not to mention jazz, which was another affront to "reasonable listeners" of the time, then metal, then punk, then thrash, then death, black, grindcore... all doing something different. Some intentionally being just noisy (the punk side of things), others merely playing extremely intricate music in a new and extreme way. Much of the time anything out of the mainstream crops up, part of the allure is the distance and initial unpalatability on initial listens.

I'm reminded of when the church banned the diminished fifth, the tritone that all metal bands use, because they thought it was used to commune with the devil. It was new and scary. So was Wagner and Bach et al, because they loaded out the bottom end of their orchestras and pushed the limits of time changes and the amount of low sound the orchestra could put out.

Let's face it, DM vocals are cheesy. All singing is cheesy. Nobody speaks like that, extending a high note over 6 seconds would sound fucking retarded in normal speech. But anyone that doesn't like cheese is probably horribly lame as a person.

Oh, TithonusSyndrome is bang on the money about it requiring talent. I'm reminded of Rogue 9 claiming rapping had no talent involved, and pussying out when asked if he wanted to rap to show how easy and talentless it was. In that vain, I request anyone claiming it's easy or talentless to record themselves singing either: Immolation - Harnessing Ruin or Deicide - Homage For Satan. Come on, there's a proper chance for an amusing thread, right there!

Or are ya chicken, punk?

[Setzer]

I hate all rap I've heard. It's all the same, idiots stereotyping themselves to make some money. It portrays blacks as misogynistic, criminal, and brutish thugs. Why doesn't the next black rap artist just put on a fake tail, carry a bunch of bananas and call himself "Moonshine, King of the Monkeys"?

It'd be like if Darth Wong's avatar was Fu Manchu and he mixed Ls and Rs even in forum posts.

Two rap songs I hate above all others is that one song by Ludacris where he just loops the same part of the Austin Powers theme. " Look at me! I can display the same musical proficiency as some teenager who fooled around with a WAV editing program for 15 minutes! Give me a multi-million dollar musci deal" "Well, Okay then!"
Jesus monkey fucking christ! Music bigwigs must spend more time jacking each other off then all the gay men on the west coast.

And then there's that one oaf's remix of "Push it to the Limit"

Here's a hint, you dumbass. If you've got a song about holding nothing back, going as far as you can go, too fast for caution to lay a part, etc, etc....

Then DON'T SING IT SLOWLY!!! You sound like the only limit you were pushing was the recommended dosage for Valium.

There's some girl who sings a song with only two recognizable words "I'm bossy" There are 4 notes in the song, played over and over. For dancing, she just writhes in front of the camera. When they want to do something different,
her backup dancers writhe in front of the camera. Neither have much clothing on.
I'll bet they never play that song on the radio.

I saw this one video by Dem Franchise Boyz (or however the fuck they spell it) that was apparently edited by Michael Bay on speed. They would lean to one side, then the camera would stop, then they'd lean to the other side.

Now, I read that when an actor can't dance, they just film them making one move at a time, and then stop the camera, they perform the next move, and then stop, etc., and splice it together in editing. The Jabootu review of Mortal Kombat said that's how they filmed Sonya Blade's fight scenes. What does it say about these guys, that leaning from side to side was beyond their abilities?

For a while, Sheryl Crow was acceptable. Then I got a job working in a restaurant where the soft rock station played "Soak up the Sun" twice every god damn hour! Or so it felt.

And as for that duet she did with Kid Rock? Yeck! I'll sum it up in 14 words:

He's a Druggie, She's a Whore
They love each other, don't sing any more.

I like Tori Amos, but her covers are just appalling. She's just no good singing other people's songs.

That one country song wher the refrain is "Don't tell me no lies and keep your hands to yourself"
The guy sounds like an abused donkey when he's singing about "hugging and kissing."
Why the fuck do all male country singers sound like Garth Brooks?

And Fergie? Is she the one who straddles a Buckingham Palace guard while demonstrating the extent of her throat infection, I mean, when she 'sings'?

I realize most of these were also complaints about music videos, but if there were actual songs featured, I missed them.

[TithonusSyndrome]

My experience has taught me that hiphop can be pretty much like any other genre of music; the chaff rises to the heights of mainstream exposure and the cream remains in undeserved obscurity. Aside from the "nerdcore" hiphop that most people have mentioned a few times now in defense of the genre at large, I also like some of the soi-disant "abstract" MCs, like Aesop Rock. He's the hiphop equivalent of Salvador Dali, and much like the painter, you'll either love it or abhor it as a mishmash of nothing.

[Dahak]

"Last Christmas" by Wham!. That utter obscenity is my personal Christmas bane. I want to rip out my radio every time I hear it. It is absolutely horrid and playing it should be punishable by death...

A close second is hip-hop and rap.

[General Zod]

I hate all rap I've heard. It's all the same, idiots stereotyping themselves to make some money. It portrays blacks as misogynistic, criminal, and brutish thugs. Why doesn't the next black rap artist just put on a fake tail, carry a bunch of bananas and call himself "Moonshine, King of the Monkeys"?

I have heard a few rare examples of good rap, however none of it was American, and in fact was Japanese. The lyrics themselves had nothing to do with 'gangsta' culture, however. Otherwise about the only similarity is some of the dress styles of the performers and the tempos of the music itself.

[andrewgpaul]

There's some girl who sings a song with only two recognizable words "I'm bossy" There are 4 notes in the song, played over and over. For dancing, she just writhes in front of the camera. When they want to do something different,
her backup dancers writhe in front of the camera. Neither have much clothing on.
I'll bet they never play that song on the radio.

Actually, it was all over Radio 1 last year.

[CarsonPalmer]

I have to second Last Christmas, and anything by Fergie. The gym where I work out at for football, literally plays the same damn custom CD every day. I work out for two hours. The disc is one half hour long. I hear Fergielicious four fucking times a day. FOUR fucking times a day.

[JLTucker]

Immolation - Harnessing Ruin

That is the worst shit I have ever heard, next to SOAD. I cannot understand a fucking thing that moron is growling. The music fucking sucks. I would like for that drummer to re-tune his drums. Please. The double bassing sounds fucking awful. And I am quite sure that these fucktards are using CGC tuning, which is the tuning that most of these metal bands use. What happened to using standard E tuning or drop D?

Judith - The harmony in this song near the end is great.
Edit: This is also great.

[Rye]

Immolation - Harnessing Ruin

That is the worst shit I have ever heard, next to SOAD.

Well, if I ever resort to Tool for music instead of anything with a proper sense of groove, rhythm, aggression or sense of anything but dull and flat pretentious pseudo-doom to it, I'll be sure to consult you on what's "good."

I cannot understand a fucking thing that moron is growling.

And I'm sure most non german speakers don't understand a fucking thing Maynard James Keenan is singing in Die Eier Von Satan or whatever the hell that song is called. Hardly anyone can tell what opera singers are singing about in italian, but comprehension of lyrics is secondary to the overall feel of the music and the sounds used in the vocal style.

Oh, and I can tell what he's saying, it goes like this (with capitalisation for rhythm):

"Forward Moving, Never Slowing, a Soulless Machine that Hungers for Victory."

I would like for that drummer to re-tune his drums. Please. The double bassing sounds fucking awful. And I am quite sure that these fucktards are using CGC tuning, which is the tuning that most of these metal bands use. What happened to using standard E tuning or drop D?

E and drop D are for "rock" and anything else that wants to sound midtoned and not heavy is why, they don't sound low and bassy enough to properly convey stuff that is intended to be really low sounding and evil. Nonstandard sub-E tuning has been the norm in metal since Sabbath.

Judith - The harmony in this song near the end is great.
Edit: This is also great.

Incidentally, I hate both of these songs, then again I've always disliked both apefeet and tool for being too dull and uninspirational. Hell, the second one sounds like fucking Incubus at their worst. So why not take the wheel and dri-i-i-ve? I'd expect to see them on a teen film like Cruel Intentions soundtrack with Placebo and Creed.

[The Spartan]

Time of Your Life by Green Day

Also: Country and Western Music. (Worse... I live in fucking Texas).

[General Zod]

Time of Your Life by Green Day

Also: Country and Western Music. (Worse... I live in fucking Texas).

At least with Country music it usually isn't blaring or horribly obnoxious, so you can typically ignore it.

[kheegster]

The mid-90s group Aqua has some of the most irritating songs ever. Remember "Barbie Girl"?

[Darth Fanboy]

Edited: Star Wars Rap credit.

Do you mean the Star Wars Gangsta Rap? The quality of that song is questionable, but I find the concept amusing.

That's the one.[/quote]

Wierd Al did not do the SW Gangsta Rap, that credit goes to Bentframe

EDIT: Fixed quotes and added snippage.

[Bounty]

The mid-90s group Aqua has some of the most irritating songs ever. Remember "Barbie Girl"?

Aqua was great. Cartoon Heroes and Doctor Jones are classics, you bastard!

[General Zod]

The mid-90s group Aqua has some of the most irritating songs ever. Remember "Barbie Girl"?

Aqua was great. Cartoon Heroes and Doctor Jones are classics, you bastard!

Aqua was great.

You are dead to me.

[Losonti Tokash]

Hawthorne Heights along with Angels & Airwaves.

The former can't decide whether they want to be emo, punk, or metal, so they try all three at once and fail. Then call themselves a metal band. To make it worse, they hijacked the huge ass concert Omaha has every year and attracted like bands. Just imagine 311, Blue October, Matchbook Romance, Hawthorne Heights, and Dashboard Confessional all playing in one place, one after another. Holy hell. There were decent bands playing too but it wasn't enough to get me to burn my money like that.

The latter reminds me of Nickelback's Longest Road. The songs are all the same. You cannot tell when one ends and another begins. This would be bad if it was a decent song, but since they have shitty instrumentation and the lead singer has the most annoying and whiny voice I've ever heard it's the sort of thing that makes ears bleed.

Side note: the reason RHCP stayed relevant past 94 is because they have fanwhores like me that'll buy every album they release and love them for it.

[Dartzap]

The mid-90s group Aqua has some of the most irritating songs ever. Remember "Barbie Girl"?

Aqua was great. Cartoon Heroes and Doctor Jones are classics, you bastard!

"JONES, JONES, CALLING DOCTOR JONES!" Great lyrics.