Theory of Unintelligent Design launched

[The Guid]

http://newsbiscuit.com/article/external ... ent-design

A new campaign against Creationism by athiests is focusing on glaring faults in the construction of the human body, particularly the idea to put the male’s testes on the outside.

‘The religious right are always harping on about so-called ‘Intelligent Design’ but both the irrational and rational response has to be ‘bollocks’,’ said anti- creationism campaigner Sean Duff. ‘Why would anyone intelligent put something as sensitive as testicles in a little sack on the outside? Surely this proves the concept of ‘Unintelligent Design’?

Duff launched his campaign by turning up to a Christian festival in Southampton, handing out full colour leaflets featuring the parts of the human body that proved the stupid design theory. A number of elderly churchgoers were seen holding the pictures upside down to try and make out what was illustrated.

‘What great master plan had hair falling out of your head, but starting to grow hair out of your ears at the same time? What’s so intelligent about blackheads, or dandruff, or vaginal discharges? And as for hair in your bum crack, well I can’t think of anywhere else you’d would want it less.’

This unexpected speech rather mis-judged the mood of the Good News Senior Christians Festival and Mr Duff was asked to leave. When he refused a couple of police officers took him outside, and using a knee, vigorously reinforced Duff’s point about the poor choice of location for the male testes.

[Darth Wong]

Personally, I think it'd be better to ask why God wasn't clever enough to mix and match some of the best features from all the world's animal families (something that's impossible according to evolution because features can't jump from one "product line" to another, but which should be effortless for a divine creator). Both evolution and creation tend to predict a certain amount of optimization, although evolution puts limits on its effectiveness.

[Rye]

I've still to find a good reason why someone would intelligently design defences on beetles if he also designed the animals that hunt them.

[KrauserKrauser]

To make them have to work for it obviously.

Life can't be easy you know.

[Surlethe]

What's exceedingly sad is that the hardcore creationists are going to handwave this away with the "curse of Adam", saying that life has been deteriorating all 6000 years of its existence since Adam ate the fruit. Coincidentally, it's deteriorated to the point where it looks precisely like it evolved imperfectly.

[KrauserKrauser]

So, a perserved mummy from 4000 BC that had basically the same genetic structure would be what to them? A trick by Satan?

Or do they believe that the concept of carbon dating itself is a trick by Satan?

[Rye]

Carbon dating shows things to be older than the bible says, so it must be flawed. QED.

Only apples to YEC types, obviously.

[kheegster]

I usually just ask: WTF are my tits for?

[Molyneux]

I usually just ask: WTF are my tits for?

Well, obviously the Divine Plan had humanity as a race of hermaphrodites...it's only the machinations of SAYT-AHN that changed us.

[Gil Hamilton]

So, a perserved mummy from 4000 BC that had basically the same genetic structure would be what to them? A trick by Satan?

Or do they believe that the concept of carbon dating itself is a trick by Satan?

They don't believe Ancient Egypt was ever that old. After all, if you except Egyptian chronology, Noah's Flood would have had to have completely missed them or there would have been a ludicrously small population which couldn't have possibly built the Egyptian civilization. They require Egyptian history to be completely false and all mummies and structures to be much younger than carbon dating (which they consider wrong) would suggest.

[Einhander Sn0m4n]

I usually just ask: WTF are my tits for?

Simple. The breast and nipple form before sex differentiation. Male is just a mod of the base female template.

[Einhander Sn0m4n]

EDIT: Oh wait, you wanted the Stupid Fundie version.

Males have nipples and they're sensitive to touch so that if you get pleasure from them you'll turn gay, therefore landing on God's 'Going Straight to Hell Rocket Docket'.

[darthbob88]

EDIT: Oh wait, you wanted the Stupid Fundie version.

Males have nipples and they're sensitive to touch so that if you get pleasure from them you'll turn gay, therefore landing on God's 'Going Straight to Hell Rocket Docket'.

Eh? You seriously mean to tell me that God created man such that he is almost certain to turn gay and get shipped south? Where's the logic in that? I'll even take fundie pseudologic as an explanation.

[wolveraptor]

Actually, one could argue that God placed created external testes for mammals in order to keep the sperm cool. After all, once these animals developed endothermy, they couldn't keep their balls tucked in. Of course, I have no idea how birds manage to have internal 'nads without mass sperm death. Do they use some form of chemical cooling or something?

[AK-047]

I'm not sure about avians, but aquatic mammals circulate blood through the skin layers before it flows to the sperm factories, maybe the same?

As for why men have nipples: It is obviously a test for men to see if they can stay straight

[darthbob88]

I'm not sure about avians, but aquatic mammals circulate blood through the skin layers before it flows to the sperm factories, maybe the same?

Apparently, birdy balls work fine at core body temperature, so they don't need a scrotum. IIRC, dolphins do circulate cooled blood over their testicles to keep them cool. Testicles

As for why men have nipples: It is obviously a test for men to see if they can stay straight

Like I said; what sort of God gives his people temptations to fail him like that?

[Covenant]

A really, really bored God. Such as the one who plays Sims or Spore. With all the mind-numbingly terrifying implications thereof.

[Durandal]

The platypus is evidence that, if there is an intelligent designer, he smokes a whole lot of marijuana. Seriously, can you think of anyone but a stoner going, "So I've got this beaver, but I kinda wanna put a duck bill on it. And make it poisonous"?

[Temjin]

Actually, one could argue that God placed created external testes for mammals in order to keep the sperm cool. After all, once these animals developed endothermy, they couldn't keep their balls tucked in. Of course, I have no idea how birds manage to have internal 'nads without mass sperm death. Do they use some form of chemical cooling or something?

This just raises the question of why God didn't raise the temperature at which sperm produces to match our body temperature. That way, he wouldn't have had to make it external at all.

No matter which way you cut it, intelligent design just doesn't make sense.

[glass]

Actually, one could argue that God placed created external testes for mammals in order to keep the sperm cool.

But why would he need to? Why wouldn't he just design the sperms to be viable at higher temperatures?


glass.

[Rye]

The platypus is evidence that, if there is an intelligent designer, he smokes a whole lot of marijuana. Seriously, can you think of anyone but a stoner going, "So I've got this beaver, but I kinda wanna put a duck bill on it. And make it poisonous"?

I always thought that Bill Hicks routine sucked. The platypus is one of the oldest mammals, meaning its design has worked for fucking ages. Before mammals had live young, even.

[18-Till-I-Die]

One could argue that an "intelligent design" merely means that teh God who did it was sapient and thus actively made it happen, but that does not mean he was incapable of making mistakes or slipping up or getting lazy and throwing shit together with his fingers crossed.

Perhaps all the 'flaws' in the design are just that, flaws he failed to notice before implimenting the design. Afterwards he would have had to exterminate the whole race to 'fix' it and he decided instead to just give them defenses or intelligence to overcome these problems.

But with some animals he went overboard, so while trying to design defenses for one animal he accidentally made it an active predator of the other, and for the above reason he couldnt or wouldnt reverse this, prefering to just cross his fingers and hope it works out.

Then eventually he leaves the 'machinery of life' behind to do what animals inevitably do, breed and pray on one another, and went off to seed other worlds.

You can call it the "Lazy God" or "Blue-Collar God" method.

Mind you i'm not an IDer it's just something that occurred to me.

[Velthuijsen]

The problem being with that line of reasoning that God is defined as being omnipotent and omniscient.
Which means he's incapable of not noticing flaws, or having accidents (since he knows what the result will be of all his actions), or having to cross his fingers hoping it works out (since he knows it will or will not).

[Dooey Jo]

The problem being with that line of reasoning that God is defined as being omnipotent and omniscient.
Which means he's incapable of not noticing flaws, or having accidents (since he knows what the result will be of all his actions), or having to cross his fingers hoping it works out (since he knows it will or will not).

The reasoning actually works for the intellectually honest version of ID, in which the "designer" truly is unknown, and obviously incompetent or evil. However, you will never ever find an IDer who will honestly use that line of reasoning; they'll always fall back on "God.. err... the Designer works in mysterious ways". It's no coincidence that all IDers that aren't Christian, are Raëlians (and they're being mocked by Xian IDers)...

[wautd]

he poops to see