chick lives!

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2002-12-31 03:35pm

admire the brilliance - http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5020/5020_01.asp

Darth Servo · Post by **Darth Servo** » 2002-12-31 03:39pm

Chick is a dick and a Hypocrite.

Hey, that all rhymes.

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2002-12-31 03:48pm

I am stunned and appalled at the way that Muslims are treated in that. No wonder the entire Middle East thinks Americans are crazy! Look at the example Chick sets!

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2002-12-31 04:10pm

Okay, the beginning of the tract made sense, but then we diverge from reality, and into the land of Chick, where some crazy fundie is ready to save any Muslim, Bhuddist, Catholic, Rock Star, or Dungeons and Dragons fam from damnation at the last minute.

Post by **NecronLord** » 2002-12-31 05:14pm

*Fries Chick with lightning from staff.*

I thought it was dead last time.

*Watches as it crawls along spouting crap*

*throws chick down botomless pit.*

That should keep it for a week or so.

jaeger115 · Post by **jaeger115** » 2002-12-31 06:51pm

Amusing how Chick takes Allah as different/separate from God while the Koran says Allah is God.

Tosho · Post by **Tosho** » 2002-12-31 07:05pm

When I saw this thread's title I thought to myself: NO!!!!, i'm not joking.

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2002-12-31 07:49pm

What does Chick do, wipe his ass on paper and call it a tract? I mean, that's the only way to get so much shit on such small amounts of surface area.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2002-12-31 07:51pm

When I saw my first Chick tract, I thought it was somebody trying to poke fun at fundies. Seriously.

I almost couldn't believe it when I realized he was serious.

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2002-12-31 07:54pm

Ditto. I sorta started at it and my mouth hung open for a while.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2002-12-31 07:57pm

make in my malleable middle school days, I bought and kept about 20 of the things.

then I plugged my brain in.

Shinova · Post by **Shinova** » 2002-12-31 08:14pm

It made sense until about halfway through, then it all became indistinguishable from the background.

Malachius · Post by **Malachius** » 2002-12-31 08:38pm

I still sometimes go to that site for something to do, when I feel like being angry. His hypocracy, bigotry, and utter stupidity cannot be comprehended, at least not by me. I don't even go there for a laugh anymore because it is just not funny, only saddening.

(Fundie) Christians say we will go to Hell if we do not accept Jesus. The only way I have of finding and accepting him is a closed-minded clergy (rife with pedophiles) and people like Chick. They are the ones supposed to teach me of God, and without someone (i.e. them) to teach me I am going to Hell? Fuck that.

If I die and meet God,I will believe. If that is not enough, and I am destined for Hell even if I've been a good person, then I do not want to bow to that Blood God.

Post by **weemadando** » 2002-12-31 09:18pm

Chick should really get into gymnastics, his backflips on positions from cartoon to cartoon really are spectacular.

jaeger115 · Post by **jaeger115** » 2002-12-31 09:51pm

*jaeger115 steps out of his armored buggy and strides to the back in the pelting rain. He pulls out his heavy assault/sniper/grenade launcher rifle and slings it over his back. The rifle clangs against his armor, glistening in the rain. In front of him is Chick's house.

jaeger115 trudges forward and knocks on the door. He doesn't care about stealth no longer - his armor covers his whole body and head so no one can recognize him. Chick's wife, a humongous ugly woman with a "I'm Praying for You" shirt horribly stretched over her drooping chest, opens the door.

"I've come to see Jack Chick." jaeger115's voice is filtered through the helmet's speakers so his voice sounds mechanical and flat. Mrs. Chick's eyes open wide as she sees that man in armor shining in the rain. She notices the massive gun on his back and asks about it. jaeger115 lies that he's a fundie out to kill all atheists and is here to get Chick's support. Being the moron Mrs. Chick is, she smiles and lets him in. "That way." she says, pointing him to the downstairs den.

Footsteps paddle on the stairs. jaeger115 knocks on the door. Chick himself opens it.

"oh hi.... who are you?"

"I'm a christian like you who is out to kill all atheists."

jaeger115 takes out his rifle for chick to see. Chick's eyes open wide and he smiles evilly. He extends his hand, brushing its abrasive surface. "Come on in and we'll talk!"

jaeger115 enters. Chick points to the drawing board, where he is working on a new tract. "Wanna read it?" He smiles evilly as jaeger115 picks it up.

More bullshit about atheists corrupting our values, destroying our institutions. jaeger115 fakes a laugh. The helmet speakers render his voice flat and mechanical, so his derision is masked.

"Very well then. Go to hell."

A disbelieving look spreads over Chick's face. It grows as jaeger115 spins and grabs him by the hair. The immense strength in his arm lifts Chick off and he screams horribly. jaeger115 raises his rifle and slams it hard against his chest.

No, NO, NO, NOOOOOO!!!nonononononoooooo!!!!

"I'm an atheist, by the way." jaeger115 growls as he squeezes the trigger, letting off a long burst of automatic fire. Chick's body dances in mid-air as the bullets rip through his tissue and splash blood upon the wall behind him. The burst ends. Chick's body drops to the floor with a sickening thud and a growing pool of blood.

Mrs. Chick hears the gunfire and seizes up, fearing the worst. The door to the den opens, and jaeger115 steps out into the hallway.

No! No! NO! NOOOO!!!!

Mrs. Chick takes out a Colt .45 revolver and fires it wildly at jaeger115. jaeger115 lets the bullets bounce harmlessly off his armor for effect. All six bullets are used up. jaeger115 lifts his rifle and, with super-accurate fire honed by his years in marksmanship school, sends a single bullet flying to her skull.

Before her body hits the floor, jaeger115 is out of the house and striding toward his buggy. He loads the rifle and gets in as if nothing has happened and drives off with a loud roar.

Raptor 597 · Post by **Raptor 597** » 2002-12-31 10:07pm

It made sense up until Page 8. I thought Jack Chick was too quiet. I guess he ran out of shit too pull out of his ass.

russellb6666 · Post by **russellb6666** » 2002-12-31 10:43pm

god WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH CHICK!!!!!!

how in the FUCK can anybody be that much of goddamned stupid worthless waste of fucking oxygen. The blatent stupidity and fundie bullshite is astonishing i've had encounters with religious fundies before but GODDAMN how anyone can be that pretencious(sp?) is beyond me what a bunch of bullshit. Somebody should introduce chick to a steel bat wraped in barbed wire and thumb tacks

Post by **Coyote** » 2002-12-31 11:41pm

Let's set up a petition and raise the money to have Jack Chick sent to Saudi Arabia. Dressed as a Medieval Crusader.

Raptor 597 · Post by **Raptor 597** » 2002-12-31 11:44pm

I woul like too see how many bullets/arrows/chopped body parts, etc.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2002-12-31 11:55pm

Coyote wrote:Let's set up a petition and raise the money to have Jack Chick sent to Saudi Arabia. Dressed as a Medieval Crusader.

With the word "Fuck Allah" written on his back in Arabic.

Sokar · Post by **Sokar** » 2003-01-01 01:33am

I'll buy that for a dollar!!

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-01-01 02:04am

Sokar wrote:I'll buy that for a dollar!!

Hell, I'd pay two!

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2003-01-01 05:24am

We need to take him out. I'm going to scout there and alert the AIIF if I find anything.

LMSx · Post by **LMSx** » 2003-01-01 05:42am

Omar is a happy Christian, and drives back home knowing Jesus loves him.

...Of course, *then* he has to explain all this to his wife.

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2003-01-01 05:46am

Scheisse! No evidence of a forum!!!
Although I did find this:
http://www.chick.com/information/authors/
http://www.chick.com/contacts.asp
All Units, OPEN FIRE!