Hypothetical Rape-Virginity Situation

[Spanky The Dolphin]

Here's a hypothetical situation that I thought of recently...

[In case anyone wondered: this is indeed a hypothetical situation. I don't know anybody personally who fits the following, so it's not a request for advice: just a discussion about a hypothetical situation.]

An ordinary, mild mannered, run-of-the-mill girl was raped when she was 13 years old. It was a random incident, and the rapist was a total stranger, completely unknown to the girl or her family and friends. While she didn't get pregnant or an STD because the rapist wore a condom, her hymen was broken, making her no longer a virgin.

Due to evidence found, the rapist was soon tracked down and arrested. He was tried and convicted, sent to prison for a very long time.

The girl was initially quite traumatised by the incident, and she did have to testify at the trial. During several years of therapy (let's say about 4-5 years with an excellent psychologist), she was slowly able to put the past behind her. By the time she was 18 and off to college, she was back to enjoying a normal life.

Now 21 and a junior in college, she's involved in a serious relationship with a great guy, also a junior. They've been dating for a little over a year, and have been living together in an on-campus apartment since the start of first term (it's the start of second term now). They got engaged over Winter Break, and will get married after they graduate (and they'll live happily ever after, in case you were wondering).

Earlier in their relationship (say ~8 months ago), he asked if she's ever had sex (he doesn't know about her rape at all). She said no, and that she was waiting until she was married (for her own personal reasons-not at all related to the rape). He was perfectly fine with this, and the subject was never brought up again.

She said no because the subject of the rape still bothers her. Not that she'd experiance post traumatic stress disorder or anything, but because it makes her very uncomfortable and she doesn't like talking about it at all.

Recently, that conversation popped into her head. She somewhat thinks of herself as a virgin becuase she doesn't want to count the rape as her first sexual encounter. On the other hand, she also knows that she is physically not a virgin. She starts to wonder if she should tell him.

Sorry about the length. It started out as a simple situation, but kept expanding as I wrote it. Keep in mind that whatever she tells him isn't going to impact their relationship or engagement: it's more of a personal issue for her.

So:

1. Do you think she's able to think of herself as a virgin, despite being raped years ago? Give your reasoning.

2. Should she tell him the truth, regardless of what she decides in Q1?

I haven't decided what my answers are yet, just to let you know.

Thank you for your time.

[Tosho]

1. Do you think she's able to think of herself as a virgin, despite being raped years ago? Give your reasoning.

2. Should she tell him the truth, regardless of what she decides in Q1?

I haven't decided what my answers are yet, just to let you know.

Thank you for your time.

Yes, physically she's not a virgin, yet emotionly she is IMO.

Yes, if he truly loves her he won't care, and if it bothers him I hear that there's a operation women who aren't virgins can get which repairs their hymen making them phyiscally virgins.

[Darth Wong]

1. Do you think she's able to think of herself as a virgin, despite being raped years ago? Give your reasoning.

No, she's not a virgin. The word "virgin" has a specific definition in the context of sex, and she doesn't fit it. I'm not trying to be mean; it's a simple matter of word definitions; the word "virgin" has a meaning, and that's not it.

2. Should she tell him the truth, regardless of what she decides in Q1?

Yes. If you start a relationship by keeping secrets, you're definitely starting off on the wrong foot. He will understand if he cares for her, and if he doesn't, then it's better for her to find out he's an asshole now than later.

[Howedar]

Just FYI, it is not uncommon for they hymen to be broken through physical activity (sports and the like).


I think the girl should tell the guy.

[ArmorPierce]

So:

1. Do you think she's able to think of herself as a virgin, despite being raped years ago? Give your reasoning.

She could consider herself a virgin if she wants to despite not actually physically being one but I wouldn't consider her being a virgin--maybe a virgin in that she didn't have consentual sex but I wouldn't consider that a virgin. I don't like the fact that she is lying in the first place.

2. Should she tell him the truth, regardless of what she decides in

Q1?I haven't decided what my answers are yet, just to let you know.

Thank you for your time.

Yes, she should tell him the truth. It ain't fair that he's being lied to even though he might rather have the lie than the truth.

[Ghost Rider]

1. Not a virgin, since that constitutes as a specific physical condition and honestly nothing about a mental state. She has never had consensual sex, but she is not a virgin.

2. And yes, if for simply the fact that keeping such a thing from a serious relationship is very detrimental and can have fester quite easily especially if found through other means than a straight forward honest conversation.

[Master of Ossus]

I don't think that she is a virgin, but regardless of what she decides she does need to tell her gentleman friend, if only so that it allows him to help her with it, if she needs more support, in the future.

[Shinova]

I look over the dictionary and the likes and they all say it's someone who hasn't had intercourse before. Is there some relation between this and the hymen? I mean, if the hymen was broken through stuff like sports, how does that define the girl on whether she's a virgin or not?


EDIT: This post stands ready to be deleted if a mod wishes.

[Spanky The Dolphin]

Semantics debates are not permitted in this thread.

[Darth Wong]

On the virginity issue: non-consensual sex is still sex, unless one employs the Bill Clinton definition of "sex".

[Stormbringer]

It's still sex. She's had sexual intercourse, consensual or not, and that means she is not a virgin. It's a particularly horrible way to lose one's virginity but it's still lost.

And she'd damn well better tell him. To keep something like that a secret is not a good thing. It's a lie and a big one. She'd owe it to him to tell the truth if only so he knows. If he's a decent guy he'll undestand.

And Spanky, why do you raise the question? This sounds like it has some purpose to it.

[Spanky The Dolphin]

There's no ulterior motive or anything. It just popped into my head last week, and I thought I'd post it sometime.

I will comment that ArmorPierrce's answer reads a little odd to me, though.

I see that there's a trend running that the guy better understand or he's a jerk, etc... Seems some have forgotten that I said:

Keep in mind that whatever she tells him isn't going to impact their relationship or engagement: it's more of a personal issue for her.

*tsk tsk* Need to learn to read more carefully.

[Coyote]

She should tell him and no, she's not a virgin anymore.

I think the 'lying' thing is a bit harsh, given the troublesome and difficult circumstnces being dealt with I think it is understandable why she'd be reluctant to talk about it. If this is the only thing she was truthful about I think it's forgivable given the context. If theguy is decent he'll accept her anyway; if not, well, it's best she finds out.

[InnerBrat]

The word 'virgin' is a stupid one anyway. She can call herself what she likes. And if she doesn't tell him, she's gonna have issues if she ver starts having sex with him. It's important he knows.

[kojikun]

My hair is blonde, but its blue and purple in spirit. Does that mean I don't need dye to make it blue and purple? No. Shes not a virgin. But this is a physical issue which she already correctly concluding (that shes not a virgin). Emotionally she's still not had a voluntary sexual encounter, but given the fragility of the human mind, she can't be considered a virgin there either. Her rape will affect how her sexual relations progress in the future and if shes sufficiently messed up by the rape she could in the future not want to have sex. Obviously just talking about sex brought a flood of emotions into her mind, the act of it is going to fuck with her tremendously.

For a stronger person, I'd say emotionally they're untouched, but for this woman, she is emotionally NOT untouched. Bad or forced experiences don't change whether someone like this has been affected or not. That would be like going out, getting fucked in every orifice, when you're done saying you want to do it again, and then claiming you're a virgin emotionally because it's not affecting you. Guess what? Doesn't work like that. You enjoy or or hate it, its still affecting you and its still messing with your mind. Very few people actually go unaffect by sexual encounters of any kind.

[Enforcer Talen]

Here's a hypothetical situation that I thought of recently...

[In case anyone wondered: this is indeed a hypothetical situation. I don't know anybody personally who fits the following, so it's not a request for advice: just a discussion about a hypothetical situation.]

An ordinary, mild mannered, run-of-the-mill girl was raped when she was 13 years old. It was a random incident, and the rapist was a total stranger, completely unknown to the girl or her family and friends. While she didn't get pregnant or an STD because the rapist wore a condom, her hymen was broken, making her no longer a virgin.

Due to evidence found, the rapist was soon tracked down and arrested. He was tried and convicted, sent to prison for a very long time.

The girl was initially quite traumatised by the incident, and she did have to testify at the trial. During several years of therapy (let's say about 4-5 years with an excellent psychologist), she was slowly able to put the past behind her. By the time she was 18 and off to college, she was back to enjoying a normal life.

Now 21 and a junior in college, she's involved in a serious relationship with a great guy, also a junior. They've been dating for a little over a year, and have been living together in an on-campus apartment since the start of first term (it's the start of second term now). They got engaged over Winter Break, and will get married after they graduate (and they'll live happily ever after, in case you were wondering).

Earlier in their relationship (say ~8 months ago), he asked if she's ever had sex (he doesn't know about her rape at all). She said no, and that she was waiting until she was married (for her own personal reasons-not at all related to the rape). He was perfectly fine with this, and the subject was never brought up again.

She said no because the subject of the rape still bothers her. Not that she'd experiance post traumatic stress disorder or anything, but because it makes her very uncomfortable and she doesn't like talking about it at all.

Recently, that conversation popped into her head. She somewhat thinks of herself as a virgin becuase she doesn't want to count the rape as her first sexual encounter. On the other hand, she also knows that she is physically not a virgin. She starts to wonder if she should tell him.

Sorry about the length. It started out as a simple situation, but kept expanding as I wrote it. Keep in mind that whatever she tells him isn't going to impact their relationship or engagement: it's more of a personal issue for her.

So:

1. Do you think she's able to think of herself as a virgin, despite being raped years ago? Give your reasoning.

2. Should she tell him the truth, regardless of what she decides in Q1?

I haven't decided what my answers are yet, just to let you know.

Thank you for your time.

I've been pondering that one for a few months.

[Lord Pounder]

The hymen can be broken and split by many things. As far as virginity goes in that kind of circumstance she is. The mind set of a woman would be that she are a virgin coz she hasn't made love with a person. Virginity has always been more of a psycological thing to me.

[kojikun]

--The hymen can be broken and split by many things. As far as virginity goes in that kind of circumstance she is. The mind set of a woman would be that she are a virgin coz she hasn't made love with a person. Virginity has always been more of a psycological thing to me.--

Floofy words mean nothing to the mind. Shes had sex, which changed her psychology drastically because it was forced. Shes no more a virgin then a whore in a whore house, love doesn't enter into it.

Now, you can say shes never loved anyone enough to fuck them, and that may be true, but shes certainly not an emotional virgin.

[Lord Pounder]

I see what you are saying but Rape, Sex, and Fucking are very different things to making love, to demonstrate physically what the person partner means to him her. As such while physically she is not a virgin she is mentally and thats what counts.

A similar situation is if a woman masturbates while a virgin, is she still a virgin, her hyman is broken?

[Stormbringer]

I similar situation is if a woman masturbates while a virgin, is she still a virgin, her hyman is broken?

Yes, because she hasn't had sexual intercourse. It's as simple as that. A virgin is defined as someone that hasn't had sex.

[Spanky The Dolphin]

Kojikun, since you seem to have a problem reading, go back to my OP and revise your speil.