The US invasion of Canada

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-01-02 12:12am

Wither Canadian Sovereignty?

Something strange is happening at a fast food restaurant on Highway 401, somewhere between Toronto and Oshawa.

"Can I help you?" the young girl behind the cash register asks.

A man in tacky green army gear, with black and green makeup smeared all over his face, steps up to the counter. "I'd like 1,978 burgers, 12,540 chicken nuggets and two fishburgers," he says.

The girl gulps and starts pounding the keys of the electronic cash register. Her heart is beating rapidly, but she tries not to let it show; this is the order that every person who has worked cash alternately dreams about and dreads. "How would you like your burgers?" she asks several minutes later.

"Umm, 1,800 with the works," the man replies, "seventy-seven plain, 48 without onions, 29 with extra pickles and four with extra tomatoes and no special sauce."

The girl turns her head towards the back of the restaurant, noting that there are only three hamburgers on the heat rack. "One thousand nine hundred and seventy- five burgers down!" she shouts. Somebody in the back shouts, "What?", but the girl ignores him and continues the order: "One thousand seven hundred and ninety- seven regular, 77 plain, 48 with onions, 29 with extra pickles and four with extra tomatoes and no special sauce!"

The boy who works the grill runs out from the back, takes one look at the customer at the counter and runs back.

"What kind of sauce would you like with the chicken nuggets?" the girl asks. "Four hundred fifty sweet and sour," the man answers, apparently from memory, "four hundred thirty-six barbecue, 364 honey and six mustard."

"Fries with your burgers?" the girl asks once again.

"Three thousand large orders," the man replies.

Ten minutes later, the girl asks, "Drinks?"

"Five hundred sixteen Orange Crush," the man automatically answers, "three hundred thirty-three Pepsi, 156 Diet Pepsi, 47 Sprite, 28 Diet Sprite. Oh, and 1,500 large coffees and 789 large teas."

"Will that be all?" the girl asks in awe.

"I believe so," the man says, coolly.

"This may take a few minutes," the girl apologetically says. "We don't usually get orders this large."

"Please hurry," the customer says with a smile. "My men - I mean, my friends are very hungry."

As the restaurant grows abuzz with activity, the manager comes out of his office to engage the customer in conversation. "You come around here often?"

"First time," the customer states.

The manager thinks about this for a while. "You have a lot of friends waiting outside?" he finally asks.

"Only 3,000 troo - guys."

"Where are you from?"

"New York...we thought we'd come to Ontario for...the weekend."

The restaurant manager is not an overly bright man, but he does know that Wednesday is not part of the weekend. "Who are you?" he asks, full of suspicion.

The customer hesitates for a moment. "Actually, I'm Sergeant George Pershing, II," he admits, impatiently. "Look, how long is this going to take? My men and I haven't eaten in three days, and, between you and me, we badly need this food."

"What are you doing here?" the manager asks, ignoring the other man's question. The manager is quivering with rage and improperly placed national pride.

"My troops and I have been sent to meet the USS Polar Sea," the Sergeant explains, "when it makes port in Alaska. There were no ships ready to take us up there, so we were ordered to go over land..."

"I see," the manager said. "And, tell me, does the Prime Minister know about this?"

"Now, there's no need to bring the Canadian government into this," the Sergeant quietly states.

"What?" the manager shouts, angrily offended.

"I mean," the Sergeant hastily explains, "I'm sure that the Canadian government is already aware of our presence here. And, even if they don't, well, shoot, we're neighbours, aren't we? I'm sure that Canadian officials would be happy to cooperate with the United States Armed Forces...after all, we are in this together."

"In what, exactly?" the manager wants to know.

"You know," the Sergeant tells him, "democracy."

"If you could start clearing off the counter," the girl interrupts, indicating the bags full of food that covered every inch of space, "it would make things go a lot faster."

The Sergeant orders a couple of his men to enter the restaurant and start distributing the food. "I trust that this matter will stay between you and me," the Sergeant tells the manager, adding: "Not that the United States Army has anything to hide..."

The manager is about to say something about polite international cooperation when he catches a glimpse of the total price of the order glowing on the screen of the cash register. "Oh!" he says. Then: "No, I don't think there'll be any trouble. In fact, feel free to drop by the next time you're in the neighbourhood."

"Thank you," the Sergeant archly says, obviously not willing to respond to the other's relatively open display of greed. "But, I don't think that's likely. Oh - tell me, sir?"

"Yes?"

"Do you take American dollars?"

The manager rubbed his hands in delight.

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2003-01-02 12:37am

You shep, are a terrible person

No I mean it, dont think that I am joking you sick bastard

Post by **Beowulf** » 2003-01-02 01:01am

Canadian military? What Canadian military?

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2003-01-02 07:08am

Canada? You mean Greater Montana?

Malachius · Post by **Malachius** » 2003-01-02 08:20am

As much as that article saddens me as a Canadian, I love it

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2003-01-02 08:52am

<FLAMEBAIT>Okay the statement I'm about to make will probably make me look like a clueless asshat with a terminal case of Foot-In-Mouth Disease™, but:
WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THIS OBSESSION WITH THE WHOLE "USA INVADING CANADA" BULLSHIT?!! ROFL Jesus HHH Christ, Is Canada THAT bad!?</FLAMEBAIT>

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-01-02 09:34am

The Albertans would be excited about getting your gun laws and religious theocratic movement. We Ontarians would be unhappy about acquiring your various social problems and psycho litigation-happy lawyers, but happy about the lower taxes and higher dollar. As for Quebec, they would fill up your airwaves with their whining.

kojikun · Post by **kojikun** » 2003-01-02 10:06am

--The Albertans would be excited about getting your gun laws and religious theocratic movement.--

I thought Canada had anti-idiot laws. Guess you're just one of the few sane, huh? :p

--We Ontarians would be unhappy about acquiring your various social problems and psycho litigation-happy lawyers, but happy about the lower taxes and higher dollar.--

Gotta love Ontario's striving for less taxes and more money. Whatever happened to taxation with representation?! Since when do WE want to pay THAT much huh? I thought we fought a tiny war over that some time ago.. something called the REVOLUTIONARY WAR?!

--As for Quebec, they would fill up your airwaves with their whining.--

They're French, what do you expect.

Raptor 597 · Post by **Raptor 597** » 2003-01-02 01:51pm

The staged, planned invasion was in 1935 so we only currently ave 2000 MBt on their border. And Quebec shall be used for massive military experiments.

Ted · Post by **Ted** » 2003-01-02 02:13pm

I am loathe to say it but Quebec would liberate the rest of Canada.

The yanks would run away home in fear from the Quebecois, leaving Canada the victor in the end.

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-01-02 02:36pm

Ted wrote:I am loathe to say it but Quebec would liberate the rest of Canada.

The yanks would run away home in fear from the Quebecois, leaving Canada the victor in the end.

No we wouldn't. There's a simple way of dealing with Quebecois:

Step 1:

Step 2:

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-01-02 02:38pm

Einhander Sn0m4n wrote:<FLAMEBAIT>Okay the statement I'm about to make will probably make me look like a clueless asshat with a terminal case of Foot-In-Mouth Disease™, but:
WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THIS OBSESSION WITH THE WHOLE "USA INVADING CANADA" BULLSHIT?!! ROFL Jesus HHH Christ, Is Canada THAT bad!?</FLAMEBAIT>

I briefly ran an annex canada political group. it just looks so nice, all that land, and who needs that line in the way anyway? ^^

Raptor 597 · Post by **Raptor 597** » 2003-01-02 02:44pm

Ted wrote:I am loathe to say it but Quebec would liberate the rest of Canada.

The yanks would run away home in fear from the Quebecois, leaving Canada the victor in the end.

*Mushrooms arise over Quebec; not the biological kind* I reprsent the only good breed of Frogs in the world.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-01-02 03:42pm

Not really fair to pit the worlds most powerful armed forces against a nation that has ammunition for one day's combat at best.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-01-02 05:29pm

While Canada would be overtaken with ease, I am intrigued as to what actions would be taken by the United Nations.

Ted · Post by **Ted** » 2003-01-02 05:32pm

Don't forget the British Commonwealth either.

It would fix the Aussies yank wanking though, make them go to war against the yanks.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-01-02 06:57pm

DPDarkPrimus wrote:While Canada would be overtaken with ease, I am intrigued as to what actions would be taken by the United Nations.

They can't do shit, the US can veto any resolution by the Security Council

Ted · Post by **Ted** » 2003-01-02 06:58pm

Sea Skimmer wrote:
DPDarkPrimus wrote:While Canada would be overtaken with ease, I am intrigued as to what actions would be taken by the United Nations.
They can't do shit, the US can veto any resolution by the Security Council

Yes, but the US invaded a soverign nation that is a member of the UN, they would loose their seat on the Security Council, allowing the UN to kill the US.

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2003-01-02 07:00pm

Ted wrote:
Sea Skimmer wrote:
DPDarkPrimus wrote:While Canada would be overtaken with ease, I am intrigued as to what actions would be taken by the United Nations.
They can't do shit, the US can veto any resolution by the Security Council
Yes, but the US invaded a soverign nation that is a member of the UN, they would loose their seat on the Security Council, allowing the UN to kill the US.

Sam Kinison//Oh no...NOT THE UN...God no PLEASE NOT THE UN...the blue tanks, the blue helmets the 'elite' Pakistani peace keepers ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!!!!//Sam Kinison

Ted · Post by **Ted** » 2003-01-02 07:02pm

Stravo wrote:Sam Kinison//Oh no...NOT THE UN...God no PLEASE NOT THE UN...the blue tanks, the blue helmets the 'elite' Pakistani peace keepers ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!!!!//Sam Kinison

You'd get the Russians, Europeans, Chinese, Pakistani's, Indians, Members of the British Commonwealth, etc... Bascially anyone who had a grudge against the US.

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2003-01-02 07:06pm

Ted wrote:
Stravo wrote:Sam Kinison//Oh no...NOT THE UN...God no PLEASE NOT THE UN...the blue tanks, the blue helmets the 'elite' Pakistani peace keepers ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!!!!//Sam Kinison
You'd get the Russians, Europeans, Chinese, Pakistani's, Indians, Members of the British Commonwealth, etc... Bascially anyone who had a grudge against the US.

Don't think so. Too much at stake. The US may be despised by some of these nations but they won't go as far as actually war with us. Embargoes and sanctions...MAYBE but you will most certainly NOT see direct military action against the US, particularly over Canada. Half the UN will be scratching their heads going..."Were'nt they already part of the US?" the other half will be laughing their asses off as the Canadain representatives try to plead their case.

"This is aboot freedom, this is aboot democracy."

"Excuse me? Can you tell us what this all...*chuckle* aboot again *Chortle*"

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-01-02 07:11pm

Ted wrote:
Stravo wrote:Sam Kinison//Oh no...NOT THE UN...God no PLEASE NOT THE UN...the blue tanks, the blue helmets the 'elite' Pakistani peace keepers ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!!!!//Sam Kinison
You'd get the Russians, Europeans, Chinese, Pakistani's, Indians, Members of the British Commonwealth, etc... Bascially anyone who had a grudge against the US.

And in 20 years when they've built a fleet and air force which might actually get them to North America the US might care. Of course that would require far more money then the rest of the world has to spare.

Until then it will be the US taking the war to them, hard to build ships when JDAM's keep landing on them.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-01-02 07:12pm

If we told the American people we were going to invade Canada, they'd wonder why we need the fur and blubber. But I'm sure Canadians would be happy as the 51st state.

Ted · Post by **Ted** » 2003-01-02 07:16pm

Trade embargos on the US would seriously fuck the US up.

Most of the stuff sold in the US is made in China or some other Far East country.

The'd loose a lot of oil supplies that way.

And the economy would be fucked majorly too, the military wouldn't have the monetary backing anymore.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-01-02 07:24pm

Ted wrote:Trade embargos on the US would seriously fuck the US up.

Most of the stuff sold in the US is made in China or some other Far East country.

The'd loose a lot of oil supplies that way.

And the economy would be fucked majorly too, the military wouldn't have the monetary backing anymore.

And what do you think happens to the nations that stop trading with the US? Guess what, there economies collapse as well. There are few nations which could afford to stop trading with the US for even a short time. The major oil producers and much of South East are among them.

The world can not cut its self off from 48% of its GDP