[Music] Jesus, Take the Wheel

[Darth Wong]

Hey everyone, I've been too busy to post lately, but I stumbled upon a Grammy-nominated song performed by Carrie Underwood, "Jesus Take the Wheel". I just found the lyrics to be utterly hilarious, so I thought I'd post them.

Jesus, Take the Wheel
(James/Lindsey/Sampson)

She was drivin' last friday on her way to cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Goin' home to see her Momma and her Daddy
With her baby in a back seat
Fifty miles to go and she was runnin' low
On faith and gasoline
It'd been a long hard year

She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was goin' way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinnin on thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was so scared, she threw her hands up in the air

(Chorus)
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
'Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
Give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder and that car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the back seat sleepin' like a rock
For the first time in a long time she bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been livin' my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

(Chorus)
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
'Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
Give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It's funny how I saw the video and I actually burst out laughing when the chorus started, but I'm sure plenty of country & western fans must have thought it was touching and beautiful, otherwise I don't see how it got nominated for a Grammy award. I like the part about how the woman lets go of the steering wheel and lets Jesus drive her to a safe stop. I think I'm starting to understand the Bush Administration strategy for dealing with the environment.

The following is a question from an interview with Gordie Sampson, who was one of the co-writers on the Grammy-nominated song:

Q: Does the writing process differ when you’re working on material for one of your own albums?

A: It’s quite different. There is a unique process for writing a country song [as opposed to] any other type of music, especially in the lyric department. It’s very topical subject matter. You’re allowed to be clever, but you can’t leave anything to the imagination. When I write for my album, the lyrics have a bit more je ne sais quoi; they’re a lot more ambiguous. When it comes to being simple, which is what you have to do with a country song, it’s hard.

I found that funny too, but it does match up with my general impression of country lyrics: not a lot of subtlety there, and this song certainly didn't have any. They might as well have called it "stupid single mother learns to trust God". Just remember the moral of the story: if you're out of control, let go of the wheel and let Jesus drive!

[General Zod]

You’re allowed to be clever, but you can’t leave anything to the imagination.

For a moment I read that as "you can't use any imagination". Which would have made more sense as to why so many country songs sound nearly identical.

[Einhander Sn0m4n]

And I bet statistically this song's idea will likely be responsible for at least one death, possibly more, in the year after its release due to someone taking it far to literally. I'm thinking Mississippi, Alabama, Louisiana, and/or Texas. MAYBE Arkansas...

[Einhander Sn0m4n]

You’re allowed to be clever, but you can’t leave anything to the imagination.

For a moment I read that as "you can't use any imagination". Which would have made more sense as to why so many country songs sound nearly identical.

Gee I wonder why; the thoroughly borked education system beats the imagination out of these idiots! You have to go down to their level.

[CaptainChewbacca]

If I was driving, at night, and started skidding and spinning on some ice, I doubt I could come up with anything better than to take my foot off the gas and hope for the best.

[Aaron]

If I was driving, at night, and started skidding and spinning on some ice, I doubt I could come up with anything better than to take my foot off the gas and hope for the best.

Your supposed to steer into the skid for starters. That'll help straighten the car out.

[CaptainChewbacca]

If I was driving, at night, and started skidding and spinning on some ice, I doubt I could come up with anything better than to take my foot off the gas and hope for the best.

Your supposed to steer into the skid for starters. That'll help straighten the car out.

Hey, now I know!

[Einhander Sn0m4n]

If I was driving, at night, and started skidding and spinning on some ice, I doubt I could come up with anything better than to take my foot off the gas and hope for the best.

Your supposed to steer into the skid for starters. That'll help straighten the car out.

And the song wasn't talking about the gas pedal as it was anyway. Any reasonable person would see to stop pumping energy into a system gone pear-shaped; it takes an act of true antigenius to voluntarily totally remove one's control over the system instead (and I'll bet that idiot's still got the gas pedal floored too).

[Darth Servo]

I think I'm starting to understand the Bush Administration strategy for dealing with the environment.

And just about everything else for that matter.

They might as well have called it "stupid single mother learns to trust God". Just remember the moral of the story: if you're out of control, let go of the wheel and let Jesus drive!

And even if a divine being were to take control of the steering wheel its not exactly going to do anything for a car sliding on black ice. Lost traction = steering wheel does jack shit.

[Darth Fanboy]

Since when did Jesus ever learn how to properly operate a motor vehicle? A teenager with a learners permit or a 96 year old man whose license was grandfathered in because it was earned prior to the Great War have more experience.

[Darth Wong]

Even if we take the song as allegory, it's fucking retarded. The idea that your personal judgment is useless and you should simply let things unfold without any attempt at control or planning is sheer idiocy. Rumsfeld-grade idiocy.

[Kuja]

And done by an American Idol candidate. Not surprising.

[Metatwaddle]

The weird thing about all of this is that some people must honestly think it's touching and deep. I have trouble understanding that. What part is touching? The juxtaposition of faith and gasoline as if they're both sorts of fuel for life? The hey-look-it's-a-metaphor-in-a-country-song profundity of "glass" for ice, inelegantly shoved in there to rhyme with "fast"? Or maybe it's the sheer emotional desperation of the woman saying "I can't do this on my own".

The most likely explanation, though, is that they'd find anything deep if it mentioned Jesus.

I'm perplexed by the interviewee's comments, though. Who decided that country songs had to be subtle like a brick to the head? If this songwriter really can write deep songs where not everything is on the surface, then why didn't he do it here? He says it was because it was country, but I suspect it's because he's a shitty songwriter anyway who couldn't be poetic to save his life.

[Hawkwings]

I liked the song.

Course, I liked it because of factors other than the lyrics...

[darthdavid]

See it's shit like this that's why you don't see good country like Johnny Cash anymore. Rather than trying to put real emotion into it and write a good song in a country style they just write about Jesus or their pickup or whatever to try and entice rednecks into climbing out of their trailers long enough to buy a few CDs.

[Vympel]

What, "Get Your Finger Out of My Ass Because I'm Leaving You Behind" didn't get any nomination?!

(cookie if you can get the reference)

[Stofsk]

What, "Get Your Finger Out of My Ass Because I'm Leaving You Behind" didn't get any nomination?!

Robin Williams is just a comedian, he's no country/western singer.

(cookie if you can get the reference)

i expect a full box of oreos for this

[Gandalf]

Even if we take the song as allegory, it's fucking retarded. The idea that your personal judgment is useless and you should simply let things unfold without any attempt at control or planning is sheer idiocy. Rumsfeld-grade idiocy.

I guess "Jesus helps those who help themselves" didn't apply here.

[Master of Cards]

Darwinism, anyone listens to the song will die if they follow it

[aerius]

Carrie got a Grammy for the song as did Gordie Sampson for helping to write the lyrics.

[Darth Wong]

Carrie got a Grammy for the song as did Gordie Sampson for helping to write the lyrics.

Of course. It's country & western.

[Durandal]

I've never seen a woman whose name so eloquently describes my physical condition when looking at her.

I wonder if Jesus "takes the wheel" when she's getting plowed.

[Grandtheftcow]

I guess "Jesus helps those who help themselves" didn't apply here.

Actually I've seen that line disputed frequently on Christian forums.

They really do generally believe God is actively and constantly helping and guiding them through every aspect of their lives and that no matter what everything will be all smiles and funshine in the end.

Whats really weird is when these people who believe in the notion of faith repeatedly commit illegal or what would be considered immoral acts and think God is still on their side and that what they're doing is actually part of Gods plan.

As for the sorry state that country music is in. I think it's drifted into what rap has done commercially. There's only one flavour of rap available on the surface and you really have to dig in order to find the variation out there.

I'm sure you'll all understand since you're all huge rap fans

[Darth Servo]

I guess "Jesus helps those who help themselves" didn't apply here.

Actually I've seen that line disputed frequently on Christian forums.

They really do generally believe God is actively and constantly helping and guiding them through every aspect of their lives and that no matter what everything will be all smiles and funshine in the end.

Whats really weird is when these people who believe in the notion of faith repeatedly commit illegal or what would be considered immoral acts and think God is still on their side and that what they're doing is actually part of Gods plan.

The "once saved, always saved" bullshit rears its ugly head. Hard-core born-againers are under the delusion that the blood of Jesus will wash away any sin so they can go do what ever they want because they're SAVED . Praise the Lawrd.

[Darth Wong]

I guess "Jesus helps those who help themselves" didn't apply here.

Actually I've seen that line disputed frequently on Christian forums.

They really do generally believe God is actively and constantly helping and guiding them through every aspect of their lives and that no matter what everything will be all smiles and funshine in the end.

Whats really weird is when these people who believe in the notion of faith repeatedly commit illegal or what would be considered immoral acts and think God is still on their side and that what they're doing is actually part of Gods plan.

The "once saved, always saved" bullshit rears its ugly head. Hard-core born-againers are under the delusion that the blood of Jesus will wash away any sin so they can go do what ever they want because they're SAVED . Praise the Lawrd.

And then, without a trace of irony, they will turn to you and solemnly explain that religion is superior to secularism because it guarantees moral behaviour. The fact that they just absolved themselves of all responsibility for their sins doesn't strike them as a contradiction at all.