I, Klogg (A tale of The Neverho0d)

[The Grim Squeaker]

I, Klogg
The Neverho0d



Hmmm...

Greetings being or beings who hear these words!

My name is Klogg.
I, Klogg, Present & Future King of the Neverho0d and all its denizens!

This disk tells a story. A Story about the good and greatness I have wrought. A Story about the outdated fools who resisted me.
This disk contains the one and only version of the TRUE story...
The True story of the closing of the third age and triumph of my New time, The Ago of Klogg!.
I know that once you know this truth, then you know what to do in my new kingdom.
Listen! I shall tell you what Really happened.

It all started with Hoborg, a being of immense, almost divine power and the Sixth son of Quater (A form of Creator entity present in a variety of superstitious tales and records).
He had come to create the Neverhood , because... He had to make a place where he could rule, a place where his ego could run free and he could impose his petty, stifling laws, a sand-box filled with puppets and bound to his desires.
He made himself a world full of unreal structures and peculiar creatures, and filled with wondrous & tantalizing devices that he planned to retain for himself alone. This world, The Neverhood, a world where he could live forever and EVER more ruling over all of "his" creations.

Hoborg thought this world would make him happy, and for a sane being it would have. But its creation did naught but make him... depressed. Walking around his mediocre, empty little world make him feel alone, bored and impotent without an audience or slaves.
But then, Hoborg got an idea. He said,

"I know. I’ll make a subject to appreciate the world I have made & to give my kingship meaning."

And so it was that he took forth Klay and let it take form, altered by the "climes" and waited for life & will & the mind to fill it.
And so it was that I, Klogg was "born".
I was a different being in those days, lacking ambition, cunning, strength of mind & will, as well as having a hideous idiosyncratic form (Unlike my present glory, but we'll get around to that later).

Hoborg was happy to have a servant to fawn over him and to do the work required in creating a world. He named me 'Klogg' and welcomed me to the Neverhood, his Kingdom.

"Not Everything you see here is yours to enjoy, but you shall work on all of it as one of 'my' creations. You and I shall spend all our days here together until I can expand. With you by my side, I’ll make more -"
As Hoborg babbled on about how I was to serve as a glorified handy-man my eyes passed on the desolate grounds of the Neverhood before fixating on a single object, the sole object of my desire, a thing of beauty & wonder that glowed, shone, glistened and seemed to... Call to me. Naturally I tried to examine it momentarily in order to ascertain its properties, and to feel it if just for a moment.

"CROWN!"

Hoborg slapped me aside as soon as I reached in the direction of "his" crown.

"NO! - I mean, no, Klogg. This crown is the main thing that you cannot have. I am the sole ruler of my world, this Neverhood, and a ruler needs his crown. Surely you can understand that. Now go, and explore your new home, while I go back to my Throne Room and plan some more beings to make."


So, Hoborg trotted off to make more sycophants, and useless wastes of Klay, whilst I wandered off to explore this world.

I journeyed it high and low, seeing the views and experimenting with the arcane methods of transport & communication, and at times improving upon them as my agile & frustrated young mind eagerly sought out fresh challenges.
But still even when I started to alter the "systems" for added complexity (Such as fragmenting a simplistic 4 piece slider into 16 parts, in order to remove the threat of idiots clogging up the opening of the Hall of Hoborg), I couldn't help but think of... It. The CROWN...
And so, I, Klogg start thinking of things... The CROWN thing, but also the weakness and megalomania exhibited bu Hoborg and his dimwitted lackeys, A Fool by the name of Willey and a vicious Enforcer-Robot named Bil. This "Bil" was a marvel of construction, yet it refused to allow me near it, attacking viciously with its foot whenever it sighted me. I swore to learn its secrets, and to improve upon them, but that could wait...

Sitting in the Throne Room Hoborg start thinking about who or what he would create next...

Ennui was always the tyrants bane, and as he sat I toppled his icon of ruler-ship, namely I snatched the CROWN that he so selfishly kept to himself.

"Huh? What?? My... crown!" Hoborg slowly realized what had happened, but by then it was too late.

I proclaimed by victory with Elam, "Hee hehehar! Now, Hoborg, we shall see who rules this world! You cannot rule without a crown!" even as he began to beg and whimper for himself, realizing as he did that his rule had been ended I proclaimed my victory and Ascension to rulership of The Neverho0d:

"I declare myself, Klogg, ruler of the Neverhood!"

As I donned the Crown its power raced through me, and out of Hoborg. I felt strength and power and a cunning beyond belief race through me, empowering me and removing the frailties and "failsafes" of personality present in my old form. I was now truly Klogg, King of the Neverho0d, and not a mere being of Klay & spit.

Hoborg could but lament his loss:
"What... have... I... done...?" As he slowly fell backwards, his anima leeched away from him as his power passed into me, and he slowly fell into a type of suspended state of animation, a coma or "Deep sleep" if you will.

I muttered these words to myself (Unaware of the fact that the crown magnified everything about me, including my very thoughts):
"Yeeeow! Sheeesh! M-my, this baby packs a wallop!...what's this? Hahaaa! Frozen solid, hmmmm? It seems this crown does more than give you reign over the Neverhood - it's also your secret to life. What a pity!"

So Hoborg had fallen, and I had risen.

I began my reign with delight, constructing tests of intellect to amuse myself and to test my eventual creations, as well as testing... other beings in the meanwhile from the 4 mouthed "Weasel" and its mnemonic hunting pattern to the infinitely breeding blue "Sheep" (That I made out of wet paste, ensuring their delightful smushability).

But my greatest creation was yet to come, for after I had subdued the robot "Bil" by means of a great cannon via smashing the Mech-anoid's head and disabling it until I repaired it, after some suitable personality modifications enacted by my engineering genius I had my third (albeit far lesser) idea (You shall yet hear about the second).

The Clock-work beast. A secret weapon, a nasty thingadee, Bil's dark and superior successor, A mechanical enforcer capable of demolishing anything that might intervene in the future in a manner contrary to my interests. (Even though I had managed to stop the wall of Records to remain in stasis after taking control of it and all the rest of the Klay in the Neverho0d I still planned contingencies for action against Quater or from the brothers of Hoborg, lest they discover my actions against their moronic sibling and attempt to destroy me).

And yet, as I though about this dreaded day and (retired) The Hall of Records I realized that there was one last thing that I could do in addition to my Doomsday machine - My fourth great idea, The "Engine Number 9". My second Idea was the cannon that could blast anything in The Neverho0d with impunity. "What? What?! It was my second idea, Shyeesh".

This plan is what you read now - The Usage of indestructible Klay recording disks to record my words and actions, so that even if some day all may be lost you shall now of my actions, and if your world is also subject to the whims of a "God-King" then know what must be done in order to overthrow "him" (or It).

These disks are over-written pieces of The Hall of Records, a technique first used incompetently by the moron Willie Trombone, thus explaining the lack of brevity at times, the odd visuals and at times over-written pieces of audio & speech, disregard these pieces of Propaganda and hear and listen, so that your reign might stretch as long as Mine.
So long as nothing goes wrong...

And look out for troublemakers.
I know: fools & so called "heroes" are always where you forget to look even with a vast network of surveillance devices.

Farewelllll!

+Skritch...+ Tape ends.


Bootik, chief of the Skull-monkeys examined the strange tape that had fallen out of the sky quizzically... Then ate it.

The End

[The Grim Squeaker]

Some information about the Neverho0d
And from the official game itself:

The original Disks text:


Erm...
Hello!
Me Willie.
Me Willie Trombone!
These disks tell a story. Story about good. Story about bad.
These disks are all that are left of the TRUE story...
True story of the closing of the third age.
Willie know that once you know this truth, then you know what to do.
Listen. I tell you.

It all start with Hoborg, him being who had to create, because... He had to. He make him world full of beauty, and wonder. This world, the Neverhood, a world where he could live forever and EVER more.

Hoborg thought this world would make him happy. But it make him... saaaaad. Walking around his big BEAUTIFUL new world make him feel aaaall alone. But then, Hoborg get him an idea. He said,

"I know. I’ll make a friend to enjoy this world with me."

Hoborg happy to have a new friend. He named him 'Klogg' and welcome him to the Neverhood.

"Everything you see here is yours to enjoy. You and I shall spend all our days here together. With you by my side, I’ll make more -"
"CROWN!"
"NO! - I mean, no, Klogg. This crown is the only thing that you cannot have. I am ruler of this world, the Neverhood, and a ruler needs his crown. Surely you can understand that. Now go, and explore your new home, while I go back to my Throne Room and plan some more people to make."

So, Hoborg go to make more friends, and Klogg start thinking BAAAD things...

Sitting in the Throne Room Hoborg start thinking about who he make next...

"Huh? What?? My... crown!"
"Hee hehehar! Now, Hoborg, we shall see who rules this world! You cannot rule without a crown!"
"Klogg! No!!"
"I declare myself, Klogg, ruler of the Neverhood!"
"What... have... I... done...?"

"Yeeeow! Sheeesh! M-my, this baby packs a wallop!...what's this? Hahaaa! Frozen solid, hmmmm? It seems this crown does more than give you reign over the Neverhood - it's also your secret to life. What a pity!"

Klogg right about that. Without his crown, Hoborg stuck in a biiiig helpless sleep. Uh, that Klogg scare me! Things look icky. But maybe HOPE... maybe...

A life seed!

Hoborg booboo with Klogg. Klogg go all stinky bad!
But Willie know what good. Yeees!

Uh, me hope Klogg no find out about this... Scaring...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!


If you watching this - you do GOOD! Willie happyyy!
Now you need THIS.
You go and do more good!
And look out for bad.
Willie know: Bad is always where you forget to look.

Byeeeeeeee!

Preamble

I am Quater. Read my words, and be my friend.

Father commands me to record the truth of history, so that readers will learn from those who went before.

Therefore, I give each of my seven sons one of these self-engraving, history-recording klay walls.

This wall automatically records the activity in this world, and in any other world containing one of the other walls.

Behold. Anyone who tampers with the records on these walls will be considered the enemy of Father. I will not like you much, either.

This wall is given by Father. It will teach you to acquire wisdom, integrity and skills for solving problems.

In each of our lives, we must make decisions. When these times come, be ready to make the right choices.

Continue in what you know is true, though truth is often hard to see. These walls may hold the only truths you will know.

Quater.

Father

Father is a kind being whom no one has ever seen. Father is beyond our comprehension. All folks know is that he was here before there ever was a here. He is happy and enjoys existing. He is said to be great and powerful; and as far as anyone knows, there was no one before him. He is from the other side. No one has ever been to the other side but it is supposed to be a great place where there is peace without death.

Quater

Quater is the only being Father has ever made. He has been a good friend of Father's for many eons. Quater is the official go-between for all beings and Father. Since he himself is a being made by Father, not much can be learned about Father by looking at Quater. But, if anything is known to any one about Father, Quater revealed it. Quater forged seven crowns for seven beings he created for Father to pour his approval on. Quater left the comfort of Father's presence to pioneer a new world where his beings could make their own place in order to empathize with Quater.

Hoborg

Quater wanted to see what would happen if he made a creative being with a big heart. Quater named him Hoborg, meaning "big heart".

Hoborg was given a crown and he set-out into a void of clouds as Quater watched him from a distance.

Hoborg liked the idea of making a place for some beings of his own. He knew that the clouds that swirled around him would make a perfect sky, so he just needed to make some land. One thing that concerned Hoborg was that perhaps some of his beings would came out bad. He wanted to make beings which he could enjoy forever, but he did not want to force them to love and respect him. He decided that he would make his beings with the ability to choose right and wrong. Working everything out in his head, he figured he could make one child at a time and see if he turned out good before he started on the next. Hoborg made a tiny scale model of his world in Klay (or clay) to see if it looked the way he had imagined it. He spent about twenty years designing the shapes and colors of this place which he would call The Overhood. He needed some Klay to make his world and the only place where Klay could be found that was of the purity and quality Hoborg wanted, would take four hundred years to reach. He was so anxious to get started that he asked for help from Quater.

"Quater, thank you for making me with such a fine crown... everything in life is just wonderful but I was wondering..." Hoborg got down on one knee. "Can you help get me to the Klay of Highest Quality?"
Quater laughed, "That would take even me a long time to reach! What's wrong with the clay that I have already given you?"
Hoborg answered, "I like the clay you gave me for planning things, but I was hoping for the best ingredients for my beings. You see, I want them to last forever and clay only lasts for a few thousand years."
Quater was impressed, "Here is a scope that will help you see as far as you need to. You will be able to pick the shortest path to the Klay which should save you quite a few years of travel."

Hoborg received the scope, "Oh, thank you Quater! You are very generous."

Hoborg started on his journey that same day. Looking through the scope he could clearly see the Mountain of Klay he needed to build the Overhood.

Every day was the same, Hoborg awoke before sunrise so that he could travel far without heat. But before he set off to travel each morning, he thought lofty respectful thoughts about Quater. Hoborg, in his ever-so-deep voice, would sing songs to the ground about how good it was to have been made. After a morning's journey, Hoborg would cover himself up in soil and rest. He resumed his mission in the afternoon and walked toward the great Mountain of Klay until late in the evening.

After 20 years of travel, Hoborg grew very lonely. Soon he could not stand to go on. He found a chunk of land upon which he could stop and rest. It had one spindly vine growing on it, and Hoborg lay down beside it to enjoy the shade it provided so he might be delivered from his discomfort. And Hoborg was extremely happy about the plant. But at dawn the next day a worm came and attacked the plant and it withered. And it came about when the sun came up, that a scorching east wind and the white light of the sun beat down on Hoborg's head so that he became faint and begged to die, saying, "Death is better to me than life."

Hoborg could not get himself to do anything, he just lay there. Hoborg began to scrape, absent-mindedly, at the dirt where his hand lay. Then he said, "Scraping is better to me than death." It was a fine, dry dirt that was packed down and baked hard by the white sun. His fingers bent, lifted and stretched; bent, lifted and stretched; bent, lifted and stretched, scratching relentlessly. His fingers scraped through the layers of fine dust and grit day after day. Just a few grains of dust and grit required weeks of scraping before it broke loose from the ground, the ground was that hard and compacted. More and more dirt added to the pile under his palm each month. During the years that passed, the only sound he heard were the scraping of his hand on the dirt and his breathing. After a pile big enough to pick up formed under his hand, he grabbed it, spat on it and squeezed it and squeezed it and squeezed it until his hand turned white and his knuckles made popping noises. Hoborg sat up and looked at what lay in his palm as he opened his fist. He saw that he had formed a clod of dirt.

Now the worm that had attacked the spindly vine and caused it to wither popped his head out of the ground and admired the clod, saying, "My, what a nice clod of dirt you've got there!" Looking Hoborg up and down, it asked, "Did you make that all by yourself?"

"Yes, I did." said Hoborg.

"If I were you," said the worm, "I'd stay right here and make more dirt clods. You could fashion them into beings and populate this chunk of land with them. After all, did you really see a pile of Klay through the scope Quater gave you? Or did you just want to see it because Quater said you would be able to see it?"

Hoborg answered, "Actually, Quater said the scope would enable me to see the shortest path to the Klay, and because of that, I should save quite a few years of travel. But I've been traveling for so long..."

And the worm said to Hoborg, "You haven't saved any time in your journey. You haven't ever seen Klay, have you? I wonder if Quater has ever seen Klay?" When Hoborg thought of it that way, he also began to wonder. Was there even such a thing as Klay? He had only heard about it; he'd never seen any. Then a thought occurred to Hoborg. Sure, it had taken many years to collect enough dirt to make this one clod, but he had plenty of time, and he knew there was plenty of dirt right here; he did not have to keep searching for Klay. Or he could continue his journey, not even knowing when or if he would reach his goal. He considered making more dirt clods and creating clod-beings right there to populate the chunk of land he had stopped on to rest. Sure, it would take a lot of spit, but Hoborg figured he would find a way to work-up enough. And now that he had a purpose for scraping he could use both hands and save time. First he would finish creating a being from the dirt clod he already had made.

Hoborg knelt beside the thing he had put together. The hideous outrage of dirt stretched out, and then, as he worked the clod with his hands, it began to show signs of life, and stirred with an uneasy, half-vital motion. Frightful it must have been; for supremely frightful was the effect of his endeavor to mock the stupendous mechanism of his own creator, Quater. His success terrified Hoborg; he cast away his odious handiwork, horror-stricken, as far and with as much velocity as he could throw it. He hoped that, left to itself, out wherever it might land, the slight spark of life which had received such imperfect animation, would subside into dead matter. Hoborg went to sleep in the belief that the silence of the grave would quench forever the transient existence of the hideous clod which he had looked upon as the cradle of life. He slept; but in a dream he was awakened; he opened his eyes; beheld the horrid thing standing at his side under the spindly vine (in Hoborg's dream it grew back), and it looked on him with yellow, spit oozing, but speculative eyes.

Hoborg awoke (for real), and was horror-stricken because he saw something far away, and it was growing less and less far away with every minute. At first he thought it was the clod-creature coming back to get him, but as it got closer, he could see that it was much bigger than a dirt clod. A short while passed before Hoborg could make out the shape. It was a piece of land with a little red-roofed house on it. There was a big robot and a little being on it. Hoborg realized that these folks would pass him if he did not act quickly so he took off his belt from around his waist and made a lasso. He figured that it still was not long enough to reach this passing land mass, so in act of desperation he gouged a chunk of his chest out and rolled it into a great snake that extended the end of his belt. This contraption was long enough to lasso the land, which halted when the cord went taut. The big robot pointed to Hoborg's chest and said, "Meeee Bil. Meeee Bil."

Hoborg waved and answered, "Meeee Hoborg. I am Hoborg."

The smaller being (slightly smaller than Hoborg, but one fiftieth the size of Bil) pointed to Hoborg's chest and said, "Me think hims pointing your torso, big ouch!"

Hoborg had not realized that his guts were oozing out of the large fissure he had created in his chest. "Good Quater! What am I going to do?"

The small being took off his own belt and instructed Bil to carry him down to where Hoborg was. The being jumped into Bil's hand and he walked over to where Hoborg sat, about to pass-out. "Me Willie," the stranger said as he tied his belt over Hoborg's chest, clamping the severed sections together, and closing up the self-inflicted injury.

Hoborg placed his hand on Willie's shoulder, "Hello, Willie, I am Hoborg and you just saved my life!"

Willie did not seem to acknowledge this statement. Hoborg figured Willie was not altogether sane, but he was grateful just the same.

After a few days of rest, Hoborg decided it was best to continue on his journey. Hoborg asked Bil and Willie if they wanted to join him. Bil just said, "Meeeeeee Bil. Meeeee Bil," and Willie mumbled a bunch of gibberish to himself.

Hoborg liked their company, but he figured that they did not want to come along so he tearfully said good-bye. Hoborg was surprised to find that when he walked, Bil and Willie followed him. Hoborg did not question them, he just grew happy inside and continued toward the Klay.

Big Robot Bil (Hoborg found out his full name because it was engraved on the back of his foot) proved most useful for carrying Willie and Hoborg and the little red-roofed house over canyons too steep to climb. Hoborg noticed, while being carried by Big Robot Bil, that Bil's chest had a switch inside it marked "good" at the present setting and "bad" on the other setting. Hoborg dared not find out what the "bad" setting did, but he thought it must be a poorly thought-out attempt at dealing with the same problems he had when he was planning the making of beings that were capable of doing right and wrong.

Within a few more years the three made it to the Klay. It was a mountain of the purest Klay in the known universe and Hoborg found it to be of higher quality than he or even Quater imagined it would be. He filled his crown up with a few good sized hunks of Klay; Bil and Willie carried a few hunks to help. All together, Hoborg figured there was enough to make his Overhood and about two thousand beings.

On the way back to where Hoborg had started his journey, a Tickberger came upon the trio. A Tickberger is something all icky and sticky that Quater always said to run away from. Hoborg yelled for Bil to grab Willie and himself and make a run for it. A Tickberger is made to want what other beings have. He could tell that they had a bunch of Klay so he licked his lips, exposed his fangs and said, "Klaaaaaay!" As fast as Bil could run, it was not fast enough to outrun the nimble Tickberger. The ID panel on the back of Bil's foot was removed with one swipe of Tickberger's razor sharp claw. Hoborg saw that Bil was slowing down and that they would soon perish if they did not do something quick. Hoborg threw all of the spare Klay over to the ground below. He figured the amount remaining would still be enough to make a medium sized world and about five hundred beings. The problem was that as soon as Hoborg dumped the Klay, Tickberger gobbled it up, and it was still closing in on Bil. Hoborg nervously threw some more Klay out and this time Tickberger ate it but slowed down considerably. This was not good enough, since Bil also was slowing down considerably from the exhausting pace. He simply could not carry on much longer.

Hoborg decided that he would have to be happy with about twenty beings in a small neighborhood as a world. With that, he dumped most of his Klay over with just a bit left for his greatly reduced plans. It worked this time since Tickberger stopped completely and could not follow them since he was stuffed with so much Klay.

Bil continued under Hoborg's guidance, holding the little red-roofed house on his shoulder where Willie and Hoborg could ride and room together. After many years' journey, Hoborg returned and was ready to build "The Everhood," a neighborhood that would last forever...

... so long as nothing went wrong