Inbox of the worst engineer in the Empire:

VT-16 · Post by **VT-16** » 2007-03-31 07:06am

SA.com did another Star Wars themed article, about emails for the guy who designes all the crappy stuff in SW:

+http://www.somethingawful.co*/d/news/na ... empire.php

Just remember to add the 'm' in the address.

Ace Pace · Post by **Ace Pace** » 2007-03-31 07:11am

There is no need to edit the uRL if you add a +.

Winston Blake · Post by **Winston Blake** » 2007-03-31 07:15am

Boba Fett wrote:I am currently transporting a bounty that has been frozen in carbonite with a device you created. I have been told to direct any questions or comments I might have your way.

This is obviously a new technology, but might I suggest adding a few security measures to the transport device's control panel? Right now anyone can walk up to this thing and flip a few switches to release the frozen prisoner. I'm thinking a number pad with a secret code would be great, or heck, even a plain old key.

How do we know she didn't enter a secret code, what with all that button pushing?

Stormtrooper Commander 09731 wrote:As you know, the E-11 has come a long way since its initial prototype. Thanks to your hard work over the past three years the rifle no longer fires completely sideways, and with your latest revision, the number of casualties resulting from blaster fire being directed completely backwards has been drastically reduced.

That said, the E-11 still has some accuracy issues. We recently bolted one of the rifles to a testing mechanism so that it couldn't move even a millimeter, then set up a human-sized target six feet in front of the blaster's barrel. Shooting in two second intervals, we let the E-11 fire at the target continuously for three days.

The result? Not one shot hit the target. I realize you're busy, but perhaps we can go over the design one more time and iron this out.

Come on, you know you lol'd.

VT-16 · Post by **VT-16** » 2007-03-31 07:32am

Ace Pace wrote:There is no need to edit the uRL if you add a +.

It did it automatically. :S

Tanasinn · Post by **Tanasinn** » 2007-03-31 03:11pm

A shaft in your throne room isn't that bad of an idea for a meglomaniac like Palpatine. I wouldn't be surprised if Palps used it to chuck the occasional miscreant to his or her death.

Argosh · Post by **Argosh** » 2007-03-31 03:28pm

VT-16 wrote:SA.com did another Star Wars themed article, about emails for the guy who designes all the crappy stuff in SW:

Last one is the funniest.

Batman · Post by **Batman** » 2007-03-31 06:29pm

Tanasinn wrote:A shaft in your throne room isn't that bad of an idea for a meglomaniac like Palpatine. I wouldn't be surprised if Palps used it to chuck the occasional miscreant to his or her death.

An uncovered shaft, however, is. By all means have the shaft, but install a trapdoor/retractable grating/something to cover it during the 99% of time you are NOT chucking miscreants to their deaths.
Not that the SW society hasn't been in love with seriously deep apparently pointless shafts from the word go, mind you.

Stark · Post by **Stark** » 2007-03-31 10:09pm

Even Jabba had a cover on his Pit of Doom?

Batman · Post by **Batman** » 2007-03-31 10:13pm

Stark wrote:Even Jabba had a cover on his Pit of Doom?

My point exactly.

Quadlok · Post by **Quadlok** » 2007-03-31 11:21pm

Hey, kid. That trash compactor you designed is up and running and I've got to say it looks great. Lots of grime, a magnetically sealed hatch that can't be opened from the inside, a tentacled garbage creature that practically serves no purpose at all. It's got everything a salty old janitor could ever want.

One thing, though. It takes an awful long time to flatten garbage. I'm talking a minute or more, depending on how many flimsy poles I toss in there. If our capital ships can boogie at faster than light speeds, why can't we make a few walls slide toward one another at a speed that outpaces a Hutt's leisurely stroll?

This one tells me that the guy who wrote this article never had a job where he actually used a Trash compactor. The damn things are slow. I'm pretty sure there is actually a sound reason why this is so, probably something to do with rebound of a mass from a quick crush vs. a slow squeeze, but I don't know.

The funniest one was the Boba Fett bit.

VT-16 · Post by **VT-16** » 2007-04-01 11:47am

I like the fact that Vader can't spell. :P

eyl · Post by **eyl** » 2007-04-01 04:08pm

VT-16 wrote:I like the fact that Vader can't spell.

Well, typing in those gauntlets can't be easy...

Tanasinn · Post by **Tanasinn** » 2007-04-01 09:30pm

Stark wrote:Even Jabba had a cover on his Pit of Doom?

Ah, but for Jabba, the work of art wasn't the pit but what he stuck inside of it.

Ritterin Sophia · Post by **Ritterin Sophia** » 2007-04-01 09:43pm

Tanasinn wrote:
Stark wrote:Even Jabba had a cover on his Pit of Doom?
Ah, but for Jabba, the work of art wasn't the pit but what he stuck inside of it.

But Palpatine's has a reactor that generates more power than the sun in a thousand years... so I don't think that's a valid argument...

Tanasinn · Post by **Tanasinn** » 2007-04-01 10:32pm

General Schatten wrote:
Tanasinn wrote:
Stark wrote:Even Jabba had a cover on his Pit of Doom?
Ah, but for Jabba, the work of art wasn't the pit but what he stuck inside of it.
But Palpatine's has a reactor that generates more power than the sun in a thousand years... so I don't think that's a valid argument...

I still imagine that for the Death Star II, it's the getting to the reactor that's the point.

(You guys realize I'm just goofing, right? :3 )

Gustav32Vasa · Post by **Gustav32Vasa** » 2007-04-02 02:28am

Wouldnt it have been fun if Palpatine landed on the MilleniumFAlcon when he fell.

Lord Relvenous · Post by **Lord Relvenous** » 2007-04-02 04:28am

Gustav32Vasa wrote:Wouldnt it have been fun if Palpatine landed on the MilleniumFAlcon when he fell.

The mental image of Emperor Palpatine splatting on the windshield like a giant mosquito... I lol'd

Cykeisme · Post by **Cykeisme** » 2007-04-02 05:10am

Quadlok wrote:
Hey, kid. That trash compactor you designed is up and running and I've got to say it looks great. Lots of grime, a magnetically sealed hatch that can't be opened from the inside, a tentacled garbage creature that practically serves no purpose at all. It's got everything a salty old janitor could ever want.

One thing, though. It takes an awful long time to flatten garbage. I'm talking a minute or more, depending on how many flimsy poles I toss in there. If our capital ships can boogie at faster than light speeds, why can't we make a few walls slide toward one another at a speed that outpaces a Hutt's leisurely stroll?
This one tells me that the guy who wrote this article never had a job where he actually used a Trash compactor. The damn things are slow. I'm pretty sure there is actually a sound reason why this is so, probably something to do with rebound of a mass from a quick crush vs. a slow squeeze, but I don't know.

The funniest one was the Boba Fett bit.

Probably because for a given power input, you'd maximize force (which is important for crushing) by reducing distance per second (err, I mean speed). So yeah, you're right about that. Then again, recall that in-universe that was written by a janitor, and the slow crush was what ultimately doomed the Empire by letting the future heroes of the Rebellion get away

VT-16 · Post by **VT-16** » 2007-04-16 10:18am

They now have a follow-up article about a Rebel Food Services Supervisor:

+http://www.something awful.com/d/news/blue-stripe-cafeteria.php

Appaling. Simply appaling. :P

Anarchist Bunny · Post by **Anarchist Bunny** » 2007-04-16 02:36pm

Glad to see the last one was just a hiccup, this was easily on par with the Droid mechanic, and the Star Trek blue stripes.

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Inbox of the worst engineer in the Empire:

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