I Need Advice....

Jadeite · Post by **Jadeite** » 2003-01-05 03:27pm

Ok, this is a long story with a bit of background to it. I really like one of my friends, but I am probably never going to have a relationship with her. She considers me a good friend of hers, and comes over alot. The other week before school ended, she accidentaly left an art notebook at my house. I found it, and decided to return it to her as soon as school began again. Today, I had a friend over and we were talking about how people are always forgetting and leaving stuff at my house, and I went and got her notebook. Him and I started looking at all the stuff shed drawn, and came across a journal in the back. It had entrys about what she thought of all her friends. Mine was extremely negative. She says that im creepy, a complete nerd, and that im probably going to turn into a dirty old man or rapist later in life. She all but says that im a pyschopath. Right now I feel like iv been backstabbed. She says that im her friend and all, but then writes that! Ill type it here later if any of you want. At first I felt really depressed, but right now im devoid of any emotion. What do you guys think I should do?

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-01-05 03:31pm

Get over her and move on. Tell her to piss off, whatever. Those kinds of people aren't your friends.

Crazy_Vasey · Post by **Crazy_Vasey** » 2003-01-05 03:37pm

That is why you never, ever read peoples diaries. She quite possibly wrote that while she was depressed or pissed off at you or something. Don't tell me you've never had serious negative thoughts about your friends at some point.

Kelly Antilles · Post by **Kelly Antilles** » 2003-01-05 03:44pm

Jadeite wrote: Right now I feel like iv been backstabbed.

You feel like YOU'VE been backstabbed? Think about her. YOU opened her personal property. You have backstabbed her by reading her personal diary.

Take a step back and realize exactly what you've done.

Jadeite · Post by **Jadeite** » 2003-01-05 03:47pm

You feel like YOU'VE been backstabbed? Think about her. YOU opened her personal property. You have backstabbed her by reading her personal diary.

Take a step back and realize exactly what you've done.

I do realize that I violated her privacy. But I do think I have a right to know what she really thinks about me. This is a no-win situation.

jaeger115 · Post by **jaeger115** » 2003-01-05 03:57pm

Tell her to fuck off, and get a good job and wait for ten years. After ten years go back to her and show her what you are doing for your job. Likeily, you'll have a good salary and a good home and a good car and you can see that face on your "friend"'s head

Seriously, girls tend to have worse mood swings than guys. Wait a bit and see how she turns out

Ted · Post by **Ted** » 2003-01-05 04:05pm

One way is to just plainly go out and tell her about the diary thing. If she pretends it dont exist, it's most likely true.

If she tries to play it down, meh, however you take it.

Exonerate · Post by **Exonerate** » 2003-01-05 04:15pm

Hmf. I have a friend who was in a situation very similar to this... The only thing you can do to improve your standing with her is to talking with her, try to make her understand...

Sir Sirius · Post by **Sir Sirius** » 2003-01-05 04:31pm

Don't get angry, get even!!!

If you still have the note book, rip the page about you out of the book and start passing the book around (works well, assuming that you are not the only one given an negative "evaluation").

jaeger115 · Post by **jaeger115** » 2003-01-05 04:33pm

Don't get angry, get even!!!

If you still have the note book, rip the page about you out of the book and start passing the book around (works well, assuming that you are not the only one given an negative "evaluation").

Perfect!

That'll teach her not to mess with you!

Jadeite · Post by **Jadeite** » 2003-01-05 04:35pm

If you still have the note book, rip the page about you out of the book and start passing the book around (works well, assuming that you are not the only one given an negative "evaluation").

Not my style, im more subtle. Im thinking more of giving the art notebook it was in back to her tomorrow, and making a comment on her artwork, maybe add a wink.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-01-05 04:41pm

Crazy_Vasey wrote:That is why you never, ever read peoples diaries. She quite possibly wrote that while she was depressed or pissed off at you or something. Don't tell me you've never had serious negative thoughts about your friends at some point.

that's why you never, ever write a diary. everything i think of an individual person is in my head.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-01-05 04:43pm

Durandal wrote:Get over her and move on. Tell her to piss off, whatever. Those kinds of people aren't your friends.

yeah, that's what I would do. . . but the 'she wrote while depressed' is a possibility too. . .

Jadeite · Post by **Jadeite** » 2003-01-05 04:48pm

yeah, that's what I would do. . . but the 'she wrote while depressed' is a possibility too. . .

Well, my friend read his entry, which was written the next day, and it was quite positive.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-01-05 04:49pm

I'd drop her then.

Kelly Antilles · Post by **Kelly Antilles** » 2003-01-05 04:51pm

You kids are ruthless. Come on, he shouldn't have read it in the first place. Nobody respects anyone's privacy anymore.

Jadeite · Post by **Jadeite** » 2003-01-05 04:53pm

I'd drop her then.

I dont think I like her anymore. I would still like to keep her around as a friend, as she can be pretty fun.

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2003-01-05 04:53pm

All your friends are talking to you behind your back...

Kill them.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-01-05 04:55pm

Ahh Espionage, Betrayal, deception, anger

Thanks for reminding me why I am glad I am no longer a kid anymore.

Alex Moon · Post by **Alex Moon** » 2003-01-05 04:55pm

One thing I don't quite understand, was this a sketchbook for a class, or a personal diary?

Either way, you should return it to her at once.

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-01-05 04:57pm

Ok, first of all, I completely agree with Kelly. You don't have any right to feel backstabbed when you realized it was a journal you were reading and didn't shut it immediately. Any boo-hooing you have to do is going to be lost upon me. Those sorts of words are not for the public, and you stabbed her in the back by continuing to read after you realized what it was you were reading.

Secondly, most people only write in journals 1) when they are very upset and 2) about people they care about. I have no idea how well you know this young woman, but the only people at which I lash out in my journals are the people who mean the most to me. I have said MUCH worse about friends who are like family to me; it all depends on the situation in which those words were written and in NO WAY can you assume that those are her true feelings about you.

Lastly, the only way to figure out what was going through her head when she wrote that entry is to talk to her about what you did, apologize for looking through her personal belongings (I would say she would have to be pretty close with you if she would have had her journal there to begin with; I practically keep mine under lock and key), and see if you can salvage your friendship.

If you decide to get even, you've done a far worse thing to her than she ever did to you, so don't try to fool yourself into thinking that you would be justified. If you decide to just let it pass, you're knowingly throwing her friendship out the window. You will end up blaming her for her words, even though you won't know under what circumstance she wrote them, and it will deteriorate whatever's left of your relationship. The only solution is to anty up and talk to her.

Jadeite · Post by **Jadeite** » 2003-01-05 05:04pm

One thing I don't quite understand, was this a sketchbook for a class, or a personal diary?

Either way, you should return it to her at once.

Sketchbook for class, altho apparently she turn the last couple pages into a semi-diary.

And yes, Im returning it to her first chance I get.

ArmorPierce · Post by **ArmorPierce** » 2003-01-05 05:06pm

So what if he read her diary? That's what she really thinks about him. What I would do is don't mention the diary and just forget about her. She's just a stupid bitch that doesn't think highly of you.

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2003-01-05 05:08pm

"Accidently" leave a sketch book / diary / etc. at her house with something like, "I looked through her sketch book and found she had a diary in it. After reading what she said about me i feel betrayed, etc. etc." Make sure you note down that you just wanted to look at her artworkand you DIDN'T want to root through her private life.

That way she feels guilty.

Alex Moon · Post by **Alex Moon** » 2003-01-05 05:11pm

Jadeite wrote:
One thing I don't quite understand, was this a sketchbook for a class, or a personal diary?

Either way, you should return it to her at once.
Sketchbook for class, altho apparently she turn the last couple pages into a semi-diary.

And yes, Im returning it to her first chance I get.

You need to tell her you read what she wrote when you return it to her. You need to find out exactly what she thinks of you. If she is your friend, she will be honest about how she feels.

Personally, I think if she were truly your friend, she would have told you to your face what she thought. Either she's hiding it because she doesn't want you to know how she really feels, or she wrote it to vent frustrations over something else, in which case as her friend I think she should be able to turn to you, at least for someone to talk to.

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