personal question

mantakai · Post by **mantakai** » 2003-01-05 07:03am

i have way to many conflicting views on a current female friend and a sseries of events that have happened between us so i thougt id get some un biased opinions on the situation.

the situation is that i have liked this girl from my grade in school for about a yr but i couldnt bring myself to ask her out, so i ended up getting with her "crowd" and we became good friends. i then took the plunge and asked her out about 2 months ago, but she gave me a series of reasons why we couldnt date, and yet we still remaind good friends and i still have feelings for her.

then at a christmas party 2 weeks ago, the guy she liked cut her down and now she has decided that she would like to go out with me. i had a long talk to her and her friends about it and im still lost and they all seem to think she means it but i think its just an emotional fall back thing, and i dun wanna wreck our friendship so what should i do about it

salm · Post by **salm** » 2003-01-05 07:11am

go for it.

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-01-05 08:35am

If you think you might get hurt, then tell her why.
If you think you can handle the possibility of the emotional fall back thing, then go for it.

Just be careful with your feelings, OK?

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-01-05 04:52pm

yeah, she's prolly rebounding, so dont give your heart away. . . but it may change into something more.

jaeger115 · Post by **jaeger115** » 2003-01-05 04:54pm

Be careful. You're implying that you're not as good with girls as I am

, therefore you should walk as if you're on eggshells

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-01-05 05:01pm

Does she know that you've had feelings for her for about a year now, or does she think it's more recent? You said that you asked her out only 2 months ago, so...does she think you've only had feelings for her since then, or does she know it's a bit more serious? However you answer this will shape my advice for you, dear.

Exonerate · Post by **Exonerate** » 2003-01-05 05:05pm

It sounds like she might be going to you for emotional support... She might be trying to make her boyfriend jealous or something, but I'd go for it, if you consider it an acceptable risk to your current relationship.

jaeger115 · Post by **jaeger115** » 2003-01-05 05:13pm

Go for it anyway. Suck it up

mantakai · Post by **mantakai** » 2003-01-05 05:14pm

Zaia wrote:Does she know that you've had feelings for her for about a year now, or does she think it's more recent? You said that you asked her out only 2 months ago, so...does she think you've only had feelings for her since then, or does she know it's a bit more serious? However you answer this will shape my advice for you, dear.

i have made it pretty clear about hos deep my feelings for her are, but i dont think she actually knows how long i have liked her, as the relationship stage of our friendship only started when i asked her out

Jadeite · Post by **Jadeite** » 2003-01-05 05:15pm

Go for it.

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-01-05 05:24pm

mantakai wrote:i have made it pretty clear about hos deep my feelings for her are, but i dont think she actually knows how long i have liked her, as the relationship stage of our friendship only started when i asked her out

You may think you have conveyed to her how deeply you feel for her, but unless she knows how long you have felt that way, she isn't really going to have any idea. When people get crushes, they usually say things like, 'I care for you so much, you can't even understand, etc etc' but by saying, 'I've had feelings for you for about a year now' that alone will tell her that you are serious.

DO NOT PROCEED UNTIL SHE KNOWS THIS! You must tell her how long you've had feelings for her. If she is pleased, then she probably has real feelings for you, which gives you a green light. If she seems surprised and acts like she is rethinking the situation, that means she probably was just thinking in terms of a rebound relationship and it would probably be in your best interest to not get involved. You need to make sure to protect yourself from potential hurt as much as possible, so please talk to her.

mantakai · Post by **mantakai** » 2003-01-05 05:51pm

Zaia wrote:DO NOT PROCEED UNTIL SHE KNOWS THIS! You must tell her how long you've had feelings for her. If she is pleased, then she probably has real feelings for you, which gives you a green light. If she seems surprised and acts like she is rethinking the situation, that means she probably was just thinking in terms of a rebound relationship and it would probably be in your best interest to not get involved. You need to make sure to protect yourself from potential hurt as much as possible, so please talk to her.

that brings up another problem though, although she knows i like her and says she accepts the fact, she tells me that i harp on the whole love thing too much and once told me that i am 'suffocating', so how do i now suddenly bring up the fact that i have liked her for a year and express more feelings when she thinks that i have obviously said more than enough already

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-01-05 08:44pm

tell what's on your mind. find what kind of relationship she wants, and if you want it too. I find it clears out possible heartbreaks wonderfully.

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2003-01-05 09:10pm

mantakai wrote:that brings up another problem though, although she knows i like her and says she accepts the fact, she tells me that i harp on the whole love thing too much and once told me that i am 'suffocating', so how do i now suddenly bring up the fact that i have liked her for a year and express more feelings when she thinks that i have obviously said more than enough already

Well, you 2 are going to have to sit down and have a nice long talk to get everything sorted out with each other. You're going to have to lay everything out and have her do the same so you both know exactly where you stand with each other and where you want to go from there. The straightforward approach is the best way to avoid mis-understandings so you don't mess things up with her.

Don't bother with subtleties or trying to guess answers from casual conversations, that just leads to mis-understandings and headaches for all.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-01-05 10:06pm

mantakai wrote:
Zaia wrote:DO NOT PROCEED UNTIL SHE KNOWS THIS! You must tell her how long you've had feelings for her. If she is pleased, then she probably has real feelings for you, which gives you a green light. If she seems surprised and acts like she is rethinking the situation, that means she probably was just thinking in terms of a rebound relationship and it would probably be in your best interest to not get involved. You need to make sure to protect yourself from potential hurt as much as possible, so please talk to her.
that brings up another problem though, although she knows i like her and says she accepts the fact, she tells me that i harp on the whole love thing too much and once told me that i am 'suffocating', so how do i now suddenly bring up the fact that i have liked her for a year and express more feelings when she thinks that i have obviously said more than enough already

Easy: don't. Ease off on her. Hell, if a girl is interested in me and I tell her that I'm in love with her, I'll scare her off. It's happened before, and it's never an enjoyable emotional ride. No point in jumping to that extreme. Just ask her if she still believes that you're "suffocating" to be around. She'll probably tell you no.

Don't run into this relationship looking for a soul mate or anything like that. You're young, unless I miss my guess. Look to have a good time with her. If love develops in the process, great.

mantakai · Post by **mantakai** » 2003-01-06 01:19am

cheers for the advice all, ill see what happens with teh situation and if need be i'll get her to sit sdown and have a heart to heart