I Need Advice....

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-01-05 05:16pm

ArmorPierce wrote:So what if he read her diary? That's what she really thinks about him. What I would do is don't mention the diary and just forget about her. She's just a stupid bitch that doesn't think highly of you.

WHO THE HELL ACTUALLY WRITES WHAT THEY REALLY THINK ABOUT PEOPLE IN THEIR DIARIES?!! NO ONE! DIARIES ARE FOR VENTING!!!!!!

You guys just don't get chicks at all. Listen to what Kelly and I are saying, please.

It doesn't matter if you meant to only look at the artwork; once you saw the entries and continued to read them anyway, that was betraying her. End of story. Don't try to put this back on her.

Jadeite · Post by **Jadeite** » 2003-01-05 05:23pm

...Listen to what Kelly and I are saying, please.

Both sides have given a pretty good argument. I might post her entry later. As I see it, with how shes always accidentaly leaving stuff behind, she shouldv expected it to happen.

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2003-01-05 05:27pm

Fucking christ, you kids are making a mountain out of a molehill, it's fucking ridiculous. After reading the reactions and advice from the guys you'd think that Jadeite had been publicly slandered by the girl with all the talk of revenge and payback. Honestly now, that is rash and bullshit.

First off, it's her private property, you shouldn't have been looking through it in the first place. Too late for that I guess. Looking through her stuff without permission is justification enough in my books to get you slapped, so you have 2 choices. 1)Forget that you ever looked at her journal. 2)Admit that you looked through it and apologize to her for doing so.

In either case, whatever she wrote is of no importance. What matters is how she treats you in real life on a daily basis, actions speak louder than words remember? From what you've said, she's been good to you and treats you as a friend in everyday life, and she hasn't been talking about you behind you back with other people. That's all that matters, what she writes in a private journal has no bearing on this at all.

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2003-01-05 05:29pm

Jadeite wrote:Both sides have given a pretty good argument. I might post her entry later. As I see it, with how shes always accidentaly leaving stuff behind, she shouldv expected it to happen.

You'd have to be a complete fucking prick to do that, I'm dead serious on that.

Exonerate · Post by **Exonerate** » 2003-01-05 05:29pm

Zaia wrote:You guys just don't get chicks at all.

Too true.

Jadeite · Post by **Jadeite** » 2003-01-05 05:32pm

You'd have to be a complete fucking prick to do that, I'm dead serious on that.

At least its not what my friend suggested, he wanted to scan the thing, and print multiple copies.

Exonerate · Post by **Exonerate** » 2003-01-05 05:34pm

If you saw part of it was a diary, then you should've stopped and shouldn't have read it further. If you don't feel comfortable around, then don't persue her unless you have a good reason, or you feel that you can change her mind. And don't read other's diaries again unless you want your ass kicked.

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-01-05 05:36pm

Jadeite wrote:
You'd have to be a complete fucking prick to do that, I'm dead serious on that.
At least its not what my friend suggested, he wanted to scan the thing, and print multiple copies.

Jesu Criste, I'm beginning to wonder if it isn't in this girl's best interest to just let you and your friends cut yourselves off from her. What a dreadful thing to even THINK about doing to someone you considerED a friend. Talk to her or don't, but don't assume that she's guilty and ridicule her for that before acquiring the fucking balls to just TALK TO HER ABOUT IT.

mantakai · Post by **mantakai** » 2003-01-05 05:38pm

bad cliche i know, but 2 wrongs dont make a right, just because she said something bad about you, doesnt excuse you looking through her diary and also from the other way, just because she said something about you doesnt mean you should become all nasty and a prick cause that wont make you a good friend either, find a way to deal with it with her and dont go nuts or you'll wreck what sounded like a good friendship before you looked at the diary

Alex Moon · Post by **Alex Moon** » 2003-01-05 06:16pm

I agree with others here that you shouldn't do anything to get revenge. It's not worth it, and you're better than that. You need to talk to her. Either she meant what she wrote, in which case you need to reconsider being friends with someone who believes that bad about you, but doesn't feel the need to tell you of their concerns, even though what she believes about you is pretty serious.

If she didn't mean it, then the fact that she was writing something that nasty means that she's got something going on that's eating her up inside, and in which case she should talk to someone to get it off her chest, rather than take it out on you in her mind, which poisons any friendship you had.

[edit: rewrote a sentance to make clearer]

The Dark · Post by **The Dark** » 2003-01-05 06:40pm

Zaia and Kelly are right. It's best to ask her up front what she really thinks. Most likely she was in a bad mood when that was written. I've vented rather nastily about friends of mine who I still like when they've accidentally pissed me off. Heck, I once went a year without talking to a close friend of mine over some petty argument that neither of us remembers what it was over. Don't do anything you might regret later without finding out the circumstances in which that diary entry was written.

Post by **weemadando** » 2003-01-05 07:20pm

OK, if I was to go into my "vindictive grudge-bearer vengeance mode" then I'd say:

Make copies of the diary, especially the sections that relate to others that you know.
Return the diary, making sure that she believes that you had never read it.
Then use it as covert blackmail material making sure that you never let slip that you had read or done anything else with the diary.
Spread rumours based on the material.
Make that bitch feel bad, feel REALLY bad. Make people hurt because of what she thinks. Then use that to hurt her. Its what she deserves.

or...

Make copies. Return with assurance that it was never opened. Later, re-steal diary (make sure noone knows it was you).
Distribute copies covertly around the school.

I can think of many more "punishments".

However, if I was to stay calm I'd recommend that you just ignore it, pretend nothing has happened, give her back the diary. If you feel the need, confront her about it, but don't let slip that you read the diary. While in conversation ask her what she thinks of you. If she doesn't reply correctly (what she wrote), then surreptitiously probe. When she finally cracks and tells you the truth, make her feel BAD... REALLY REALLY BAD.

XaLEv · Post by **XaLEv** » 2003-01-05 07:29pm

My advice is to return it, tell her that you read it and apologize for doing so, and confront her about what she wrote about you. Be sure to avoid any hostility when you do. Stay calm, and ask her why she wrote what she did and how she really feels about you.

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-01-05 07:41pm

weemadando wrote:OK, if I was to go into my "vindictive grudge-bearer vengeance mode" then I'd say:

Make copies of the diary, especially the sections that relate to others that you know.
Return the diary, making sure that she believes that you had never read it.
Then use it as covert blackmail material making sure that you never let slip that you had read or done anything else with the diary.
Spread rumours based on the material.
Make that bitch feel bad, feel REALLY bad. Make people hurt because of what she thinks. Then use that to hurt her. Its what she deserves.

or...

Make copies. Return with assurance that it was never opened. Later, re-steal diary (make sure noone knows it was you).
Distribute copies covertly around the school.

I can think of many more "punishments".

However, if I was to stay calm I'd recommend that you just ignore it, pretend nothing has happened, give her back the diary. If you feel the need, confront her about it, but don't let slip that you read the diary. While in conversation ask her what she thinks of you. If she doesn't reply correctly (what she wrote), then surreptitiously probe. When she finally cracks and tells you the truth, make her feel BAD... REALLY REALLY BAD.

"If she doesn't reply correctly (what she wrote)...."
HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO WE HAVE TO SAY THAT SOMEONE'S JOURNAL IS PRIVATE AND NOT MEANT TO BE READ BY OTHERS?!!! CHANCES ARE, SHE DIDN'T EVEN MEAN ANY OF IT! BUT YOU NEED TO TALK WITH HER TO KNOW! DON'T JUST THROW HER ASIDE AND TREAT HER LIKE SHIT!

Jesus, Anders, sometimes I wonder why I am friends with you. I can't believe you wrote what you did.

Edit: Stuff.

Post by **weemadando** » 2003-01-05 07:49pm

Thats how I can be when I am in that complete grudge holder vindictive mode...

Normally I'd have just ignored it. Normally I wouldn't have even read it. But if I had I would have just taken it under advisement. Looked at what they wrote, if you really care about what that persons perception of you is, then try and change a bit, even if its in their perception.

Kelly Antilles · Post by **Kelly Antilles** » 2003-01-05 07:51pm

Go Zaia!!! I tried that, but these kids ignore every word I say. Maybe they'll listen to you.

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-01-05 07:56pm

Sorry, but since the 'calm and reserved you' answer was tossed in at the very end, it sounds to me like you support the vindictive side. Like I said to you in private, if you had at some time read some of the things I've written about you in my journals, you might think ill of me too if you thought that's how I really felt about you. However, you KNOW, deep in your heart, that I am one of the best friends you have, and that I love you very much. What I wrote in my journal was in anger and frustration. SO WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I GET JUDGED FOR SOMETHING WRITTEN IN PRIVATE TO EXPEL MY ANGER IN A COMPLETELY HEALTHY WAY?!!

That's exactly what's happening to this poor girl. You all are trying to punish her for venting her feelings about something. Leave her the fuck alone.

Thanks, Kel, but somehow I don't think it's working.

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2003-01-05 08:00pm

I really can't understand this shit, the solution is so simple yet people want to make it into a fucking soap opera. Honestly now, this is not a fucking TV show, and if you want to treat it like a daytime soap then I'm going to have lots of harsh words to say about it.

Kelly, Zaia, and a couple others are right. Return the sketchbook/journal, and apologize for reading through it or don't even mention that part. It's that simple.

I can't believe the rest of you want to make this into some kind of twisted power game. You wanna play power games in high school over a fucking diary, for what? So you can look good and feel like a man? That is incredibly stupid, shameful and immature. It's fucking bullshit! Get a fucking life!

Post by **weemadando** » 2003-01-05 08:04pm

Look, I am trying to make it clear that that was ALL a vindictive vengeance seeking thing.

My second post makes clear what I think should be done.

And I support Aerius entirely. Its a simple problem to solve. And judging from your comments Jadeite it sounds like this girl is your friend. So don't ruin it by doing something stupid. Just return the diary and choose to ignore the contents or apologise for reading it and deal with her inevitable outburst...

Its no great drama and certainly nothing to lose friends over. Its sounds like its venting. It mightn't be nice, but would she really like to hear about some of the thoughts you've doubtless had about her (cmon you're a guy, admit it).

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-01-05 08:05pm

In more than 10 years of marriage, I have never read Rebecca's diary, and it's sitting in my house. I could pick it up and read it any time I wanted to.

If I wanted to know what was in there, I would ask her. She once let me see what she wrote about me when we met in school. She wrote that I was obviously a pervert, and probably bad news.

She must not have thought I was that bad, or she wouldn't have married me. So don't read too much into the diary, and don't fucking invade other peoples' privacy and then expect sympathy. I'm with Zaia and Kelly on this one.

Jadeite · Post by **Jadeite** » 2003-01-05 08:20pm

Personally, I think the whole idea of keeping a diary is stupid. As is the case here, it can be used against you. Im going to return it to her tomorrow, and prob tell her sometime later this week about me and andrew reading it.

Exonerate · Post by **Exonerate** » 2003-01-05 08:22pm

And if she asks if you read it? What are you going to say?

Jadeite · Post by **Jadeite** » 2003-01-05 09:34pm

And if she asks if you read it? What are you going to say?

The chance of that is actually pretty small. She once left a sketchbook for art class at my house, and never realized it until I found it 3 weeks later. But if she does, Ill prob tell her that yes, I read the entry about me, and that Andrew read the entry about him. And for the people who say that she was probably depressed and needed to lash out at someone, the entry for Andrew was written the same day as mine, and had only one negative comment about him, which she then shifted the blame for onto me.

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-01-05 09:41pm

Jadeite wrote:
And if she asks if you read it? What are you going to say?
The chance of that is actually pretty small. She once left a sketchbook for art class at my house, and never realized it until I found it 3 weeks later. But if she does, Ill prob tell her that yes, I read the entry about me, and that Andrew read the entry about him. And for the people who say that she was probably depressed and needed to lash out at someone, the entry for Andrew was written the same day as mine, and had only one negative comment about him, which she then shifted the blame for onto me.

Dude, I didn't say that her venting had absolutely nothing to do with you; I'm just saying that you could definitely have been the target OF HER VENTING. You could have done or not done a million things which caused you to be the focus of her rantings. Maybe she's secretly in love with you and she caught you staring at another chick! Maybe she saw that you scored higher than she on an exam! Maybe you rolled your eyes when she mentioned the name of a guy she likes! Maybe you forgot her birthday! Who the hell knows?

I'm telling you, you don't know that the entry had ANYTHING to do with her feelings towards you. You never will know if you neglect to talk to her about it and confess to what you did.

Please just trust that I know her mindset a thousand times better than you apparently think I do. I have been in her place, I have written very, very similar things I'm sure, and it would positively break my heart if someone judged that those comments were who I truly was.

EDIT: Clarification.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-01-05 10:00pm

Look, I don't advocate any kind of vengeance upon her, but regardless, you now know what she truly thinks of you. Unless you can sit back and honestly tell yourself that she's the type who would vent like this in a diary or journal and doesn't actually feel that way about you, there's no point in being around her anymore.

How does she treat you when she's around you? Does her attitude about or acknowledgement of you seem obligatory?

Anyway, give it back to her and try to avoid running through others' personal property.

And, by the way, real friends will comfortably tell you what they think of you. In my case, it's always, "You're an arrogant prick." If I asked most of my friends what they thought of me when they first met me, they'd tell me that I was an asshole. Hell, that's what my best friend told me.