Tim Jewett 05/21/01
Mordacy Sarcasm Theatre Four Thousand; Special Editions
Episode four: RANMA RAMPAGE!
In the not too distant future...
(Tim pops up and blast the opening sequence with a buster gun)
Tim: Let's get on with it, shall we?
(Satellite of Lust, about two hours or so after the last portion)
(Ranma-chan, Tim-Chan and Graham-Usagi are sitting at a table, trying to piece together a jigsaw puzzle)
Tim: Will that damn kettle heat up already?
Ranma: That or get us another fic. It's been an hour since the last one ended.
Graham: Consider yourself lucky. Last time we had to do TWO Oscarfics, LITERALLY one after the other!
Ranma: Okay, so Boredom IS preffereable to death. By the way, whatever happened to that demon in your game?
Tim: After unlocking a few more characters. I made a deal for twenty cases of soda and five bucks, and "Poof" he's gone.
Graham: Couldn't provide the sodas eh?
Tim: The five bucks is what he didn't have actually...
(Klaxons wail)
All: HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE!
Door 7: It's the standard exterior door, with one little twist. It doesn't exist.
Door 6: It's repeated twice more. Not stopping to think what that means, you rush on.
Door 5: It's an open elevator shaft. You hop to the other side
Door 4: It's a church. You quietly make your way through, but let one rip as you exit.
Door 3: Three Busty Amazons guard the way. You hand them another Triptych about Trowa. Resisting the urge to suggest a Menage a troi, you scoot by while their attention is diverted.
Door 2: It's afraid of what's on the other side and reluctantly opens.
Door 1: A Switchblade wielding Mini-lop guards the way. You remind him about the three Babes at door three and he gets out of your path.
>[FFML] [Ranma 1/2][RAGE FIC/dark][C&C][draft]
>From: Rnmalvsakn@aol.com
>Message-ID: <496fc4fd.3598d66f@aol.com>
>Date: Tue, 30 Jun 1998 08:13:33 EDT
>Ranma Kills!_________________________________________________
Ranma: The Author!
Tim: At least with a name like "Ranma Kills!" What chance is there that we get our asses bored off like with the two Rheafics?
>Authors pre-note:
Ranma: The real note will be along shortly.
>First of all I apologize for any spelling grammar errors as well as any
>formatting errors,
Tim: Well, at least he ADMITS he screws up.
Graham: But does he count this fic as one of them?
>if you are on AOL you will probably have to DL this thing
>*shrugs* that's AOL for ya
Graham: You'd have to DL it no matter WHAT server you used!
>This takes place in a series of mine,
Tim: (Singing) This little series of mine, Oh, I'm gonna let it shine...
>this will be in part two of my as yet unnamed WAFF fic. series,
Graham: WAFF?
Tim: Warm and Fuzzy Feeling fic.
>since I know the WAFF thing kinda get's overbearing I had planned this
>scene from the beginning.
>As sort of a mushy relief/emotional outburst, this fic.
Ranma: Is innapropriately titled.
>can stand on it's own though you do not have to read the previous parts.
Graham: Wasn't that redundant?
Ranma: Yes, he unnecesarily repeated himself, saying the same thing twice.
>WARNING, WARNING, WARNING!!!!!!!
Tim: Danger, Ranma Saotome, DANGER! Fiancee fast approaching!
Ranma: (Ducks for cover)
>EXTREME VIOLENCE!!!!!
Tim: Ranma, did you insult Akane's cooking again?
Ranma: No, not THIS time, anyways...
>What follows contains adult language and situations it is no where near a
>Lemon since as for right now I refuse to write one,
Ranma: Spoilsport. We just went through two plotless Rhea fics and we don't even get a lemon to make up for it?
>it contains scenes of VERY graphic violence and descriptions of a graphic
>nature....
Graham: So there'll be pictures too?
>young readers ABSOLUTLY SHOULD NOT read this!
All: DAMN! WE DON'T COUNT!
>This fanfic deals with what is to me, the single most disgusting thing any
>man could ever do to a woman,
Tim: Sell her insurance!
>Rape.
Tim: Same thing.
>It also deals with the raw emotions that I hope would surge through the
>minds of any human being if exposed to this,
Graham: I prefer my emotions medium rare.
>and how Ranma deals with that.
Ranma: So DEAL with it!
>Consider yourself warned.
>C&C is not only needed but begged for!
Tim: He must be desperate for commentary if he's begging US to give him C&C.
>I need to know if I should tone this down a little since it will be going into
>my WAFF series, or if it is fine as is,
Graham: Let us read it and THEN we'll tell you!
>also any help with spelling and grammar would be appreciated,
Tim: Dibs.
>I have spell check but the dang things are not all that bright I tells ya!
Ranma: Hey, it's GOTTA be better than Oscar's. If he was telling the truth, that is.
Tim and Graham: Like hell.
>Flames will be printed out and fed to the fireplace monster ^_^
Tim: You gotta read 'em to tell if they're flames, now dontcha?
>________________________________________________________
>*start*
Graham: You killed my fish!
Tim: Why does that pickle you?
>Walking home after his second successful date with Akane,
Ranma: WOW! Two whole dates with Akane and neither one with a major cataclysm occurring mid-date!
Tim: Isn't that a sign of the apocoplypse?
>Ranma was in a cloud of euphoria all to himself.
Ranma: No drug jokes.
Tim: Sure it wasn't just a fog bank?
>She had , had to go back to the school to pick up some books she had forgotten,
>so he had headed home to wait for her.
Tim: Is this gonna turn into one of those lemons where you're waiting for Akane as a female in nothing more than lingerie, heels and a smile?
Ranma: No.
Tim: Damn.
>Sauntering down the way, he was casually walking
Graham: Skipping along, jaunting down the road, taking a stroll-
Tim: We get it.
>across fence tops mere inches wide.
Ranma: Chain... link...
>The day was just turning to night
Graham: Hey Night, can I borrow five bucks.
Tim: I'm broke, Sorry, Day.
>with the sun sinking low in the west.
Tim: Nerima, land of the falling sun...
>Ranma decided to take a detour from his usual route and to walk through
>the park
>and breathe in the sweet Sakura scent
Graham: SAKURA? Like as in Summer of? like as in Sakurasoft?
Tim: Hehe... I just got an image of a Ranma 1/2 Version of 3 sisters' story...
Ranma: That's... scary.
>and see the promise of the beautiful sunset.
Ranma: Two cars in every garage! Two martial artists per dojo!
Tim: A cheap, quick and irrefutable wedding for Ranma and Akane!
Graham: Now THAT'S a promise you can't keep!
Ranma: Yeah, it wouldn't be irrefutable until Akane and I did the deed.
Tim: The deed you have done for her you have done, indeed.
>Casually leaping over to the opposite side of the water duct over water that
>had to be 30 feet apart he landed on the opposite sides fence top.
Tim: I command these waters to PART!
>And headed in a westerly direction.
Tim: Go west, Young Badass!
>Ranma could barely feel his feet hitting the fence top he felt as light as
>a feather.
Graham: It was when he realized that there was no fence that he started getting nervous.
>Finally reaching his turning point
Tim: I'd prefer a plot point, thank you.
>He jumped to the nearest roof top in this way avoiding all Nerima traffic and the
>associated stress that went with it.
Ranma: Traffic? Does anyone in Nerima even OWN a car?
>He was not however bounding from roof top to roof top but simply walking
>across them admiring the world and using all of his senses to their fullest.
Tim: Wait just a moment here! He's in a park, right?
Graham: Uh, yep.
Tim: But he's walking on houses in a resedential neighborhood.
Graham: Oh. Gotcha.
>Smelling the crisp late summer breeze
Ranma: Gack! Damn sewage plants!
>and hearing the birds beautiful songs
Tim: Aren't they a band from the mid eighties?
>and seeing the world through the eyes of a man in love.
Ranma: What happened to his own eyes, nobody knew.
>Jumping down off the last roof-top Ranma hit the ground walking
All: (singing) These roofs were made for walking, and that's just what they'll do! And one'a these days these roofs are gonna walk all over you!
>and continued to his favorite secluded part of the park an area very beautiful
>and not very well known.
Ranma: Since it was past a crocodile pit and a military installaion where tresspassers are shot on site.
>Almost there, he slowed down a little as something in the air
>just felt, well wrong.
Ranma: (Sniff, Sniff) Great. NABIKI'S cooking again!
Tim: She's worse than Akane, Tigris AND Graham!
Graham: HEY! My cooking's not bad, it just has a disturbing tendency to self destruct!
>He could sense a fear, no not fear, terror someone nearby feared for
>their life!
Tim: Ranma don't look now, but you've developed ESP!
Graham: Would that someone be US by any chance?
Ranma: So it WAS fear, after all!
>At least he thought so... he heard no noise and saw nothing.
All: See no Evil, Hear no Evil.
Tim: Read no Evil. DIE OSCAR, DIE!
>To get a better look he jumped into the nearest tree
Ranma: Unfortunately, he literally landed IN the tree, thereby causing it to fall right on top of him.
Tim: Day in the life of Ranma Saotome, folks...
>and looked around, unconsciously heading to the same secluded area
>he had been heading towards.
Graham: HEY! Ranma's a sleepwalker!
Tim: After two Rheafics in a row, ANYONE would be a somnabulist!
>Everything seemed okay except for one detail,
Graham: The sun was missing and a gigantic fireball seemed to be plunging straight at Ranma's head.
>the birds were getting quieter the closer he came to his secret spot.
Graham: Is this an alfred hitchcock script or what?
Tim: If it is, and with a title like "Ranma kills!" You KNOW it has to be "Psycho".
Graham: Fortunately, we already are!
>Almost to the rise of the hill that sheltered the area he slowed his progress,
>quite annoyed that his good mood had left him so quickly to be replaced with
>this feeling of dread and terror that something was telegraphing into him like
>live electricity.
Tim: So this is a Euresi Yatsura crossover?
>Unnoticed Ranma's fists started to clench and unclench on their own.
Graham: Ranma's been possesed!
Ranma: Redrum, Redrum.
Tim: All work and no Akane makes Ranma a dull boy...
>Reaching the crest of the rise still in the dense treetops Ranma's breath
>caught in his throat.
Ranma: Air... Need air...
>There in the small clearing where the definition of what sprang to mind
>when one thought of gutter trash of the dregs of society.
Ranma: Lawyers?
Graham: Amway salesmen?
Tim: Oscar.
>Five of them, huge disgusting creatures, one could not really call them men
>simply because to be called one, one must at least resemble one.
Tim: So they're Zoanoids?
Graham: A Ranma Guyver cross-over would be pretty cool...
Tim: I ain't gonna write it.
Ranma: Don't look at me!
>It must have been 90 degrees outside and Ranma was sweating in his light
>weight Chinese silk shirt and the two layers of pants he wore of one water
>proof the other light cotton.
Ranma: I'm sure my fashion sense is VERY important to the subject matter at hand.
>These creeps, they had to be in a gang,
Ranma: Naw, these ugly, animal like gutter trash of the dregs of society must be having a barbecue! That's it!
>were all dressed in heavy denim pants and sporting black leather boots
>as well as heavy leather jackets to go with the boots. Underneath their jackets
>they all had on to various degrees of filth a torn or tattered white shirt. All of
>them had unshaven faces and their greasy unwashed hair clung to the backs
>on their necks.
Tim: It's not a GANG, it's the Fonzie look alike club!
>All of these observations flew through Ranma's mind in half a second as his
>mind assessed them.
Ranma: Okay... I'm more worried about their fashion sense than their fighting abilities, what the hell is wrong with fanfic me?
Tim: Not sure, but you WERE in your own cloud of euphoria, after all.
>While they looked unskilled at any fighting art, most of them overweight or
>not carrying themselves with any poise or grace they were heavily armed with
>clubs and chains and other assorted weapons
Graham: Aren't most gangs at least concerned about LOOKING tough?
Tim: THAT'S heavily armed? Most gangs nowadays wouldn't be caught with anything less than a high powered rifle!
>and their ring leader had what looked like a katana strapped to his back,
Ranma: But in reality turned out to be a loaf of bread.
Graham: Hey, if it's FRENCH bread then he has a deadlier weapon than a katana.
>they must be Mafia he thought to himself.
Ranma: Yakuza. And why the hell would they take on a bunch of losers like these? Organized crime has STANDARDS, you know!
Graham: And how the hell do YOU know THAT?
Ranma: I grew up with my pop, okay? Nuff said.
>Again these observations were flying through his head in mere split seconds.
Tim: Ranma's brain having taken a vacation with the cloud of Euphoria, the observations had full reign of Ranma's braincase.
>They were all crowded around something and he couldn't quite make it out.
Tim: Looks like... A Yeti...
Graham: Riding a Goat...
Ranma: Holding a Crane and an Eel...
>Their smell was wafting up through the tree tops and Ranma was about to leave
>for somewhere more pleasant ..."
Ranma: Like Akane's room?
>They must have been the source of that feeling I got earlier.." he said to himself
>unconvinced.
Tim: Trust me, we're ALL unconvinced out here.
>Turning to leave Ranma heard something, sort of a whimper. Turning
>back he saw one of the guys bend down and raise his right arms,
Graham: Hey! It's Goro!
Tim and Ranma: FINISH HIM!
>fist clenched and then he slammed it into something,
Graham: Multiple arms, one fist. Mutated freaks of the world, UNITE!
Tim: (guy) Ouch! Gotta remember to NOT hit myself there next time...
>it had to have been something soft for Ranma heard no noise, only a low groan.
Graham: So it was a half deflated basketbal?
>Curious now he turned back and was about to call out to them when his heart stopped.
Ranma: From boredom?
Tim: I was wrong, even with a name like "Ranma kills!" it CAN be as boring as a Rheafic.
>One of the gang members moved and the ring leader spoke.
Graham: DUH... C'mon, I'm like a Super-Saiyajin, You know you wanna... DUH...
Tim: I'd agree, cept Oscar couldn't get ANYONE to follow him.
>"Are ya gonna give it up easy bitch or do we hafta do this the hard way?"
>he sneered.
Tim: Are we watching Ranma 1/2 meets a clockwork orange or something?
>Ranma's mind froze.
Ranma: Whoops. Guess I went a little too far with the soul of ice there, huh?
>There lying on the ground was a girl, couldn't have been more than 16-17.
Graham: That seems pretty much old enough to me...
Tim: As a trio of seventeen year olds, we don't consider that to be young.
>As Ranma watched horrified, the man reached down and tried to
>slip down the girls skirt,
Tim: That was a grammatical error if I ever saw one. And considering I've read Oscarfics, I've seen PLENTY!
>dazedly she struggled with him still. "oooh look guys we have a tough one today!"
>He spat and reached into his pocket and pulled out an object...
Tim: A bowling pin?
Graham: A three in one vegematic slicer?
Ranma: A black piglet wearing a yellow bandanna?
>a knife! "She won't be so tough once I cut off one of her ears.
Graham: Oh SURE, BE cliche!
Tim: Yeah, because everyone knows that if you cut off an ear, you've crippled 'em for life!
>Ranma's world froze.
Ranma: Damn flash blizzard!
>Sound slowly filtered out as blood rushed to his head.
Tim: Oh no, Ranma's gone deaf! Now he won't be able to hear Kuno's poetr.. nevermind, that's a GOOD thing.
>His breath caught in his throat
Ranma: How can it catch twice in a row if in never unstuck?
>and a burning sensation started to flame in his chest and was rapidly
>spreading through out his body
Graham: What the he... I'm on fire! put it out put it out put it out!
>He was so horrified he couldn't move.
Ranma: Why? Did a cat walk by?
>Everything went in slow motion next,
Tim: Frozen or Slo-Mo, make up your mind!
>the man raised his hand,
Graham: Which one?
>the knife glinting in the sun as his cohorts cheered him on,
All: Yay...
Ranma: Cheerleading gang members. Only in a Rumic world...
>grasping the almost unconscious girl's hair with his free hand he turned
>her head to cut her, bringing his arm down he moved to strike.
Graham: Stee-rike three! You're out!
>Ranma had never moved so fast in his entire life,
Tim: Moving incredibly fast, yet everything's in Slo-Mo? It's an episode of the six million dollar man!
>barely registering the strange noise screaming in the background
>he leapt into the middle of them.
Graham: Wasn't the girl in the middle...?
Ranma: Damn! Gotta remember that next time! Sorry about the cracked spine, lady.
>The man's arms was stopped short held painfully tight in Ranma's grasp.
Ranma: KASHUU TENSHIN AMIGURIKEN GRAPPLE! for when you need to grab three arms, at once!
>The rest of the gang members had been knocked backwards as he leapt
>past them, they lie stunned on the ground.
Tim: Pick a tense and stick with it.
>Suddenly Ranma's world focused again,
Ranma: Hey! Contacts!
>he realized that that strange screaming noise had been himself ,
Graham: And that his voicebox had been left behind in the tree while the rest of him had jumped.
>what had started out as the word No!
All: (Singing) ...More, No more, No more, No more! Hit the road Jack! And dontcha come back no more!
Tim: So the gang leader's name is Jack?
>Hard sort of lapsed into a primal sound like death itself.
Graham: Death has a sound? Cool, what like?
Tim: Like the sound of one hand typing....
Graham: Give him ten minutes and Tim can turn ANY fic into a hentai experience...
Tim: Yes, that I can... And these analogies make no sense at all, you realize?
>He quickly shut up.
Ranma: Um... That is to say...
>Ranma was, furious!
Tim: Tim was, MST'ing!
Ranma: And I am furious after reading this fic. My heart's stopped, My mind AND world have frozen. It's been hinted at that I'm on fire, My breath has caught twice and now I'm turning into a berserker! OF COURSE I'M GONNA BE PISSED OFF!
>Shaking with rage a new color of battle aura was forming around him,
Graham: Oooh... Chartruese!
>black as ebony it shut out light, and on it's rippling edges a crimson red
>like blood was flicking wildly about like flames from a fire.
Ranma: So I AM on fire.
>Ranma was livid!
Graham: Graham was bored.
Tim: Get to some action already...
>Again this had all happened in a matter of seconds.
Tim: Total running time, not incuding walking... twenty seconds, at most.
>The would be attacker just stared stupidly at Ranma,
Graham: DUH.... I like cats.... DUH....
>the boy looked angry ,
Tim: Anger is the road to hate! Hate is the road to evil, Evil is the path to the dark side! The dark side is the off ramp to a multi feature project netting millions in cash!
>not that he really cared he would kill this arrogant little punk in a minute.
Ranma: So am I thinking that, or did the author just swith POV's without telling us?
Tim: If he's gonna be doing it in a minute, then why doesn't Ranma just kill him now and be done with it?
>The boy was just staring at him grasping his knife hand tightly,
Ranma: Duh... I should be doing something here... right?
>so shrugging mentally
Graham: Hey, he has nimble frontal lobes!
>he reached onto his back with his free hand unsheathing his razor
>edged katana
Ranma: Oh no! He's gonna give me a SHAVE!
Tim: What hand? He only has one fist, and Ranma's got that hand already!
>and in a fluid motion he brought what he thought would be a death blow
>to the boys neck.
Tim: So he decided to forget the Katana and use the deathblow as a weapon instead, but since he only thought it was a deathblow, it turned out to be smoked salmon instead.
>Ranma saw the movement,
Ranma: In mere split seconds.
>but his mind was still locked in his rage,
Graham: No, not this key... not that one... Hey! None of these keys work!
>he could feel the hatred and passion
Tim: I guess he still hasn't "calmed down" from that date with Akane...
>and need to kill this piece of shit burning within him.
Tim: Yep, you ARE on fire, and it's a shit fire no less.
Graham: Is it just me, or does the author want us to not like these guys?
>As the katana bore down something long repressed in the expert fighter
>shut down
Ranma: What now? My Stomach, My liver? My Crotch? WHAT?
Tim: Wait, something repressed shut down? So it's not even online anymore?
Graham: Somehow, I get the feeling that if we make any Yaoi jokes, Ranma will figure out how to make the Breaking point work on humans.
Ranma: Damn straight.
>.......his reluctance to kill.
Ranma: Great job of keeping me IC there, buddy...
Tim: So it was your sense of self that shut down.
>Ranma screamed.
Tim: Get me out of this fanfic! Or else!
>He had caught the blade in his free hand. The edge had cut into his
>palm and cleaved right into the bone.
Tim: Ranma can lift Ryouga's umbrella, can move ridiculously fast, and you're telling me that he can't stop a sword between his fingers?
>Furious his aura flared and he squeezed!
Graham: Well, aren't we in a tight squeeze?
>The blade snapped in two, both edges where broken had traces of blood
>on them,
Tim: Edges, where broken, had. And why the hell did you ruin a perfectly good sword to make THIS lousy excuse for a fic?
>the other hand squeezed too
Ranma: Well exsqueeeeeze me!
>and Ranma not only broke the mans wrist but crushed the bone into
>almost a powder,
Ranma: Powdered bone!
Graham: Just add water!
>that sort of injury was very hard to fix.
All: NO DUH!
>Whimpering the man fell down.
Ranma: Like with his wrist broken he's just gonna ignore it and continue staring at me.
>Ranma was about to finish him off when he sensed danger from behind.
Tim: DANGER RANMA SAOTOME, DANGER!
Ranma: So I'm gonna move from broken wrist right to kill the man? I'm REALLY acting IC here, I swear it!
Graham: Maybe the author just means yer gonna crack the other hand to powder.
Tim: I say the author's had more than enough powder as is...
>Twirling on his heel he managed to duck just as a heavy length of chain
>whistled where his head would have been.
Tim: I call no Andy Griffith theme.
>A blow that would have seriously wounded him or killed him.
All: (stare for a moment, then laugh their asses off)
Ranma: I can survive explosions, get punched through brick walls, get pummeled by Akane, and this kid thinks I'd be hurt by a lousy length of CHAIN?
>Rage possessed Ranma now.
Tim: Exorcist 1/2!
>It owned him.
Ranma: Nabiki sold me again I see....
>Giving his body in to the malicious impulses surging through him
Ranma: Trust me, If I had malicious impulses, Nerima would've been turned to rubble a long time ago.
>he began to fight.
Ranma: At least I'm not walking...
Tim: Or existing in your own euphoric cloud...
>Twisting to the other direction split seconds after his first dodge he
Graham: 0.5 mississippi, 1 missisippi, 1.5 mississippi, 2 mississippi...
>avoided the baseball bat that the other man had swung. The two of the
>punks looked stung,
Tim: (punks) BEES! GET 'EM OFF GET 'EM OFF!
>not really expecting the young looking boy to do such a thing.
All: Young?
Ranma: Since when has seventeen been counted as "young looking?"
Graham: The audacity of that kid! Dodging my bat! Doesn't he know we're the evil gang around here?
>The man with the chain rushed at Ranma swinging it above his head.
>A stupid thing to do really.
Tim: Considering they were right next to a tree...
>Ranma side stepped and as he wrenched the chain out of the clumsy
>mans hand,
Graham: Duh... What happened to tha chain? It wuz here a second ago...
>he also landed a viscous crescent kick placed just below the mans hip
>bone, breaking that joint and effectively crippling the man,
Tim: Viscuous kick? So Ranma's learned how to turn his body into a semiliquid substance?
>to his credit he stayed standing.
Graham: But still, it wasn't enough for the bank to grant him a loan.
>He then smirked as he pulled out a small hand gun and casually aimed it
>at the boy.
Tim: (bad french accent) I aim in your general direction!
>Ranma smirked too and his aura flared, he could sense the other idiot
>creeping up behind him.
Ranma: So this gang has only two idiots?
Graham: From the author's descriptions earlier you'd think they all had the brains of a slug!
Tim: Or at least the features of one.
>At the last possible second Ranma ducked as the now chainless man
>pulled the trigger.
Graham: Damn! He did it again! He dodged my attack! The NERVE of this boy!
>The bullet whizzed past where his head had been and impacted in the
>throat of the man who had been trying to sneak up on Ranma.
Tim: Impacted? As in it got stuck there? What the hell is this guy's throat made out of?
Ranma: Whatever it is, at least the author's sticking true to the form of everything getting lodged in somebody's throat...
>That man gurgled something unintelligible on his way to the ground, but
>Ranma was already ignored him.
Ranma: So he gave a presidential campain speech?
Tim: I promise, that if elected, I will make sure that every man, woman and child, gets a throat as strong as mine...
>Using his training with ribbons he applied the technique to the chain.
Graham: And tied a lovely little bow in one of the gang members hair.
Tim: Way to go Ranma! Defeat them by disgusting them to death!
>As the man with the gun stood there dumbfounded ready to take another
>shot, Ranma flicked his wrist and sent the chain out, the sharp metal tip
>ripping into the mans wrist and almost severing it.
Ranma: Sharp tip? On a chain? Severing a hand with a forward moving TIP? I'd check that again if I were you, Author.
>The man screamed!
All: NO DUH!
>His last thought ever on this world was, "Where the hell did my hand go?!"
Graham: Death by bleeding wrist? What a way to go...
Tim: It takes longer than three seconds to die from a bleeding wrist. Even decapitation victims take longer to die than that! And it is possible to survive a split wrist. That's what coagulatives are for. It's why people commiting suicide do so underwater, so their blood doesn't congeal upon exposure to air! Besides, you said "ALMOST severering it".
Graham: I rephrase my comment. Death by authorian mistake? What a sucky way to go...
>Ranma heard then another scream, most decidedly female.
Tim: Sailor Venus? This is a sailor Venus rape lemon crossover?
>Turning he saw the coward of a ring leader on his feet and holding the
>frightened girl by her neck in his good arm in a choke hold she was
>gasping for breath and her face was going all pale like,
Graham: When sentences collide! On ABC!
>the ring leader was slowly backing up.
Ranma: As his primitive mind had trouble grasping the concept of his feet moving the other way.
>The anger welled up inside of Ranma again,
Graham: Ranma smash!
Ranma: Wow, I wasn't angry there for a moment!
>thinking of all the times Akane had been dragged off by some ogre,
Graham: Lum?
Tim: Inu-Yasha?
Ranma: Actually, Akane's never been dragged off by anyone like this "man like creature"
MST4K: Special Edition 4B: Ranma Rampage (Long)(P2/3)
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Ryushikaze
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Ryushikaze
- Jedi Master
- Posts: 1072
- Joined: 2006-01-15 02:15am
- Location: Chapel Hill, NC
>and how terrified the girl must be now.
>With super human speed Ranma crossed the distances between them.
Tim: It IS an episode of the six million dollar man!
Graham: It's too bad we don't have the technology to make this fic better!
Tim: We do. It's called the "Delete" Key.
>Grabbing the mans free wrist which was very broken he took that and
>the now wrenched free hand that was holding the girl and twisted him
>into an over the shoulder throw. The man landed hard as Ranma did not
>let go of his wrists when he anded but kept control of the animal/human.
Tim: So he's the Manimal? And man was that one hell of a run on sentence.
>The girl at this point leaning up against a tree fainted dead away.
Ranma: Great. Here I am, trying to save your life and you die on me! Thanks a lot!
Graham: You were trying to save a tree?
Ranma: (looks at text) Uh... nevermind...
>Ranma bringing his foot up above the mans spine poised for the killing
>blow, but hesitated as training refused to let him kill in cold blood,
Tim: Ranma, where in your training has killing in cold blood ever actually come up?
Ranma: Pop trained me, how often do you think that subject came up?
Tim: Good point. And I thought your blood was at a boil right now! That's nowhere near COLD blood!
>disgusted he released the now whimpering like a baby punk
Graham: Goo Goo (Ka-klick) Gimme all your milk, Ma or I cut ya!
>and turned to the girl to check on her. As soon as he did so he regretted it.
Ranma: Cuz, man, was she UGLY!
>He had completely forgotten about the other two. Suddenly both of his
>arms were pinned behind his back one held by one man each.
Tim: Okay, this is really stupid. Ranma, just swing the two of them around and slam then into each other. You can pick up Ryouga's umbrella. That weighs more than these two freaks combined.
>"They must have gone for the rest of their gang Ranma thought"
Ranma: Wow, I'm even talking my actions!
>Just as an unseen fist slammed into his kidney from behind.
Tim: Wait. Isn't the normal gang mentality that if the leader falls, so fall the lackies?
Graham: Then what are these two doing?
Ranma: They're too stupid to realize that their leader is now limp wristed.
Tim: Aww, he was limp wristed BEFORE you crushed it into powder! Now he's NO wristed.
>His eyes watered and he gasped that had hurt!
Ranma: So I gasped "that had hurt" or I had gasped because it had hurt?
Graham: Haven't you taken for worse hits and barely flinched?
Ranma: What do you expect, I'm totally OOC over there!
>Looking up he saw 4 of them, 6 in all counting the two pinning his arms down.
Ranma: So what's stopping me from breaking from their hold, and amiguriken-ing their genetals into a powder? I mean, I'm willing to shatter wrists, why not get where it really counts?
>The man directly in front of Ranma pulled his leg back as if to kick,
>and Ranma knew where that kick was headed.
Tim: So he used the two men holding him as a brace, lunged forward, and kicked the man in the forehead, instead of laying there like a stupid idiot!
>Turning at the last possible moment he absorbed most of the blow on his
>thigh. The men laughed as he faked moaned.
Graham: This fic is really getting on my nerves. Ranma, Ultimate Badass martial artist, not even using the Amiguriken? Not slamming them into each other? You can punch through stone walls, these guys should be easy to throw into each other!
>Thinking they had won. He felt the iron grips on his arms release a fraction,
>more then he needed, jumping upward with all his strength, Ranma kicked the
>one on his left in the throat on his way up, killing him in probably one of
>the most painful ways possible, with a crushed windpipe.
Tim: No, that's nowhere near the pain you would feel if someone snapped all your limbs one by one keeping you alive and awake throughout the entire ordeal. Oh, and I see you followed my suggestion, if late, and a bit stupidly.
>The other man's arm he had hung onto... literally.
Graham: Because lord forbid that we use figurative meanings, proper analogies and, gasp, SIMILES!
Ranma: I think it might be scarier if I WAS figuratively hanging onto his arm.
Tim: YAOI FIC! KILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILL!
Graham: Are you about to Go Toranoken?
Tim: No, I'm fine... right now, at least.
>The bloody stump was still in his hand and on his way down he could
>see the shocked expression on the face of the now one armed man.
Ranma: Oh, so I'M the fugitive, am I?
>Using it as a club he hit the man over in the back of his neck, snapping it.
Tim: Weak neck... and damn insulting way to go. Taken out by your own arm, shame on you!
>There were now only 4 on their feet and they were all hesitating.
Graham: Like they'd just spring into action after seeing two of their men easily taken out by one unarmed man.
Tim: Who had disarmed one of their men.
Graham: Oh, groan...
>Ranma still furious,
Ranma: Thank you, I wasn't aware I was still pissed as hell.
>had had enough, his rage building his chi up to the critical point.the
Tim: So Ranma's at critical mass?
>black aura that surrounded him suddenly flared as the crimson flames
>grew and then focused at where he was holding his hands, which were
>cupped and pointing directly at the group.
Ranma: No, like I'm gonna aim at the girl!
>Developing a new chi blast and not even knowing it,
Tim: No, this sounds like the full ShiShi Houkoudan to me.
>all Ranma's mind was aware of was the need to kill. He could sense the
>life flowing through them and he despised them for it, they did not deserve
>to live, he knew that each and every one of them had raped and killed many
>other helpless girls, maybe even in this same clearing.
Graham: So Ranma's perfect spot is actually a gang rape zone?
Tim: Ahh, Life's little ironies...
>His rage dominated him and whispering 3 single words to what ever
>gods that may be,
Ranma: And a few who just plain weren't, just to be on the safe side.
>Ranma muttered "Burn.in.hell"
Graham: dot com!
Tim: Ain't that the Baptist website for people who aren't baptists?
Ranma: So I'm telling all gods to burn in hell? How the hell stupid does this author think I am?
>then released his rage!
Tim: Release you anger and come to the dark side, Ranma
Ranma: No!
Tim: We have Akane in a nighty waiting for you...
Ranma: Well, okay then!
>The power and energy that flowed from his hands was incredible.
All: Ho-hum...
>The heat from the chit blast was so intense
Graham: This fic is a piece of chit, man!
Tim: Well, this fic's gone "Up in Smoke".
>that after it burned away the grass and dirt it melted the very earth
>where the men had stood seconds earlier. Incinerated, they simply
>vanished, ceased to exist.
Ranma: THEY WEREN'T THERE ANYMORE, OKAY?
>The crater that formed from the blast stretched the length of the park
>and was at places almost 20 feet deep.
Tim: Overdo it much?
Ranma: All right. This guy's DEFINITELY mistaken me for pig-boy.
>Rage still burning in his eyes which were glowing red, quite unknown to him.
Tim: You need a verb. And it's not like he can see what he looks like you know!
>He turned to the man, the once proud ring leader.
Graham: Wasn't he just incinerated?
>The man was on his feet again, you could tell he was terrified
Ranma: By the very large stain on his jeans.
>but was shakily facing Ranma holding a sawed off shot gun held in his
>shaking hand.
Tim: Okay, ONE: Where'd he get/keep the shotgun, and TWO: If he had that, why didn't he use it earlier, when Ranma was holding his wrist?
Graham: Well, the author DID make them out to be the stupidest creatures on earth...
Ranma: Then how dumb does that make the girl for getting caught by them?
>"What..what are you?" The man managed to croak out disbelief evident
>in his voice.
All: Ally to good! Nightmare to you!
>"All we were doing was havin a lil fun."
Tim: (Just stares coldly at the screen) Oh, shaddap.
>He protested seeming to think that his argument would get elicit
>sympathy from Ranma.
Graham: Is that supposed to be "elicit sympathy" or "get illicit sympathy?"
Ranma: Either way, OOC me wouldn't give it to him.
Tim: Author must think we have the brains of an EGGPLANT!
>Ranma shaking his head and cracking his knuckles simply walked
>silently towards the man. Daring him to pull the trigger.
Ranma: Cuz lord knows I want to be out of this fic as much as you do...
>The girl was awake now and as her vision cleared she sat up leaning heavily
>upon the tree she watched mouth agape as this boy advanced on the now singular
>ring leader.
Graham: So there were several before, is that what you're telling us?
>Emotions swirled within her. Terror was still dominating everything, but
>that was quickly being pushed back by the ever growing safety she felt in
>this boy's presence.
Tim: He has a black and crimson aura encircling him, he's facing down a man with a shotgun, there a twenty foot deep gash across the entire park and you feel SAFE?
>However she wondered how anyone that young could have eyes like that, eyes
>that seemed to look through you,
Graham: Why the hell is such a high emphasis placed on YOUTH in this fic?
Ranma: Well, the author IS writing like a five year old...
>but they weren't directed in her direction he was staring at that....that
>thing that had held her down, had breathed rancid breath into her ear
>as he pinned her down and tried to force her legs open!
Tim: Oh, THAT thing. Thanks for clearing that one up.
Graham: Hold it. That's three perspective changes in the last three seconds. The Author's trying to confuse us to get his point across!
Ranma: Which is what, exactly?
Graham: Um... Don't do drugs?
>Her heart almost stopped with revulsion and the terror of the events that had
>happened only maybe 2 minutes ago, she had been sure she was going to die.
Tim: This is only two minutes in? What the hell clock are we operating on?
>She now watched as the nameless boy slowly advanced on the man,
Ranma: Great! Now I don't even have a name anymore! First my personality, then my identity! Thanks a LOT!
>she wondered faintly in a passing thought how he was managing to glow
>black, or any color at all for that matter, but dismissed it as a trick of the
>sun and her overwhelmed emotions.
Tim: Yeah, only swamp gas, bounced off of Venus.
Graham: Would that be SAILOR Venus, by any chance?
>Fascinated she watched as Ranma walked right up to the man only maybe
>10 feet apart
Graham: SEE! He is trying to confuse us!
Tim: I'm getting visions of Monty Python. You know, where Lancelot storms the castle, getting farther back every time the scene shifts back to him?
>and then gasped as the thing that had hurt her sneered and pulled the trigger.
>Ranma took the hit right in the chest! He went down!
Ranma: What the hell happened to the superhuman speed, extra sensory perception, and utter godliness I had a moment ago?
>His last conscious thought as he went down was, "Please no! I need
>one more chance I have to save her" ......and somewhere something
>heard him.
Tim: I'm sorry, but your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please hang up and try again...
>Oh no! Her mind screamed! Get out of here, NOW!
Graham: Her mind has a very shrill voice.
Tim: Dog... Whistle...
>Stumbling she tried to get up, she had to get out of there!
Ranma: Oh, no. Not a cliche slasher fic chase scene...
>The man/animal noticed her movements and started towards her, limping
>badly but still moving fairly fast.
Tim: Two feet every few minutes being fairly fast. And why the hell would he be limping if his WRIST was smashed?
>She stumbled in her hasty run and tripped!
Ranma: Great, it WAS a slasher fic chase scene.
Tim: At least it wasn't the chase scene in Sluggy Freelance, where the girl kept falling every five feet.
Graham: And then the guy tripped her?
Tim: Exactly.
>Only maybe 5 feet away from where she had fallen, they had hit her so
>many times when wrestling her to the ground that now she could
>barely stand.
Tim: Okay, maybe this IS the chase scene in Sluggy Freelance...
>She rolled over and looked up into the face of pure evil possessed of
All: OSCAR?
Tim: KILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILL KILL KILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILL KILL KILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILL!!!!
...Okay, I'm fine now.
>what can only be called a satanic influence the man leered at her
>and made his way slowly to her.
Graham: Oh, sure blame the Satanists!
Tim: Everyone else does, why not him?
Ranma: Because he's a complete and uttter moron?
Tim: Point taken.
>Back in the clearing Ranma lay dead in a pool of his own blood. The air was
>silent and no life seemed to move.
Ranma: Great. I'm DEAD. That's just friggin PEACHY! Lemme at the author! I wanna tell him a thing or two...
>Suddenly a small sphere of light grew in the middle of the clearing
>straight out of nowhere!
Tim: Hm... Kansas, did you say?
>The sphere grew to the size of about maybe 6 feet in diameter.
Graham: So far this guy's been sure of only ONE thing. and that's that Ranma was mad.
Tim: This isn't a WAFFy fic, it's an IFFY fic!
>Then out stepped a being of what could only be described as light.
Tim: Star light, Star bright, first light based being I see tonight...
>It was apparently female. The creatures beauty could not really be
>compared to anything on the Earth since it was not really from that
>plane of existence.
Tim: VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI!
Graham: I get the feeling Tim has an idea who it is...
>Stooping down the being pressed her right palm on Ranma's chest and
>wherever she rubbed in it's wake left only healed skin!
Ranma: Okay, but what aboout my clothes?
>His body healed the being bent her head down and kissed him on the mouth
>fully, breathing life back into him, slowly his chest rose and then fell.
Graham: Making out with goddesses, at least he gave you ONE good thing in this fic.
Ranma: You kidding me? When Akane finds out, I'm DEAD!
Tim: You already are.
>Breaking the kiss the creature/being/goddess
All: MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
Tim: And how DARE you call the goddess of being a creature! Fie on thee to insult a Norn!
>kneeled on the ground next to him and whispered into his ear with a
>voice that could only be described as musical if one could hear it,
Tim: Do re me fa so la ti do.
>she spoke 5 words into his ear,
Graham: Hey Stud, wanna make out?
Tim: That would be URD, Graham. Not, Verdandi.
>" Your wish has been granted!"
Tim: Okay, that's the breaking point. Crappy fic I can withstand. Ranma's OOCness, the crappy lines and his getting shot and dieing. I can just shrug that off. But bringing Verdandi into THIS FIC and having her two time Keiichi? I won't allow it!
Graham: To sum up, It ain't a smart move to insult Tim's favorite goddesses.
>Back in the woods
Tim and Graham: The carefully arranged sticks project!
>the man reached down and grasped the helpless girl by the hair and
>moved to push her to the ground, screaming as loud as she could the
>girl clawed, bit, kicked, and did everything in her power to stop him,
>he smirked and stood up, kicking her in the stomach!
Ranma: God this girl is weak. I mean, after the author's assesment of these guy's skills it sounds like a blind deaf parapalegic could get away from them!
>She doubled over in pain and stopped squirming long enough for him
>to start taking his pants off.
Tim: (Eyes glowing blue) That's it. Lock and load, little buddy.
Ranma: The universal color of ridiculously intense hatred, ICE BLUE!
>In the clearing the being of light stood and disappeared back into the light
>from whence she came.
Graham: So she dissapeared into herself?
>Ranma's eyes snapped open and he leapt to his feet!
Tim: Yeah, Ranma hopping up is VERY exciting...ZZZZZZZ
>Turning to the sounds of a struggle he saw the same girl as before laying
>spread eagle helpless on the ground the man standing in front of
>her.....taking off his pants?!?!?!?! He sprinted towards them!
Graham: He's at most fifteen feet away, why does he need to sprint?
>"Yes.." the animal/man thought, he was going to enjoy this.
Ranma: Wow, he actually had a thought! Impressive!
>The man bent over again reaching with his good hand. To grab her
>again the girl barely conscious now struggled weakly.
Tim: If you didn't notice the grammatical screwup there, you're beyond all hope.
>However half way down the man suddenly stopped moving! Looking up
>the girl saw a miracle.
Graham: Did one of the local sticks turn into a snake?
Tim: Or did a plague of Locusts eat the man whole?
Ranma: Or maybe... the end?
>There grasping the man by the back of the neck was that same boy! He
>was alive! Her heart leapt into her throat with relief!
Ranma: What the hell is up with the people in this fic! If it isn't brains freezing, It's randomly moving hearts!
>The boy was obviously still furious
Ranma: Actually, he was bored now...
>and his eyes still shone red, but his black aura had been replaced with a
>white one that was beyond bright.
>It shone so brightly that it hurt her eyes!
Tim: Look! Ranma's been using Blindfresh on his Aura!
>Lifting casually with his right arm Ranma lifted the man off of his feet.
Graham: And yet he had trouble with the two punks earlier...
Tim: Maybe fic Ranma's a saiyin. You know, almost kill them and they come back ten times as strong?
>With a mighty heave Ranma tossed him into the ground... HARD!
Ranma: Like there's anything like throwing someone into the ground soft.
>Hard enough to make the ground shake and break the mans arm that
>he had fallen on,
Graham: All this fic has been so far is Ranma walking, Ranma getting pissed, and ranma breaking things.
Tim: Except for the iffy distances, you've just summed up the fic!
>luckily for him it had been the previously injured arm.
Ranma: Oh sure, THAT'S lucky...
>The man leapt to his feet, some of his strength regained
Graham: So the more you break of this guy, the stronger he becomes?
>and he threw a jumping punch at Ranma's head a fist thrown so hard
>that if it connected with a regular mans head
Tim: His fist would've shattered anyways?
Graham: Well, he's breaking apart like a lego set dropped from a roof, why NOT his other hand?
>it would have broken their nose!
Tim: Pshaw. Is that all?
>Ranma didn't even flinch! He simply raised his left hand and caught
>the mans good fist, and clamped down hard!
Ranma: Great. It's getting boring again.
Tim: Yeah, at least we were experienceing EMOTION earlier...
>The man was stunned! However he didn't have much time to be stunned
Graham: As Ranma shot him with a Mouko Takabishya. The end.
>as the pain suddenly hit him. He looked up and saw a man , not a
>boy, a furious man!
Tim: Shut up and lemme sleep. I'm close enough to it anyways...
Graham: Could this be, Ghandi 2?
>He was blazing with some sort of strange light and the look in his eyes
>was that of murder.
Ranma: And here I thought it was constipation... My bad.
>At that moment the man knew what the girls whom he had tortured had
>felt, and he was truly afraid.
Tim: The other four times he had wet his pants, he had only been falsley afraid.
>Ranma squeezed harder, he could feel the fibers and the sinews in the mans
>hand holding the bones in place on the verge of collapse and he smiled faintly
>as he applied even more pressure, the mans hand broke in every place possible
>and then when Ranma kept squeezing the bones began to shatter and split the
>skin.
Graham: He can't even make a man's hand snapping to pieces seem interesting.
>Looking down with disgust Ranma could see the man's limp member
>hanging out of his almost off pants.
Tim: We can't even say that he died with his pants on...
>With a grin Ranma thought of the best way to punish this thing, not to kill
>him, but to make him wish he was dead, in the name and for the honor of all
>the other women whom he had killed and raped.
Graham: KILLED?
Tim: Author wants us to justify Ranma's actions by having this guy have killed before, though with how incompetent the author's shown him to be so far, I can't for the life of me figure out how he could have...
>Ranma crouched down and with a quick grasp and with the help of the
>jumping muscles in his legs Ranma castrated the man!
Ranma: I'm not touching that sentence. Period.
Graham: No, but you ARE touching his d-
Ranma: One more word and I'll shove you through the air duct!
>His hand dropping the disgusting thing as soon as it was free, and
>continuing with the upward motion Ranma aimed a punch that would
>almost kill but not quite right into the mans neck, hitting him almost
>as hard as he could. Ranma was very satisfied with the sound of
>snapping cartilage.
Ranma: If it was ALMOST as hard as I could, then he WOULD be dead.
Tim: Cartilage can't snap.
>Knowing that the man was doomed to be a paraplegic in prison and that some
>inmate would get to have his way with him for the rest of his miserable life,
>and Ranma smirked!
Graham: Well, Verdandi's getting her ass handed back to her for THIS incident, I can tell you that much...
Tim: Um... Author... Sadisticmuch?
>Turning to the girl he ran quickly to her side his battle aura dying down
>around him ad he ran.
Tim: He's two feet from her. How CAN he run?
>Kneeling beside her he cradled her head in his hands and helped her sit up.
Ranma: Unfortunately, due to his ridiculously increased strength, he ended up flinging her into the stratoshpere.
(the SOL shudders for a second)
Graham: I hope that wasn't what I think it was...
>Seeing as she was almost completely naked with her shirt torn and her
>skirt in fragments, when she was in a sitting position he shrugged off
>his silk shirt. Surprisingly rip free considering that it had taken a shot
>gun blast.
All: (Laugh uncontrollably)
Tim: Go on, tell us another one! That's the best part of the fic yet!
>He gently placed it around her shoulders and buttoned it up.
Ranma: Well, it appears fanfic me has forgotten about the existance of arms...
>Glad he always wore another pair of water tight pants under his regular pants
>to keep changing to a minimum when he was splashed he quickly shucked
>off his outer layer of pants and handed them to her
All: (Stare, slack-jawed) Changing... to a... minimum?
Tim: That would mean that you... would be... that is... up top... but down below...
Graham: I think I'm gonna h- No, nevermind I just did...
Tim: The thought of you halfway changed is somewhat disturbing, you know?
>and turned his back so the girl could put them on privately to hide her nudity.
>Which she did so while lying back down and arching her back to do so.
Ranma: I've just seen her naked, why would I care now?
Graham: A little too much information on how she got the pants on, bub
Tim: That's only for tight pants anyways. And those pants are loose on MALE Ranma's body.
>Turning back around Ranma knelt beside her again and cradled her shaking
>body in his arms. "Are you okay miss?" he asked,
Graham: Oh sure I always feel FINE right after a group of thugs try and rape me!
>she simple looked at him and worked her jaw soundlessly, this boy had
>just killed 7 people and been resurrected and all he could say was , "are you
>okay?"
Tim: What, you expect him to offer superbowl tickets? Get real!
Ranma: Actually, I said "Are you okay, miss". Pay attention!
>Finally gaining control of her mouth the girl looked at those eyes of his,
>red with rage a minute ago and now a deep blue with concern..... "Wh-who
>are you?" She managed to ask.
Ranma: I am... Bored out of my MIND!
>Looking into her eyes in return Ranma said those 6 famous words....
Ranma: Okay, Now it's your turn, bitch?
Graham: That will be six fifty please?
Tim: This fic's just too damn long?.... Ooh! Parody!
>"I'm Ranma Saotome, sorry about this"
All: And yes folks, that IS the worst way to end this fanfic!
>*END FOR NOW!!*
Tim: If it IS for now, then I will make a fic called "Tim Kills!" which will actually be interesting, and wil be me ripping your appendages off and shoving them into various portions of your anatomy...
Graham: Oooh, Nice threat. Now let's get the hell out of here so our brains don't die of atrophy!
(The outer room)
Tim: Okay, out with it. What all was wrong with this fic?
Ranma: I acted totally OOC, used none of my signature attacks, one of Ryouga's. DIED, and got brought back to life.
Graham: He especially laid it on a little heavy with the discription of the gang members. I realize we're supposed to hate them and all, but it just became comedic the way he kept reminding us, laying it on thicker and thicker and thicker.
Tim: Now for my assorted rantings. First off, you call this a WAFFy fic? Dismemberment and castration give you a warm and fuzzy feeling? Why try and use Ranma as a medium for social commentary? Ranma acted like a complete and utter idiot, used no signature attacks, made the gang seem tough, after telling us how out of shape they were, having them be able to hold down Ranma, the full Shishi houkoudan he pulled, the getting shot, bringing Verdandi into the mess, the iffy distancing, the abruptly switched perspectives, not to mention the grammatical and spelling mistakes numerous enough to build a two story house out of!
Graham: Calm down Tim, the fic's over... And we have a few hours before the next one starts!
Tim: Sure... Wanna watch the original gundam movies?
Ranma: Why not. TO THE TV!
(They move offscreen)
Artlu: Hmmm, They're taking it better than I expected... I think I'll add another fic after the Sheep one, maybe THAT will break their spirits...
TO BE CONTINUED!
>With super human speed Ranma crossed the distances between them.
Tim: It IS an episode of the six million dollar man!
Graham: It's too bad we don't have the technology to make this fic better!
Tim: We do. It's called the "Delete" Key.
>Grabbing the mans free wrist which was very broken he took that and
>the now wrenched free hand that was holding the girl and twisted him
>into an over the shoulder throw. The man landed hard as Ranma did not
>let go of his wrists when he anded but kept control of the animal/human.
Tim: So he's the Manimal? And man was that one hell of a run on sentence.
>The girl at this point leaning up against a tree fainted dead away.
Ranma: Great. Here I am, trying to save your life and you die on me! Thanks a lot!
Graham: You were trying to save a tree?
Ranma: (looks at text) Uh... nevermind...
>Ranma bringing his foot up above the mans spine poised for the killing
>blow, but hesitated as training refused to let him kill in cold blood,
Tim: Ranma, where in your training has killing in cold blood ever actually come up?
Ranma: Pop trained me, how often do you think that subject came up?
Tim: Good point. And I thought your blood was at a boil right now! That's nowhere near COLD blood!
>disgusted he released the now whimpering like a baby punk
Graham: Goo Goo (Ka-klick) Gimme all your milk, Ma or I cut ya!
>and turned to the girl to check on her. As soon as he did so he regretted it.
Ranma: Cuz, man, was she UGLY!
>He had completely forgotten about the other two. Suddenly both of his
>arms were pinned behind his back one held by one man each.
Tim: Okay, this is really stupid. Ranma, just swing the two of them around and slam then into each other. You can pick up Ryouga's umbrella. That weighs more than these two freaks combined.
>"They must have gone for the rest of their gang Ranma thought"
Ranma: Wow, I'm even talking my actions!
>Just as an unseen fist slammed into his kidney from behind.
Tim: Wait. Isn't the normal gang mentality that if the leader falls, so fall the lackies?
Graham: Then what are these two doing?
Ranma: They're too stupid to realize that their leader is now limp wristed.
Tim: Aww, he was limp wristed BEFORE you crushed it into powder! Now he's NO wristed.
>His eyes watered and he gasped that had hurt!
Ranma: So I gasped "that had hurt" or I had gasped because it had hurt?
Graham: Haven't you taken for worse hits and barely flinched?
Ranma: What do you expect, I'm totally OOC over there!
>Looking up he saw 4 of them, 6 in all counting the two pinning his arms down.
Ranma: So what's stopping me from breaking from their hold, and amiguriken-ing their genetals into a powder? I mean, I'm willing to shatter wrists, why not get where it really counts?
>The man directly in front of Ranma pulled his leg back as if to kick,
>and Ranma knew where that kick was headed.
Tim: So he used the two men holding him as a brace, lunged forward, and kicked the man in the forehead, instead of laying there like a stupid idiot!
>Turning at the last possible moment he absorbed most of the blow on his
>thigh. The men laughed as he faked moaned.
Graham: This fic is really getting on my nerves. Ranma, Ultimate Badass martial artist, not even using the Amiguriken? Not slamming them into each other? You can punch through stone walls, these guys should be easy to throw into each other!
>Thinking they had won. He felt the iron grips on his arms release a fraction,
>more then he needed, jumping upward with all his strength, Ranma kicked the
>one on his left in the throat on his way up, killing him in probably one of
>the most painful ways possible, with a crushed windpipe.
Tim: No, that's nowhere near the pain you would feel if someone snapped all your limbs one by one keeping you alive and awake throughout the entire ordeal. Oh, and I see you followed my suggestion, if late, and a bit stupidly.
>The other man's arm he had hung onto... literally.
Graham: Because lord forbid that we use figurative meanings, proper analogies and, gasp, SIMILES!
Ranma: I think it might be scarier if I WAS figuratively hanging onto his arm.
Tim: YAOI FIC! KILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILL!
Graham: Are you about to Go Toranoken?
Tim: No, I'm fine... right now, at least.
>The bloody stump was still in his hand and on his way down he could
>see the shocked expression on the face of the now one armed man.
Ranma: Oh, so I'M the fugitive, am I?
>Using it as a club he hit the man over in the back of his neck, snapping it.
Tim: Weak neck... and damn insulting way to go. Taken out by your own arm, shame on you!
>There were now only 4 on their feet and they were all hesitating.
Graham: Like they'd just spring into action after seeing two of their men easily taken out by one unarmed man.
Tim: Who had disarmed one of their men.
Graham: Oh, groan...
>Ranma still furious,
Ranma: Thank you, I wasn't aware I was still pissed as hell.
>had had enough, his rage building his chi up to the critical point.the
Tim: So Ranma's at critical mass?
>black aura that surrounded him suddenly flared as the crimson flames
>grew and then focused at where he was holding his hands, which were
>cupped and pointing directly at the group.
Ranma: No, like I'm gonna aim at the girl!
>Developing a new chi blast and not even knowing it,
Tim: No, this sounds like the full ShiShi Houkoudan to me.
>all Ranma's mind was aware of was the need to kill. He could sense the
>life flowing through them and he despised them for it, they did not deserve
>to live, he knew that each and every one of them had raped and killed many
>other helpless girls, maybe even in this same clearing.
Graham: So Ranma's perfect spot is actually a gang rape zone?
Tim: Ahh, Life's little ironies...
>His rage dominated him and whispering 3 single words to what ever
>gods that may be,
Ranma: And a few who just plain weren't, just to be on the safe side.
>Ranma muttered "Burn.in.hell"
Graham: dot com!
Tim: Ain't that the Baptist website for people who aren't baptists?
Ranma: So I'm telling all gods to burn in hell? How the hell stupid does this author think I am?
>then released his rage!
Tim: Release you anger and come to the dark side, Ranma
Ranma: No!
Tim: We have Akane in a nighty waiting for you...
Ranma: Well, okay then!
>The power and energy that flowed from his hands was incredible.
All: Ho-hum...
>The heat from the chit blast was so intense
Graham: This fic is a piece of chit, man!
Tim: Well, this fic's gone "Up in Smoke".
>that after it burned away the grass and dirt it melted the very earth
>where the men had stood seconds earlier. Incinerated, they simply
>vanished, ceased to exist.
Ranma: THEY WEREN'T THERE ANYMORE, OKAY?
>The crater that formed from the blast stretched the length of the park
>and was at places almost 20 feet deep.
Tim: Overdo it much?
Ranma: All right. This guy's DEFINITELY mistaken me for pig-boy.
>Rage still burning in his eyes which were glowing red, quite unknown to him.
Tim: You need a verb. And it's not like he can see what he looks like you know!
>He turned to the man, the once proud ring leader.
Graham: Wasn't he just incinerated?
>The man was on his feet again, you could tell he was terrified
Ranma: By the very large stain on his jeans.
>but was shakily facing Ranma holding a sawed off shot gun held in his
>shaking hand.
Tim: Okay, ONE: Where'd he get/keep the shotgun, and TWO: If he had that, why didn't he use it earlier, when Ranma was holding his wrist?
Graham: Well, the author DID make them out to be the stupidest creatures on earth...
Ranma: Then how dumb does that make the girl for getting caught by them?
>"What..what are you?" The man managed to croak out disbelief evident
>in his voice.
All: Ally to good! Nightmare to you!
>"All we were doing was havin a lil fun."
Tim: (Just stares coldly at the screen) Oh, shaddap.
>He protested seeming to think that his argument would get elicit
>sympathy from Ranma.
Graham: Is that supposed to be "elicit sympathy" or "get illicit sympathy?"
Ranma: Either way, OOC me wouldn't give it to him.
Tim: Author must think we have the brains of an EGGPLANT!
>Ranma shaking his head and cracking his knuckles simply walked
>silently towards the man. Daring him to pull the trigger.
Ranma: Cuz lord knows I want to be out of this fic as much as you do...
>The girl was awake now and as her vision cleared she sat up leaning heavily
>upon the tree she watched mouth agape as this boy advanced on the now singular
>ring leader.
Graham: So there were several before, is that what you're telling us?
>Emotions swirled within her. Terror was still dominating everything, but
>that was quickly being pushed back by the ever growing safety she felt in
>this boy's presence.
Tim: He has a black and crimson aura encircling him, he's facing down a man with a shotgun, there a twenty foot deep gash across the entire park and you feel SAFE?
>However she wondered how anyone that young could have eyes like that, eyes
>that seemed to look through you,
Graham: Why the hell is such a high emphasis placed on YOUTH in this fic?
Ranma: Well, the author IS writing like a five year old...
>but they weren't directed in her direction he was staring at that....that
>thing that had held her down, had breathed rancid breath into her ear
>as he pinned her down and tried to force her legs open!
Tim: Oh, THAT thing. Thanks for clearing that one up.
Graham: Hold it. That's three perspective changes in the last three seconds. The Author's trying to confuse us to get his point across!
Ranma: Which is what, exactly?
Graham: Um... Don't do drugs?
>Her heart almost stopped with revulsion and the terror of the events that had
>happened only maybe 2 minutes ago, she had been sure she was going to die.
Tim: This is only two minutes in? What the hell clock are we operating on?
>She now watched as the nameless boy slowly advanced on the man,
Ranma: Great! Now I don't even have a name anymore! First my personality, then my identity! Thanks a LOT!
>she wondered faintly in a passing thought how he was managing to glow
>black, or any color at all for that matter, but dismissed it as a trick of the
>sun and her overwhelmed emotions.
Tim: Yeah, only swamp gas, bounced off of Venus.
Graham: Would that be SAILOR Venus, by any chance?
>Fascinated she watched as Ranma walked right up to the man only maybe
>10 feet apart
Graham: SEE! He is trying to confuse us!
Tim: I'm getting visions of Monty Python. You know, where Lancelot storms the castle, getting farther back every time the scene shifts back to him?
>and then gasped as the thing that had hurt her sneered and pulled the trigger.
>Ranma took the hit right in the chest! He went down!
Ranma: What the hell happened to the superhuman speed, extra sensory perception, and utter godliness I had a moment ago?
>His last conscious thought as he went down was, "Please no! I need
>one more chance I have to save her" ......and somewhere something
>heard him.
Tim: I'm sorry, but your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please hang up and try again...
>Oh no! Her mind screamed! Get out of here, NOW!
Graham: Her mind has a very shrill voice.
Tim: Dog... Whistle...
>Stumbling she tried to get up, she had to get out of there!
Ranma: Oh, no. Not a cliche slasher fic chase scene...
>The man/animal noticed her movements and started towards her, limping
>badly but still moving fairly fast.
Tim: Two feet every few minutes being fairly fast. And why the hell would he be limping if his WRIST was smashed?
>She stumbled in her hasty run and tripped!
Ranma: Great, it WAS a slasher fic chase scene.
Tim: At least it wasn't the chase scene in Sluggy Freelance, where the girl kept falling every five feet.
Graham: And then the guy tripped her?
Tim: Exactly.
>Only maybe 5 feet away from where she had fallen, they had hit her so
>many times when wrestling her to the ground that now she could
>barely stand.
Tim: Okay, maybe this IS the chase scene in Sluggy Freelance...
>She rolled over and looked up into the face of pure evil possessed of
All: OSCAR?
Tim: KILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILL KILL KILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILL KILL KILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILL!!!!
...Okay, I'm fine now.
>what can only be called a satanic influence the man leered at her
>and made his way slowly to her.
Graham: Oh, sure blame the Satanists!
Tim: Everyone else does, why not him?
Ranma: Because he's a complete and uttter moron?
Tim: Point taken.
>Back in the clearing Ranma lay dead in a pool of his own blood. The air was
>silent and no life seemed to move.
Ranma: Great. I'm DEAD. That's just friggin PEACHY! Lemme at the author! I wanna tell him a thing or two...
>Suddenly a small sphere of light grew in the middle of the clearing
>straight out of nowhere!
Tim: Hm... Kansas, did you say?
>The sphere grew to the size of about maybe 6 feet in diameter.
Graham: So far this guy's been sure of only ONE thing. and that's that Ranma was mad.
Tim: This isn't a WAFFy fic, it's an IFFY fic!
>Then out stepped a being of what could only be described as light.
Tim: Star light, Star bright, first light based being I see tonight...
>It was apparently female. The creatures beauty could not really be
>compared to anything on the Earth since it was not really from that
>plane of existence.
Tim: VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI! VERDANDI!
Graham: I get the feeling Tim has an idea who it is...
>Stooping down the being pressed her right palm on Ranma's chest and
>wherever she rubbed in it's wake left only healed skin!
Ranma: Okay, but what aboout my clothes?
>His body healed the being bent her head down and kissed him on the mouth
>fully, breathing life back into him, slowly his chest rose and then fell.
Graham: Making out with goddesses, at least he gave you ONE good thing in this fic.
Ranma: You kidding me? When Akane finds out, I'm DEAD!
Tim: You already are.
>Breaking the kiss the creature/being/goddess
All: MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
Tim: And how DARE you call the goddess of being a creature! Fie on thee to insult a Norn!
>kneeled on the ground next to him and whispered into his ear with a
>voice that could only be described as musical if one could hear it,
Tim: Do re me fa so la ti do.
>she spoke 5 words into his ear,
Graham: Hey Stud, wanna make out?
Tim: That would be URD, Graham. Not, Verdandi.
>" Your wish has been granted!"
Tim: Okay, that's the breaking point. Crappy fic I can withstand. Ranma's OOCness, the crappy lines and his getting shot and dieing. I can just shrug that off. But bringing Verdandi into THIS FIC and having her two time Keiichi? I won't allow it!
Graham: To sum up, It ain't a smart move to insult Tim's favorite goddesses.
>Back in the woods
Tim and Graham: The carefully arranged sticks project!
>the man reached down and grasped the helpless girl by the hair and
>moved to push her to the ground, screaming as loud as she could the
>girl clawed, bit, kicked, and did everything in her power to stop him,
>he smirked and stood up, kicking her in the stomach!
Ranma: God this girl is weak. I mean, after the author's assesment of these guy's skills it sounds like a blind deaf parapalegic could get away from them!
>She doubled over in pain and stopped squirming long enough for him
>to start taking his pants off.
Tim: (Eyes glowing blue) That's it. Lock and load, little buddy.
Ranma: The universal color of ridiculously intense hatred, ICE BLUE!
>In the clearing the being of light stood and disappeared back into the light
>from whence she came.
Graham: So she dissapeared into herself?
>Ranma's eyes snapped open and he leapt to his feet!
Tim: Yeah, Ranma hopping up is VERY exciting...ZZZZZZZ
>Turning to the sounds of a struggle he saw the same girl as before laying
>spread eagle helpless on the ground the man standing in front of
>her.....taking off his pants?!?!?!?! He sprinted towards them!
Graham: He's at most fifteen feet away, why does he need to sprint?
>"Yes.." the animal/man thought, he was going to enjoy this.
Ranma: Wow, he actually had a thought! Impressive!
>The man bent over again reaching with his good hand. To grab her
>again the girl barely conscious now struggled weakly.
Tim: If you didn't notice the grammatical screwup there, you're beyond all hope.
>However half way down the man suddenly stopped moving! Looking up
>the girl saw a miracle.
Graham: Did one of the local sticks turn into a snake?
Tim: Or did a plague of Locusts eat the man whole?
Ranma: Or maybe... the end?
>There grasping the man by the back of the neck was that same boy! He
>was alive! Her heart leapt into her throat with relief!
Ranma: What the hell is up with the people in this fic! If it isn't brains freezing, It's randomly moving hearts!
>The boy was obviously still furious
Ranma: Actually, he was bored now...
>and his eyes still shone red, but his black aura had been replaced with a
>white one that was beyond bright.
>It shone so brightly that it hurt her eyes!
Tim: Look! Ranma's been using Blindfresh on his Aura!
>Lifting casually with his right arm Ranma lifted the man off of his feet.
Graham: And yet he had trouble with the two punks earlier...
Tim: Maybe fic Ranma's a saiyin. You know, almost kill them and they come back ten times as strong?
>With a mighty heave Ranma tossed him into the ground... HARD!
Ranma: Like there's anything like throwing someone into the ground soft.
>Hard enough to make the ground shake and break the mans arm that
>he had fallen on,
Graham: All this fic has been so far is Ranma walking, Ranma getting pissed, and ranma breaking things.
Tim: Except for the iffy distances, you've just summed up the fic!
>luckily for him it had been the previously injured arm.
Ranma: Oh sure, THAT'S lucky...
>The man leapt to his feet, some of his strength regained
Graham: So the more you break of this guy, the stronger he becomes?
>and he threw a jumping punch at Ranma's head a fist thrown so hard
>that if it connected with a regular mans head
Tim: His fist would've shattered anyways?
Graham: Well, he's breaking apart like a lego set dropped from a roof, why NOT his other hand?
>it would have broken their nose!
Tim: Pshaw. Is that all?
>Ranma didn't even flinch! He simply raised his left hand and caught
>the mans good fist, and clamped down hard!
Ranma: Great. It's getting boring again.
Tim: Yeah, at least we were experienceing EMOTION earlier...
>The man was stunned! However he didn't have much time to be stunned
Graham: As Ranma shot him with a Mouko Takabishya. The end.
>as the pain suddenly hit him. He looked up and saw a man , not a
>boy, a furious man!
Tim: Shut up and lemme sleep. I'm close enough to it anyways...
Graham: Could this be, Ghandi 2?
>He was blazing with some sort of strange light and the look in his eyes
>was that of murder.
Ranma: And here I thought it was constipation... My bad.
>At that moment the man knew what the girls whom he had tortured had
>felt, and he was truly afraid.
Tim: The other four times he had wet his pants, he had only been falsley afraid.
>Ranma squeezed harder, he could feel the fibers and the sinews in the mans
>hand holding the bones in place on the verge of collapse and he smiled faintly
>as he applied even more pressure, the mans hand broke in every place possible
>and then when Ranma kept squeezing the bones began to shatter and split the
>skin.
Graham: He can't even make a man's hand snapping to pieces seem interesting.
>Looking down with disgust Ranma could see the man's limp member
>hanging out of his almost off pants.
Tim: We can't even say that he died with his pants on...
>With a grin Ranma thought of the best way to punish this thing, not to kill
>him, but to make him wish he was dead, in the name and for the honor of all
>the other women whom he had killed and raped.
Graham: KILLED?
Tim: Author wants us to justify Ranma's actions by having this guy have killed before, though with how incompetent the author's shown him to be so far, I can't for the life of me figure out how he could have...
>Ranma crouched down and with a quick grasp and with the help of the
>jumping muscles in his legs Ranma castrated the man!
Ranma: I'm not touching that sentence. Period.
Graham: No, but you ARE touching his d-
Ranma: One more word and I'll shove you through the air duct!
>His hand dropping the disgusting thing as soon as it was free, and
>continuing with the upward motion Ranma aimed a punch that would
>almost kill but not quite right into the mans neck, hitting him almost
>as hard as he could. Ranma was very satisfied with the sound of
>snapping cartilage.
Ranma: If it was ALMOST as hard as I could, then he WOULD be dead.
Tim: Cartilage can't snap.
>Knowing that the man was doomed to be a paraplegic in prison and that some
>inmate would get to have his way with him for the rest of his miserable life,
>and Ranma smirked!
Graham: Well, Verdandi's getting her ass handed back to her for THIS incident, I can tell you that much...
Tim: Um... Author... Sadisticmuch?
>Turning to the girl he ran quickly to her side his battle aura dying down
>around him ad he ran.
Tim: He's two feet from her. How CAN he run?
>Kneeling beside her he cradled her head in his hands and helped her sit up.
Ranma: Unfortunately, due to his ridiculously increased strength, he ended up flinging her into the stratoshpere.
(the SOL shudders for a second)
Graham: I hope that wasn't what I think it was...
>Seeing as she was almost completely naked with her shirt torn and her
>skirt in fragments, when she was in a sitting position he shrugged off
>his silk shirt. Surprisingly rip free considering that it had taken a shot
>gun blast.
All: (Laugh uncontrollably)
Tim: Go on, tell us another one! That's the best part of the fic yet!
>He gently placed it around her shoulders and buttoned it up.
Ranma: Well, it appears fanfic me has forgotten about the existance of arms...
>Glad he always wore another pair of water tight pants under his regular pants
>to keep changing to a minimum when he was splashed he quickly shucked
>off his outer layer of pants and handed them to her
All: (Stare, slack-jawed) Changing... to a... minimum?
Tim: That would mean that you... would be... that is... up top... but down below...
Graham: I think I'm gonna h- No, nevermind I just did...
Tim: The thought of you halfway changed is somewhat disturbing, you know?
>and turned his back so the girl could put them on privately to hide her nudity.
>Which she did so while lying back down and arching her back to do so.
Ranma: I've just seen her naked, why would I care now?
Graham: A little too much information on how she got the pants on, bub
Tim: That's only for tight pants anyways. And those pants are loose on MALE Ranma's body.
>Turning back around Ranma knelt beside her again and cradled her shaking
>body in his arms. "Are you okay miss?" he asked,
Graham: Oh sure I always feel FINE right after a group of thugs try and rape me!
>she simple looked at him and worked her jaw soundlessly, this boy had
>just killed 7 people and been resurrected and all he could say was , "are you
>okay?"
Tim: What, you expect him to offer superbowl tickets? Get real!
Ranma: Actually, I said "Are you okay, miss". Pay attention!
>Finally gaining control of her mouth the girl looked at those eyes of his,
>red with rage a minute ago and now a deep blue with concern..... "Wh-who
>are you?" She managed to ask.
Ranma: I am... Bored out of my MIND!
>Looking into her eyes in return Ranma said those 6 famous words....
Ranma: Okay, Now it's your turn, bitch?
Graham: That will be six fifty please?
Tim: This fic's just too damn long?.... Ooh! Parody!
>"I'm Ranma Saotome, sorry about this"
All: And yes folks, that IS the worst way to end this fanfic!
>*END FOR NOW!!*
Tim: If it IS for now, then I will make a fic called "Tim Kills!" which will actually be interesting, and wil be me ripping your appendages off and shoving them into various portions of your anatomy...
Graham: Oooh, Nice threat. Now let's get the hell out of here so our brains don't die of atrophy!
(The outer room)
Tim: Okay, out with it. What all was wrong with this fic?
Ranma: I acted totally OOC, used none of my signature attacks, one of Ryouga's. DIED, and got brought back to life.
Graham: He especially laid it on a little heavy with the discription of the gang members. I realize we're supposed to hate them and all, but it just became comedic the way he kept reminding us, laying it on thicker and thicker and thicker.
Tim: Now for my assorted rantings. First off, you call this a WAFFy fic? Dismemberment and castration give you a warm and fuzzy feeling? Why try and use Ranma as a medium for social commentary? Ranma acted like a complete and utter idiot, used no signature attacks, made the gang seem tough, after telling us how out of shape they were, having them be able to hold down Ranma, the full Shishi houkoudan he pulled, the getting shot, bringing Verdandi into the mess, the iffy distancing, the abruptly switched perspectives, not to mention the grammatical and spelling mistakes numerous enough to build a two story house out of!
Graham: Calm down Tim, the fic's over... And we have a few hours before the next one starts!
Tim: Sure... Wanna watch the original gundam movies?
Ranma: Why not. TO THE TV!
(They move offscreen)
Artlu: Hmmm, They're taking it better than I expected... I think I'll add another fic after the Sheep one, maybe THAT will break their spirits...
TO BE CONTINUED!