Admiral Daala strode angrily into Barclay's duty station. "Barclay, do you realize that your dereliction of duty led directly to the deaths of three crewmen?"
"Y-y-yes" Barclay stammered. "Well, you see, I got distracted viewing Holo-Net advertisements for Coruscant escort services, and, well ..."
"I will hear no more excuses, Lieutenant!" She bellowed. "You will be court-martialed immediately!"
Daala stopped herself at the sight of the aide she had sent to inspect Barclay's quarters. He was carrying a small palm-sized holo-emitter, of the type normally used for viewing desktop holo-vids. She pressed the button, and saw a tiny holographic image of herself, completely nude and penetrating herself with some kind of sexual device.
Her eyes flashed with anger, and she turned to glare venomously at Barclay. She turned off the holo-emitter, threw it to the ground, and then pulled out her blaster. She pointed it at Barclay's head, whereupon he froze and went white as a sheet. She slowly moved the aimpoint down toward his chest, then his abdomen, then down even lower.
"No, please" he pleaded.
She abruptly turned and fired at the discarded holo-emitter, blasting it into a cloud of smoke and charred debris.
"By the time I'm done with you," she hissed, "you will wish I'd killed you!"
The next day:
"Come in" said Admiral Daala.
The door opens and Barclay walks in apprehensively and then stands at attention. "Lt. Barclay reporting for discipline, Maam!"
"Lieutenant. I've given what I witnessed from you some thought. You apparently have sexual feelings for me, don't you?"
"Y-Y-yes" stammered Barclay.
"I'm pleased that you admitted it. Facing the truth is the first step on your road to repentance.
I would have hated to have to turn you over to Lord Vader. His methods are more 'direct' than mine" she said with an evil grin.
"It seems that sex and your preoccupation with it is the source of your problems. I have decided to be merciful and 'fix you up', as it were, with one of my new officers who has had 'problems' with men and is looking for a partner."
At that, Admiral Daala pushes a button on her desk.
The door opens and a large breasted dark haired woman wearing a leather miniskirt strides in.
Lt. Barclay looks at her and gasps "D-Deanna?"
Admiral Daala smiles and says "Yes, but not the one you know. This Deanna Troi is from an alternate universe that your people call the 'Mirror Universe'."
Comprehension slowly comes to Barclay and he starts to babble.
"No, please. I know what the mirror people are like. She'll hurt me."
At that, Troi says. "Of course I will. Not only will I hurt you, I'll teach you how to show proper respect to women."
She concentrates briefly and Barclay feels a pain in his groin and sinks to the floor. Deanna then opens Barclay's fly and attaches a small collar and leash around his 'package'.
Daala laughs and says "When you've got 'em by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow. Remember, you can do anything you want to him except permanent damage or death."
Troi smirks "I think this one may come to actually *enjoy* my attentions."
.....
Can it get weirder than this?
