Supervillain Supply Store (funny!)

Post by **Lagmonster** » 2003-01-07 04:12pm

http://www.villainsupply.com

Now THAT is a hilarious joke site. I gotta get me one of them superweapons he has on 'sale'. Check it out if you haven't seen it, or if you're just looking to conquer the world. It's funny!

Including THIS hilarious snippet, under 'superpowers':

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ADAMANTIUM STEEL BONES

You'll be kicking ass and taking names when you have every bone in your body coated in patented Adamantium Steel!™ Yes, Canada's Weapon X Program has been privatized, and now you can take advantage of this advanced medical technology! First, every bone in your body is surgically removed,* then lovingly coated in industrial-grade adamantium. Once your bones are replaced,** you're a lean,*** mean, killing machine!****

Price: CA$12,000,000 (razor claws upgrade extra; not available in Manitoba)
*This process is excruciatingly painful.
**This process is even more painful than the removal.
***Addition of metal to bones may double or triple your body weight.
****Warranty covers extra protection for bones only. The following side effects are not covered: relative vulnerability of other body tissues; inability of muscles to move and support metal-laden bones; inability of the metal-laden bones to produce red blood cells, leading to susceptibility to disease and death; deafness due to metal-laden earbones; adamantium poisoning.

Sir Sirius · Post by **Sir Sirius** » 2003-01-07 04:27pm

MORBITEK ZOMBIFICATION RAY MK I

If Global Domination is your business, then don't pussyfoot around. Fear and intimidation can only go so far. With the ALL NEW Morbitek Zombification Ray MK I, you can turn entire cities into your obedient zombie minions! It works by irradiating the hippocampus of the human brain, reducing the victim to a raving zombie ready for your instructions. General Morbidity, inventor of the MK I, has this to say: "Buy my Zombification Ray, because if you don't, I'll turn you into a zombie and make you buy one anyway! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

Price: US$8,250,999,999.99

These people don't know their own products very well!
The "Morbitek Zombification Ray MK I" is in fact clearly the Starfleet laser cannon from "The Cage".
As a selfrespecting supervillian wannabe I'll not purchase their products, they were trying to sell me a laser cannon (that wouldn't even work with out a starship to power it) as a zombification ray.

Frank Hipper · Post by **Frank Hipper** » 2003-01-07 04:32pm

When I posted this at SpaceBattles a couple months ago, nobody even gave it a response. It's funny shit, man!

Post by **Lagmonster** » 2003-01-07 04:46pm

Frank Hipper wrote:When I posted this at SpaceBattles a couple months ago, nobody even gave it a response. It's funny shit, man!

Eh, they don't know from jokes. I caught onto this site a while back, and loved ever bit of it. It was really cleverly done, especially the 'henchjobs' and 'fatalmatch' links.

Warspite · Post by **Warspite** » 2003-01-07 04:47pm

Damn! And all this time I've been shopping on Amazon!
Funny site, and a lot of good ideias... Hummmmm....

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-01-07 05:03pm

I like this one:

BLACK HOLE

FSS Inc. is now mass-producing (no pun intended) "black hole" singularities for the open black market (no pun intended), using the former Soviet Superconducting Supercollider at an undisclosed Siberian location. Just release your black hole from its magnetic bottle, and watch it eat the Earth in under six hours (from a safe distance, of course). Can also be used to create time machines, wormholes, and other fun Sunday science projects. Don't miss out on this singular opportunity (pun intended).

Price: US$9.99 ea.*
*Shipping cost will be based on mass. That's how we make our money.

I liked this one too:

Mut•VIII•R GENETIC RESEQUENCER

Oh, sure, everyone wants to be a mutant, but how many people are born that lucky? Why leave it up to nature when Mengele Medical's Mut•VIII•R Genetic Resequencer can turn YOU into a superpowered mutant? Just expose yourself to the patented "M-Rays®," and within minutes you'll be ready to kick some heroic ass!* Choose from eye beams, super-strength, mentalism, flight, metamorphosing, razor claws, and many more!**

Price: US$100,000,000
*powered by fragments of the planet Xigor, sold separately
**may also cause physical deformities, Cystic Fibrosis, Down's Syndrome, spina bifida, Huntington's Disease, and cancer.

EmperorMing · Post by **EmperorMing** » 2003-01-07 05:10pm

That site is a must for any aspiring supervillain!

Post by **Gandalf** » 2003-01-07 07:38pm

PROP "DOOMSDAY DEVICE"

Evil On A Budget, Inc. presents the prop "Doomsday Device," guaranteed to soil the knickers of your "heroic" adversaries. Actually a plastic box filled with cheap electronics, the device makes ominous "whoop whoop" sounds when activated, and a sinister female voice counts down from 100. Just press the "deactivate" button when the craven idiots give in to your demands. I mean, who's going to call your bluff on something called a "Doomsday Device?"

Price: US$99.99
*requires 2 AA batteries, not included

McNum · Post by **McNum** » 2003-01-08 06:34am

I like this "non-lethal" weapon:

ACCUKAK SYSTEMS NON-LETHAL ANTIPERSONNEL UNIT

You're looking for two things -- a cheap, effective personnel-based weapon that will incapacitate large numbers of rioters, unruly minions, government agents or enemy soldiers; and an end to those pesky wrongful death suits. Then the Accukak Non-Lethal APU is for you! With five guaranteed* non-lethal antipersonnel options: the glue gun incapacitates up to 30 people harmlessly** in a sticky mucilage paste; the net gun will bind up to 12 persons in a comfortable*** nylon net; the lubricant gun immobilizes up to 50 persons with a nontoxic super-lubricating synthetic Teflon fluid****; the electric taser immobilizes up to 24 people with a range of 25', with no harmful side-effects*****; and the foam gun encases up to 150 people in a fast-hardening acrylic-based foam******. Cleanup is easy!

Price: US$12,999; glue, net, lube, taser & foam cartridges extra.
*Guarantee not guaranteed
**glue has been known to clog nose and throat, leading to death
***net has been known to strangle targets, leading to death
****lubricant has been known to be so effective that emergency personnel can not reach targets for many days, leading to death
*****taser has been known to electrocute targets, leading to death
******foam has been known to smother targets, leading to death; actually, this always happens