Parental Abuse Of Children and What to DO!?

[Vampiress_Miyu]

Just to add in, because I can't edit it in anywhere, it's not just the occasional physical abuse.
She'll often verbally insult me and put me down daily. After her most recent time of hitting me, the time when it was on the head...I started to cry and then she looked at me and said, "Oh, I thought you LIKED pain?!" cause I'm curious about s&m, and have been reading about it. Just reading about it, because of my non-18-ness.... but still, they're aware of my interest.
This is just one example....verbal insults and abuse are her standard. -receives countless snide evil comments practically every day from her mother about her failures- x.x; It's not so great.

[AidanMcfay]

My mother when she hit 54 went psychotic, she threatened to Kill me and my father, hit me about the face and stomach and just went nuts. I reported her without thinking twice, I even recorded(without her knowing) one of the incidents and turned it over to the authorities.

[Vampiress_Miyu]

o.o; Wow. That's really intense.
-is glad that her mother isn't that 'psychotic' and kill-threat-happy-

[Flagg]

Just to add in, because I can't edit it in anywhere, it's not just the occasional physical abuse.
She'll often verbally insult me and put me down daily. After her most recent time of hitting me, the time when it was on the head...I started to cry and then she looked at me and said, "Oh, I thought you LIKED pain?!" cause I'm curious about s&m, and have been reading about it. Just reading about it, because of my non-18-ness.... but still, they're aware of my interest.
This is just one example....verbal insults and abuse are her standard. -receives countless snide evil comments practically every day from her mother about her failures- x.x; It's not so great.

If her reaction to seeing you in pain that she inflicted is to make a snide remark, then she has no business being around children without state supervision. And the same goes for your father if he allows that shit to go on. I'd use a recording device to document that shit, then take it to a teacher or guidance counselor.

[Stark]

Or, you know, the police or family services. What's a school going to do?

[Flagg]

Or, you know, the police or family services. What's a school going to do?

By law they have to report it and it's easier to talk to someone you know about it.

[Stark]

By law they have to report it and it's easier to talk to someone you know about it.

Really? I've seen many school staff take a child's claim of abuse with a huge grain of salt, and simply call their parents to ask them. Guess how that ends? If it's serious, don't faff about with idiot educators, wheel out the big guns and actually get something done.

Wow, I'm making a mental list of all the things friends of mine talked about with guidance counsellors. Fat lot of good it did them.

[Flagg]

By law they have to report it and it's easier to talk to someone you know about it.

Really? I've seen many school staff take a child's claim of abuse with a huge grain of salt, and simply call their parents to ask them. Guess how that ends? If it's serious, don't faff about with idiot educators, wheel out the big guns and actually get something done.

Wow, I'm making a mental list of all the things friends of mine talked about with guidance counsellors. Fat lot of good it did them.

That's fucked up. You can go to jail for not reporting abuse.

[Darth Wong]

I'm over 15, thanks. . . and he's not just a random 20 year old or whatever. O.o He's the brother of my best friend. He's an awesome friend, and cares about me. It's nothing sketchy and weird. He drove me home from their dad's house one night after her ice show, and they thought he would do sketchy stuff. It's frustrating, and makes me not want to tell them who I hang out with.

Kiddo, if you are 15 and he is 20, he could be playing you like a fucking harp and you wouldn't know it.

Maybe he really is a nice guy who thinks of you in a paternalistic fashion and there's nothing weird at all, but don't count on your own ability to see through any game he's playing. If he is playing games with you, you probably won't see through them. You're a 15 year old girl, not a woman.

[Stark]

Maybe it's the charming Australian attitudes, but I really can't see a teacher taking claims of abuse seriously without evidence. Here our so-called 'guidance counsellors' aren't really anything, they're just like non-denominational chaplains. All anyone I know ever got from one is a pat on the head.

If you want something done, do it yourself. Damn schools.

[Flagg]

Maybe it's the charming Australian attitudes, but I really can't see a teacher taking claims of abuse seriously without evidence. Here our so-called 'guidance counsellors' aren't really anything, they're just like non-denominational chaplains. All anyone I know ever got from one is a pat on the head.

If you want something done, do it yourself. Damn schools.

Here they are bound by law to report any allegations of abuse. Social services and the police are the ones who get to determine if abuse took place or not.

[Vampiress_Miyu]

I'm over 15, thanks. . . and he's not just a random 20 year old or whatever. O.o He's the brother of my best friend. He's an awesome friend, and cares about me. It's nothing sketchy and weird. He drove me home from their dad's house one night after her ice show, and they thought he would do sketchy stuff. It's frustrating, and makes me not want to tell them who I hang out with.

Kiddo, if you are 15 and he is 20, he could be playing you like a fucking harp and you wouldn't know it.

Maybe he really is a nice guy who thinks of you in a paternalistic fashion and there's nothing weird at all, but don't count on your own ability to see through any game he's playing. If he is playing games with you, you probably won't see through them. You're a 15 year old girl, not a woman.

>.< Thank you for your concern, Wong... but I'm at least 16 here... and I highly doubt that he's 'playing me like a harp.' If it were as simple as that, then I wouldn't bring it up. -.-; cause believe me, I have been 'played like a harp.' -does NOT want to start talking about relationship issues- But no, he's just an awesome person who I confide in a lot. Maybe we'll become more later, but that's later... not now. Cause now, it's just plain sketchy to all around. -tries hard sometimes NOT to be sketchy- >.<;

Also, I've decided I'm definitely talking to my shrink person about this whole thing. I don't know what that'll mean for her, because I'm not sure what she'll do... but I think that's my best bet, because if I get into shitloads of trouble with my family for reporting my mom, I can claim innocence. Besides, it's not like I'm saying she hits me daily with a baseball bat. . . >.> Cause that'd be a no-brainer of reporting

[Mrs Kendall]

Sometimes it feels like physical abuse is better than mental abuse, especially if she's putting you down daily. Just because when she hits you it's over with fairly quickly and then you can go about your day, but when she beats you mentally it sticks with you for far longer.
I really think you should report it now, especially after hearing what she said after she hit you. That is not acceptable at all. You do not want to continue the abuse cycle and this is where it should stop.

I really think you should take this seriously and go to the authorities after you find a safe place to stay, not just your phych, as she/he may just pass it off as teenage complaining as well, you need to speak to the police after you gain evidence of this stuff happening.
It's one thing for your sisters to let it go and deal with their problems later but if you are strong enough then go do it and do it now before it's too late. You do not deserve to be put down on a daily basis, and I would even go as far as saying the reason why you connect with the 20 year old is cause he listens to you and you have low self esteem so you think he's just being nice, obviously but he's most likely got some plan in mind for you in the future once you hit legal age, please be careful.


As for you getting drives home from him and going on a "casual date" to the movies with him, well that has to stop, it's dangerous and it's obviously worrying your parents.
I know when I was a teenager I thought I knew everything and that my parents were over reacting but you know what, looking back, they were right and I regret doing all the things I did. I'm only lucky I never ended up with some kind of STD or whatever. I was so high and mighty in my own mind I thought I could have sex without any consequences, I lost my virginity at 15 and it was to the biggest asshole boyfriend I ever had.

Speaking as a parent, if my daughter did what you are doing, I would do the same thing my parents did, I would have talks with her and I would ground her, sit in her room to keep an eye on her if I had to at night, but I would never hit her and then make snide remarks cause she didn't listen to my warnings.

Hitting and insulting your child is NEVER acceptable, it doesn't matter if it leaves a mark or not, it doesn't matter if they use a weapon or just their hands, it's unacceptable. The emotional scars are still left behind.

[Aaron]

Is this true? I thought it was generally accepted that abusers never change their behaviour.

It's completely dependent on the person, sometimes it's just an anger management issue and can be helped through therapy. Other times it's a deep seated psychological issue and that's alot harder to deal with. I know a few people that now longer do it.

[Aaron]

That should say "no longer do it".

[Vampiress_Miyu]

Thanks, Mrs Kendall. . . I know that they have the right to worry and stuff, and I am grounded currently, though that only seems to be making things worse because I'm home more and can't even go outside for a bike ride or anything...
I can understand the harsh effects that the mental abuse is having, believe me. >.<; But... I still think that I'm going to first tell my shrink... because I don't want to do anything too rash, and it's not like my life is in danger. . . My sanity is, and my self-esteem, but my life isn't at too much risk. I guess that's when I'll start to report things, if it ever gets to that. -fingers crossed that it doesn't- x.x;

Also, you could be right about him... but... -shrug- He doesn't seem like that kind of a guy.. I won't do anything too crazy though, I mean... I have plenty of time to get to know him better and be sure of my assessments of his character before I'm 18. Again, I doubt he's having evil schemes.. but, as has been stated, I might just not be noticing due to self-esteem issues and such. . . Because you're right, I do have self-esteem issues. x.x;

Anyway, I have to get back to studying... This upcoming history test won't pass itself, and I *need* to pass it, and hopefully get higher than a C+. -dislikes studying for history-. Shall check up on the topic later in the day, when I have web design or during my study.

P.S... Mrs Kendall... I may take you up on that early offer you made to PM and such. . .It's a bit late, since I seem to have posted a lot here. . . but it may help more if something else happens and I don't feel like reopening up my issues with anyone who looks at the topic.

[Ted C]

I would be inclined to say yes, but I believe that I would contact a confidential abuse counseling service first. There's no question that something needs to be done to end the abuse, and the victim is certainly not a likely choice to do it alone, but there may be ways to address the problem without creating a public spectacle.

[Mrs Kendall]

Thanks, Mrs Kendall. . . I know that they have the right to worry and stuff, and I am grounded currently, though that only seems to be making things worse because I'm home more and can't even go outside for a bike ride or anything...

I can understand the harsh effects that the mental abuse is having, believe me. >.<; But... I still think that I'm going to first tell my shrink... because I don't want to do anything too rash, and it's not like my life is in danger. . . My sanity is, and my self-esteem, but my life isn't at too much risk. I guess that's when I'll start to report things, if it ever gets to that. -fingers crossed that it doesn't- x.x;

Ok fair enough, you now the situation better than I do and I can't make you go to one person or another, you do what you feel is best at this time.

But please know that sometimes it's harder to deal with mental problems than physical ones, so please take her mental abuse seriously, my advice is not to wait until it gets worse. It may be too late already but the sooner you address this and work on it with your counsellor the more chance you'll have of recovering quickly.

Also, you could be right about him... but... -shrug- He doesn't seem like that kind of a guy.. I won't do anything too crazy though, I mean... I have plenty of time to get to know him better and be sure of my assessments of his character before I'm 18. Again, I doubt he's having evil schemes.. but, as has been stated, I might just not be noticing due to self-esteem issues and such. . . Because you're right, I do have self-esteem issues. x.x;

Honey, like I said, I was soo in your shoes when I was your age, and it turned out my guy "friend" was just in it for the sex I eventually gave him . It sucked, he treated me badly during the sex, and never looked at me the same afterward. I don't want that for you, even though I don't know you in person, I still wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Please be careful around him. Some guys can act very well and it's easier for them to pull the wool over your eyes if you have low self esteem.

Anyway, I have to get back to studying... This upcoming history test won't pass itself, and I *need* to pass it, and hopefully get higher than a C+. -dislikes studying for history-. Shall check up on the topic later in the day, when I have web design or during my study.

Good luck on the test.

P.S... Mrs Kendall... I may take you up on that early offer you made to PM and such. . .It's a bit late, since I seem to have posted a lot here. . . but it may help more if something else happens and I don't feel like reopening up my issues with anyone who looks at the topic.

Yup, I saw your pm and replied to it and I want you to know that I'm always here if you need to vent or get some advice.

Please take care, and be careful.