I Need Advice....

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2003-01-07 04:19pm

Jadeite wrote:Ok lets see, she wrote me a note today, wanting to know why me and andrew read it, and also apologized for writing that.

She was far nicer than she had any right to be, and you have no idea how incredibly lucky you are. You've just basically gotten away with murder. Don't screw things up, tell her the truth and apologize, you owe her that.

Temjin · Post by **Temjin** » 2003-01-07 04:58pm

Jadeite wrote:Ok lets see, she wrote me a note today, wanting to know why me and andrew read it, and also apologized for writing that.

Wow.

She was far nicer than you deserved. Considering you did violate her privacy.

Jadeite · Post by **Jadeite** » 2003-01-07 05:13pm

She was far nicer than she had any right to be, and you have no idea how incredibly lucky you are. You've just basically gotten away with murder. Don't screw things up, tell her the truth and apologize, you owe her that.

Iv already apologized.

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-01-08 02:36am

Jadeite wrote:
She was far nicer than she had any right to be, and you have no idea how incredibly lucky you are. You've just basically gotten away with murder. Don't screw things up, tell her the truth and apologize, you owe her that.
Iv already apologized.

Apologized for which part, exactly? The part where you violated her personal space? The part where you betrayed her by continuing to read the entries after you realized what you had stumbled upon? The part where you considered REVENGE for something that was your wrong to begin with? The part where you tried to blame her when she was blameless? The part where you ASSUMED that her feelings written in the diary were her true feelings for you?

Knowing how sweetly she reacted to your simply treacherous behaviour, do you feel like a fool for believing that she was an evil, conniving bitch? I hope so.

mantakai · Post by **mantakai** » 2003-01-08 06:29am

ummm, im not condoning what he did or anything, i have already posted what i thought of what he did, but he is obviously trying to right his wrongs. He has taken all your advice and is sorting it out with this female friend so calm down on him a bit, everyone makes mistakes, not everyone admitts they are wrong and tries to right them.

im sure he realises what an ass he was and so we dont need to rub it in

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-01-08 05:39pm

Jadeite wrote:Well, I did it. I told her everything in a note, the note sorta had a angry ranting mood to it. I gave it to her as she got on the bus to go home. I wonder what her reaction was, ill find out tomorrow. I read it again last night, and noticed that at one part, she implies that I might become a rapist/pedo later in life! So yeah, all feelings toward her right now have been canceled out with cold rage.

Mantakai, I suppose I may seem to be coming across very harshly still, but Jadeite has yet to mention anything the sounds like a sincere apology. The last thing he wrote that included his feelings on the matter (the quote seen above) does NOT imply that he is sorry in any way. Obviously he need not apologize to US, but I haven't detected the slightest acknowledgement of any guilt whatsoever on his part, have you?

He mentioned that he was going to talk to her (a very good plan), and I was just hoping that between now and the time when he sits down to talk with this girl, he will see the different ways he has disrespected her and apologize from the heart, because I feel like he certainly does not get that she's been wronged here too.

Jadeite, if I am wrong, I will sincerely apologize to you, but so far you don't seem to have one ounce of regret for what you did to her, only anger at what she seemingly did to you. I strongly identify with her and think she deserves better.

2000AD, that's a fucking horrible thing to suggest, and sickening that you felt the need to repeat it.

Edit: Clarification of stuff.

mantakai · Post by **mantakai** » 2003-01-08 05:59pm

i get where your coming from zaia, im probably more sympathetic to him cause he's a guy anyway and from what i have read he is doing well for a guy. guys find it hard to swallow their pride and admit they are wrong, women seem to be able to solve these problems well, but guys will always have problems with any issue that involves emotion or being wrong.

mantakai · Post by **mantakai** » 2003-01-08 06:00pm

i get where your coming from zaia, im probably more sympathetic to him cause he's a guy anyway and from what i have read he is doing well for a guy. guys find it hard to swallow their pride and admit they are wrong, women seem to be able to solve these problems well, but guys will always have problems with any issue that involves emotion or being wrong.

mantakai · Post by **mantakai** » 2003-01-08 06:01pm

srrry about the repeat message there, my computer decided to have a spak attack

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-01-09 12:19am

I understand that it's a hard thing to have to swallow one's pride; it's not a whole lot easier to do as a woman. It's a difficult thing to do, period. It's probably an issue of maturity too, and since I've practically got one foot in the grave (

) and am a pretty strong person anyway, I have no problem sucking it up and doing what needs to be done. It's probably not fair to ask that of everyone else, but that's how I am. *shrug* People either love me for challenging them or...they don't love me.

And you can delete the second post, if you like. Go to 'edit' and then check 'delete this post' or whatever it says in the list underneath the text box. 'K?

mantakai · Post by **mantakai** » 2003-01-09 08:44am

im sure you had good intentions in everything you said to try and help jadeite

and thanks for the advice on editing ill remember it in future endevours on my surfing of the boards

Jadeite · Post by **Jadeite** » 2003-01-09 04:15pm

Hmm, well, Allyse just left, she came over today after she missed her bus, we didnt get a chance to talk though, another friend came with her, shes coming over next friday to watch Signs, so itll prob happen then.

Captain tycho · Post by **Captain tycho** » 2003-01-09 04:22pm

Ask her about it.
She's already obviously pissed at you, but I'm wondering why she doesn't just end your friendship if she thinks so little of you.

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-01-09 04:28pm

She doesn't sound very pissed - she came over, didn't she?
She's probably feeling a combination of betrayal and guilt. Give her a break, all she did was vent in her private notebook...

Zoink · Post by **Zoink** » 2003-01-09 04:32pm

From personal experience I have at times said negative things about friends in moments of frustration, things I would rather they not hear.

Nobody is perfect and at times something that is pretty minor can seem a lot bigger than it is.

I'm glad that you apologized. Personally I would also tell her that I understand why such things get written (for the above reasons); that she doesn't need to explain to me the context in which these things were written. The biggest thing is to act mature about it and not make a big deal, or dwell on it. Once you said your piece, unless she brings it up, move on and forget about it.

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-01-10 12:46am

mantakai wrote:im sure you had good intentions in everything you said to try and help jadeite
and thanks for the advice on editing ill remember it in future endevours on my surfing of the boards

I certainly did (and do) have good intentions on Jadeite's behalf. If you look around at many of the things the guys on this board have said (many, not all), you might understand a bit better why I get so frustrated with this; for instance, how many times did I say that there were many, many, MANY possibilities for why she wrote that? Here it is, the fourth page of this thread, and someone STILL wrote: "She's already obviously pissed at you, but I'm wondering why she doesn't just end your friendship if she thinks so little of you." GAH!! SHE WAS JUST VENTING!! IT WAS--nevermind. *deep breath*

Sorry, my biggest pet peeve ever is people who don't listen. Here it isn't even excusable, since one can just scroll back and read what one has missed. @#%*@(#$&*$@!@#%*(@#!!!!

Like I've said before, many of you guys just don't get women. Whether it's because you've had limited experience, or because you don't try, or because you just aren't one, you don't get us. Well, I am one, so I would think my words and the words of the other females on this board would carry a bit more weight in this matter. As this thread has proven to me over and over again, that is obviously not the case. I see that I'm beating a dead horse here, but there's this tiny glimmer of hope that someone will go back and read what has been written from the feminine perspective. *shrug* I've always been an optimist....

Oh, and Mantakai, congrats on surpassing the n00b status. I actually gave you that tip on deleting your double post so you could do it now, but I guess as a newbie/youngling, that isn't really desirable, is it?

Hope everything goes well when you talk to her, Jadeite.

Sorry, just my little interjection here. I just read every reply on here and have read about 10% advice and 90% ranting, venting, flaming of Jadeite. If I see one more post like the ones I have described the delete button is going to start getting pushed. ~ David

mantakai · Post by **mantakai** » 2003-01-10 07:30am

thx zaia, and as you'll see on one of my posts in another thread i openly admitted that guys have a lack of knowledge when it comes to women so thats why we need lovely ladies like you to help show us the light

His Divine Shadow · Post by **His Divine Shadow** » 2003-01-10 07:49am

aerius wrote:In either case, whatever she wrote is of no importance. What matters is how she treats you in real life on a daily basis, actions speak louder than words remember? From what you've said, she's been good to you and treats you as a friend in everyday life, and she hasn't been talking about you behind you back with other people. That's all that matters, what she writes in a private journal has no bearing on this at all.

Really? I happen to think it's the other way around, what people think is what matters, seems like what you say is that it doesn't matter wheter she thinks you're a looser as long as she doesn't say it.

And looking upon what I've read so far, like she's just venting, she's depressed, noone writes what they think in a journal and so on, I really don't understand women at all, it all seems so... duplicitous.

His Divine Shadow · Post by **His Divine Shadow** » 2003-01-10 08:08am

Enlightenment wrote:Plainfield. Infantile Brats.

Enough said.

Not really, for someone as slow as me

His Divine Shadow · Post by **His Divine Shadow** » 2003-01-10 08:20am

Well I see she's responded nicely to the note, an indication she does feel guilty for what she wrote, guilty enough to not be more angry of the fact that he invaded her privacy, that in my eyes makes a nice and sweet person.

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-01-10 02:26pm

His Divine Shadow wrote:And looking upon what I've read so far, like she's just venting, she's depressed, noone writes what they think in a journal and so on, I really don't understand women at all, it all seems so... duplicitous.

Duplicitous?!!!!!!!!

Venting and letting one's feelings out on paper instead of punching someone is deceitful? Two-faced?! Full of treachery?!!! Bullshit.

The only thing unheathy about letting one's feelings out onto paper is the danger that OTHER PEOPLE might look at them and think that's really how one thinks. You've never been angry at someone and then had that feeling pass? Well, when I get angry, I tend to write about it. Then the feeling passes. There is now evidence that I felt that way, sure; it's right there on that page. But is that how I usually feel? Of course not. I can laugh with some of my best friends about the terrible things I've said about them in past journal entries. IT'S JUST VENTING FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!! It means nothing.

If someone read my journal, they would think I was horribly depressed because I only write in it when I'm feeling like curling up to die. Does that mean I should be hospitalized for fear I will kill myself? No. I don't really feel that way!

There is nothing treacherous or dishonest about journal entries. If you don't understand women and don't try to, that's your business. But don't make us all out to be inherently evil because we are not.

His Divine Shadow · Post by **His Divine Shadow** » 2003-01-11 04:24am

Zaia wrote:Duplicitous?!!!!!!!!

Venting and letting one's feelings out on paper instead of punching someone is deceitful? Two-faced?! Full of treachery?!!! Bullshit.

Time to switch to decaf mayhaps?

IT'S JUST VENTING FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!! It means nothing.

At the time I wrote that, I was not sure what it really was, or wheter it meant nothing or not.

But yes now I can understand your postion on this venting bussiness, I do it myself, though I usually punch something, it's more epxensive(punched a monitor into little pieces once some years ago when windows 95 crashed for the 666th time in a row) but it's safer(since no one will read it) and doesn't last

There is nothing treacherous or dishonest about journal entries. If you don't understand women and don't try to, that's your business. But don't make us all out to be inherently evil because we are not.

I wasnt trying to, nor did I want to imply that(but I did, crap), but at first it seemed as if what you(was it you?) where saying that what mattered was what one did, not what one truly felt or thought, I disagreed.

But the problemI failed not notice then, is that when one is angry or not emotionally stable, one shouldn't always go with what one feels, since it's not "real".

Still, whats wrong with evil?

As long as your nice to the kittens:

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-01-11 12:44pm

His Divine Shadow wrote:Time to switch to decaf mayhaps?

I don't actually drink coffee, believe it or not.

Chai tea all the way, baby! Mmmm...

I guess if you're just coming into this, it does seem like I'm a bit high-strung. But I've been making the same argument for quite a while now, and it's just a bit maddening that people keep saying that she really meant what she wrote.

At the time I wrote that, I was not sure what it really was, or wheter it meant nothing or not.
But yes now I can understand your postion on this venting bussiness, I do it myself, though I usually punch something, it's more epxensive(punched a monitor into little pieces once some years ago when windows 95 crashed for the 666th time in a row) but it's safer(since no one will read it) and doesn't last

See, I don't agree. I think writing it down is safer and a hell of a lot more mature than punching walls/windows/COMPUTERS (!!)/etc. My general principle is that, if someone has so little respect for me that they would read my private thoughts, they cease to be my friend, whether I wrote positive or negative things about them.

The fact that punching a wall 'doesn't last' is true, but it shouldn't matter whether I hold on to my journal entries or toss them into the fire; they are mine and extremely personal and no one has any right to look at them unless I hand them the book.

I wasnt trying to, nor did I want to imply that(but I did, crap), but at first it seemed as if what you(was it you?) where saying that what mattered was what one did, not what one truly felt or thought, I disagreed.

No, I didn't say that, but I agree with whoever said it (Aerius, was that you?). Actions speak a lot louder than words. This guy in my life had the sweetest talk ever, but treated me like a pile of garbage. Got away with it for years, until I finally realized that his words meant nothing. He would promise and apologize until he got me to feel sorry for him, and then one day it hit me that every single thing he'd ever done was purely for his own benefit. The sugar-coated words had kept me from seeing, but he treated me like absolute shit.

So, yes, it matters what one thinks and feels, but the way you ultimately find out how any given person thinks or feels about you in through their actions, NOT through their words. Lesson learned the hard way.

But the problemI failed not notice then, is that when one is angry or not emotionally stable, one shouldn't always go with what one feels, since it's not "real".

Which is why he shouldn't have taken what she wrote personally.

Still, whats wrong with evil?

A bit of evil is just fine...

But completely evil? Nah. Not good.

As long as your nice to the kittens:

Awww!

Cute!!! I love kittens!! Especially ones from the Cult....

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-01-11 12:53pm

I may not be able to understand women the way a fellow woman can, but after ten years of marriage to Rebecca (who confessed that when she first met me, she wrote in her diary that I was obviously a creep), I can say with some confidence that I agree with Zaia; those words in that journal are not necessarily her true feelings. They might be her way of working out her true feelings; you can't take them too seriously. And you certainly have no right to read them without her consent.

As I've said before, I've never looked in Rebecca's diary without her permission in 10 years of marriage, and it's not as if I couldn't do it if I wanted to. We live in the same fucking house, after all.

Pu-239 · Post by **Pu-239** » 2003-01-11 01:08pm

Enforcer Talen wrote:
Crazy_Vasey wrote:That is why you never, ever read peoples diaries. She quite possibly wrote that while she was depressed or pissed off at you or something. Don't tell me you've never had serious negative thoughts about your friends at some point.
that's why you never, ever write a diary. everything i think of an individual person is in my head.

Or stick it on a encrypted loopback filesystem with a good passphrase

. I'm trying to get that to work on my linux system (even though I have no need for it since most people I know are too stupid to figure out how to use my incredibly non-user friendly system, let alone boot it with a floppy to ignore permissions.

By the way the only friends I have are the ones I meet less than twice a month, which keeps me from annoying the hell out of them with my lack of social skills (I rarely go outside aside from school and stuff my mother forces me to do). I don't trust anyone anyhow. I've been backstabbed more than I can count.