"Getting in touch with your feminine side"

[TithonusSyndrome]

What exactly does that phrase mean, anyways? Usually when I hear it, it's in some slapstick Hollywood comedy where aspersions are being cast on the masculinity or sexuality of one of the male comic reliefs. Yet at the same time I'm assuming the phrase emerged out of some kind of serious convention in psychology, but nothing I can think of comes to mind. What does a dude out of touch with his feminine side look like, how does a man suffer for not being in touch with his feminine side, and in what way should one go about getting in touch with it?

This board is home to more than one guy who puts a particular premium on this, but that's not exactly what I'm asking. For a reasonably red-blooded guy who likes to drink beer, listen to loud music, works hard at school or work and has no serious psychological afflictions to speak of, what exactly is the importance of this? Or is it just some meaningless pop psychobabble term that took on a life of it's own in homophobic comedies?

[Superman]

It could be 'pop psychobabble,' except that I've never seen this term in any type of clinical reference.

[Feil]

Touching feminine sides is often good advice, particularly for straight men. Though they tend not to need to be told, most of the time.

[Boyish-Tigerlilly]

Maybe it's some slogan-like appeal to exercize sensitive interpersonal skills in relations with others. Sometimes, people simplify male behavior as if it's devoid of emotion, sensitivity, or the ability to express feelings openly. It's the hypermasculinity stereotype.

This and the stereotype of the "caring," "emotionally aware" female are often juxtaposed.

It goes to the ridiculous extent that there is something called "feminist care" ethics of relationships as opposed to male "rational universalist" ethics.

[Singular Intellect]

What better way to rule you fellow man than to make them grovel like women? *runs*

[Alex Moon]

I've been informed by Marina on more than one occasion that I would make a good housewife.

[Alex Moon]

As a serious answer, "getting in touch with your feminine side" usually refers to being more emotional, and more open to domestic activities or those which are thought of as being girly.

[Coop D'etat]

I don't know if this is bullshit or not, but I think it may originate from Carl Jung's archetypes. Specifically "anima," the archetypical image of the female that each man has within him, which a man suppoessedly responds to when he falls in love. Given that Jung was an important figure in early psychology, I wouldn't be suprised if the idea is incorporated into psychiatry that still pays homage to Jung and Freud.

[Superman]

I don't know if this is bullshit or not, but I think it may originate from Carl Jung's archetypes. Specifically "anima," the archetypical image of the female that each man has within him, which a man suppoessedly responds to when he falls in love. Given that Jung was an important figure in early psychology, I wouldn't be suprised if the idea is incorporated into psychiatry that still pays homage to Jung and Freud.

He put the notion into sort of a hypothetical construct, but he probably acquired the idea from Freud who described a 'feminine side' in a few of his male patients (like the 'rat man') years before. He wasn't pointing out some type of clinical or diseased state though...

The notion of a feminine side goes back to at least Plato and the myth of androgyne; a primal idea like this is probably much more ancient than him too.

[Elaro]

I'm a fan of biological psychology, so here goes:

In the paleolithic, men used to hunt for long periods of time and be far away from home. It was important back then to not be incapacitated by emotional ties to home so as to get the hunt done. Also, hunting is not a very long-term job, so men didn't have to encourage long-term emotional well-being. This would be where the image of the hard-ass, "manly" man comes from.

Women, however, stayed at camp to do more day-to-day things. So they had to develop emotional skills to detect and help when someone was feeling down and couldn't work anymore.

So, "tapping in to your feminine side" would mean "being emotionally aware", according to this model. What do you people think?

[Rye]

It usually means something like this:

The masculine side represents leadership, confrontation, war, physical exertion, hedonic excess, meat, protecting others, individual freedom, body hair, vulgarity for the enjoyment of the experience, practical responses to problems, etc.

The feminine side represents communication (often for its own sake), nurturing, sensitivity to the feelings of others, gentleness, activities associated with women, etc.

[DevNull]

I'm afraid I'm one of the ones who takes this advice too literally.

[sketerpot]

I'm a fan of biological psychology, so here goes:

In the paleolithic, men used to hunt for long periods of time and be far away from home. It was important back then to not be incapacitated by emotional ties to home so as to get the hunt done. Also, hunting is not a very long-term job, so men didn't have to encourage long-term emotional well-being. This would be where the image of the hard-ass, "manly" man comes from.

Women, however, stayed at camp to do more day-to-day things. So they had to develop emotional skills to detect and help when someone was feeling down and couldn't work anymore.

So, "tapping in to your feminine side" would mean "being emotionally aware", according to this model. What do you people think?

That sounds too much like one of Rudyard Kipling's Just So Stories. A better approach would be to look at the gender-correlated differences in behavior between men and women in your society, since that's a more direct measurement and closer to being right by definition.

[Starglider]

So why aren't there women saying they should 'get in touch with their masculine side?'. Or did I somehow miss them?

Insulting nonsense IMHO. If you want to say 'become more aware of other people's emotions', say that, don't spout fallacious gender-divide crap (not that men and women don't have systematic psychological differences, they do of course, but this idiocy is based on misconceptions).

[Darth Wong]

Instead of saying that you should "get in touch with your feminine side", perhaps a better exhortation for the average North American male is to "drop all of that goddamned macho bullshit". There is a real problem with the male role models in North America; we try waaaay too hard to be macho. We even deny those parts of ourselves that don't fit into the "macho" stereotype, and that's what people are usually talking about when they say that we need to get in touch with our "feminine side". It's not really a feminine side, but it sounds more positive than telling somebody to pull his fucking head out of his ass and stop pretending he's Macho Man.

[Galvatron]

Does this mean I can get a pedicure without feeling ashamed?

[Superman]

Does this mean I can get a pedicure without feeling ashamed?

Absolutely not.

[Galvatron]

[Singular Intellect]

Galvatron, coupled with your signiture, that picture is all the most hilarious.

[TithonusSyndrome]

Instead of saying that you should "get in touch with your feminine side", perhaps a better exhortation for the average North American male is to "drop all of that goddamned macho bullshit". There is a real problem with the male role models in North America; we try waaaay too hard to be macho. We even deny those parts of ourselves that don't fit into the "macho" stereotype, and that's what people are usually talking about when they say that we need to get in touch with our "feminine side". It's not really a feminine side, but it sounds more positive than telling somebody to pull his fucking head out of his ass and stop pretending he's Macho Man.

The ironic thing about this is that, at least from my perspective, it has become fashionable for women to be every bit as macho as some men are. I'm not just talking about hardcore punk skid chicks right out of some 80's movie with their hair in bright green spikes, I'm talking about sporty barstar bitches whose idealized women are the Pussycat Dolls or Fergie or any number of other "strong women" whose songs about commanding attention when they walk in bars and other topics that lead to an advocacy of being manipulative and an insensitive "heartbreaker", often outright physically violent.

Last year when I briefly rented a room from two barstar bitches who lived not far from my college, the alpha female of the two would casually reference assault charges she had gotten in the past or how many men she'd put her dukes to. She wasn't an "unattrative" woman who tried to tough up either, she had a bod that would probably go over well on a pinup. Her attitude and constant allusions to being given to violence made her genuinely ugly to me, though. This is the prevailing model of modern femininity among young women from my anecdotal observations, born on MTV and fertilized in a culture of Me.

[Elaro]

Please remember, I am not a evolutionary psychologist. If I get some piece of knowledge wrong, please correct me.

So why aren't there women saying they should 'get in touch with their masculine side?'. Or did I somehow miss them?

In our routine-filled lifestyle, I guess the behaviors attributed to feminity would be more encouraged than those of masculinity. Also, because of the feminist movement of the latter half of the century, I suppose it would be not politically correct to tell women to "get in touch with their masculine side", instead saying that they need to "take charge", "be solid", or whatever, instead.

I'm not saying that our behavior is set in stone, just that men and women tend to act mostly in a certain way. I'm not saying men can't be receptive, or that women can't be brash, (or that they can't change their attitude) just that they don't tend to have those behaviors, in a population.

Insulting nonsense IMHO. If you want to say 'become more aware of other people's emotions', say that, don't spout fallacious gender-divide crap (not that men and women don't have systematic psychological differences, they do of course, but this idiocy is based on misconceptions).

How is it fallacious? In the paleolithic era, in general, men hunted and women took care of camp and did routine stuff. Because of evolution, certain behaviors would be more successful than others. Because women live in a more communal setting with little danger (relatively speaking), an emotionally aware behavior would be more successful than a non-emotionally aware one. Because men did things which were more dangerous, being emotionally aware could've been a distraction, which could occur at a critical moment. Again, this is a behavioral statistical tendency. It's probably culturally transmitted.

And none of this is an excuse for modern macho men, because the world of today a completely different setting from prehistory. And it is one which favors interpersonal skills (aka being emotionally aware), which is why we hear "get in touch with your feminine side".

[Knife]

I believe the phrase means to a certain extent to basically calm down from the macho side of things. (DW probably said it better).

The overall problem stems from the idea that, if being to manly is wrong, being more femine is ok. That's where I'd have a problem. Quite beating your chest, but the solution isn't grabbing your breasts either. Black and white fallacy anyone?

[Dooey Jo]

How is it fallacious? In the paleolithic era, in general, men hunted and women took care of camp and did routine stuff. Because of evolution, certain behaviors would be more successful than others. Because women live in a more communal setting with little danger (relatively speaking), an emotionally aware behavior would be more successful than a non-emotionally aware one. Because men did things which were more dangerous, being emotionally aware could've been a distraction, which could occur at a critical moment. Again, this is a behavioral statistical tendency. It's probably culturally transmitted.

But men are emotionally aware. Per your hypothesis, we would see plenty of uber-machos in recent hunter-gatherer societies, but as far as I know, that's not true at all. Furthermore, how debilitating would it really be to be emotionally aware in such conditions? If a mammoth is charging a woman, would she act differently from a man because she's more emotionally aware? Hardly. Hell, you can even twist this emotional awareness thing being an advantage for men, since if they're more emotionally aware, they have more attachments to their tribe and will risk more to make it prosper, which is good for the population as a whole.

I'd much more agree with that this is a culturally transmitted phenomenon than a biological one, because if it really was biological we would see it everywhere, but we don't.

[Mrs Kendall]

Does this mean I can get a pedicure without feeling ashamed?

Yes! Absolutely!

A woman loves a man who takes care of his feet

All kidding aside, I would say go for it and don't feel ashamed about trying to get rid of stress and be happy.
Not everything about a man has to be rough .

[sketerpot]

Does this mean I can get a pedicure without feeling ashamed?

Yes! Absolutely!

A woman loves a man who takes care of his feet

If only I had known about that before I got an ingrown toenail and had to have part of the nail permanently removed via surgery.

Take it from me: take care of your feet, God damn it, or you will feel the consequences!