What Would Jesus Drive?

Post by **Coyote** » 2003-01-08 11:38pm

Okay, many of you know, and for those that don't, there is a movement among various religious groups to spark environmental awareness in their congregations. Various priests, ministers, and rabbis from around the US have said that if the US car makers start making decent gas-electric hybrids and other altfuel cars, they'll advise their congregations to drive them.

The idea being, of course, to "protect God's creation, mother Earth". So the motto of the movement is "What would Jesus Drive?" (with a shrug from the rabbis, whatever). But as it turns out, we already know what God drives:

Early in his career, God drove a Plymouth, for in Genesis it says:
"God drove Adm and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury"

Later, God has traded in the Plymouth for a Pontiac and a Geo, for he urges "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and your Storm" (Psalm 58 ).

Jesus, apparantly, drove a Honda but he was ashamed of it. He said in the Gospel of John, "For I do not speak of my own Accord".

But he was clearly generous and gave his friends rides, for it says, "The Apostles were in one Accord" so they were at least aware of carpooling.

Joshua, on the other hand, seemed to prefer motorcycles. It was said that Joshua's "Triumph was heard throughout the land".

Maybe he had a hole in the muffler?

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2003-01-08 11:42pm

LMAO damn thats good.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-01-08 11:47pm

Jesus Christ · Post by **Jesus Christ** » 2003-01-08 11:53pm

Thy Lord drives a Jag, a mk2 saloon to be exact. Thy Lord pulls much poon with that car.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-01-09 12:15am

Jesus would walk.

Or haul on an ass.

Jesus Christ · Post by **Jesus Christ** » 2003-01-09 12:22am

DPDarkPrimus wrote:Jesus would walk.

Or haul on an ass.

Bugger off I would walk or ride a ass or anything else. Damn it, I was a carpenter, middle class then and now. I prefer my Jag.

Lord_Xerxes · Post by **Lord_Xerxes** » 2003-01-09 12:46am

Either an SUV or a sports-car...

To make up for the smallness of his penis.

Cthulhu-chan · Post by **Cthulhu-chan** » 2003-01-09 12:48am

He'll trade in for a mustang on the return trip though.

Quetzalcoatl drives a T-bird, natch.

What would Buddha drive?

Jesus Christ · Post by **Jesus Christ** » 2003-01-09 12:59am

Lord_Xerxes wrote:Either an SUV or a sports-car...

To make up for the smallness of his penis.

Thy Lord is horse hung, my son, and would not be seen crucified in a SUV

Jesus Christ · Post by **Jesus Christ** » 2003-01-09 01:01am

Cthulhu-chan wrote:He'll trade in for a mustang on the return trip though.

Quetzalcoatl drives a T-bird, natch.

What would Buddha drive?

Thy Lord does not drive a mustang as the costs in running the Jaguar are more thn enough.
Buddha just brought VW combi van btw, Damned if I know why, I told him they are a nightmare to keep running these days.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-01-09 01:16am

Jesus Christ wrote:
DPDarkPrimus wrote:Jesus would walk.

Or haul on an ass.
Bugger off I would walk or ride a ass or anything else. Damn it, I was a carpenter, middle class then and now. I prefer my Jag.

It's cute when people roleplay their nick sometimes, but you're rediculous.

Budda would drive a Pathfinder.

TrailerParkJawa · Post by **TrailerParkJawa** » 2003-01-09 02:17am

Jesus would drive a SandCrawler. Its a good way to get around in the desert.

Jesus Christ · Post by **Jesus Christ** » 2003-01-09 02:24am

DPDarkPrimus wrote:
Jesus Christ wrote:
DPDarkPrimus wrote:Jesus would walk.

Or haul on an ass.
Bugger off I would walk or ride a ass or anything else. Damn it, I was a carpenter, middle class then and now. I prefer my Jag.
It's cute when people roleplay their nick sometimes, but you're rediculous.

Budda would drive a Pathfinder.

My son, find thyself a donkey and fuck it. Or better yet, thy Lord helps those who helps themselfs, find thy search engine and look up thy lords name on ASVS and work it out.

Post by **Coyote** » 2003-01-09 02:39am

What a strange person.

While I don't "believe" in the Robot Jesus, I do believe that he was built. A well-programmed.

Jesus Christ · Post by **Jesus Christ** » 2003-01-09 02:52am

Coyote wrote:What a strange person.

While I don't "believe" in the Robot Jesus, I do believe that he was built. A well-programmed.

Jk0k, King of the Droids

Boba Fett · Post by **Boba Fett** » 2003-01-09 07:26am

LOL

There was a good song from Ministry back in the early 90's.

That was "Jesus built my hot-rod"...

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-01-09 09:55am

What could jesus afford? considering there's virtually nothing in the bible about him actually doing any carpentry...

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-01-09 10:02am

What would Jesus drive?

Zoink · Post by **Zoink** » 2003-01-09 11:23am

Jesus would drive one of those bullet-proof Pope-mobiles. Some people still haven't recovered from all the "good" he's spread since the middle ages, and might be a little ticked-off.

Pastor Andy · Post by **Pastor Andy** » 2003-01-09 12:35pm

Early in his career, God drove a Plymouth, for in Genesis it says:
"God drove Adm and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury"

Later, God has traded in the Plymouth for a Pontiac and a Geo, for he urges "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and your Storm" (Psalm 58 ).

Jesus, apparantly, drove a Honda but he was ashamed of it. He said in the Gospel of John, "For I do not speak of my own Accord".

But he was clearly generous and gave his friends rides, for it says, "The Apostles were in one Accord" so they were at least aware of carpooling.

Joshua, on the other hand, seemed to prefer motorcycles. It was said that Joshua's "Triumph was heard throughout the land".

That was truly hilarious. Can I use it in a sermon?

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-01-09 12:59pm

At least we're sure what Raël drives...

http://www.rael.org/int/press_site/engl ... _race.html

(he's driven several Corvettes and Camaros, a Dodge Viper, a Lamborghini Diablo, some Porsches, a Lotus Esprit and several unidentifiable racing cars)

And privately, I suppose that Raël drives a Mazda RX7.

Alferd Packer · Post by **Alferd Packer** » 2003-01-09 03:35pm

Jesus was carpenter, so he'd drive a 2003 Chevy Silverado, 3-quarter ton 4X4 with a 496 Big Block, 6-speed "creeper" manual transmission, extended cab (but not four-door), an eight-foot bed, lumber rack, tool box, and bumper sticker that says "The Sierra Club can kiss my holy ass!"

Post by **Coyote** » 2003-01-10 01:36am

Pastor Andy wrote:That was truly hilarious. Can I use it in a sermon?

Go for it, I hope they enjoy!

Jesus Christ · Post by **Jesus Christ** » 2003-01-10 04:07am

IG-88E wrote:
What would Jesus drive?

Dad got that for me on my last birthday, pretty neat eh?

Pastor Andy · Post by **Pastor Andy** » 2003-01-10 10:15am

Go for it, I hope they enjoy!

Thanks! I'm always interested in quality humorous material.