Mock Chick Tract

Post by **NecronLord** » 2003-01-10 03:57pm

As you may or may not know, I intend to do a fake Jack T Chick style 'tract' as such I have outlined several possible plotlines.

The Atheist; Simple Jack T Chick Tract, where the sinner goes off and enjoys himself, and the christian spends his life in prayer, then the fundie dies in a car crash, and gets buried, and decomposes.

The Sith; Darth Maul vs the chick fundie

The Necrons; Necrons flay the Jack T Chick Fundie.

Darth Servo · Post by **Darth Servo** » 2003-01-10 04:00pm

The Atheist. That one is real life.

Post by **Lagmonster** » 2003-01-10 04:01pm

Ditto for the Atheist. There's no point in doing an image of stuff that most people won't recognize.

Post by **NecronLord** » 2003-01-10 04:04pm

But I want to graphically decapitate the black haired fundie guy. Ah well, next time.

Darth Servo · Post by **Darth Servo** » 2003-01-10 04:11pm

If it means that much to you, why not do "all of the above"

Post by **NecronLord** » 2003-01-10 04:18pm

(I meant which to do first)

Frank Hipper · Post by **Frank Hipper** » 2003-01-10 04:22pm

There's a site dedicated to Chick parody tracts somewhere. One has Jack dying, and views of the afterlife which awaits, namely him decomposing to dust. It's good stuff.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-01-10 06:24pm

I'd like to see one where a fundie dies, and goes to the afterlife of another religion. "Odin says there's only one way into Valhalla!"

Otherwise, I'd go with the Athiest. Perhaps you could also do something as a rebuttal to another Chick tract, wrhich refutes the illogic and stereotypes that are in Chick's tracts.

Slayen · Post by **Slayen** » 2003-01-10 09:01pm

The Atheist one. But make it so that the Atheist actually knows more about the Bible than the Fundi and uses it against him.

That would be perfect, a Fundi beaten by his own weapon.

jaeger115 · Post by **jaeger115** » 2003-01-10 09:15pm

I'd like to see one where a fundie dies, and goes to the afterlife of another religion. "Odin says there's only one way into Valhalla!"

I'd pay to see that!

*Falwell suffers a sudden heart attack and dies. He is buried with a large throng of sobbing fundies and an even larger throng of atheists and moderate Christians screaming in victory. The minister consigns his body to the ground with the typical "He is in heaven now" bullshit.

Falwell's spirit rises out. He is convinced he is going to heaven and that Jesus will smile upon him at the gates. After a few minutes of rising, he realizes that no angel is to be seen. He looks down at the earth and suddenly realizes he is falling! Panicked, he flails his arms, but he goes straight into the ground and through the earth's crust. Darkness. Then he senses a slow burning sensation. His vision returns and he looks upon (with abject horror) a gigantic fire-filled cavern with magma rivers and waterfalls. Hordes of dark figures can be seen pulling massive rocks with demons whipping them maliciously. Falwell lands on a high rock platform and watches one of the demons with wings fly toward him.

Evil laughter echoes across the cavern. The winged demon with red skin and great scything horns grins.

"Welcome to Hell, Falwell."

Falwell realizes he is not dreaming and lets out a long, childish scream that is soon drowned out by the rising echo of the demon's laughter.....*

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 2003-01-10 09:22pm

It's been done before, but have fun!

*Which of course will sound like "Haw Haw Haw" just like in the Chick tracts.

Exonerate · Post by **Exonerate** » 2003-01-10 11:01pm

I found a parody site at http://216.131.88.114/chick/archive.html
Hehe.

Frank Hipper · Post by **Frank Hipper** » 2003-01-10 11:31pm

THAT's the one! Thanks Exonerate! "I'll give you kids some candy if you let me hump your dog" Aahahahahaha! Beautiful!

Necro99 · Post by **Necro99** » 2003-01-11 12:07am

The Necro 0wnz j00 Fux0rz.
DO the necrons!
DO THE NECRONS!
DO THE NECRONS!!!!!11

Frank Hipper · Post by **Frank Hipper** » 2003-01-11 02:43am

Necro99 wrote:The Necro 0wnz j00 Fux0rz.
DO the necrons!
DO THE NECRONS!
DO THE NECRONS!!!!!11

Did I do something to you?

Necro99 · Post by **Necro99** » 2003-01-11 02:44am

I am talking to everyone

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 2003-01-11 02:55am

Hmm.. maybe a "Dune" themed one would be good.

The Baron Harkonnen rejects Paul Muad'dib as his personal Qwisatz Haderach and has bad stuff happen to him.

Or Highlander... heck, there's all kinds of fun stuff you could do.

Star Wars?

Antie · Post by **Antie** » 2003-01-11 04:40am

The Atheist; Simple Jack T Chick Tract, where the sinner goes off and enjoys himself, and the christian spends his life in prayer, then the fundie dies in a car crash, and gets buried, and decomposes.

Yes, do that one! That one sounds the most amusing to me. I hope you do try all three of the ideas, though.

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2003-01-11 01:37pm

Anyone remember that classic bit from SOuthpark? :

"Hello everyone. Please quiet down. OK. Well, welcome to Hell where you will spend the rest of eternity in eternal dammnation"
"Hey! I shouldn't be here i was a practising protestant all my life!"
"Yes, well i'm afraid you picked the wrong religion. The right answer would be The Mormons, yes the Mormons get into Heaven."

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2003-01-11 01:40pm

As i play WH40K i have gone for the Necrons. Those Mofo's are nasty, although i would prefer to see Chick cast into the Eye of Terror and be fed upon by deamons for the rest of eternity.

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2003-01-11 02:18pm

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-01-11 07:49pm

Well, that's not a very accurate depiction of the rate of decay, is it?

<sigh>

Evil Sadistic Bastard · Post by **Evil Sadistic Bastard** » 2003-01-11 07:52pm

(smacks head)

Now wouldn't the corpse be completely decayed after a few years or so? The flesh should be turning black and sloughing off after the first few months.

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2003-01-11 07:53pm

innerbrat wrote:Well, that's not a very accurate depiction of the rate of decay, is it?

<sigh>

As if Chick tracts are any more accurate.

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 2003-01-12 01:26am

Don't steal their bandwidth! ; )

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Mock Chick Tract

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Mock Chick Tract