Transformers Reactions Thread - No spoilers until July 4th

[Anguirus]

Eh, the Transformers game isn't that great but it's not god-awful. I'm having a lot of fun with it.

[GuppyShark]

Yeah, wasn't the vending machine only even firing Product Placed Soft Drink Cans? Someone could probably do the KE calculations for a can fired at high velocity, but I don't imagine the total firepower + armor combo is much of a match for a grenade/anti tank weaponry.

Was it really? I didn't notice. If so, it really makes you wonder how a Nokia phone managed to have a miniature machine gun and missiles.

I really enjoyed that scene.

I think it was an escalation. Initially the No-kia Transformer slashed at its enclosure - when that failed to do it, it upgraded itself to a minigun. When that failed, it busted out the missiles.

Meanwhile, the Mountain Drew transformer was quite happily blazing away with its default weapon and saw no need to take the time to upgrade.

[Stark]

On what platform? PC? The PC game looks great and plays just fine for an arcade action title. It's got a few standard console flaws but nothing major.

The platform with 'retarded 8-bit bosses' and 'inability to transform in the air for helicopters' and 'incredible darkness and utterly nonfunctioning headlights, streetlights etc' probably. Which is... all of them except DS (and maybe PSP). It could so easily have been far better, just with a few feature changes.

And why does Barricade get significantly larger as he transforms? Didn't happen in the movie.

[LMSx]

Yeah, wasn't the vending machine only even firing Product Placed Soft Drink Cans? Someone could probably do the KE calculations for a can fired at high velocity, but I don't imagine the total firepower + armor combo is much of a match for a grenade/anti tank weaponry.

Was it really? I didn't notice. If so, it really makes you wonder how a Nokia phone managed to have a miniature machine gun and missiles.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=MRoPaLF_eHM

Well, the vending machine had a gun, but the only ammo was the cans. Even if Transformers come pre-armed with weaponry though, it doesn't really explain why the Nokia phone has missiles.

[Darth Wong]

Well, the vending machine had a gun, but the only ammo was the cans. Even if Transformers come pre-armed with weaponry though, it doesn't really explain why the Nokia phone has missiles.

Clearly, Nokia is planning something.

[GuppyShark]

The platform with 'retarded 8-bit bosses' and 'inability to transform in the air for helicopters' and 'incredible darkness and utterly nonfunctioning headlights, streetlights etc' probably. Which is... all of them except DS (and maybe PSP). It could so easily have been far better, just with a few feature changes.

Retarded 8-bit bosses - Genre staple. Every damned action game has sequences like that. A minor flaw, nothing to cry about. It's not like every boss fight works like that. It's really only blatant when you're playing the Decepticon campaign.

Inability to transform in the air for helicopters - Minor flaw. Not noticeable in the Autobot campaign.

Incredible darkness - WTF? Check your video settings.

[DPDarkPrimus]

Inability to transform in the air for helicopters - Minor flaw. Not noticeable in the Autobot campaign.

Inability to transform while jumping - Major flaw.

[Stark]

The platform with 'retarded 8-bit bosses' and 'inability to transform in the air for helicopters' and 'incredible darkness and utterly nonfunctioning headlights, streetlights etc' probably. Which is... all of them except DS (and maybe PSP). It could so easily have been far better, just with a few feature changes.

Retarded 8-bit bosses - Genre staple. Every damned action game has sequences like that. A minor flaw, nothing to cry about.

Primitive and uninspired nonsense from Mega Man, nothing to cry about? I have standards.

It's not like every boss fight works like that.

Every boss fight I saw did - even the 'kill him, oh he got away, chase him, kill him, oh he got away AGAIN' ones, the 'got to throw item now, got to shoot now, got to punch now' ones, etc etc - and half the non-boss fights did too! I loved the part in the movie where Bumblebee spams force-blasts to knock you out of melee range and is immune to everything else, and where the armies of Decepticons with huge 'throw you out of melee' arms march around at random.

It's really only blatant when you're playing the Decepticon campaign.

I played both equally, and the 'zomg don't break shit' thing made the Autobot 8-bit fights EVEN WORSE.

Inability to transform in the air for helicopters - Minor flaw. Not noticeable in the Autobot campaign.

Oh sorry, did the developers say that they wanted you to be able to transform at any point with the touch of a button? Whoops, you can't: nobody can ever transform unless they're 'standing' or 'walking', every other state does nothing. Even in the most retarded example - right at the start of the game - where the guy who turns into a chopper can't do it unless he's on the ground! The cutscenes even show people doing the midair-transformation stunts the devs SAID players could do, as if to rub it in!

Incredible darkness - WTF? Check your video settings.

Grow up. If all my 360 games look fine EXCEPT THIS ONE, and as I fucking said THERE ARE NOT REALTIME HEADLIGHTS, it's not my goddamn fault. Oh wait, if the game is too dark Stark is obviously an idiot and just never noticed before! If only the game had realtime lighting!

I now cease my 'game in movie thread' hijack.

[GuppyShark]

Ahh, the 360 version.

[Stark]

Ahh, the 360 version.

Aren't they all the same? Apart from the handhelds?

[GuppyShark]

The PC version doesn't have a gamma balance issue.

[Stark]

Dude, it AIN'T gamma balance. Do you think I'm retarded? The game has few realtime lights, and Barricade has NO HEADLIGHTS. Maybe on PC the suburbs at night are well lit, but on 360 you can step into an alley of COMPLETE DARKNESS or drive down highways with no headlights. This is NOT a gamma issue, as some areas have permanent twilight instead of permanent pitch-blckness.

I like dark games, but cars without headlights is just stupid. They have glowpoints on the model, but they cast no light into the environment. It's lame.

[DPDarkPrimus]

The Wii version has no "holes of darkness".

[Stark]

Grrr. Clearly I must rent the game again and take pictures of The Policecar With No Headlights. He probably wears sunglasses at night, too.

Static lightmaps = fail.

[Starglider]

Here is my reaction to this film (posted on the ShefUniSciFiSocAlumni board):

I wouldn't normally mention this, blatantly ahead of the UK release date, but just to save the semi-innocent from another Matrix Revolutions debacle; the Transformers movie is utterly, hopelessly, unbearably awful.

Every single human character is incredibly, immensely irritating, a cardboard stereotype, or indeed both. The transformers are not much better, utterly generic and nearly personality-free shadows of the original characters.I have never seen a movie in which there were so many 'why the hell are they wasting time with this crap' sequences and 'my god that's an idiotic line' moments. It literally has a worse script than any of those Z-list £5-for-three-DVDs movies I used to pick up from Makro. Don't get the impression that it's bad enough to be funny though - it isn't, it's bad enough to be physically painful. Leena and I were both constantly cringing all the way through it (or at least the bits she watched in Leena's case - she literally couldn't stand watching it past the half way mark). We were both having serious trouble paying attention; the battles were confusing, bland and loaded with gratuitous military nonsense, the characters were so unlikeable it was difficult to focus on their wooden lines. Suspension of disbelief never came into play; it was gone from about the third scene.

In addition to the script literally sent by Satan to suck all hope and happiness from the world, the rest of the movie is a horrible mess as well. There was more shakeycam than a whole season of BSG - in fact the cinematography was just about up to the high standards of 'Battlefield Earth'. The car chases were weak. The visual gags feel utterly flat and just made you hate the characters even more. It was very difficult to tell who the hell was who in the final battle. The very few slow transformations were ok (if confusingly over-elaborate), but most of them were just a blurry mess. The score was utterly bland (Leena: there was no score, there was just background noise) and the constant snatches of pop music amped up the irritation level even further (and it was already at 11). Several of the main characters constantly spoke in ridiculously fast confused (and whiny) dialogue that further reduced any motivation to pay attention.

I won't even bother trying to criticise the plot. 'Uninspired' does not even begin to cover it, but it doesn't matter, because the awfulness of the movie prevents anyone from appreciating the plot. I would have to use scientific notation to express how many times better the original (animated) movie was compared to this one.

Leena and I both agree; The Core and Matrix Revolutions were both more entertaining than this movie. In fact, Battlefield Earth was more entertaining, at least it was amusingly bad. Do not go and see it. Not if you value your time, money or will to live. I realise the die hard fans will do so anyway (and yes, a few are clearly in a total reality-denial bubble and already looking forward to the sequel), but no-one else need be subjected to this travesty.

[SAMAS]

Now see, you're gonna have to take back that Matrix Revolutions bit.

[SAMAS]

Now see, you're gonna have to take back that Matrix Revolutions bit.

EDIT: I mean, not liking the movie is your personal choice, but the line has to be drawn somewhere, man.

[wautd]

The Core and Matrix Revolutions were both more entertaining than this movie.

How is the Matrix Revolutions more entertaining? HOW?!?

[Vympel]

Starglider wins the most absurd comparison ever award.

[Starglider]

How is the Matrix Revolutions more entertaining? HOW?!?

It was only composed of low-grade LAME, as opposed to compressed, refined LAME. My ears did not ring from the unceasing onslaught of incoherent whining afterwards. It had some moments of genuine excitement and tension. The battles were at least amusingly ridiculous, as opposed to a confused and boring mess.

That said I have no wish to further spam the thread with subjective value judgements. Suffice to say I set my expectations pretty low, much lower than the hardcore fans I know, and I was still seriously disappointed. The only film I can recall finding this painful to watch was 'Dumb and Dumber', which my sister dragged me to against my better judgement.

[Shroom Man 777]

I just saw it again, for the second time, and my re-review consists solely of these words: Fuck Starglider.

Optimus Prime. Signing out.

[VF5SS]

Optimus got punked by Megatron and spends all his time spouting retarded wannabe philosophy about the goodness of man. Plus his design looked like shit. So how does he save this crappy movie again?

[chitoryu12]

I remember Tim Buckley, the creator of the Ctrl+Alt+Del webcomic, reviewed it. His major complaint was that they were fighting over "a giant sparkplug". I don't think he read quite into the story. He also thought that the robots were too detailed. He said that it was hard to follow everything on screen because there was so much moving in any scene.

[NeoGoomba]

Optimus got punked by Megatron and spends all his time spouting retarded wannabe philosophy about the goodness of man. Plus his design looked like shit. So how does he save this crappy movie again?

Congratulations, you just summarized almost every Marvel "Transformers" comic, and most of the G1 cartoons!

[VF5SS]

Did I saw anything about GEEWUUN? No, I said that Transformers is a crappy movie. The designs suck and the dialog was terrible. Good job for equating me with a retarded fanboy.