Psychic Cat Found Dead

Johonebesus · Post by **Johonebesus** » 2007-08-19 01:39pm

PROVIDENCE, RI - Oscar, the nursing home cat who could seemingly sense the impending death of patients, was found dead early yesterday. The cat gained recent notoriety when reports of his ability to detect the impending death of the terminally ill became public. Seemingly aware that death was at hand, Oscar would reportedly climb into the bed of patients during their final hours.

Officials at the facility would not reveal the cause of death, but did acknowledge rumors that the cat was becoming increasingly unpopular among the patients. One knowledgeable source - who agreed to speak with us on the condition of anonymity - confirmed increasing animosity toward the animal, and that a dented bedpan was found near the body.

According to our source, the recent publicity of Oscar's unique insight spread quickly throughout the facility. Patients in the terminal ward became increasingly upset at the sight of the cat, prompting administrators to move Oscar to another floor. After an unexpected death on that floor, Oscar quickly became quite unwelcome there too. "Good riddance." said patient Gertrude Feinman, when told of the cat's demise. "It would just sit there and stare at you - with this look on his face like 'you're next'".

A spokesman for the home downplayed any immediate talk of foul play. "We don't want to jump to any conclusions." said Ronald Kitzmiller, Director of Operations at the facility. "We'll wait for the coroner's report, and then decide if any legal action is warranted."

I don't know whether to laugh at the dumb fools who got so upset over a cat, or to pity the poor animal.

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2007-08-19 01:41pm

See now, if it was a dog, it wouldn't have died!

Feil · Post by **Feil** » 2007-08-19 01:49pm

Poor kitty. Honestly, beating a cat to death with a bedpan? That's just sick.

(And now comes the part where the ghost of murdered Death Cat, who had guided the souls of the dead to the underworld, wreaks his bloody vengeance on his killers...)

White Haven · Post by **White Haven** » 2007-08-19 01:56pm

Clearly, the forces of Chaos are at work here.

Rye · Post by **Rye** » 2007-08-19 01:58pm

What fucking assholes. The cat looked at you as if to say "you're next" did it? Fucking superstitious fuckwits. The cat looked at me to tell me I was going to die next! The cat looked at me as if it were the devil's familiar! We must burn the cats and let the plague rats spread unheeded!

Battlehymn Republic · Post by **Battlehymn Republic** » 2007-08-19 02:24pm

Hey, maybe it beheld its own death, and in a mad fear to escape its visions, committed suicide, thus completing a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Shinova · Post by **Shinova** » 2007-08-19 03:35pm

Well it's a nursing home for close to dying patients so thank goodness their superstitious stupidity won't be lasting them much longer.

Kamakazie Sith · Post by **Kamakazie Sith** » 2007-08-19 04:12pm

I hope they do press legal action if evidence of foul play is discovered.

Post by **Edi** » 2007-08-19 04:24pm

I hope the fuckers die slowly and painfully, every last one of them. There's no fucking excuse for killing the cat like that. Healthy animals don't drop dead without cause and the bedpan makes it quite clear what happened. Fucking bastard who did it.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2007-08-19 04:26pm

support your local psychocomps...

first they came for the cats, then they came for the ravens, scarab beetles, sparrows, chiuaua dogs, black dogs, wolves, etc.

Frank Hipper · Post by **Frank Hipper** » 2007-08-19 04:29pm

Edi wrote:I hope the fuckers die slowly and painfully, every last one of them. There's no fucking excuse for killing the cat like that. Healthy animals don't drop dead without cause and the bedpan makes it quite clear what happened. Fucking bastard who did it.

Uh, Edi?
Most of them are dying slowly and painfully.

Pick · Post by **Pick** » 2007-08-19 04:46pm

It's not like the cat was making you die, stupid people. It was no different than a doctor, only fluffier and with more questionable accuracy.

I have no sympathy for whomever harmed this cat, if that was the case. If that was the event, I hope that person suffers appropriately. Normally I'm not the "make people suffer punishment" type, but going after animals is a good way to get me fucking furious

.

Geodd · Post by **Geodd** » 2007-08-19 04:54pm

Not to piss on everyones parade, but did you consider the source of that article?

"The Standard of Excellence in Pseudojournalism"

Not to mention the overall tone of the article... This is obvious satire.

Illuminatus Primus · Post by **Illuminatus Primus** » 2007-08-19 04:55pm

What a bunch of superstitiuous bullshit. Somehow I don't think this cat would be "predicting" deaths in a place where everyone staying was not dying or a few year off.

Spin Echo · Post by **Spin Echo** » 2007-08-19 05:12pm

Geodd wrote:Not to piss on everyones parade, but did you consider the source of that article?

"The Standard of Excellence in Pseudojournalism"
Not to mention the overall tone of the article... This is obvious satire.

I think you're right on that one. I tried doing a search in google news for Oscar the cat, and all the articles that came up were the ones back from July, nothing about a demise. This is probably just satire.

Post by **Edi** » 2007-08-19 05:20pm

*checks link*
Yep, satire it is and I fell for it facefirst.
*bows to the audience*

Pick · Post by **Pick** » 2007-08-19 05:38pm

Heh, you're not alone

. But I'm glad it's a joke.

Executor32 · Post by **Executor32** » 2007-08-19 06:44pm

I thought it was real, until I started browsing the site and found this article.

jegs2 · Post by **jegs2** » 2007-08-19 06:46pm

Edi wrote:*checks link*
Yep, satire it is and I fell for it facefirst.
*bows to the audience*

As did I when pasting the same link on another site. I can imagine the nursing home will be receiving loads of angry email about the false story.

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2007-08-19 07:21pm

Accepting that this is fake...

Edi wrote:I hope the fuckers die slowly and painfully, every last one of them. There's no fucking excuse for killing the cat like that. Healthy animals don't drop dead without cause and the bedpan makes it quite clear what happened. Fucking bastard who did it.

RAR RAR INTERNET ANGRY.

Stupid douche.

Solauren · Post by **Solauren** » 2007-08-19 07:26pm

How could you have fallen for it?

Have you ever tried to hit a cat with your hand, let alone a bedpan?

Like a bed-ridden patient could hit it.

Obviously, none of you have ever owned a problem cat

Rye · Post by **Rye** » 2007-08-19 08:35pm

Solauren wrote:How could you have fallen for it?

Have you ever tried to hit a cat with your hand, let alone a bedpan?

Like a bed-ridden patient could hit it.

Obviously, none of you have ever owned a problem cat

Where was the cat ever described as a "problem" cat? IIRC it was a normal cat, which would mean that it would trust people and would be at the mercy of some asshole if they wanted to kill it.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2007-08-19 09:45pm

more to the point have you ever tried to give a cat worm pills?

Solauren · Post by **Solauren** » 2007-08-19 10:03pm

Zuul wrote:
Solauren wrote:How could you have fallen for it?

Have you ever tried to hit a cat with your hand, let alone a bedpan?

Like a bed-ridden patient could hit it.

Obviously, none of you have ever owned a problem cat
Where was the cat ever described as a "problem" cat? IIRC it was a normal cat, which would mean that it would trust people and would be at the mercy of some asshole if they wanted to kill it.

Problem cat - as in one you needed to correct in someway that was more then a scolding.
i.e - needs a swat to get off something when the water pistol isn't working or isn't practical

jegs2 · Post by **jegs2** » 2007-08-19 10:13pm

Solauren wrote:Problem cat - as in one you needed to correct in someway that was more then a scolding.
i.e - needs a swat to get off something when the water pistol isn't working or isn't practical

Had one of those years ago. It was a bad-tempered Siamese cat whose default response to anyone approaching was to growl (and hiss once the would-be interacting agent closed distance). It scratched the fire out of me more times than I can recall. Conversely, I wasn't kind to it. My roommate dispatched it one day (claimed the animal leaped from his moving truck while he attempted to prevent it from doing so -- riiight).