Face or Head-raped?

Shinova · Post by **Shinova** » 2007-10-10 12:27am

This is one of the more interesting hypothetical situations I've read either on here or at SB. Here's the OP:

Yet another bored ROB decides to have fun. One day you go to sleep in your bed, but wake up in a completely different room. Upon exploration, you discover than it has a basic toilet, a huge supply of toilet paper, a huge refrigirator which holds food and water supplies that will sustain you for several decades (probably until you're very old), and a single baseball bat.

Upon further examination of your prison, you find two doors on the opposite sides of the main room, both labeled "exit". To your surprise they are unlocked! However... one leads you to a room full of facehuggers, while the other leads to a room full of headcrabs. Each of these rooms is 50 meters across, and on the other side there's door to freedom.

Your only possible weapon is the baseball bat. You're not McGuyver, you can't use the toilet plumbing or the refrigerator to build powerful explosives or any other shit.

Also, there is absolutely no conceivable way to escape without going through one of these two rooms, no matter what you come up with.

You have 4 choises.

1) Take your chances with the facehuggers.

2) Take your chances with the headcrabs.

3) Stay in the room, with no entertainment and very poor hygiene accomodations, until you eventually die a natural death.

4) Somehow commit suicide without going to the headcrabs or facehuggers (explain how and why).

What do you do?

And here's the original thread:

http://forums.spacebattles.com/showthread.php?t=124353

(Some really great responses in there)

(Since this is probably a very large fridge, you probably can't take it and use it in any meaningful manner)

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2007-10-10 12:30am

Even if I managed to mangle a facehugger, the acid is just going to eat into the bat and injure me.

At least with the headcrabs I have a chance.

Pablo Sanchez · Post by **Pablo Sanchez** » 2007-10-10 12:33am

Are we talking about headcrabs from Half-Life, or from Half-Life 2? Because I would definitely take a chance with HL1 headcrabs, which are slow, stupid, and clumsy. HL2 ones are somewhat more dangerous.

Andrew_Fireborn · Post by **Andrew_Fireborn** » 2007-10-10 12:35am

I think you've got a little better chance with the freakin' head-humpers. They're about as fast in the jumping as the face huggers, but they're no where near as agile on the ground, and most important of all they don't have acid blood that will eat it's way through the bat.

Of course, we don't actually know how violently (or quickly) people head crabbed went out... Face huggers put you under, and then you've got a few hours before death...

I'd still take my chances with the crabs. Neither are really fast enough to catch someone on guard at a distance, but it'd be tough going. (I'm also imagining their definition of 'full of' is dozens, not literally carpeted in the fugly little SOBs.)

Hawkwings · Post by **Hawkwings** » 2007-10-10 12:52am

I like the idea of the guy who proposed meat package armor, fermenting fruit to make alcohol, using a watermelon as a helmet, and lighting his armored body on fire.

http://forums.spacebattles.com/showpost ... stcount=64

Of course, here's the correct answer:

http://forums.spacebattles.com/showpost ... stcount=76

Covenant · Post by **Covenant** » 2007-10-10 12:55am

Headcrabs can also be domesticated if you're able to remove their beak. While facehuggers will remain feral forever, it would be possible to train some headcrabs to be friendly to you--so you could even spend some time chillin' out in your room with your pet Headcrab.

Shinova · Post by **Shinova** » 2007-10-10 12:56am

A pumpkin might be even better as a helmet than a watermelon. You'd be like a walking Jack-o-lantern.

Pablo Sanchez · Post by **Pablo Sanchez** » 2007-10-10 01:28am

Hawkwings wrote:I like the idea of the guy who proposed meat package armor, fermenting fruit to make alcohol, using a watermelon as a helmet, and lighting his armored body on fire.

You can't ferment something to a high enough alcohol concentration that it can be burned, as the fermentation process will stop itself at an alcohol content not much higher than beer or wine. Unless he has a plan for constructing a distillery apparatus, he's not getting any fire out of that plan.

Ender · Post by **Ender** » 2007-10-10 01:32am

Pablo Sanchez wrote:
Hawkwings wrote:I like the idea of the guy who proposed meat package armor, fermenting fruit to make alcohol, using a watermelon as a helmet, and lighting his armored body on fire.
You can't ferment something to a high enough alcohol concentration that it can be burned, as the fermentation process will stop itself at an alcohol content not much higher than beer or wine. Unless he has a plan for constructing a distillery apparatus, he's not getting any fire out of that plan.

Pour it in a container, stick it in the freezer until it is nearly solid, and crack it open. Differences in density and freezing point means that the alcohol should be liquid and in the center. Or that's what my great grandfather's journal said.

Andrew_Fireborn · Post by **Andrew_Fireborn** » 2007-10-10 01:35am

Ender wrote:Differences in density and freezing point means that the alcohol should be liquid and in the center. Or that's what my great grandfather's journal said.

Would work, alcohol's pretty damn hard to freeze.

Assuming it's a standard fridge/freezer combo.

Peptuck · Post by **Peptuck** » 2007-10-10 01:40am

The battle plan for this one is pretty damn simple: you Thermoplyae the hell out of the head crabs.

Open the door to lure a head crab in, shut the door, and beat it to death with the baseball bat. Rinse and repeat until you've depleted the head crabs enough to make it easily to freedom.

Invictus ChiKen · Post by **Invictus ChiKen** » 2007-10-10 01:53am

What would happen if a face hugger impregnated a head crab?

I could just keep tossing head craps to the face huggers then run like hell once there all face hugged

Covenant · Post by **Covenant** » 2007-10-10 03:27am

Invictus ChiKen wrote:What would happen if a face hugger impregnated a head crab?

I could just keep tossing head craps to the face huggers then run like hell once there all face hugged

You'd probably get a Xenomorph form around the size and shape of a chicken pot pie with a delicious filling of hate and acid.

It'd be hilarious, but pretty worthless. It'd probably just kill both of them--the hugger would hug the humper's mouth, and the humper would bite with it's beak, killing the hugger as the humper dies of acid. Like some horrible sex-act gone terribly, terribly wrong.

Winston Blake · Post by **Winston Blake** » 2007-10-10 03:51am

Am I the only one who sees a fatal flaw in this scenario? I haven't read the SB thread, but couldn't you just leave both doors closed for, oh, a month, and then simply walk out over the starved carcasses?

What exactly are the facehuggers and headcrabs going to eat or drink for a month? Do they have a magic refrigerator too? Are they immortal by fiat?

Erik von Nein · Post by **Erik von Nein** » 2007-10-10 03:56am

Covenant wrote:It'd be hilarious, but pretty worthless. It'd probably just kill both of them--the hugger would hug the humper's mouth, and the humper would bite with it's beak, killing the hugger as the humper dies of acid. Like some horrible sex-act gone terribly, terribly wrong.

I'm sure somewhere someone's drawn porn of it.

Covenant · Post by **Covenant** » 2007-10-10 04:27am

Winston Blake wrote:Am I the only one who sees a fatal flaw in this scenario? I haven't read the SB thread, but couldn't you just leave both doors closed for, oh, a month, and then simply walk out over the starved carcasses?

What exactly are the facehuggers and headcrabs going to eat or drink for a month? Do they have a magic refrigerator too? Are they immortal by fiat?

Facehuggers are immortal by fiat easily if they're in an egg. When they're not in an egg they are not always terribly long-lived from what I've seen, as they have a very finite energy source internally and no means of feeding. However, that's why the eggs are carried TO the impregnation source by larger aliens. In the wild, a single egg also releases a facehugger kinda like the world's saddest jack-in-the-box reward, so it's easy to imagine that one of these corridors leads down into a hived section coated with eggs. Gross.

As for Headhumpers, they don't seem to eat, but they can more or less waddle around for an extremely long time on their own. I think they eat SOMETHING, but don't need their beaks to do it.

However, Headcrabs are also used as an artillery munition for antipersonnel strikes, so presumably they can be kept in an isolated area for an arbitrary amount of time without expiring. Thing is, they're really fragile. If you knock a bookcase over on them, for example, they die. If you punched or kicked one hard, they'd be toast, and they waddle.

There are, however, horrifically dangerous sub-versions of them that are just insanely awful to run into.

And it is also theoretical that above the area where the head-humpers are is the bloated walking nutsack-demon of a Headcrab Queen that can keep you well-stocked in them. Writer's Fiat perhaps, but the situation is pretty clear about you not being able to just wait them out.

Post by **NecronLord** » 2007-10-10 06:56am

I think if they're in eggs, you could probably run past them fairly quickly, though. For an egg to activate takes quite a while if I remember my Alien rightly, and the huggers don't scuttle all that fast.

Crossroads Inc. · Post by **Crossroads Inc.** » 2007-10-10 09:20am

Am I the only one who thought FaceHuggers Didn't have acid blood?

Cause without the Acid, they would be as easy to deal with as the HeadHumpers.

Post by **NecronLord** » 2007-10-10 09:42am

Crossroads Inc. wrote:Am I the only one who thought FaceHuggers Didn't have acid blood?

Obviously. What with the introduction of the acid blood concept being from when they cut into the facehugger in Alien.

RazorOutlaw · Post by **RazorOutlaw** » 2007-10-10 11:04am

The only part that worries me about facehuggers aside from the acid blood would be their speed as compared to the headcrabs. Not that the facehuggers are inescapable guided penis missiles, but if two were a problem in an enclosed space I'd hate to run into three or more in a hallway.

So, even if they didn't have acid blood I think I'd still be worried about them being too fast for me to fend off especially more than one wraps its tail around me somewhere.

PREDATOR490 · Post by **PREDATOR490** » 2007-10-10 11:15am

Got no idea what a headcrab is but it sounds like they are the better option than a facehugger. Even if you managed to run by quick enough for the facehuggers to launch out they are most likely going to be chasing on your heels and they move pretty fast.

Nevermind if they are eggs they will most likely be in the company of a Queen so they dont eventually die and you can just walk out. I wouldnt want to face a Queen at all. Might as well just unplug the fridge and stick your finger in the power socket.

Ryushikaze · Post by **Ryushikaze** » 2007-10-10 11:24am

I'd take the headcrabs. I'd also try and jury rig a shield by ripping off one of the fridge doors if at all possible. Sword and Board has a lot better chance of me living than just the bat. I'd probably Thermopoli the things at the door for awhile, then make my way across the room when I felt I had thinned the numbers enough, keeping my shield atop my head to ward off amorous crabs from behind.

PREDATOR490 · Post by **PREDATOR490** » 2007-10-10 12:05pm

I found this post the most funny:

Originally Posted by Qeveren
I suppose you could also take the tactic of opening the door to the headcrab room, then opening the door to the facehugger room, then running like a madperson (no gender discrimination here!) and locking yourself in the apparently enormous fridge. I imagine the two species would eventually wipe each other out in an orgy of mutual headhumping-facehugging.
Awesome idea. As the headcrabs and facehuggers battle for dominance on which species wins the best HeadRapist award, the huggers choke, squeeze and constrict, the crabs bite back, both sides get bloodied, huggers splashing their blood all over, copious amounts of it hitting the fridge doors or the door joints and the doors fall and...oh boy...

Anyone up for a double head rape?

It sounds like an interesting tactic to use but apart from the fact you would be staying in a fucking cold fridge... it could take days for them to kill each other while the toilet is outside...
Nevermind the possibility the two races wont actually attack each other because they have nothing much to gain. Facehuggers arent aggressive and have no means of attack. Unless the headcrabs engage the Facehuggers I can only see the facehuggers keeping a distance unless you were to act as bait to draw them to one another.

The rather obvious problem is when they are done killing each other you could be left with unknown amounts of either side and you have no way of knowing until you open the door. By then your completely fucked if the Facehuggers decide to burn their way through the door.

Invictus ChiKen · Post by **Invictus ChiKen** » 2007-10-10 12:17pm

How about lighting the toilet paper and tossing it into the face hugger area. Those little fuckers HATE fire

defanatic · Post by **defanatic** » 2007-10-10 12:30pm

Or tossing watermelons and flaming toilet rolls at either party until you are able to escape?