Biggest real-life loser you know

[The Cooler King]

1 and 12 being at opposite ends of your story gives a creepily 'circle-of-paedo' feel.

Yep. That was him all over. And that got even worse. When he was 28, he was dating a 16 year old. It was with her parents' consent, but still... and the fucker even went to her prom with her! THAT was a source of much disgust and derision amongst us, especially when he came back bitching about how people made fun of him for being old.

[Master of Ossus]

1 and 12 being at opposite ends of your story gives a creepily 'circle-of-paedo' feel.

Yep. That was him all over. And that got even worse. When he was 28, he was dating a 16 year old. It was with her parents' consent, but still... and the fucker even went to her prom with her! THAT was a source of much disgust and derision amongst us, especially when he came back bitching about how people made fun of him for being old.

wtf were the parents thinking? How in hell did the school allow this to happen? Wha... GOD!:x

@DW: How do you know this person?

[Darth Wong]

MoO: I know the guy simply because he's a former high-school classmate of my brother, and used to work out at my brother's gym. I never hung out with him or even got along with him.

As for some of the other entries, this thread is not the "Biggest Asshole" thread. It is the "Biggest loser" thread. Learn to read. The fact that I resurrected my old thread from 2003 does not mean that the subject can suddenly change.

[General Zod]

One loser that comes to mind I just remembered. I was in Job Corps for a bit about ten years ago. There was this one guy that almost nobody liked, and was a walking perma-virgin. He nearly got kicked out for grabbing the ass of a girl I knew during class hours and only got off because he claimed that he somehow didn't know any better. His concept of hygiene was slim to non-existent, and he eventually got himself kicked out after someone stupidly leant him their Playstation. He stayed on the damn thing for more than a 24 hour stretch without even going to eat and I think that was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back of the staff there.

[une]

Here's a loser that I know.

1. He failed to graduate high school, although he did get a GED, he had to be forced into it.

2. He got his girlfriend pregnant, with twins. His girlfriend is ghetto trash who loves nothing more than to fight and argue. They have a continuously off and on relationship that involves a lot of arguing and sometimes physical fighting.

3. He is completely unable to stick with anything. He can't hold a job for more than a few months before he's either fired or quits. After he leaves said job he blames his superiors and coworkers, claiming they were all "out to get him." He has flunked out of community college several times, even though he's only in remedial classes. He doesn't flunk out because he's stupid, but because he's lazy and refuses to attend class. The only reason he even signs up for classes is because he gets money from the government if he's enrolled in school, due to his father being a disabled vet or something like that. He gets somewhere in the area of $900 a month from the government to pay for school and he spends almost all of it on drugs.

4. This inability to stick with anything even expands to his hobbies. When he was younger, he had dreams of being a professional skateboarder. He stopped when it turned out that he would actually have to learn how to skateboard. When he was a teenager he wanted to be a professional dancer. He participated in a few competitions, but gave up when he learned that he would actually have to practice and work hard in order to be successful. Currently, he's obsessed with becoming a rapper. Guess how that's working out.

5. He is extremely delusional. Like I said before, currently his dream is to become a famous rapper. Never mind the fact that he lives in Indiana and has never once entered any kind of rap competition or even posted anything online. But, if you talk to him, he's on his way to becoming the next Tupac. Nearly everyday he comes up with some story about how he talked to Puff Daddy on the phone last night and Puff Daddy wants him to sign an exclusive contract. But, he doesn't want to sign the contract, because he thought Puff Daddy's offer was too low.

6. You can't talk to him about anything. There have been several times where people have tried to talk some sense into him, but he refuses to listen. For example, if you try and tell him that it's stupid to try and become a famous rapper he gets very angry, breaks something (usually something he owns), tells the person who's talking to him that "you'll be sorry when I'm a famous rapper," and then runs off.

That's not everything, but I think I've made my point so I'll stop there.

[Edi]

The biggest loser I knew was a friend of my brother's, a perpetual drunk and drifter who couldn't hold a job and did drugs and hung out with a very wrong sort of crowd. He wasn't bad person as such, the few times I saw him, generally genial and well-meaning, so I never had any ill feelings toward him. And he certainly did not deserve to be murdered and chopped up to bits and tossed into various trash cans, which happened several years ago when he fell in with the wrong sort of crowd. The fuckers who did it are now serving life sentences.

[Kanastrous]

A fellow I always think of as The Mad Australian, upon whom I actually once sort of based a short story character...

1 ) Six-foot-six tall, alas simultaneously about four-foot-six wide

2 ) Greasy stringy black hair, greasy pockmarked pale moon-face, big ol' wobbly double chin

3 ) Incessantly whiny about every last perceived way in which life has victimized him

4 ) Pathological liar, does the kind of stuff like hand fabrication of a prop to a prop house, then days later show the prop off on stage to the producers, claiming that *he* made it...when the actual propmaker walks up, overhears, and publicly rips him a new one...

5 ) Pathological liar, claims to be a Producer on a particular TV show, on which he was actually an independent-contractor prop supplier, then gets all pissy and freaked out with me, after I've called the production office looking for him as a Producer, which is what he *told* me he was...

6 ) Pathological fanboy; kept Uncle Martin's spaceship from the original "My Favorite Martian" tv show up on blocks in his front yard, redneck-pickup truck-style, then eventually takes it to Earl Schieb for a new paint job...

7 ) Finds low-self-esteem women at the very nadir of their lives, and insinuates himself into their lives for money, free food, and occasionally free accommodations...

8 ) Enjoys animals-and-human-women porno; had a copy of 'The Little Mermaid' (well, what was labeled as that) on his video shelf, but watch a few minutes of it and you discover things that you would have never guessed horses or German Shepherds were willing to do...

9 ) Eats candy constantly; he was adopted by a very wealthy couple who made it big in the candy business, and while being raised their answer to his every problem or complaint was to stuff sweets down his throat...

10 ) Pathological liar, claims credits on a very wide variety of projects with which he was not even peripherally involved - and I know, because some of them are shows with which I was...

11 ) Married some stupid ugly young woman (whose family - he thought - had money) for the purpose of getting a green card, and whinges incessantly about how he doesn't really love her...

12 ) Drives nothing but horrible junker cars that literally leave a trail of pieces down the freeway...

13 ) Treats all women, including production executive types, as though they are silly, empty-headed creatures in need of his wisdom and guidance...

14) Once brought a roach in his pocket to a restaurant, with the intent of placing it on his plate after eating and thus scoring a free meal...

15 ) I could go on, but I expect the point is made...

[Uraniun235]

The person I listed here in 2003 has shaped up quite a bit and is no longer 'biggest loser' by any means.


Biggest loser I know of now would probably be the guy that got fired from McDonalds.

[Dark Flame]

You seem to have a strange definition of loser. Except for some need to compensate nothing you listed really fits.

I'm pretty sure I took the OP wrong and described the biggest asshole I know. Maybe we should make a Biggest Asshole thread to go along with this one...

[Rye]

Now, people may think i'd say Troy, but there is worse than Troy.

namely: GREG AKA semi evolved seal..

I may as well update this entry. Greg currently still wears football uniforms, still looks like a seal, he's become more obese and has no known job or post-secondary education. He seems to be on the dole and spends much of his money in the Game store a couple of my friends work at (and they refuse to serve him when he comes in, hahah!). His "best friend" at high school that caused a load of friction several years ago has also become obese and also shops at Game.

[Sarevok]

Just curious.

What is everyone's criteria for loser ?

[Kanastrous]

Just curious.

What is everyone's criteria for loser ?

It's like obscenity.

Difficult to define, but I know it when I see it.

[General Zod]

Just curious.

What is everyone's criteria for loser ?

Multiple failures through no one's fault but their own and very little effort to get themselves on the ball, generally. Especially if they repeatedly make the same mistakes but can't figure it out. If they constantly place the blame elsewhere when it doesn't belong on anyone but them, all the better.

[Medic]

Unnamed loser I 1st met in Korea then alter here at Riley.

1) Pathological liar and bullshitter.

*When on leave in Chicago he claimed he delivered pizza to the Bears cheerleaders which oh btw, don't exist. (He even made this claim in the presence of a known Bears-guru lol)

*Claims to know kung-fu. One of the few times he pissed someone off enough to get them ready to bust his chops he completely whithers and begs for mercy.

2) Horrible at talking to women and makes terrible decisions.

*Is generally completely uninteresting but will talk to any girl randomly and posseses a preternatural inability to get a hint. Will literally not stop talking until you physically put a door between you and him at his worst and most stubborn. (Actually this applies to talking to guys too, he just doesn't know when or how to shut up and has to be told to often enough)

*Married a "drinky girl" while stationed in Korea. He never got her a green card and she's in the Phillipines and he in Kansas. God knows how much of his money goes to her or if he's already divorced either.

3) Ugly as fuck. I'm sorry if that sounds mean but damn.

4) A free-spirit... In mostly a funny way but it still makes him a loser just cause of who he is. He bought a Michael Jackson knock-off outfit and even had the one white glove. That really was just hilarious

5) Idiot in general. I don't even know each Article 15 he got but he went from E-4 to E-1 one rank at a time. One I do know of is he tried to steal a single cigarrete from the class 6 store. Those few cents of theft cost him hundreds in lost pay. Hilarious.

Got in trouble for putting magazines in his Interceptor Body Armore instead of the actual ballistic insets while on extra duty. (This for an Article 15 for disobeying a direct order Wish I could remember his 3rd Art 15)

He was a rehabilitation transfer from my battalion to another in the brigade before the BDE deplayed as security forces for a year. Meaning basically he's a piece of crap but he just hasn't gotten a DUI or pissed hot or done something major to get rode out of the Army outright.

Scuttlebutt had it in my old platoon that someone would put a video of him talking about all his bullshit tall-tales on YouTube. I'll look for that online on leave.

[Big Phil]

My ex-roommate and ex-friend, currently incarcerated in Federal Pound-Me-In-The-Ass prison until at least 2013 (see below). A quick (and incomplete) list of the shit he's pulled over the years:


(1) Traded and collected an enormous amount of online child pornography (estimated at well over 10,000 photos and over 2,000 videos). When he was busted by the Feds in a sting, he kept trying to say he was 'accumulating evidence' for a sting of his own. At trial, he broke down bawling and blamed his mother for making him the way he was before the bailiff dragged him away. Also blamed his ex-girlfriend and her husband for 'turning him out', even though they practically GAVE him a home of his own (a trailer), that he never paid a cent on, in either bills or rent.

(2) Claimed he was a 'real man' because he got his then-girlfriend pregnant, even though, at the time, neither of them had a steady job or source of income. His quote: "I've proven MY manhood, motherfuckers!"

(3) Despite knocking up his ex, in the thirteen years since, he has paid ZERO child support.

(4) Made 'cock-blocking' an Olympic sport, to the point that he would spread lies and rumors about us (his friends) to 'poison the well' when we were talking to women.

(5) Was kicked out of the Air Force, supposedly for bad checks (he was in a security position, as a translator), but we later found out that he was also banging the wife of his superior officer.

(6) Never really had a permanent address; would stay with various girlfriends, but always ended up back in his parents' basement.

(7) He asked us to help him move. We (and he) knew for three weeks when the move was happening; that Saturday, we all showed up-- and he had packed up NOTHING. He had a bunch of boxes waiting, and asked, "Uh, could you help me pack, too?"

( 8 ) Was fucking the wife of a friend (and calling it a 'fling'; when pressed, he got defensive and said, "We're not sleeping together; we had a fling" and left it at that), while still hanging out with the guy, laughing and having fun at his expense. Not only that, but when things went sour, he tried to divert attention by attempting to break up ANOTHER relationship amongst friends. I confronted this jackass after everything blew up, and asked, "Didn't you think there might be something wrong with fucking the wife of a supposed friend, while taking advantage of the man's hospitality?" He just shrugged and said, "I consider them separate issues".

(9) Wrecked not one, not two, but THREE cars belonging to his ex-girlfriend, all on th every same two-mile stretch of road! He also wrecked his OWN car in the same spot.

(10) Since he didn't have a vehicle, he relied on friends to transport him... but never offered a DIME of gas money or any sort of recompense. He just assumed that we would be there to help him, and threw an enormous fit when people stopped.


(11) Once proudly walked up to me, carrying a bookbag, then dumped its contents out in front of me. Hundreds of pieces of fading, tightly folded paper fell out, at which point, he exclaimed, "I saved every note I was ever passed in high school!"

(12) Was creepily, overly interested in the sexuality and dating habits of his younger sisters, to the point that he would take them lingerie shopping ("for their boyfriends", he would say), and even helped get his youngest sister (he was 25 at the time, she was 14) drunk and stoned at a party, saying, "I'd rather her do drugs in my presence, where I can make sure nothing happens to her.")



There's a hell of a lot more, but these are the highlights. A real loser, and a bigger scumbag.

Why did you ever call this guy your friend?

[Pulp Hero]

Got in trouble for putting magazines in his Interceptor Body Armore instead of the actual ballistic insets while on extra duty. (This for an Article 15 for disobeying a direct order Wish I could remember his 3rd Art 15)

Reading magazines or like weapon magazines? I assume the former because they would be lighter to wear compared to inserts.

Also, the E-4 to E-1, one rank at a time thing- awesome.

[The Cooler King]

Why did you ever call this guy your friend?

Multiple reasons. First, he's one of those guys that SEEMS charming at first, although another of my friends saw through him right from the beginning. His comment: "That guy has a distinct lack of character." I just saw a guy that was funny, and intelligent, and cool to hang with.

Second, I'm naive and trusting. Not so much anymore, but especially back in the early '90s, when I had just moved to a new town after high school, I was desperate for friends. Everyone already knew everyone else, or was related to someone else, and I was an outsider. He was, too, and once I've made a friend, I try my damndest to defend them (even though, as experience has shown me, sometimes they're not worth defending).

Also, regarding Darth Wong's comment about this thread being about 'losers' instead of 'assholes', I think this guy falls into both camps. He was a loser who was mentally stuck back in high school, couldn't get beyond that, blamed everyone else for his failures, and was an asshole because of all that.

[andrewgpaul]

Wow. I'm ... well, how do you people meet these floating turds in the gene pool? I mean, the worst I've come across (apart from myself, I suppose) was the 28-year-old who played the Yu-Gi-Oh card game. Against pre-teens.

[Big Orange]

The Cooler King, your "friend" sounds like a fucking sociopath, and is essentially a sexual predator (if he collects child porn, and dates naive girls perhaps too young for him).

I also fill the vague, and broad criteria for "loser":

- I live with my parents, but here in the UK house prices are completely through the roof, and it is virtually impossible for most under 35s to own a home or pad independently.

- I "suffer" from Asperger's Sydrome, but that does not fully exonorate me from my too many shortcomings.

- I'm bisexual, but a completely fucked up High School sex life stopped me from having a normal relationship since then. I don't want to say anything else, but just work on it once I get every else adequet.

- I'm on the dole, but going job hunting, and taking up further learning courses to improve my qualifications.

- I went to college, but the courses were not for me, so I dropped out. I could do many of the courses, but I was perhaps too young at the time, and somewhat childish for my age (18 ).

- I am right now trying to find decent employment in near future, battling to avoid being in the same situation that I am in now at 35 (I'm 22 and counting, so it is not too late).

- It is very, very hard because I've got a fairly useless, selfish, and unsympathetic mum (that gets drunk on almost nightly basis), generally mediocre further education, and current unemployment crisis getting in the way at the moment. But I've got to do something to work my way around it, so I hold myself accountable, and am fully aware of my many problems...

[Winston Blake]

I just came across a video which strongly reminded me of this thread. This is so pathetic that it's hilarious. Even those who have not seen any Lucky Star will probably be amazed by this guy.

[That NOS Guy]

I just came across a video which strongly reminded me of this thread. This is so pathetic that it's hilarious. Even those who have not seen any Lucky Star will probably be amazed by this guy.

Jesus fucking Christ. What the Fuck?

At least have the decency to do it away from the public. Class A material there.

[Adrian Laguna]

I don't know him, but it made me crack-up and immediately reminded me of this thread.




Fortunately, I'm unable to meet the requirements of the OP and make a wholly on topic post.

[PeZook]

I also fill the vague, and broad criteria for "loser":

Uh, dude...I read that list, and, frankly, I don't see much of a loser there.

You're 22, live with your parents, are looking for a job and/or further education?

That's pretty much normal. And, frankly, if you're putting any kind of effort into your life, then you're not a loser, sorry.

Now stop being such a whiny bitch!

[Big Phil]

Why did you ever call this guy your friend?

Multiple reasons. First, he's one of those guys that SEEMS charming at first, although another of my friends saw through him right from the beginning. His comment: "That guy has a distinct lack of character." I just saw a guy that was funny, and intelligent, and cool to hang with.

Second, I'm naive and trusting. Not so much anymore, but especially back in the early '90s, when I had just moved to a new town after high school, I was desperate for friends. Everyone already knew everyone else, or was related to someone else, and I was an outsider. He was, too, and once I've made a friend, I try my damndest to defend them (even though, as experience has shown me, sometimes they're not worth defending).

How long did you remain friends with him? I could understand giving him a pass the first time he did something stupid or pathetic, but you listed a lot of things that would have made me drop him as a friend almost immediately.

[aerius]

I have to update things a bit, as I've remembered a bigger loser. This guy was more or less ok in high school, but it was in university where it all went downhill. For one thing he never got laid in university, and it wasn't because he couldn't ask out chicks, no, the women were asking him out and he kept making up stupid excuses and lying to them as to why he couldn't go on a date with them. Then he complains that he's not having success with women, and gets all upset about that. Funnily enough, word soon spreads among the women in his university that this guy has issues, and they stop talking to him and trying to ask him out. He now gets even more pissed and upset about his chick situation, or lack thereof, and can't seem to figure out why even when others tell him.

Then in his 3rd year of university he suddenly drops everything and goes to work as a video store clerk for a couple months, then disappears into the UAE with his family for a year. Then he suddenly reappears and tries to ask out one of his friends on a dinner date, and apparently she agreed out of sympathy. The "date" consisted of him whining for 2 hours about how his life is sucking, how none of it is is fault, etc. Then he tried to stiff her with the bill, at which point she walked out, hopped in a cab, and left.

And that was the last we heard of him for a few years, until recently when his family put him into an arranged marriage. Amazingly, he's still a virgin, and he's still whining about how everything sucks and how he doesn't deserve the misery he's suffered.

My friends have joked about starting a pool to see how long it takes before his wife kills him in his sleep.