DFL - Daikaiju Football League!

[TithonusSyndrome]

Q, being bored as he tends to be, gathers up all the Toho daikaiju and plops them into a scaled-up regulation size football field along with a similarly scaled-up football, all of it impervious to damage. He instructs them on how to play football and provides them with incentive to win - he will only return the winning team to where they were before he gathered them up. Since there are only just enough kaiju to make up two teams, he roughly arranges them into two sides of good/Earth monsters and evil/alien monsters. The first team consists of Godzilla, Anguirus, Baragon, Gorosaurus, King Seesar, Rodan, Mothra, Manda, Titanosaurus, Varan, Biollante (final form), Jet Jaguar, Kumonga.

King Ghidorah, Megalon, Gigan, Spacegodzilla, Destoroyah, Gabara, Mechagodzilla, Battra, Hedorah, Orga, Monster X (first form only), Kamacuras, Moguera.

All monsters are "Heisei size", meaning that even if the monster was never featured in a Heisei film, their proportions are increased by the same factor as Godzilla's are based on the film they appeared in with him.

You can apply whichever football rules you like, be they your own country's or some other you prefer, but in addition, remember the following:

• Blasting the football with an energy weapon in mid-pass is interference.
• Energy/projectile weapons may not be fired during a snap, or at the carrier or receiver. They must be tackled physically.
• Flying monsters may not fly with the football, and must touch down immediately upon completing a pass or an interference. This is the one exception to the prior rule; flying monsters attempting to receive are fair game for projectile weapons.
• The monsters will not be wearing any equipment, so rules about grabbing helmets and the like do not apply.

If you can think of any other rules or improvements, then I'll gladly hear them.

To top it all off, Q has nabbed YOU as the coach. How do would you play this one with each team?

[Ritterin Sophia]

Holy fucking shit, I can actually believe the japanese would come up with a Daikaiju Football League TV Show, that's an awesome idea.

[Majin Gojira]

Holy fucking shit, I can actually believe the japanese would come up with a Daikaiju Football League TV Show, that's an awesome idea.

There used to be a clip on Youtube that had the Ultramen and their various Kaiju playing soccer as part of some advertizement.

It was quite awesome. No beams, though, which was sad.

[Anguirus]

Couple quick observations:

You'll want a clause about monsters' powers not affecting the ball, or else SG can use telekinesis on it and be an uber QB.

Biollante cannot be tackled. She just...can't.

Hedorah is slow and his tackles are a threat to some monsters' lives. he doesn't strike me as anyone you want to play football with.

The version of Godzilla matters quite a lot, some are VASTLY stronger or smarter than others.

Mothra and Battra are useless. If they get the ball, they have to land. They can't pass. Getting tackled could be extremely injurious. All they could do is zap linebackers.

If Kumonga is allowed to web the other team's defense, he could be great. If not, he's useless. He can't carry the ball despite his (as per GFW version) leaping ability.

[Styphon]

I find it hilarious that half of the players don't have hands with any kind of gripping ability (Megalon, Gigan, Showa Mechagodzilla, etc.).
Perhaps the other kind of football would be a better choice?

[Shroom Man 777]

Final Wars Godzilla has experience with kaiju football. He wins!

[Darth Fanboy]

Jet Jaguar can fly and land AND catch with two hands, problem solved. Biollante at QB, And there we have it!

For the other side? MEgalon burrows and destroys the field but scores almost every time. The only defense I can think of is to take the inevitable penalty for killing Megalon during the game.

[Darth Yoshi]

Megalon doesn't have opposable thumbs, and more importantly, his arms are going to be used for digging, so he couldn't hold the ball even if he did have opposable thumbs.

I'm assuming that we're ignoring causality, since Spacegodzilla is supposed to a reborn Biollante.

[TithonusSyndrome]

Couple quick observations:

You'll want a clause about monsters' powers not affecting the ball, or else SG can use telekinesis on it and be an uber QB.

Right, gotcha.

Biollante cannot be tackled. She just...can't.

She can get busted up pretty good if she gets shot with energy weapons, which might put her on the down and out for a second or two.

Hedorah is slow and his tackles are a threat to some monsters' lives. he doesn't strike me as anyone you want to play football with.

His ability to fly could come in handy.

The version of Godzilla matters quite a lot, some are VASTLY stronger or smarter than others.

You decide. It's not super-important to me.

Mothra and Battra are useless. If they get the ball, they have to land. They can't pass. Getting tackled could be extremely injurious. All they could do is zap linebackers.

If Kumonga is allowed to web the other team's defense, he could be great. If not, he's useless. He can't carry the ball despite his (as per GFW version) leaping ability.

Megalon doesn't have opposable thumbs, and more importantly, his arms are going to be used for digging, so he couldn't hold the ball even if he did have opposable thumbs.

Insect kaiju can grip the ball in their mandibles. Problem solved.

I'm assuming that we're ignoring causality, since Spacegodzilla is supposed to a reborn Biollante.

Yep.

[Anguirus]

She can get busted up pretty good if she gets shot with energy weapons, which might put her on the down and out for a second or two.

Actually, Biollante's regeneration is so significant that only beam weapons that disrupt her metabolism with radiation are remotely effective. She won't even feel most of those beam weapons.

Plus, you said that the receiver has to be tackled.

[TithonusSyndrome]

She can get busted up pretty good if she gets shot with energy weapons, which might put her on the down and out for a second or two.

Actually, Biollante's regeneration is so significant that only beam weapons that disrupt her metabolism with radiation are remotely effective. She won't even feel most of those beam weapons.

Not even Destoroyah's? Besides, having thought about it, the "evil" team has quite a few gigantic flyers like King Ghidorah and Spacegoji, who could probably uproot her if they divebombed her hard enough. It's not like she can pick up much forward momentum to counter them.

Plus, you said that the receiver has to be tackled.

Who's going to make Biollante carry the ball for any significant distance? She's so slow that she'd eventually get dogpiled into the ground anyways, if not uprooted by a strong enough flying monster. Either she passes the ball or gets nailed, and unless she intends to carry it in her mouth, it wouldn't be hard to snatch it from one of her vines, especially since they're fragile enough to be blown up or torn apart by hand.

[Ritterin Sophia]

And what's to stop her from using her Thousand Biting Stiff Arms-Style Football Martial Arts?

[Anguirus]

Not even Destoroyah's?

It's possible, but even that would take a constant, sustained bombardment.

Besides, having thought about it, the "evil" team has quite a few gigantic flyers like King Ghidorah and Spacegoji, who could probably uproot her if they divebombed her hard enough.

No chance in hell. She weighs more than twice as much as King Ghidorah, and if she IS rooted, KG is just going to hurt himself.

She's so slow that she'd eventually get dogpiled into the ground anyways

She is relatively slow but she can charge, and if the whole enemy team is worrying about her her whole team can be doing whatever.

especially since they're fragile enough to be blown up or torn apart by hand.

The Godzilla she fought is a) one of the five physically strongest kaiju out there and b) packing a beam weapon that specifically disrupted her phenomenal rate of cell division. Those vines are not fragile. Keep in mind that even against that Godzilla she impaled his hand and fought him to a standstill.

[Darth Fanboy]

Insect kaiju can grip the ball in their mandibles. Problem solved.

Works for Megalon, but the OP states that flying insects have to land after they catch the ball and cannot continue flying with the ball, so there would be no yards after the catch.

[TithonusSyndrome]

Besides, having thought about it, the "evil" team has quite a few gigantic flyers like King Ghidorah and Spacegoji, who could probably uproot her if they divebombed her hard enough.

No chance in hell. She weighs more than twice as much as King Ghidorah, and if she IS rooted, KG is just going to hurt himself.

Moguera is a mere 40,000 tons less heavy than Biollante (compare 160K tons to 200k tons) capable of flying and probably unable to feel pain, being a robot and all. If I, a 160 pound male, get hit with a 120 pound boy falling from the top of a building, I'm going to be pretty fucked up even if I have beyond Wolverine regen going on. Especially if it's a boy made out of metal and even has a drill or two attached.

She's so slow that she'd eventually get dogpiled into the ground anyways

She is relatively slow but she can charge,

I wasn't much impressed with what we saw in the film of her sprinting ability. She was less than half a kilometer away from Goji when she began, mere striding distance for any bipedal monster, and yet it took her a good 20 seconds or so to close the gap between herself and Godzilla. The camera even has time to switch back to Godzilla's face before returning to her theatrical but laborious charge.

and if the whole enemy team is worrying about her her whole team can be doing whatever.

I guess it's ironic that I assigned Biollante to the earth/good team because I thought they'd be viciously outweighed otherwise, and now apparently there's nothing anyone else can do to stop her. But I digress; after Biollante, who's the heaviest team member? Godzilla? Scaled-up versions of King Seesar, Titanosaurus, or Jet Jaguar? Most of these monsters couldn't do much to stop heavyweights like Destoroyah or Spacegodzilla from pounding on her, especially if Destoroyah can flail them around with his tail. She's pretty much all the defense the team has, it might be better to have a lighter monster play the QB and run with speed as the good team's strength.

especially since they're fragile enough to be blown up or torn apart by hand.

The Godzilla she fought is a) one of the five physically strongest kaiju out there and b) packing a beam weapon that specifically disrupted her phenomenal rate of cell division. Those vines are not fragile. Keep in mind that even against that Godzilla she impaled his hand and fought him to a standstill.

None of the monsters need to fight her, they just need to get one of those vines away from her powerful torso and snatch the ball away from it. Even a smaller monster should be stronger than one of her vines.

[TithonusSyndrome]

Insect kaiju can grip the ball in their mandibles. Problem solved.

Works for Megalon, but the OP states that flying insects have to land after they catch the ball and cannot continue flying with the ball, so there would be no yards after the catch.

Kamacuras can tuck it in one of his limbs and throw it halfassedly if need be. Kumonga can launch the ball by firing his spinner under it, and for that matter, so could Biollante if she chose to tuck it in her mouth. As for Mothra and Battra, all I can think of for them is to have them toss the ball into the air and bat it with one of their wings, which is a pretty fucking awful idea.

[Anguirus]

Moguera is a mere 40,000 tons less heavy than Biollante (compare 160K tons to 200k tons) capable of flying and probably unable to feel pain, being a robot and all. If I, a 160 pound male, get hit with a 120 pound boy falling from the top of a building, I'm going to be pretty fucked up even if I have beyond Wolverine regen going on. Especially if it's a boy made out of metal and even has a drill or two attached.

Good point, but this results in Biollante taking a second or two to recover and MOGERA possibly being scrapped. Its crew certainly can feel pain and the thing's systems are thrown out of whack by concussive impacts.

It would also have to do this in less time than a football play.

But I digress; after Biollante, who's the heaviest team member? Godzilla? Scaled-up versions of King Seesar, Titanosaurus, or Jet Jaguar? Most of these monsters couldn't do much to stop heavyweights like Destoroyah or Spacegodzilla from pounding on her, especially if Destoroyah can flail them around with his tail.

Final Wars Godzilla could take them both on, but you're right, another version would be outmatched. Final Wars King Caesar could also successfully tackle either one, though, as could Titanosaurus. In fact, in purely physical terms Showa or Heisei Godzilla could successfully stop Des or SG.

None of the monsters need to fight her, they just need to get one of those vines away from her powerful torso and snatch the ball away from it. Even a smaller monster should be stronger than one of her vines.

I'm not sure, since even Heisei Godzilla needed to blast his way out of a clinch. But in any case, Biollante can put the thing in her mouth. Or, she could just be an unsackable QB. If Mothra or Rodan can reliably catch the ball they make good wide receivers.

[Archaic`]

Reading this thread just gives me a strange urge to pull out my old Blood Bowl set, and try to modify two Chaos teams to represent these Kaiju...

[Darth Yoshi]

OP specifies Heisei or the equivalent size for all kaiju.

Anyway, I'm not sure if Megalon's mandables are good enough to hold the ball. On the other hand, shouldn't digging count as grounding the ball and end the play?

IIRC Rodan is considered the fastest of the airborne Earth kaiju. Considering all the heavy hitters on the space team, the best bet would probably be to have Rodan go long, so to speak, and then immediately ground himself while the other Earth fliers run interference. Another option would be to hand off the ball to Anguirus and have him roll down the field, although I'm not sure how well Anguirus handles when doing that.

Now, is the carrier allowed to blast after he snags the ball?

[TithonusSyndrome]

Moguera is a mere 40,000 tons less heavy than Biollante (compare 160K tons to 200k tons) capable of flying and probably unable to feel pain, being a robot and all. If I, a 160 pound male, get hit with a 120 pound boy falling from the top of a building, I'm going to be pretty fucked up even if I have beyond Wolverine regen going on. Especially if it's a boy made out of metal and even has a drill or two attached.

Good point, but this results in Biollante taking a second or two to recover and MOGERA possibly being scrapped. Its crew certainly can feel pain and the thing's systems are thrown out of whack by concussive impacts.

Biollante is pretty heavy, but not all that solid in my opinion. She's a bit of a ripe squash and MOGUERA's drill could wreak havoc on her. MOGUERA doesn't even need to divebomb her, he could pretty much tackle her at close range, carve into her torso and fend off the vines with energy weapons.

It would also have to do this in less time than a football play.

Yeah, doubtless the space monsters would have to slam into her, let MOGUERA gain some altitude, and then take her out.

But I digress; after Biollante, who's the heaviest team member? Godzilla? Scaled-up versions of King Seesar, Titanosaurus, or Jet Jaguar? Most of these monsters couldn't do much to stop heavyweights like Destoroyah or Spacegodzilla from pounding on her, especially if Destoroyah can flail them around with his tail.

Final Wars Godzilla could take them both on, but you're right, another version would be outmatched. Final Wars King Caesar could also successfully tackle either one, though, as could Titanosaurus. In fact, in purely physical terms Showa or Heisei Godzilla could successfully stop Des or SG.

I was more referring to trying to pry them off Biollante while they're dogpiling her. Destoroyah can just toss aside anyone coming up behind him with his tail, and SG could trip them with his TK (although I would probably want a rule against that, personally).

None of the monsters need to fight her, they just need to get one of those vines away from her powerful torso and snatch the ball away from it. Even a smaller monster should be stronger than one of her vines.

I'm not sure, since even Heisei Godzilla needed to blast his way out of a clinch. But in any case, Biollante can put the thing in her mouth.

They don't need to blast their way out, they just need to grab it and wing it downfield, as they'd be essentially "counter-tackled" no matter what they do from that point on. You're right about Biollante putting it in her mouth, but that might make for a better passing move than an actual toss.

Or, she could just be an unsackable QB. If Mothra or Rodan can reliably catch the ball they make good wide receivers.

Rodan, sure. Mothra... I'm beginning to think that she and Battra should just hover above the ground by however many metres, like Mothra does in the last fighting game title.

[TithonusSyndrome]

OP specifies Heisei or the equivalent size for all kaiju.

Anyway, I'm not sure if Megalon's mandables are good enough to hold the ball. On the other hand, shouldn't digging count as grounding the ball and end the play?

You're probably right. The same would go for Baragon, or for that matter Anguirus or Gorosaurus, if we even care to acknowledge their subterranean exploits.

Another option would be to hand off the ball to Anguirus and have him roll down the field, although I'm not sure how well Anguirus handles when doing that.

As with Kumonga, I think Anguirus would be a strong asset in getting downfield, but note that he isn't hard to bat about when he's rolling and he could be stopped and launched backwards easily if he isn't particularly skillful.

Now, is the carrier allowed to blast after he snags the ball?

As in, pop it in their mouth and launch it?

[Darth Yoshi]

You're probably right. The same would go for Baragon, or for that matter Anguirus or Gorosaurus, if we even care to acknowledge their subterranean exploits.

Still, if they can zero in on other kaiju with any degree of accuracy, it'd be a pretty good way to make a tackle. *rubs chin toughtfully*

As with Kumonga, I think Anguirus would be a strong asset in getting downfield, but note that he isn't hard to bat about when he's rolling and he could be stopped and launched backwards easily if he isn't particularly skillful.

Oh definitely. Anguirus shouldn't be trying to bowl over the opposition, but he's got enough speed that if he can dodge around the other kaiju, there won't be much that can stop him, since energy weapons are banned against the carrier/reciever.

Space-Goji might be able to use TK, since that technically isn't a beam weapon, but I don't remember how skilled (s?)he was with that.

As in, pop it in their mouth and launch it?

As in Goji blasts the opposition as they try to tackle him while he has the ball.

As for Mothra, she's best off staying away from the ball and providing cover.

What happens if a kaiju gets killed? Gored by Destroyah, or corroded by Hedorah, for instance. Again, with all the heavyweights on the space team, I could see their strategy being to simply ignore the ball for the first quarter and focus on killing off the Earth team.