Out of laziness and other distractions, I've neglected to make picks for two weeks. However, here's a set of predictions I can't resist:
The Monday following the last regular season game is when the blindfold, block and broadaxe are put to use. That's right -it's time to fire some coaches! Who gets the chop first? Here are some coaches who will face the headsman in the morning, even though they don't deserve to have their heads on spikes atop Bad Football Gate:
1) All you 49er fans should keep your fingers crossed that the rumors coming out of Detroit are true and the Lions fire
Mike Martz. See, he's the offensive coach, so it's his fault the Lions
gave up 444 points this season. Just like with the Lambs, his offense is to blame when the defense gives up multitudes of points, therefore he must be fired. No, I don't get the logic, either. If he does get canned by another team run by morons, San Francisco would be a perfect fit as OC. He's a proven winner with a real gift for handling QBs. Best of all, he runs the same Don Coryell offense Norv Turner runs, so there should be consistency for the players, who won't have to learn a new scheme.
2) The entire staff in Atlanta. I hope Petrino offers to hire some of these guys after fucking them over by bailing to go to Arkansas. On the other hand, given a choice between unemployment and living in Arkansas, I'd get used to collecting aluminum cans.
3)
Cam Cameron is probably a goner, even though he doesn't deserve to be fired. He took over a team with two talented players on offense -one of whom (Chris Chambers) was shipped off to San Diego. The defense's best players are Jason Taylor and Zach Thomas, both of whom are well into their 30s. The team is a joke. But the punchline is going to be Bill Parcells.
Once again, the owner of the Dolphins has been bamboozled by someone willing to prey on his ignorance of football and all-around stupidity. First it was Jimmy Johnson goading Huizenga into sandbagging, then firing Don Shula. Johnson loaded the coaching staff with his old cronies and left the team a shambles, then retired. Then he was hoodwinked into hiring Nick Saban, who milked him for a few million then ran back to coach in college, where second-rate teams had more talent than the Dolphins. Now we have Bill Parcells. What will he do? Oh, I don't know... load the roster and coaching staff with his old flunkies, milk Huizenga for millions and then retire?
I pity poor Chardok, knowing his team will probably have Drew Bledsoe starting at QB and Me-Shawn Johnson at wideout in next September's season opener. If being a washed-up coach with a pair of Super Bowl wins (with someone else's talent, by the way) makes you qualified to run all operations on a football team, why not Tom Flores or George Siefert? At least they wouldn't bring Me-Shawn out of retirement.
4) I get the sinking feeling that
Marvin Lewis and/or
Mike Nolan might get the axe, which would be too bad.
Coaches who
should be fired but won't be:
1)
Brian Billick (he must have video of the Ravens' owner on
To Catch A Predator or something).
2)
Eric Mangini (just on general principle)
3)
Herman Edwards (There are only so many times you can get a bad team to play way over their heads.)
4)
Mike Shanahan (That whole scheme where you keep trading away running backs, re-shuffle the DL every year, and chuck a proven winner like Jake Plummer for a weenie like Jay Cutler isn't working, is it Shanahan? Oh well, you still have O-linemen who dive at opposing players' knees from behind...)
On the other hand, I'm a San Diego fan, so Shanahan's fuckups and Edwards' wacky incompetence are a boon for the Chargers. Keep up the good work!
The Patriots kick ass, and some people just don't want to accept it. 
Your head is humming and it won't go, in case you don't know, the piper's calling you to join him
