Papal exorcism squads to wage war on Satan

SirNitram · Post by **SirNitram** » 2007-12-29 10:23pm

Man walks down the street in a uniform like that, you know he isn't afraid of anything.

Zablorg · Post by **Zablorg** » 2007-12-29 10:25pm

They have a contract with the League of Jesters, it seems.

Ritterin Sophia · Post by **Ritterin Sophia** » 2007-12-29 10:37pm

SirNitram wrote:Man walks down the street in a uniform like that, you know he isn't afraid of anything.

You remember that Greek Army wanker we had a while back, well it seems he was right, I mean look at how they handlethe changing of the guard and how they [url=http://youtube.com/watch?v=RdyLUN5ylcs]march[/ur]. Truely they are the manliest of men you could meet.

Ritterin Sophia · Post by **Ritterin Sophia** » 2007-12-29 10:38pm

Fuck, can someone fix my tag?

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2007-12-29 11:03pm

The Duchess of Zeon wrote:
SirNitram wrote:
Durandal wrote:This ... is still 2007, right?
It's definitely 2007. There's just alot of people who'd prefer it to be 807.
807 with ATOMICS!

Orange Catholic Church, and we can get the shai-shalud, freaky bene-gesserit, and those mentats?

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2007-12-29 11:08pm

remember no one expects the inquisition

oh and how long before thye try to issue bolters?

Civil War Man · Post by **Civil War Man** » 2007-12-30 12:31am

Zablorg wrote:They have a contract with the League of Jesters, it seems.

They don't have to give a shit if you think they look funny. They are the legacy of mercenaries hired by the Vatican who were so badass that they had the reputation of looting your corpse while they were still killing it.

Seriously, they're Swiss. The first several hundred years of their history consisted of getting invaded, tearing new assholes into the people who invaded them, taking all their stuff, rinse, repeat.

Zablorg · Post by **Zablorg** » 2007-12-30 01:08am

Civil War Man wrote:
Zablorg wrote:They have a contract with the League of Jesters, it seems.
They don't have to give a shit if you think they look funny. They are the legacy of mercenaries hired by the Vatican who were so badass that they had the reputation of looting your corpse while they were still killing it.

Seriously, they're Swiss. The first several hundred years of their history consisted of getting invaded, tearing new assholes into the people who invaded them, taking all their stuff, rinse, repeat.

Wow. So they're a cross between pirates and ninjas?

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2007-12-30 01:16am

yes, and like the vikings they inherit the best qualities of both.

CaptainChewbacca · Post by **CaptainChewbacca** » 2007-12-30 02:04am

I'd be worried about a man dressed like that who was guarding the Vatican. He obviously knows something you don't, and doesn't care if he's an easy target.

Fear the killer who WANTS to be seen.

Post by **fgalkin** » 2007-12-30 02:19am

The Duchess of Zeon wrote:
SirNitram wrote:
Durandal wrote:This ... is still 2007, right?
It's definitely 2007. There's just alot of people who'd prefer it to be 807.
807 with ATOMICS!

I found my new location....Thanks, Mari.

And, I hope we can find them some real daemons to exorcise. Maybe of the 40k variety? Father Gabriele Amorth vs Cherubael.

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

Nephtys · Post by **Nephtys** » 2007-12-30 02:57am

Vatican Section XIII, Iscariot Division is not amused.

Flagg · Post by **Flagg** » 2007-12-30 05:17am

SirNitram wrote:Man walks down the street in a uniform like that, you know he isn't afraid of anything.

I think it's badass, myself. Just needs a color change and to get rid of the stripe pattern.

Invictus ChiKen · Post by **Invictus ChiKen** » 2007-12-30 11:23am

Durandal wrote:This ... is still 2007, right?

Until midnight on Monday (Or Tuesday depending on how you look at it)

As to the Swiss Guard. I wouldn't mess with them for those that don't know the Vatican requires they be celibate AND virgins to join...

I dread to think what happens to prisoners...

Bounty · Post by **Bounty** » 2007-12-31 06:55am

Pope: "What garrisons of exorcists?"

VATICAN CITY, Dec. 29 (UPI) -- The Vatican is denying reports it plans to install more exorcists around the world so possessed people can get help quickly.

"Pope Benedict XVI has no intention of ordering local bishops to bring in garrisons of exorcists to fight demonic possession,'' Vatican spokesman Federico Lombardi told reporters in Rome Friday.

On Thursday, the Roman Catholic Web site Petrus said the pope planned to install more exorcists in every diocese next year and reintroduce a prayer during mass to St. Michael the Archangel, believed to be the prime protector against evil, The Telegraph in Britain reported Saturday.

Paolo Scarafoni, a priest at Vatican University who teaches how to recognize and expel Satan, said exorcists increasingly are in demand because devil worship has become so common, reported ANSA, the Italian news agency. "Priests are being bombarded," Scarafoni told ANSA.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2007-12-31 07:07am

Civil War Man wrote:
Zablorg wrote:They have a contract with the League of Jesters, it seems.
\
They don't have to give a shit if you think they look funny. They are the legacy of mercenaries hired by the Vatican who were so badass that they had the reputation of looting your corpse while they were still killing it.

Seriously, they're Swiss. The first several hundred years of their history consisted of getting invaded, tearing new assholes into the people who invaded them, taking all their stuff, rinse, repeat.

Military prowess is not magically inherited from history.

Mobiboros · Post by **Mobiboros** » 2007-12-31 01:01pm

Invictus ChiKen wrote: As to the Swiss Guard. I wouldn't mess with them for those that don't know the Vatican requires they be celibate AND virgins to join...
..

No they don't. They only require that all Swiss Guard be unmarried. There's no rule that says they must be celibate virgins.

http://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/swiss ... one_en.htm

That's the entrance requirements.

As for their prowess. They are all graduates of the swiss military academy. They later take extensive courses in firearms, and hand to hand combat including the use of halberds. They aren't SEALs or anything but they are a fairly well trained force.

Bounty · Post by **Bounty** » 2007-12-31 01:08pm

They only require that all Swiss Guard be unmarried. There's no rule that says they must be celibate virgins.

If they're proper unmarried Catholics, they're virgins by default.

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2007-12-31 01:32pm

If they don't have a real Alexander Anderson on their side, then I'm not interested.

Ritterin Sophia · Post by **Ritterin Sophia** » 2007-12-31 09:17pm

Mobiboros wrote:They later take extensive courses in firearms, and hand to hand combat including the use of halberds.

Swiss Guard w/Halberds- We're Old School, bitches.

Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba · Post by **Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba** » 2007-12-31 10:41pm

General Schatten wrote:
Mobiboros wrote:They later take extensive courses in firearms, and hand to hand combat including the use of halberds.
Swiss Guard w/Halberds- We're Old School, bitches.

Yep. Only military force in the world which still trains its soldiers in the use of halberds. If the Post-Apocalypse comes, the Swiss Guard will inherit a lot. They have a head start on all the other neo-medievalists.

[R_H] · Post by **[R_H]** » 2008-01-01 07:07am

Mobiboros wrote:
No they don't. They only require that all Swiss Guard be unmarried. There's no rule that says they must be celibate virgins.

http://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/swiss ... one_en.htm

That's the entrance requirements.

As for their prowess. They are all graduates of the swiss military academy. They later take extensive courses in firearms, and hand to hand combat including the use of halberds. They aren't SEALs or anything but they are a fairly well trained force.

That requirement list is weird. There's only one military academy in Switzerland, and it runs a three year Military Science program and for those that did not do their matriculation, 2 one year programs with a three year deployment in between those programs. Recruitment is between the ages of 18 and 21 and runs for between 18 and 21 weeks. If the recruit is qualified to become an officer, the training takes a year to complete. The only people that go to this military academy are people who want to be in the army for a career, not just as a conscript. By the time they're at the rank of Leutnant/Oberleutnant (and finished their education at the academy, except those who did not do a matriculation) they're around 25 years old, just barely in the 19 to 30 year old range as required to be a member of the guard. In conclusion, the requirements are mistaken and conflicting. All those that go through the MILAK (Militaer Akademie) would have a degree/professional certification, not just a high school education. And they definitely wouldn't be 19 years old and have already attended the MILAK.

[R_H] · Post by **[R_H]** » 2008-01-01 07:17am

Oops, forgot my Source

I used the graphic titled "Laufbahnmodell eines Berufsoffiziers" to find the mistakes in the Vatican's requirements page.

Addendum: Those who already have a university or college (Fachhochschul) only need to do a one year diploma program

wautd · Post by **wautd** » 2008-01-01 07:54am

I tought this was an obvious Aprils fool joke, but then I noticed the date

Vaporous · Post by **Vaporous** » 2008-01-02 04:27am

Bounty wrote:
They only require that all Swiss Guard be unmarried. There's no rule that says they must be celibate virgins.
If they're proper unmarried Catholics, they're virgins by default.

Proper Catholics know breaking the rules gets a wink and a nod from the Mother Church.