CAPAlert in financial trouble!

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2008-01-06 10:22pm

Remember CAPAlert? Those fundie fucktards who rate movies according to criteria which make Michael Medved look like Larry Flynt?

SPECIAL NOTE: The week-by-week listing of anticipated and completed analyses that has appeared here for years is temporarily suspended. We have reached a point where we must minimize all expenditures to the bare bones. For an undetermined time the CAP Ministry will be putting film analyses on the back burner to spend the time looking for funding to operate the ministry fulltime and dedicated. I apologize for the inconvenience and pray I will soon be able to resume bringing full CAP services to you. We will still be able to bring you an occasional analysis (see below), as many as donations will support, but cannot plan any unless donors/sponsors provide support for specific analyses.

I would like to ask that each of you join in a network I am trying to build. The network is of folks to keep their ears and eyes open for possible funding providers AND to help launch a massive campaign to make the world-wide Christian family aware of the CAP Ministry and its services. The need is immediate!

Anyone who is willing to help us locate and secure 501(c)(3) nonprofit funding for the CAP ministry is encouraged to contact me. Compensation may be possible.

The projected budget is to be $70K to $75K per year for the 13 years necessary to complete the 25-year project. The $70 to $75K is the minimum anticipated to continue as we have been for 12 years. Expansion of services such as compiling the massive data we have accumulated into a package useful for the psychological and mental health agencies, providing more timely services for a greater number of films and upgrading website navigation would require more.

The CAP Ministry is a fully authorized 501(c)(3) nonprofit Christian ministry to which all donations are tax-deductible under IRS rules.

In Service to His Little Ones through their Parents and Grandparents in His Name by His Word

--
Tom Carder
President
ChildCare Action Project (CAP) Ministry

Pretty sad that their bullshit is considered tax-deductible charity work considering the fact that they don't actually administer aid to anyone, but that's the nature of religion. Anyway, I'm glad to see that they're running short of funds.

Zablorg · Post by **Zablorg** » 2008-01-06 10:30pm

Oh, but Mike, they administer aid by making sure that you know just how satanic certain movies are! Such an act is far more saintly then sending money to those evil voodoo kids in africa!

As a side-note, I can't help wonder just how boring their lives must be. There must be like five movies they are legitimately allowed to watch. I think the priest guy on the Simpsons said;

"Marge, just about everything is a sin. Have you actually sat down and read this thing? Technically we're not allowed to go to the bathroom."

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2008-01-06 10:37pm

Zablorg wrote:Oh, but Mike, they administer aid by making sure that you know just how satanic certain movies are! Such an act is far more saintly then sending money to those evil voodoo kids in africa!

As a side-note, I can't help wonder just how boring their lives must be. There must be like five movies they are legitimately allowed to watch.

They watch all the same movies everyone else does, but they claim that they hate every minute of it. Especially even the slightest hint of skin. They actually gave Galaxy Quest a bad grade because of nudity. "But there was no nudity in Galaxy Quest", you say? Ahh, but you're thinking of the evil secular definition of nudity. The CAPAlert definition of nudity includes cleavage, exposed mid-riffs, or even implied nudity.

I think the priest guy on the Simpsons said;

"Marge, just about everything is a sin. Have you actually sat down and read this thing? Technically we're not allowed to go to the bathroom."

I remember that. What's sad is that while it's an exaggeration, the truth is not that far off. For example, you're not allowed to use a piece of furniture that was used by a menstruating woman. In other words, for one week out of every month, if your mother is pre-menopausal and you live at home, then you can't use any chair that she sat on.

Davis 51 · Post by **Davis 51** » 2008-01-06 10:39pm

Don't they also take off points for showing "outlines of the female form" under that same category?

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2008-01-06 10:44pm

Davis 51 wrote:Don't they also take off points for showing "outlines of the female form" under that same category?

Yes. They basically use the Taliban standard.

Feil · Post by **Feil** » 2008-01-06 10:56pm

But they do genuine medical aid to people. Laughter is good for your health!

Zablorg · Post by **Zablorg** » 2008-01-06 11:05pm

So basically, anything that only the most filthy minded teenager ever could make something dirty out of counts as eeeeevil.

Do they allow bowling balls?

FSTargetDrone · Post by **FSTargetDrone** » 2008-01-06 11:14pm

Zablorg wrote:So basically, anything that only the most filthy minded teenager ever could make something dirty out of counts as eeeeevil.

Do they allow bowling balls?

Bowling balls? Not only are they called "balls" but they also are smooth, firm and curvy. Plus they have THREE orifices! Orifices that require you to insert your fingers into them!

Superman · Post by **Superman** » 2008-01-06 11:14pm

You'd think that god would have figured out that he needs to hire an accountant by now. It always amuses me how there seems to be no end to the financial problems fundies get themselves into... despite ridiculously generous tax exemptions and membership donations.

Metatwaddle · Post by **Metatwaddle** » 2008-01-07 02:13am

Zablorg wrote:So basically, anything that only the most filthy minded teenager ever could make something dirty out of counts as eeeeevil.

Do they allow bowling balls?

I'm reminded of the West Wing's pilot episode when the President's staffers are arguing with fundamentalists about giving condoms out at schools:

"Show the average teenage male a condom and his mind will turn to thoughts of lust."
"Show the average teenage male a lug wrench--"

Post by **Gandalf** » 2008-01-07 02:50am

I guess God doesn't love CAPAlert enough to make one of his pawns help.

How could the site cost 75,000 a year?

VT-16 · Post by **VT-16** » 2008-01-07 03:49am

Gandalf wrote:How could the site cost 75,000 a year?

Have you seen their reviews? Each film could fill volumes of books alone!

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2008-01-07 05:43am

Gandalf wrote:I guess God doesn't love CAPAlert enough to make one of his pawns help.

How could the site cost 75,000 a year?

Well, once you factor in bandwidth costs on top of popcorn and soda...then...really, it's a miracle they keep the costs so low...

Frank Hipper · Post by **Frank Hipper** » 2008-01-07 08:22am

Oh, no!

Without this Right-Reasoned ministry, my teenage niece might be exposed to impudent dialogue in film, and that's an offense to God!

Aaron · Post by **Aaron** » 2008-01-07 09:13am

I wasn't aware of these guys until now, fortunatly they've left their reviews up. Giving me a good laugh at their expense. Read the review of Chronicles of Riddick, good stuff.

Two gems:

one use of the most foul of the foul words

They don't list the foul words, I assume thay mean fuck.

excessive cleavage, repeatedly

Ok, you really didn't see much of Kyra and Dame Vaako's tits.

It's here: +http://www.capalert.com/capreports/chro ... iddick.htm if you want a good laugh.

I thought I'd ceased to be surprised by what christian fanatics will do but this was unexpected. I hope when they go under that the reviews are still available so I can point people to them as an example of how fucked up religion is.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2008-01-07 09:32am

Gandalf wrote:How could the site cost 75,000 a year?

I'm guessing it's a few thousand dollars for site hosting costs (especially since it's a simple static webpage with no fancy effects of interactivity whatsoever) and the rest is the living expenses of the site owner, who would like the site to be a full-time job.

Aaron · Post by **Aaron** » 2008-01-07 10:36am

I'm seeing rabblery listed in some of their reviews. Does anyone know what that means? It doesn't appear to be a real word, something in the bible maybe?

Aaron · Post by **Aaron** » 2008-01-07 10:38am

Darth Wong wrote: I'm guessing it's a few thousand dollars for site hosting costs (especially since it's a simple static webpage with no fancy effects of interactivity whatsoever) and the rest is the living expenses of the site owner, who would like the site to be a full-time job.

How can anyone justify making 70K off of that. They certainly shouldn't make more than the average priest.

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2008-01-07 11:54am

I hope they make it. Those reviews are comedy gold!

wautd · Post by **wautd** » 2008-01-07 12:01pm

Cpl Kendall wrote:I wasn't aware of these guys until now, fortunatly they've left their reviews up. Giving me a good laugh at their expense. Read the review of Chronicles of Riddick, good stuff.

Two gems:

one use of the most foul of the foul words
They don't list the foul words, I assume thay mean fuck.

excessive cleavage, repeatedly

It's here: +http://www.capalert.com/capreports/chro ... iddick.htm if you want a good laugh.

Ugh, why do fundies have a fetish with ugly web designs

Terralthra · Post by **Terralthra** » 2008-01-07 12:45pm

Cpl Kendall wrote:I'm seeing rabblery listed in some of their reviews. Does anyone know what that means? It doesn't appear to be a real word, something in the bible maybe?

It's an obscure word, not necessarily biblical. It's just the -ry "acts of" suffix attached to "rabble" in the meaning of a mob or other unruly crowd, so rabblery is "things you might see people do during a riot."

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2008-01-07 12:47pm

wautd wrote:Ugh, why do fundies have a fetish with ugly web designs

Clearly, cheesy animated GIFs indicate godliness.

Feil · Post by **Feil** » 2008-01-07 01:12pm

Incidentally, what is the "most foul of foul words" they keep referencing? Belgium?

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2008-01-07 01:24pm

Feil wrote:Incidentally, what is the "most foul of foul words" they keep referencing? Belgium?

I can't make up my mind whether it's "fuck" or "hell". I seem to recall that they referenced this "most foul of foul words" in regard to a film which I'm pretty sure did not contain the word "fuck", but it would take too much effort to confirm this.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2008-01-07 01:30pm

OMG, you guys have to read this idiot's review of "Master and Commander".

To summarize, he says it's great seeing real discipline onscreen (the scene where a guy is given the lash), and that we need to have more of this in real-life because we've become such pussies for not using those methods any more. He also interprets the argument between Aubrey and the Doctor as an example of insolent and immoral defiance of authority, which is rightfully put down by a strong leader (most other critics interpreted it as the clash of two different ways of looking at the world).

Most of the review is devoted to his breathless praise of 19th century disciplinary techniques and society in general. I liked the movie too, but not in an "I wish I lived in that time" kind of way. Only a raving imbecile would view the movie that way.